395:  When playing a drow, I will not refer to the surface elf character as "the white devil."
396:  I will not name ANY character or NPC the White Devil, even if he is an albino tiefling.
397:  I will refrain from explaining the racial demographics of the game as:  "This is Medieval Europe.  Black people don't exist."
398:  I will not give taverns names such as "The Nympho Mermaid."
399:  I will not bring a drinking horn to a game and get drunk on mead, even if it IS in line with my Viking-inspired character's behavior.
400:  I will not give cocaine to the character who has no self-control and is already prone to making poor judgments...especially when he is the party leader.
401:  I will not throw invading armies, collapsing mountains, riots, wildfires, or bounty hunters into the game whenever the players seem to have found a safe haven.  Sometimes they do need a rest.
402a:  The Guild of Calamitous Intent is not an acceptable name for a guild of thieves and assassins.
402b:  This Guild may not be run by a guildmaster known only as the Sovereign.
403a:  I may not play a minotaur who wanders around smoking a blunt the size of a burrito.
403b:  I may not offer the blunt repeatedly to every character and NPC in the game.
404:  I will not play an ex-IRA Brujah who goes into longwinded and vitriolic Republican rants at every opportunity.  I will not close my eyes, plug my ears and loudly sing Irish drinking songs everytime the Ventrue begins trying to discuss something.
405:  I may not cast "Enlarge" multiple times on a warforged, ride in its chest, and refer to it as my Gundam.
406.  Wilterdink Sugarpants is not an acceptable name for a halfling bard.
407.  I will not give my players demonic familiars who want to feast on their entrails.
408.  "Male stripper" is not an appropriate profession for a bard.
409.  Not every tavern owner needs to have a hearty Cockney accent.
410.  I will not smash in the skulls of every skeleton and corpse I see, just on the off chance they MIGHT be undead.

From/For Friends:
411:  When using "Change Self" I will not describe my transformation as "I turn myself into a large black man." (see #397 above).
412:  I will stop playing old Final Fantasy music while gaming.  On pain of death.
413:  I will stop playing halfling rogue/sorcerers through which I vicarioulsy live out all my juvenile revenge fantasies I've been harboring since high school.
414:  I will not create an OCD, pyrophobic dwarven druid who happens to stock a sack full of alchemist's fire and hurl it indiscriminately during fights in the middle of the forest.
This message was last edited by the user at 17:02, Thu 01 Apr 2010.

415: I will not create a character that violates the basic character premise, solely to exploit racial capabilities in a career that said race considers taboo (especially with regards to my friend's homebrew setting and the bipedal panther-folk whose sense of personal honor would never allow them to become assassins.)

416: When playing either Aliens or Space Hulk, I will NOT use the phrase, "Game over, man...game over!!!"---EVER.

417:  In ANY game I'm playing, I will limit myself to a nightly quota of ten movie/TV quotes (okay, I KNOW I'm not gonna follow through on this one, but it's like setting the New Years resolution about going to the gym five times a week, y'know?)

418. I will stop using the phrase "in the eye of the beholder" when we are facing one.
419. I'll stop creating bards that can't sing and thus default to rap.
420. I will not give so many cause to add to lists as these.

421) Even if the parties paladin is being a jerk I will resist the urge to sell him into prostitution...like the last 2.  Even if it is perfectly legal, and funny.
422) When I am the partys only thief I will resist the urge to lie to other party members and tell them the hallway is clear and safe, even though I know there is a deadly trap.  All just so the ignorant berzerker will charge through it first.

423:  I will stop calling the warforged warlock Fullmetal Alchemist, Ed, Al, or any other reference to said anime/manga series.
424:  I will not withhold loot from the warforged character on the pretenses that he is not alive and thus not technically part of the party, which means he does not share in our rewards.

425: Green slime is not to be used as lubrication.  Ever.

O_O  Does that also mean no Ochre Jelly in the bottle marked KY? ;)

425. My thief will not steal another party member's Orichalcum cod-piece while he is wearing it, even if he so richly deserves it.
425a. My female thief will not wear stolen cod-pieces as trophies.

426. the use of physics and large boulders is not an acceptable way to kill bug bears.
427. hijacking is not a valid equipment gathering method
428. I will not longer harvest poison from dead foes.

429. I will not conjecture that no sane thief would openly display stolen goods as trophies and openly wonder how she really got the codpieces...

430. I am not allowed to use my knowledge of physics to create a hydrogen bomb with the Create Water and the Major Creation spells.

In one of the older AD&D editions, it specified that an item conjured by Major Creation (or the spell it was based on) would shrink until it disappears at the end of the spell.  So, one makes a hollow metal sphere and fills it with water.  This sphere then shrinks without letting any water escape, thus compressing it until it reaches critical mass.  Best part is, you can create it and just leave it there, thus giving ample time to escape the blast radius.

They never saw it coming.

431. I am not allowed to write really small words on the back of the treasure list, especially when it's a Ring of Mighty Hefting up for grabs!

432) I have been specifically forbidden to use this list as a checklist.
This message was last edited by the user at 17:01, Sat 03 Apr 2010.

Why do this when 6 walls of force constructed in a cube pattern, a Decanter of endless air, a Bottle of endless water, an Efreet bottle, a rabid gnome who is obsessed with magical items, and a wand of Mordenkainen's Disjunction work just as well?

OK, so the other is more practical....but this one is more fun...

433) I shall not ever consider doing the above in an actual game, whether I am a mad wizard PC or the GM.

434) I shall stop asking the GM "Hi, what's your name" whenever he introduces a completely insignificant NPC (shopkeeper, innkeeper, stable boy, page, etc)

In relation to 434

435. I am no longer permitted to try and extract the life story out of every NPC I meet.

436. I am not allowed to try and meet the family of every NPC.

437. I am no longer permitted to play evil, especially not with access to the Bluff skill.
438. I am no longer aloud to create elaborate plots involving playing multiple factions against each other and getting elected mayor of a metropolis.
439. I am no longer allowed to cause civil wars, assassinate the winner, and assume his identity.
This message was last edited by the user at 08:32, Sat 03 Apr 2010.

437: I am not allowed to turn every minor NPC into a contact for latter use, no matter how high my social skills are.

438: I am not allowed to use my Tech priest abilities to construct a Great Chain sword for the soldier.

Corollary: Should I do this, I will not complain when the GM makes the boss strong enough that the rest of the party can't do basically anything so the soldier doesn't one shot the third boss in a row.

439: I shall never throw the cowardly thief through a window again, even if he did ask for it. The fact my Orc is annoyed because he can't enter the building and join in the fight because he is too big is no excuse to almost kill a fellow party member.

440: I as GM shall never make the answer to a complex riddle 42. Its always the first thing they guess and skips the whole quest to find the answer.

441. I cannot bluff that I am the one true king.

442. I am not allowed to use the Glibness spell.

443. I cannot be immune to vorpal just because I have no brain.

444. I cannot make a half-fiend character related to the villain by blood.

445. I cannot have the spoon because there is no spoon.

446. Betraying the party for 30 pieces of silver does not give me roleplaying XP.

447. Killing myself does not give me roleplaying XP.

448. Killing myself does not give me battle XP even though I AM a monster.

449. I cannot seduce the priestess, no matter how good my Perform, Bluff and Diplomacy skills are. The Disguise skill however...

450. I am not allowed to use the Disguise Self spell or any illusion or transmutation spell or items which grant the use of such spells.

451. I cannot "vorpal" an enemy by putting a bag of holding on their head and casting antimagic field.

452. I cannot complain that the DM is just making rules up.

453. I cannot be the bastard child of the party's paladin. He would never do that no matter how drunk he was.

453: What sleeping with a god gets you roleplay XP, getting pregnant to a god does not give you 9 months of Divine rage.
454: I am longer allowed to manipulate the GM whilst manipulating the GM's gods in character.
455: I am not allowed to use unborn children as blackmail, bonus xp, political weapons or a means of profit.
456: ESPECIALLY when gods are involved...
457: I'm not allowed to come up with perfectly logical, entirely true reasons for the newest party to take the blame with the divine vengeance thats about to happen.
458: I'm only allowed to claim xp for getting party members killed if I have them killed at least three times in a row. This needs not be with the same character, but must be with the same player.
459: I'm no longer allowed to barter with the GM for how many times I have to kill someones character to gain xp from it...
460: I should at least pretend to feel bad when I sell off party members and/or their souls.
461: I am no longer allowed to play a lantern archon in a good campaign. They are far too evil for the setting.
463: I am not to build fabbers. Fabbers are not allowed to build more fabbers.

lol at 447! Thats hilarious. Then have someone standing by to resurrect you, and since you are 50th level, you can keep doing it and getting crazy XP for killing a 50th level. That is definitely something my friends way back in middle school would have thanked you for as munchkin madness.


464: I am not allowed to scream "LEERROOOYYY JENKINS!" at the table

465: I am not allowed to say "You lose 50 DKP because you don't know what to do" any time someone isn't sure of what they should do.

465-A: I am not allowed to deduct a further 50 DKP if said person doesn't know what DKP is just for them not knowing what that is.

465-B: Further, I am no longer permitted as a player to keep an elaborate running total of dragon kill points that I use to rate the performance of every other player with and/or penalize them with.

466: I am not allowed to micromanage my raid team in some sort of Indian Accent "You will DPS..very very slowly..move away from the Head, Lee."

467: I am not permitted to start playing World of warcraft during my roleplaying sessions and then say "Lol, wut?" when the GM asks me if I am paying attention.

468: Castanza clause: It is heavily frowned upon to have sex on the gaming table, Now that I know, I definitely won't do it (anymore).
This message was last edited by the user at 16:07, Sat 03 Apr 2010.

469. I am not allowed to roll dice from the bathroom anymore. The fog clouds are affecting the GM's judgement.
470. I am not allowed to bring beer, antelope jerkey and deviled eggs at the same time to the game anymore. :-X

re:468 that depends on the gaming group... and whether you share and brought some for everyone.
This message was last edited by the user at 20:04, Sat 03 Apr 2010.

471.  I will not try to start a war with Scotland and blame it on the Irish.
472.  I will not feed the fast-talking but poor-thinking thief/priest his own hand, boiled down into a soup, after it is cut off as punishment for stealing from the king's royal messenger.  I will not refer to it as "Hand of God Soup" and cackle maniacally as I leave him to ponder the meaning of it.
473.  I will not attempt to eat a troll raw, under the premise that my stomach acid will digest it and negate its regenerative powers.

474. France does not exist*
474b. Thus Paris is capital, instead, of the border between Germany and Spain*

*Actual rules in one gaming group I've played with.

475.  I am not allowed to clap my hands together eagerly and say "Time for fun."  And agro more then 3000 goblins for my party to kill.

476. The following are no longer to be used together- flying carpet, wands of fire and invisibility spells.

477. I will not call it carpet bombing when using fire spells from a flying carpet.
478. I am no longer permitted to use flying carpet during battles...i am too good at it.
479. I will not shock entire forums of people by killing of a PC when no one else has ever done this. XD