6043) In a fantasy-type setting, my Half Elven Bard is no longer allowed to choose "Perform (Air Guitar)" as a Class Skill. (Nor any variations thereof. "Air Mandolin", "Air Lute", "Air Harp". "Air Ukelele" is especially forbidden.)

6044) In a fantasy-type setting, the same Bard is no longer allowed to choose "Knowledge (1980s American Sitcom Theme Songs)" as a Class Skill, even though my GM sent us TO 1980s America and my Bard landed in a Television Repair Shop (which was a Random Die roll!) in Brooklyn and spent several days holed up there between adventures to try and find the rest of the group.

6045) That same Half Elven Bard may not attempt to convince our resident spellcasters to come up with a time travel spell so that he can go back in time, write the theme songs to the aforementioned sitcoms, make a fortune, and then live it up in 1980s America. Period.

6046) That same Half Elven Bard may not legally change his name to "Rad" upon returning to his home plane.
6046a) I am not allowed to bribe fellow players into having their characters refer to Rad as "Rad".

6047) Rad may not attempt to form a band with two slackers known as Sir W.S. Preston, Esq. and His Grace, Archduke Ted T. Logan. EVER AGAIN.

6048) If I ever get caught trying to sneak my harmonica into a gaming session again, my monkey snuggling rear axle is going to be in a sling.
6048a) If I ever try to bribe other players into sneaking my harmonica into a gaming session..it won't be pretty.

6049) In the event of the untimely death of Rad, I may not be allowed to roll up a brand new Bard who exists solely for the purpose of telling dirty limericks.
6049a) I am never again allowed to begin a limerick, "There once was a Fair Lady Knight..."

6050) By GM decree, I am no longer allowed to play a Bard, multiclass into a Bard, take any "Perform" skills, bring any musical instrument, sing any songs, or even vaguely suggest that I may be remembering the words to a song. Humming is specifically forbidden. As are kazoos.
This message was last edited by the user at 10:59, Wed 07 Jan 2015.

In reply to EightBitEighties (msg # 2357):

Your the 2cd person I have seen here who has been band from 'Air instruments'.
As for the rest, I had a good laugh and think you need a new GM. (One with a better sense of humor, or at least more tolerance).

6051) I am strictly forbidden to create a mindflayer bard for the express purpose of seeing how many monsters I can get to dance the poka.

6052), I am strictly forbidden to never quote the lines of “The Grand Panmelodium Polka” from the Difference Engine,
 either paraphrased, in whole, or with modifications.

The Grand Panmelodium Polka

Oh! Sure the world is all run mad,
The lean, the fat, the old, the Rad,
All swear such pleasure they ne'er had,
As the Grand Panmelodium Polka.

First cock up your right leg so,
Balance on your left great toe,
Stamp your heels and off you go,
The Grand Panmelodium Polka.

Quadrilles and waltzes all give way,
Machine-made music bears the sway.
The chimney-sweeps on the first of May,
In London dance the Polka.

If a pretty girl you meet,
With sparkling eyes and rosy cheek,
She'll say, young man we'll have a treat,
If you can dance the Polka.

Professors swarm in every street,
To hear the Panmelodium sweet,
And every friend you chance to meet,
Asks if you dance the Polka.

And so the row-de-dow we dance,
And in short skirts and brass-heels prance,
Ladies won't you spare a glance,
For the boys what spin the Polka.

6053) I am forbidden to bring my accordion to any game in order to play the above, or any other song.

6054), I am forbidden to use the spell that creates a giant hand to make rude gestures, or sign to various players in sign language, those including that I and only one other player, who can speak sign language can work out schemes in advance. . I am forbidden also to use the same spell to try and disrupt the spells of apposing wizards by doing the same.

6055) I am no longer aloude to use psychic powers to make the dungeons monster set off traps hidden within the dungen, and thus making our path through said dungen easier.
6056) I am never to use the name Alan Bourdillion Traherne either as a character name, or in a backstory.

6057) Sit at the gaming table and tell "Back in my day stories." instead of play the game.

"Back in my day, we used to sit at a gaming table and have ONE bag of Doritos between us, and we liked it by Gawd!"

"We used to be lucky to get ONE random encounter per hallway in the basic series of dungeons and dragons, and we were grateful to get it!"



"I remember when Chainmail boxed set was brand new and we used to play the game on Papyrus reeds we had freshly beat into a form of paper for our character sheet with the Pharoah of Ancient of Egypt! He was a power gamer that one. I would tell him that he didn't have any more hit points left and he would just chuckle and command me to work on the pyramids as a laborer.

"We used to have to LISTEN to the GM and tell him what we wanted to do in first person. We'd say I want to swing at the Orc, none of this "ASBJÖRN THE MIGHTY RAISED HIS SWORD AND FRESHLY SALUTED HIS OPPONENT BEFORE DELIVERING THE FATAL BLAH-DE-BLAH THAT YOU NEW FANGALED RASCALS DO WITH YOUR OOC AND YOUR IC AND ALL THAT NONSENSE"


"First Edition was good enough for me, and we used to eat Players Handbook as food, because we didn't have anything else, and you know what else? if you wanted a Bard, you EARNED it, first you became a thirtieth level fighter, then you became a 26th level Theif, then you talked to the GM about MAYBE becoming a Bard, and only then would he let you, it took me 19 years and 220 gaming sessions a year to get one, but by golly, I was a 1st level bard and people knew it! So when I finally got reduced thieving, and warrior abilities and one spell slot, I was grateful, I tell ya what!!"
This message was last edited by the user at 17:40, Mon 12 Jan 2015.

In reply to namaste (msg # 2360):

ROFLM"G"AO


* _{"G" = gamer}
This message was last edited by the user at 17:42, Mon 12 Jan 2015.

We had to travel to the dungeon uphill, both ways! (because it was in one of the planes of existance that allowed for altered physical realities)
This message was last edited by the user at 17:45, Mon 12 Jan 2015.

6058) Run a game without every RTJ being completely inappropriate for the game setting as everyone rushes to play "against type" and be "original".


ME: "So you want to play a frog with telepathy named charlie?"

RTJ GUY: "Yes, isn't it original!"

ME: "Kind of, but this is a Medieval Game set in England during the Conquest of Normans, and the character design rules were pretty clear that you were supposed to role up a Norman Noble"

RTJ GUY: "I know, but I wanted to play against type!"


ME: "I know but I already have three frogs with Telepathy, a space hamster, two female orcs and a guy who wants to play a Beholder - real bad, in the group."
This message was last edited by the user at 06:16, Tue 13 Jan 2015.

In reply to namaste (msg # 2363):

I let in a guy who wanted to play a vampire in to my AD&D game - it went down hill from there. (Good writer, nice imagination, not appropriate for a 3rd to 5th level 2cd ed game.)

There's a difference in playing 'against type' and playing against the setting.

6059) Telling my Vegan Game Master I am a Metalarian, because my character only eats Iron Rations.

6060) Telling my Vegan Game Master I am a Metalarian, because my character only listens to Iron Maiden. "you'll take my life, but I'll run ya through! yaha-yah-ah-yeah!"

6061)Telling my Vegan Game Master I am a Metalarian, because my character only uses an Iron Maiden to Torture.


6062)Tricking my Vegan Game Master into letting me role up a metal golem to roleplay, only because it is an actual Iron Maiden - and then singing Iron Maiden songs during the game, while holding up two devil fingers and reminding him that I am in fact, a Metalarian and a living Iron Maiden.

6063)Telling my Vegan Game Master, that in my character's tribe, a vegetarian is simply some one who cannot hunt or fish, and can only gather.

6064) Waiting until my Vegan Game Master takes a bite out of the Doritos I brought to tell him that I sprinkled them with meat-dust - delicious, flavorful meat-dust.

6065) There is no "Steak-sided die" and no, I don't get +2 on all rolls with one.
This message was last edited by the user at 01:43, Sun 18 Jan 2015.

6066) When running a star wars sagas game in an alternate universe timeline, I am no longer allowed to give the players a capital ship of their choice with a customization of their choice as a means of arming them for the final space battle.

6067) When one of the players inevitably asks for his modification to be a launching system to fire drills carrying infantry units in them, I am not allowed to grant it.

6068) I am no longer allowed to tell the melee character that his customization was picked for him, and give him a capital ship that has been stripped of all weapons and had 4 times as many engines installed all over it, along with a giant vibro axe on the front for ramming. The player crashing it through 3 other capital ships in one turn without dying is perhaps a little over powered.

6069) When the big bad force user that the players have been building up towards fighting makes their appearance for their dramatic reveal and speech, the players need to be isolated enough from the big bad, otherwise they Will kill the boss within the surprise round, then wonder where the big bad is.

6070) When the other big bad reveals that they have walked into his trap and will be vented into space, without the luxury of space suits (as only one made a habit of wearing armor that was space adapted), I may not roll a d20 to see how good the aim is on the man cannon, then, on seeing a nat 20, have that big bad interrupted by a commando team landing in his office and beating him into submission while the players watch (with the trap disarmed). While funny, it destroys the dramatic tension of the moment.

6071)  I am no longer allowed to use the dice from YAHTZEE: The Walking Dead Collector's Edition to play any game but Walking Dead Yahtzee.

Not me, but I notice that doubling one's accounts does not double one's fun.

6072) I am not to turn my level 1 to 5 PCs in to minor gods, no matter how much fun it is to do. As it unbalances the game to the point of making it impossible to run normal adventures. (did this with my last game, we are rebooting it now, minus all the power upgrades, godly interventions and me going Power Gamer mode.)

6073) When my high wisdom monk-like character notices something odd about the room the party is in, he should point it out to the party.

6074) He should not proceed to try and pick up what may or may not be a statue of a person and inadvertently trigger a fight.

6074 a)Even if he can hold his own in a solo match long enough to gain the monster's grudging respect and left alive at the end of it.

6075) My monk-like character should not be haggling with dark forces for the ownership/souls of the npc we have been tasked with rescuing.

6075 a) even if he can get the man for the low low price of a rifle, a shotgun shell, a box of shotgun shells, and a floating camera.

6075 b) But he might be forgiven if this turns out to also avoid the party another boss fight. (It did)

6076) I am not to roll up a life mage in a massive world of darkness game and name him Jesus, then have his goal be to cure vampirism by hunting down the disparate pieces of a vampires soul and 'glueing them back together with spirit magic'.

6076 a) It ends the world when he's successful.

6077) My Life Mage named Jesus should not get the rest of the playerbase killed, even if it's their own fault for pulling a gun on his vampire boss, while he was withing arms reach of a self destruct button.

6077 a) When he's the only survivor due to being across the gauntlet at the time, it ends the campaign, due to most of the other players getting super butt hurt over dying from their own/others stupid actions.

6078) Just because he can, doesn't mean Jesus the Life Mage Should turn a nearby tree into a swarm of camel spiders, then when they aren't fast enough to intercept the target, give them insect wings to fly with. Flying camel spiders give the middle east vets in the game nightmares.

6079) When the GM has Jesus the Life Mage's Free Council contact be an angry owner of a newspaper, Jesus the Life Mage shouldn't start acting like Peter Parker.

6079 a) Even if the GM plays along and we both wind up forgetting the npcs name as anything other than Jameson.

6080) Just because I am GMing a Power Rangers based game of BESM d20, does not mean I am allowed to simply improvise every session.

6080 a) This is how we get things like Zordon being senile, the players being the third ranger team (with the previous two dying, save one, for being actual teenagers with attitude) and a halloween episode that nearly ended with Samhain being defeated by a giant pile of money (what defeated it depended on what the characters prayed to/had faith in and how well they rolled. The person playing a 'rich kid' nearly beat all the others out with his roll. Instead, Samhain was treated to a Giant Santa beat down).

6081) When I am playing the party techie, I should have more class than to strap the extra assault rifles we have to chairs, scavenge nearby security cameras, and use my technical know how to make the office chairs into mobile sentry guns to take out incoming soldiers with.

6081 a) even if by controlling these things via remote it extends our ability to survive the incoming army.

6082) When I am playing my mech pilot, I am no longer allowed to abuse the untested rules for Aura of Command to make my side unbeatable by the opposing forces.

6082 a) At least, not without expecting the rule to be fixed.

I for one would love to have seen that power rangers game you mentioned. Sounds like it was fun.

6083) I am not allowed to assume NPCs are mutants without any evidence other than their apparent hatred of mutants.
6084) I am not allowed to scare the principle by not-so-subtly implying that I know his secret.
6085) I am not allowed to use my mutant powers to fly to the anti-mutant rally.
6086) I am not allowed to use my mutant powers to avoid the Knock-Out Gas of Plot Advancement, even if the rules text for such powers and/or common sense implicitly or explicitly dictate otherwise.
6087) I am not allowed to beat up the small army of higher-level characters and save the adventure's NPC in distress before he gets kidnapped in the first place.
6098) I am not allowed to use unwilling PCs as living projectiles.
6099) When using my mutant powers to interrogate the BBEG's pants, even if I am willing to listen to them prattle on for half an hour, I am not allowed to make the other members of the party listen and/or take notes.

6100) I am no longer permitted to use my mutant powers of persuasion to convince Anti-Mutant protesters that they all are in fact level 1 mutants at the very least by sighting common mutations in genetics to them (eye color, skin color, genetic birth defects, diabetes, etc).

6101) I am no longer allowed to Have Mutant Powers of Persuasion (do to having talked the BBEG's troops out of working for him, then convincing the BBEG that his plans would not work for simple common sense reasons. There by sending him in to a deep sense of depression and leaving him feeling to depressed to continue with much of any thing.
This message was last edited by the user at 23:37, Sat 11 Apr 2015.

6102) Under no circumstances am I to be allowed to use Baleful Polymorph at will.
6103) Under no circumstances am I to be allowed to use Baleful Polymorph to turn the boss from a demon to a rabbit.
6104) Under no circumstances am I to be allowed to use Baleful Polymorph on the boss before he finishes monologuing.
6105) Under no circumstances am I to be allowed to use Baleful Polymorph.

6106) Nor am I permitted to be have been sired or born from a living spell of Baleful Polymorph.

6107) Under no circumstances am I to be allowed to create a spell called "Hentai Polymorph".
6108) Under no circumstances am I to be allowed to create a spell called "Evard's Hentai Tentacles".
6109) Under no circumstances am I to be allowed to create spells based on watching too much hentai.

In reply to srgrosse (msg # 2377):

You need a more Hentia friendly GM :D

In reply to srgrosse (msg # 2377):

You forgot a spell: Summon Japanese Schoolgirl.

In reply to Jordan Task (msg # 2379):

What do you think I was using Hentai Polymorph to turn creatures into?

Koro-sensei?
As a being composed almost entirely of tentacles, he'd seem like a possibility.