273. I will no longer shout "OOKLA! RIDE!" anytime we mount up and head out.

274. I will not say "By Castle Greyskull, I ...HAVE...THE....POWER!" any time I pull out a magic sword.

274. Subsection B. I am also not permitted to say "By the power of Jaga... Sword of Omens, come to my hand. I, Lion-O, Lord of the Thundercats, command it!" unless I am specifically playing Lion-O, Lord of the Thundercats, which I will not be as My GM is sick and tired of this reference.

275. I will not be permitted to say "YO JOE!" just before the GM leaves the gaming table to go to the bathroom as if we are having a commercial break.

276. If the GM tells me a new rule, I will not immediately follow with "And knowing is half the battle!" in a derisive and mocking tone.
This message was last edited by the user at 16:29, Tue 30 Mar 2010.

277. As a GM I am not allowed to employ farting kobolds against the party ever again.
278. As a GM, I will not place cthuloid tentacle faced demons in a dungeon, then wiggle my fingers in front of my mouth going "bluhbluhbluhbluh!" when the demons appear.
279. As a GM, I will not create entire dungeons who's only real purpose is to build up to a really really bad pun at the last room.
280. Nor will I ever again create a dungeon which forces the PC(and thus the players) to speak only in rhyme while inside. It was cute once, it will not be so again.
281. Yes the GM CAN be told what he may and may not do in an RPG by a player. At least when said player is the GM's wife.
This message was last edited by the user at 16:35, Tue 30 Mar 2010.

282. Also, I will not introduce a talking gecko into any game ever, as a GM or player, who asks random passerby if they would like to save up to 15% on thier horse insurance.

283. Snorting pixies is just wrong.
284. Whatever the situation is, it will not be solved by ferret legging
285. Or badger legging
286. Mustelids and legs in general is usually a bad mix.

Why in the world not? Ah well, there's always farting gnomes and goblins!

287. I will not force players to let the cat roll the dice.
288. I will not forget the sound effects for farting kobolds or gnomes, realism all the way.
289. When playing feline PCs, I will not purr at every other player just to get more of the food.

Oh wow... Vorpal AK-47... I wish that existed!

290. I will no longer make a Jedi/pyrokinetic character and focus on her pyrokinetic abilities so my character will be more useful.
291. I will not try to kill the talking spider that gives us a riddle to help us figure out the dungeon.
292. Do not trust a pair of drunken dwarves down in a deep, dark dungeon.
293. I will no longer get myself awesome items for a sorceress character when I have a GM that loves making a complicated, riddle-filled, item-losing campaign.

All of these come from actual experience...

294. I am not to bring extra pink and multi-colored dice and call them 'fruity loaner dice' in an all-male gaming group.
295.1 When playing a bard, I am not to sing eighties pop songs to inspire courage/confidence.
295.2 When playing a bard, I am not to sing sixties hippie rock songs to inspire courage/confidence.
295.3 When playing a bard, I am not to sing bad gothic rock songs to inspire courage/confidence.
295.4 When playing a bard, I am not to sing dirges to inspire courage/confidence.
295.5 When playing a bard, I am not to sing Weird Al Yankovich songs to inspire courage/confidence.
295.6 When playing a bard, I am not to sing sacred music to inspire courage/confidence.
295.7 Despite having a good voice, I am no longer allowed to sing when playing a bard due to my bad taste in music.
295.8 When playing a bard, I am not to use a MP3 player to play the songs that I am no longer allowed to sing.
295.9 From this point forwards, the GM shall choose the music that my bard sings to inspire courage/confidence.
296. I am no longer allowed to create character concepts because I am dared to do so.
297. I am no longer allowed to create character concepts specifically to peeve other PCs/the GM.
298. I am no longer allowed to come into game without a character concept and convince the GM to let me play a plot piece.
299. I am no longer allowed to convince the entire campaign to come into game with a team of siblings with names starting in the same letter and/or rhyming with another name just to confuse the GM.
300. I am no longer allowed to be a third member in a set of twins.
301. I am no longer permitted to play a character who gets into a relationship with the only other female gamer in the group, as it tends to upset the guys.
302. When informed that it is not believed that I can play a certain type of character, I should not create a character simply to prove them wrong.
303. Specifically, when told that I cannot create a frightening character, I should not create a sociopathic cleric on the verge of becoming a serial killer.
304. When told that I cannot play a lawful character, I should not bring in a fighter who was too lawful to be allowed to be a paladin.
305. When playing a lawful character, I may not restrain, arrest, and slowly pick off the rest of the PCs.
306. When playing a chaotic character with my gaming group, I must now justify my chaotic actions and they must make some logical sense.
307. When asked to play in a 'god game', I am from here on out expected to play a goddess, not a perfectly normal four-year-old. That concept is too powerful in such a setting.

308. I can not argue the nick name Inebriation for my paladin when his name is Niever Brochin
309. Hellarmis can not protest the nick name Alarmist.
310. Almighty curiosity is not a power of persuasion.
311. Becoming a Saint is not optional when the GM decrees you are one with a following.
312. Follows are not cannon fodder.
313. All hallows, April fools and other holidays are not to be used as excuses for scaring other players for fun.

What about Never Broken? :-) Maybe they'll accept that.

314. It does not matter if I'm the GM or not. Cows and pigs do not fly in Faerun.
315. Or Greyhawk.
316. Or Eberron.
317. Or anywhere else but an Alice in Wonderland setting.
318. Whales or petunias dropping out of the sky are not a good godly intervention method. For reasons I do not understand...

319:  I will not claim a dice roll of '23' as an automatic success unless playing Illuminati (or if I'm in a game that Roland is running.)

320. I will not change alignment like clothes.
321. I will not sell the party into slavery
322. I will not make it my goal to become Queen of every kingdom we pass through.
323. Smile and stab does not carry bonuses and i will stop arguing for them.
324. Darths and Droids web comic is not a how to guide for breaking your GM.

325: Play a Transformers character who talks faster than the Junk Bots.
326: Playing said character as a Radio-DJ so I can talk even when my PC is busy elsewhere.
327: Play whilst under the influence of Red Fanta.
328: Allow the GM to ever say his new RPG can't be broken.
329: I am no longer allowed to have more than one familiar.
330: A Nuclear Missile deployment Truck is not a familiar, even if the rules specifically allow it.
331: When party members are polymorphed into dogs, you do NOT pimp them out for gold to dog breeders.
332: You are not allowed to high five said player for #325...
333: I will not encourage the Were-Trex into drinking every vat of brewing potion when invading the mage guild...
334: I will not allow the Were-Trex to ever again be polymorphed into a Dog under the charge of the player responsible for #325...
335: I will not ever allow the entire party to become simultaneously pregnant again.
336: I will not encourage party members to ride the pregnant Nightmare PC.
337: I will not allow party members to marry each other. Enslavement just isn't nice.
338: I will not ever again make party members role to see what gender they were when they got married before their honeymoon...
339: A plague of Dinosaur based Lycanthropy is NOT good a 'distraction' tactic whilst inside city limits.
340: I will not raze & loot every city we come across.
341: I will not build magic items that build magic items more expensive than themselves.
342: I will not giggle maniacally each time one player acts alone.
343: I will not longer create Good freewilled Divinely made Undead as my impossible miracle and use this as the last part of my case for becoming a god.
344: Poking sticks are not required to perform Commune with God spells when the God is a party member...
This message was last edited by the user at 05:55, Wed 31 Mar 2010.

345: I will encourage players to trade away their ability to speak except when mounted on their horse ever again.
346: I will not abuse the low intelligence scores of my fellow players.
347: I will not profit by running bets against fellow party members.
348: I will not let party members die, then collect the bets, then go finish the job myself without at least ensuring I have made enough profit to provide for their resurrection first.
This message was last edited by the user at 06:55, Wed 31 Mar 2010.

For a friend

349. I must not create similar characters, while claiming them to be different, and if I do so, I must realise why everyone wants them dead and preferably in pieces.

and for me
350. I must not demand a Webley that shoots magic jam, especially when the weapon is anachronistic.
351. I must not design items specifically to screw over particular characters, as I know the item types they collect. Even if the GM has asked for magic items without being specific.
This message was last edited by the user at 09:33, Wed 31 Mar 2010.

352: I will not let people like Kimmy talk me into killing another PC to seal a deal.
353. I will not swap gods and parties as it suits me
354. I am not permitted to be the god of fire & fertility combined again.
355. Using a personal dimension to pass through in order to travel faster than constitution allows is not to be permitted.

356) I will stop being such a geek/nerd to such an extent that I understand all this and with some . . . RotfLmao ;-D

357: I will not play the parties god ever again. I never want to clean up their messes again...
358: I will not invent clapping hand machines and put a bag of holding on each arm and throw them off sky ships to use as mines.
359: I will not let Lady_Death have the party raise her character's children ever ever ever again*!
360: I won't ever let Lady Death manage a Divine Ascension by stealing the final plotline with her characters child...

Naw Kimmy why not?

361: I am not to play with burning celestials no matter how interesting a concept
362: I will not role a d8 for Penis size of male characters. (I insist on a d12 or d20!)

363. I am no longer permitted to force the players to use odd and obscure dice such as my d11 and 2/3rds of a d5.

364. I am no longer permitted to bring the swimsuit issue of Elderly Gods Illustrated to mortal gaming tables.

365. Religious orders devoted to the extinguishment of indivudality are not allowed to be named "Barbie."

366. Despite having been published by TSR in a book, electrified crystal balls that transport the viewer into I Love Lucy as Ricky Ricardo are no longer permitted to be used as instruments to make the party paladin fall from grace.

367. I am not permitted to make players in a Star Trek game roll up character homeworlds and backgrounds using Buttery Wholesomeness.

368. I cannot make a player character who is the gorgeous elven child of Pun-Pun and his female clone Pun-Punette.

369. NPCs may not claim to be the Dungeon Master's wife unless there is a NPC also known as the Dungeon Master who is no more than half of the combined party's character level.

370. I may not play a transvestite slab of macho concrete a city block long as a member of a superhero team. Especially if it has mind control powers.

371. Possessive viri do not belong on the police payroll as sworn officers.

372. I may not ban half-orcs on the basis that rot grubs are the larval form of orcs.

373. I will not sell rocks to the stupid party member, claiming them to be "bat-rocks".
374. I will not encourage the rest of the group to eat the sole human party member
375. I will not kill a fire-vulnerable monster with a lighter
376. I will not allow a player in a Shadowrun game to make a character that can soak machinegun fire, without any form of cybernetics
377. I will not allow the same player to gain cybernetics so it now takes a tank to even wound him.

378. I am no longer to use a 20mm howitzer man portable cannon to deal with the melee attack of undead ghouls upon fellow party members while in the confines of an infested sewer pipe. (Shadowrun) (so much salsa and brown splash everywhere)

379. I am no longer to use a 20mm howitzer man portable cannon to deal with enemy closing in to melee with fellow party member when the party member has gone ahead to board the enemy ship.

380. Uhmmm.... I am no longer to use a 20mm howitzer man portable cannon to deal with ANY enemy closing in to melee with fellow party members EVER.

381: I am not allowed to worship my previous game characters, even if they DID ascend to godhood.
382: I'm not allowed to play a Troll plastic surgeon so they can look tall, dark & handsome.
383: I'm no longer allowed to play a Sexy Minotaur who only wears a loincloth and thinks hes a sexy model.

384. I am no longer allowed to bring my sonic screw driver to games.
385. I will not talk other players into worse fates when playing SLA
386. I will not get my NPC to PC by swapping sides and betraying GMs plans to all
387. I will not sell 'leather' or use the profession against enemy and ally corpses.

388) I will no longer hand the dm sheet with the following written down in an attempt to bypass actual planning:
'pln' - basic plan
'a pln' - correct plan
'planet' - disguised plans

389) Make up a theme-song for every NPC we meet.
390) Interrupt the big Monster when it's monologuing
391) Reply to any statement with: 'Ah yes, I read that in a book once'

391) I will not fill a "Big Gulp" with espresso and bring it to the game.
392) I am no longer allowed to bring the espresso maker to the game.
393) I may not attempt to form an in game cult called the "Javacrutians" to worship said espresso maker.
394) Interrupting the GM with the foam attachment is grounds for having the druid reincarnate my character as a hobgoblin, or worse.
This message was last edited by the user at 05:18, Thu 01 Apr 2010.