Re: Denotam/Vilis (0603) Date: 275-1107 18:00 - A dinner date
Shui doesn't miss the change in his expression when she begins her new line of conversation, and curses herself silently. Fool. Not exactly the best thing to talk about, given their desire to keep things light and easy. She can almost feel him shutting down, and can see the thoughts shuttling through his eyes.
And there it is - a joke, to keep from making any dangerous commitment. Or what he might see as dangerous; Shui, herself, hadn't been expecting anything. Oh, she has dropped the ball indeed. It's a mild joke, of course; not the sort of thing one would expect from younger people, but they're both adults who have seen a great deal in their lifetimes. But it's still a mask, a cover for concerns.
His face shifts, and Shui blinks in surprise when he speaks his mind. She studies him for a long moment as he puts the ball back in her court. As answers go, it's not a great one, but it's better than the mask, and to be fair, she hadn't actually asked a question, had she?
She could, of course, make assumptions based on him requesting the bill, here and now. But that would be too easy, and unfair. Better to respond in the proper spirit, the spirit she would have liked him to ask, and assume it is so. Tylen Orgesh, Shui feels, is a good man.
Shui tries a smile, and to her surprise it holds. "I...as I said, the journey, perhaps. I have no idea where this is going. I..." Pausing, she glances away, suddenly uncomfortable with platitudes and half-truths. But 'I did this because you seemed to want it' is a horrible thing to say. It's also not entirely true, if she's going to be honest with herself as well.
"I don't know what I want," the doctor blurts out, at a loss. "I haven't known for a long time, Mr. Orgesh." Taking refuge in formality? Frustrated, she corrects herself. "Tylen. Regarding important matters, what I desire is something about which I have not thought in...a long time."
Closing her eyes, she lets out a slow breath. "My apologies, Tylen. I fear I look the fool." Her eyes open again. "I would not be..." I would not be adverse to continuing, another horrible thing to say, another dodge, another way of not considering what she wants. Biting her lip, face flushing with embarassment, Shui fights against her habitual way of thinking and turns her gaze inward. For a moment, she succeeds. "I would enjoy seeing where this goes."
It almost hurts to say the words, so much they go against years of habit, years of practice even. But it does feel so much better to have finally said them. Of course, she dryly muses, now he believes me insane.