ColinBeck
 member, 12 posts
Fri 3 Jun 2016
at 00:39
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
I have been forbidden from using cabbage as an improvised weapon as it is clearly too strong for the current balancing system. After an ... interesting combat in an rPol game, my IRL friend and GM banned my vegetative shenanigans from my home game. Basically, nat 20 on an attack roll with throwing a cabbage, killed a small dragon. I now have proficiency in cruciferous vegetables.
ShadoPrism
 member, 974 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Fri 3 Jun 2016
at 00:47
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
In reply to tsukoyomi (msg # 2481):

Oh yes please, the first critical fumble with these weapons would be hilarious (for the GM, not so much for the player).
Kokiri Kid
 member, 10 posts
 My lance is the Lance
 That will Pierce heavens!
Wed 15 Jun 2016
at 04:34
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
Events from my Final Fantasy based homebrew system.

6185: When fighting something and a dog, Flinging the dog by it's tail no longed results in the tail being torn off, no matter what your strength Stat.

6186: No longer are gods allowed to named Chuck Norris, Morgan Freeman or Billy Mays. These named invoke extra power to be instilled in said gods.

6187: No Longer are insta-kill one-use items such as Killme.jpeg or Killme.mp3  allowed to be used on a boss.

6188: Even when nerfed to 50% HP, as certain abilities in my homebrew allow item effects to be doubled.

6189: While summoned, Bahamut now refuses to fight any other Dragon, as this kills many bosses to quickly.

6190: Dark Knights no longer chain "See you in Hell" (Set HP to 1 and deal lost HP+1 as damage) and multiple "Minus Strike" (Deal Lost HP+1 in damage) together. This results in the enemies targeting the Dark Knight.

6191: Using the Orb of Chuck Norris no longer makes you go Super Saiyan.

6192: Butcher Enemies only works on NPCs.

6193: The Airship may not be used as a bash weapon, even while floating in space, no matter your strength stat.

6194: Bum-Rush McGee is no longer a valid name, as while it is it seems to be everyone's name.

6195: Stabbing yourself in the stomach no longer activates the aforementioned "See you in Hell" as this would kill you, and therefore does not allow your soul to be used as an attack.

6196: Summoners are no longer allowed to summon Bahamut inside an enemy's Rectum.

6197: Or Stomach

6198: No summons are allowed to be summoned inside enemies to damage them.

6199: Dragoons that jump in excess of 30,000 Ft cap out at 60x Damage

6200: Dragoons that jump this high may not have "Haste" Cast on them to fall at 2000 ft/turn instead of 1000 ft/turn

6201: Nor can "Haste" be used to increase Jump speed to 2000ft/turn instead of 1000ft/turn

6202: If it is an important and helpful NPC, it has stats equal to that of a boss.

This message was last edited by the user at 04:37, Wed 15 June 2016.

ShadoPrism
 member, 984 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Wed 15 Jun 2016
at 13:57
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
quote:
6198: No summons are allowed to be summoned inside enemies to damage them.


How about Under them, preferably of a type of dragon that comes up with it's mouth open for a roar of flame (or the like) as it appears ?
Kokiri Kid
 member, 11 posts
 My lance is the Lance
 That will Pierce heavens!
Wed 15 Jun 2016
at 17:48
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
Allowed. Just not in them.

6203: Random unlabled potions should not be drank, If said potion is drank, you can no longer say I didn't tell you not to.

This message was last edited by the user at 18:14, Wed 15 June 2016.

ShadoPrism
 member, 986 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Thu 16 Jun 2016
at 00:02
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
In reply to Kokiri Kid (msg # 2486):

Aw but having PCs drink unlabeled drinks and potions is Fun (for the GM)
Kokiri Kid
 member, 12 posts
 My lance is the Lance
 That will Pierce heavens!
Thu 16 Jun 2016
at 02:26
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
In reply to ShadoPrism (msg # 2487):

Exactly, my players always groan when it's ANOTHER Arm-to-um... sexualised rubber rod (Is that okay?) potion.
Losing arms is only fun to the GM.
Which brings me to rule

6204: I will no longer struggle to fight PCs into the story. Whenever I recieve major resistance I throw my hands up in the air and initiate Campaign "Super Ultra Mega Manly Gurren Lagaan"
Where our team turns their wooden airship the sky and Fight our older parties who have also reached Super Ultra Mega Manly Gurren Lagaan status by throwing galaxies at each other's ship.
Not only this, But the GM throws away their old character and assumes the role of Ship Captain Kamina, A shirtless, cape wearing Swordsmaster with a Manly Katana +9001 that adds 9001 to his manliness stat.

So it can turn into a campaign to defeat Ernesto, Our Dragon God of destruction to fighting a team of 4 Bum-Rush McGees with varieng classes.
ColinBeck
 member, 17 posts
Thu 16 Jun 2016
at 02:30
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6205: I will let the rogue check the dungeon chest for traps. Even if I am the barbarian and will definitely survive it, and especially if the rest of the party is right next to me and therefore in the blast radius.
6206: I will ensure that every character I ever make has proficiency in Medicine and a healer's kit on him at all times, for when I break rule 6205.
EightBitEighties
 member, 37 posts
 A Blast From
 The Past!
Thu 16 Jun 2016
at 04:00
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
From tonight's disaster A Time of War session...

6207: Chainlink fences present an insurmountable obstacle to an elite team of special forces operatives. From now on, all of the Great House militaries will protect their bases and facilities with picket fences with a nice, easy swing-open gate. Somehow, one of my players will find a way to become impaled on it anyway...
ShadoPrism
 member, 987 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Thu 16 Jun 2016
at 05:17
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
In reply to EightBitEighties (msg # 2490):

ROFLMA(pple)O
Kokiri Kid
 member, 22 posts
 My lance is the Lance
 That will Pierce heavens!
Sun 19 Jun 2016
at 23:10
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6208: If rule number 6204 is put into effect, Dimention shifting devices are not allowed.

6209: If rule 6208 is broken, using a field of higher existence can no longer lead to Dimension 420

6210: If dimension 420 is accessed, it no longer contains a universe that is just an endless ocean of Fiji brand water.

6211: Flying Bottles of Fiji Water is no longer an acceptable creature.

6212: Nor are they an acceptable Mount.

6213: Petrification in Dimension 420 no longer leads to you becoming a giant bust of yourself.

6214: Dimension 420 does not have only two colors, being Cyan and Fuscia.

6215: A Mackintosh computer is no longer the God in Dimension 420.
ShadoPrism
 member, 989 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Mon 20 Jun 2016
at 00:52
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
Now I am curious about dimension 404 - land of lost programs and things.
Kokiri Kid
 member, 23 posts
 My lance is the Lance
 That will Pierce heavens!
Mon 20 Jun 2016
at 02:41
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
In reply to ShadoPrism (msg # 2493):

6216: Dimension 404 is not found, as it does not exist.
EightBitEighties
 member, 38 posts
 A Blast From
 The Past!
Tue 21 Jun 2016
at 04:49
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
Tomorrow, we're getting together to have our AToW group's first, official 'Mech Battle as the "Special Forces" attempt to rendezvous with their DropShip and escape Federated Sun territory with the recovered Electronics Warfare system in tow. I'll bet my bottom C-Bill that the list will get longer...
Jordan Task
 member, 5018 posts
 All glory to the
 Hypnotoad!
Tue 21 Jun 2016
at 17:59
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
The phrase "Every problem can be solved with the proper application of high explosive" is not an invitation to attempt to solve every problem with high explosive.
Roxas505
 member, 235 posts
 I am the Key to Destiny
 My fate is my own
Wed 22 Jun 2016
at 21:49
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6217: While hilariously crass and giggle-worthy, I may not have my Wizard yell "From Japan I summon thee" as part of the incantation when using the spell Black Tentacles.

6218: Nor is "It's Godzilla!" in the most stereotypically Asian accent I can muster appropriate when using Summon Monster for any dinosaur ever.

6218a: I may not summon any reptilian monsters ever again. It gives the alchemist way too many ideas.
ColinBeck
 member, 22 posts
 I'm responsible enough to
 GM, right? Right?
Thu 23 Jun 2016
at 00:21
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6219: Solving a murder mystery does not spontaneously generate a pipe and tweed jacket on the PC.

6220: Attacks with pipes do not deal an extra d6 of shame damage to the true murderer.
Even if the PC is wearing a tweed jacket.
ShadoPrism
 member, 990 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Thu 23 Jun 2016
at 01:38
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
In reply to ColinBeck (msg # 2498):

Magic Pipe of Shame and Guilt ?
Kokiri Kid
 member, 30 posts
 My lance is the Lance
 That will Pierce heavens!
Mon 18 Jul 2016
at 07:20
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6221: I am never allowed to use the quote "Real Heroes Never Die!" While talking about a thread.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1102 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Mon 3 Jul 2017
at 12:41
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6222: (reprinted from Tumblr as this fits here SO well)
grizzlyhills
Oddly specific things my D&D players are no longer allowed to do

    Play in the sewers
    Build a bridge out of birds
    Buy 5200 thrushes, or any number of thrushes for that matter
    Mention sea cats in any context, but especially a playable one
    Waifu the same NPCs on subsequent playthroughs (The Don and Bryan Waifu Rule)
    Make the DM ship even more goddamn ships involving the time traveling sad lesbian
    Argue with the DM on how much damage a thrown frying pan can do
    Debate with the DM about the merits of an ear trumpet or a tennis kit in combat
    Buy ear trumpets or tennis kits to use them in combat
    Look for genocidal, murderous spiders in castles, or anywhere else, really, unless they’re the small dragon cleric
    Bring horses to space stations
    Ask gods of immense power for horses
    Be a local lord in areas where they don’t speak local languages
    Be a local lord at all
    Ask why humans are called “humans”
    Name their character after another player but with two letters rearranged, be it by accident or not, especially if it’s at 3am when the DM checks new character sheets and doesn’t realize the ramifications of the name
    Have +3 Natural AC for no adequately explored reason
    Pester the DM to roll for divine intervention
    Ask about the genitalia of fictional species
    Make reference to Bad Dragon during games or in the group’s Skype chats
cyclopticox
 member, 33 posts
Mon 3 Jul 2017
at 19:14
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
In reply to ShadoPrism (msg # 2501):
(I am going to treat each of Shado's as one each)

6242: throw the ranger through the trapped door after failing a lockpicking attempt, thus killing said ranger in the first dungeon.  Damage combined from the trap and damage of being slammed headfirst into said door lost us a good elf.
pitademon
 member, 826 posts
 hi all
Tue 4 Jul 2017
at 00:11
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
ooc: we went from 6222 to 6242 (which should be 6223)

6224: none of my druids are allowed to use a charm animal spell on any creature then use it as a mount like a motorcycle.  This stemming from my Halfling druid riding a very large wolverine and dressing in leathers holding its ears like handlebars...didn't help I named the wolverine 'Panhead' either and made 'Uhden-Uhden' noises)
silverelf
 member, 224 posts
Tue 4 Jul 2017
at 01:47
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6225: Animate fellow party members as free labor until we can get them back to town to be raised. I am also not allowed to dress said undead as my personal butler and send them into combat. Things get hacked off.
Tyr Hawk
 member, 290 posts
 You know that one guy?
 Yeah, that's me.
Tue 4 Jul 2017
at 14:45
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
pitademon:
ooc: we went from 6222 to 6242 (which should be 6223)

I'm gonna have to assume you didn't read/missed/ignored this...
cyclopticox:
(I am going to treat each of Shado's as one each)

Since that addresses the issue and fits better with the general idea here (Copying Sir Mr. Welch). Visible numbers ain't everything, yo. ;)

On that note. I'm also going to continue on as though there was more than one thing in that long list and start us back up at...

6245: Climb something "Because it's there."
6246: Climb something "Because it seems dangerous."
6247: Climb something "Because your other groups climb things!"
6248: Suggest climbing things for any reason, even if it's a legitimate one (like the floor being actual lava). We will find another way.
6249: Ask what kind of dirt it is.
6250: Give the bat - the normal, everyday bat - literally God-tier Reflex "Because it can fly." (This one was actually from an old GM I played with. I nearly hit him with a chair).
6251: Open a copy of Gray's Anatomy (the book, not that silly show) and say "Actually..."
Raker
 member, 4 posts
 In the beginning, there
 was nothing. It exploded.
Thu 6 Jul 2017
at 16:48
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
6252: Neither I, nor any of my characters have damage-reduction 10/Snark.

6253: When I suspect an NPC of forthcoming treachery, Detect Thoughts, Zone of Truth, and Scrying are appropriate responses. Flame Strike is a privilege, not a right.

6254: I do not have 20 ranks in Craft(Monologue), Perform(Dramatic Death Scene), or Knowledge(DM's Notebook).