546: I will not have any Changeling character start chanting "Liar, liar, Pants on fire" in the middle of a crowd at a political rally, merely for his own entertainment...
546a: That also applies to religious services...
546b: And humanitarian aid events.

547: I am not to declare myself the "Evil Overlord" and use the Evil Overlord list after taking out the BBEG of the campaign, and then proceeding to attempt genocide of the entire fleshy world in the name of the Mecha Jesus.

548: I am never to play a kender again. The multiverse cannot handle that level of 'fun' I bring when playing a Tasslehoff clone.

549: I am not to lead the entire group to rebel against the GM and go off the rails for my own twisted amusement at watching the GM squirm as he tries to force us back on track.

550: I am not to attempt to elevate the entire party to godhood in an attempt to conquer the multiverse out of boredom.

551. I will not try to use my hair colour to justify a higher Hide modifier.
552. I will not mock the GM when I roll a natural 20 and beat his unbeatable boss.
552a. I will especially not use the words, "Suck it down" when I do so (which I will not).

553. I will not drink custard at games
554. Cugga cugga hubba hubba is not a dawrf name
555. I will not deliberately lead the party down the side passage that leads to loot and avoids all monsters by simply remembering the dungeon map and secrets from last time

556.  When the hapless mortals enter into the ruined church in which resides a 400 year-old Lasombra elder, I will not pull out my custom-made bone d10s and start playing "For Whom the Bell Tolls."
556b.  When asked by the players "What are you doing?" I will not merely grin, nod, roll the dice and say "Oh you'll see...you'll see..."
556c.  On second thought...why not do it anyway?

557:  I will stop naming my elf characters after wines (no matter how good an elven name 'Zinfandel' happens to be...)

558:  I will not 'dwarfize' names of TV characters whose personalities are similar to what I intend to play (yes, "Archet Bunca" was a pretty good dwarf name, but when you're playing a bigoted curmudgeon, it's hard to miss the connection...at least, when you get closer to my vintage of player.)

I am SO going to name an elf Zinfandel now!  And I have just the DM to do it with too!

559. I will not tell my players the only character classes they can play are based on archetypes of their own personalities. From this moment on the classes of Incompetent Idiot, Annoying Nerd, Psychotic Loud-Mouth, and Frustrated Grouch are no longer available.

560. I will not make my players assign "Inability" scores, and rate them on obliviousness, stupidity, Clumsiness and repulsiveness which I then roll for when I decide they have screwed something up royally.

561. If a player wants to set off a trap with a shovel (or have a friend do it) applying 40lbs of pressure, it will now only set off the 'claymore +3' of obliviousness on a 3 in 6 chance, causing 24D6+3 damage unless they make a save vs. annoying.

562. Making my players 'save vs. annoying' when they irritate me is wrong and I probably should not do it.

563. I will no longer pretend to be looking up a value in a 'to-hit-chart' table when I am in fact sleeping behind my GM screen.

564. Macgyver does not drive "Kitt" and him showing up in a typical game of AD&D is only funny one time. After that, I will stop (unless I get bored).

565:  I will not create monsters or NPCs based on celebrities and public figures (I've never actually done this, but after encountering a quartet of long-haired giant bugs who spoke with a Liverpool accent in one of my friends' games, I feel it imperative to resist any urge to emulate his behavior.)

566: I will not win the arguement as to whether a sickly child has or has not become a vampire by dragging him into the sunlight shining on the church's consecrated front steps. (err... that ended the save the child adventure)

567) I, as a player, will not steal the doors to the dungeon.  Especially when it turns out they are the only really valuable thing there.  As well as they let the evil residing there out to roam about the countryside.

(I had a high level mage, and stole 2 10' wide x 50' tall x 6' deep adamantite doors.  I got away with it.)

In reply to Killer Rabbitt (msg #163):

The ironic thing is, both of the characters inspiring those two rules were for two different groups in a Warhammer Fantasy game (with that particular group, the name 'Zinfandel' was actually a really big hit...)

Even more ironic is the fact that I don't drink...*laugh*

568) If we get access to a time machine in game, I will not use it to bootleg concerts.

Addendum to 557 above--If I DO find myself reviving Zinfandel from my Rogues' Gallery, I will not expand his family tree to include his brother Neufchatel...*grin*

569) I shall not spend an entire gaming session speaking only in rhymes, for it is contagious and hard on the GM's mind.
570) I will not convince the GM that his lucky dice are cursed.

...  More to come when I am more awake. :) ...

571. I will not point out all the GMs fake accents sound the same
572. I will not complain when a character starts with a German accent and finishes with a Scottish
573. I will not play a character with an obsure accent and force the GM to try and copy it for NPCs that are family
574. I am not Von lickter stein from Gelderland.

575) I will not ask the GM to explain more than once, but most especially more than twice, because I wasn't paying attention.
576) I will not name magical creatures after random book titles on the GM's bookshelf (such as Lestat the Gryphon).
This message was last edited by the user at 12:42, Fri 09 Apr 2010.

577. I will not point out that the devious riddle-based trap is using a riddle from The Hobbit. At least, not until we've left and the GM can't hear me.

578. I will NOT create a Human Marshall (or Bard, or Marshall/Bard) named Kamina, and even if I spend a feat on Exotic Weapon Proficiency (bastard sword), my masterwork/magical bastard sword is NOT a katana. Also, he cannot go shirtless, even if his Charisma score is so high that he is literally too sexy for his shirt.

579. I will also not create a Human Swordsage named Domon Kashu, and I cannot name my maneuvers 'Shining Finger', 'Burning Erupting Finger', or any other finishing move from G-Gundam.

580. No, I cannot have a massive Iron Golem commissioned that I can pilot from inside, and even on the off chance that I do, I cannot name it Gurren. Or Shining/Burning Gundam. Or any other sort of Giant Robot from an anime Giant Mecha series. Even if it's one that the other players haven't heard of before.

581. I am no longer allowed to create Zero using d20 future's Robot Hero rules. Nor am I allowed to equip such a character with a beam sword or, if the Tech Level isn't quite that high yet, a chainsaw sword. I am also not allowed to have such a character be created as a mindless killing machine that goes on a rampage throughout the city.

582. If I giggle more than once during character creation, the sheet is taken and burned.

583. I am no longer allowed to create a halfling swordsage when we're going into an orc war campaign, just because I think it's funny for a two-foot tall, thirty pound person to lift and then throw things that are three times as tall, and weigh ten times as much. I am also not allowed to comment on how the campaign's plot is stolen directly from Warcraft: Orcs and Humans, even though it's true.

In reply to austarrowsplitter (msg #175):

Dude, your rules there sound like they can be summed up entirely as follows: "I am not allowed to steal characters/ideas from things I like, but my GM is and if I point this out I will get in trouble." <_<

For my own along those lines:

584. While I am allowed to steal attacks/ideas/etc from anime and video games, I must keep them somewhat in line with the game's setting. So while "This hand of mine is burning red!" is acceptable for my Sacred Fist activating his Sacred Flames ability, "SHORYUKEN!!!!" for an uppercut attack is not.
This message was last edited by the user at 21:55, Fri 09 Apr 2010.

585. When advertising for Adult Roleplaying I need to specify whetehr latex uniforms or polyhedronal dice would be more appropriate.

586. As a GM, I am no longer permitted to give my players exactly what they want for their characters, and then make them wish they'd never asked for it.  Or even heard of it.

587. As a GM I will no longer construct an elaborate roleplaying game where players take the role of people who Analyze statistical data, such as mortality, accident, sickness, disability, and retirement rates and construct probability tables to forecast risk and liability for payment of future benefits. Then ascertain premium rates required and cash reserves necessary to ensure payment of future benefits which they consolidate into plans they then submit to me for processing as a means to get my work done remotely.

In reply to DarkwindStriker (msg #176):

Nah, those are just the ones I could get in before supper got called. XD

586: If I play a wizard, I am not allowed to have a spell list containing all of the following: color spray, rainbow beam, rainbow blast, prismatic orb/sphere/wall, hypnotic pattern. In short, NO, I am not allowed to play a Rainbow Mage.

587: I am no longer allowed to buy splatbooks. Even though I don't use the horribly retarded stuff, it just gets too distracting when my character is "Jambo Laya the elven Totemist".

588: If I play a character with a Russian accent, and he is reincarnated as a dwarf, I am not obligated to fluctuate between Russian and Irish/Scottish accents as a result of 'nature vs. nurture' or whatever.

589: I am also no longer allowed to have a reincarnated warrior character forge a specialty sheath/holster/carrier for the weapon they used before death just so I don't have to waste time retraining feats or buy a new weapon. This is for the aforementioned dwarf who was, before death, roughly 7 feet tall, and wielded an appropriately sized greatsword, with which he had Focus and Specialization.

590: I am no longer allowed to have my Psychic Warrior burn all his power points to manifest expansion to the point where he is Colossal size, even if I can do so by the rules, and even if it's to fight the Colossal sized war-golem the GM is unleashing on our side for a war campaign. Nor am I allowed to quote any season of Power Rangers, or any Godzilla or Godzilla-esque media, while this happens.

591: If an ogre taunts said Psychic Warrior about how big the ogre's sword is, my Psychic Warrior cannot respond by manifesting expansion and retorting "Mine's bigger."

592: The GM is no longer allowed to suggest weird races for me to play because he's never seen them played. I have WAY too much fun with it.

593: I am no longer allowed to respond with "Rule 34" when asked why I just giggled the GM describing his newest homebrewed monster.

594: I am no longer allowed to quote TV Tropes articles during gaming sessions. I am also banned from using said articles to map out the entire plot during the first session. Especially if I'm right.

595: When playing a rogue, I am not allowed to leave the party's Lawful Good character's melee reach while we are in a civilized area. I am also not allowed to sneak off to steal anything that could possibly be used for any kind of wedding ceremony, EVER, when one of that gaming group's running jokes is how much the party Half Orc loves *insert target of the current half orc's affection here*.

596: When the raging female half-orc barbarian tells me it's my fault her 'boyfriend' damn near got killed, it's my fault. Yes, even if I'm the one who saved his unconscious butt while she was busy 'playing'.

597. I will not make a raging half orc barbarian a love interest.