Malakhon
 member, 1273 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 17:18
Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
There used to be a delightful thread that covered the X signs your GM was crazy. I think towards the end we got a little competitive and began numbering infinity+1 and beyond (as an ironic sign, we were indeed insane much like our GM).

I recently came across 1525 things Mr Welch was "No Longer" permitted to do during an RPG session and thought it was hilarious. I am not sure who Mr Welch is, but obviously he is a very creative person who would be welcome at my gaming table (and by gaming table, I mean he stays where he is and roleplays over rpol).

I did a little hunting around and found there were other lists around. So I thought I'd get us started by posting a few of the things for 2010, I am no longer going to do, and I hope you will add to it in the spirit of tongue in cheek.

I am going to add twenty, but feel free to add one, none, or however many. Let's see if we can get to Over 9000.

1. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery.
2. My 7th Sea character Boudreaux is not 'Southern' Montaigne.
3. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
4. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
5. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
6. My monk's lips must be in sync.
7. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
8. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer.
9. Ogres are not kosher.
10. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
11. I will not beat Tomb of Horrors in less than 10 minutes from memory.
12. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
14. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
15. The green elf does not need food badly.
16. Say "My Power Level is Over 9000"
17. Say "I am a Snorlax, and I am blocking the path, too bad, so sad"
18. Once I get my Knight or Wizard rolled up in your game, go into the tavern and
    invite people to recursively roleplay by having OUR characters roll up   characters of their own, as they imagine going on exciting adventures of their own by candle light.
19. If I DO actually recursively roleplay despite no longer being allowed too, I will limit it to just one iteration, so that the characters of my character will not begin roleplaying.
20. Say "You should play Gurps, Dude!"

This message was last edited by the user at 17:19, Sat 27 Mar 2010.

Mad Mick
 member, 168 posts
 I used to be somebody
 Now I am somebody else
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 17:53
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
I think it's obvious by now that Malakhon needs to come over to the dark side and adopt GURPS 4 LYF!

21.  I will refrain from having each of my characters say, "I've got a bad feeling about this" at least once in his or her career.
Cygnia
 member, 85 posts
 Amoral Paladin
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 17:55
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
22.  I am not allowed to have Neil Peart as my cleric's chosen deity (even if he IS the God of Drums & Lyrics).
rubberduck
 member, 2971 posts
 henchman of Dr. Horrible
 application in the mail
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 18:11
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
23. I am not allowed to make a character that talks so much that other characters voluntarily deafen themselves
24. I am not allowed to play an elven porn star with decades of experience.
25. I am not allowed to summon a celestial elephant above my opponent's head, and then calculate the damage he would take from said elephant falling on his head
26. Neither am I allowed to do the same with a kraken
27. I am not allowed to complete a quest without ever leaving the bar
28. I am not allowed to cast Implosion on the wizard's weasel familiar to make it go "pop"
Cygnia
 member, 86 posts
 Amoral Paladin
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 18:15
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
29. I cannot have "Dispel Pants" as a spell.
Brygun
 member, 477 posts
 RPG since 1982
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 18:26
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
30. I cannot double cast "Rope Trick" in the same point to breach the astral viel a standard means of mass destruction .

(used it once... they warned me not to do it again. it was a most righteous implosion centered on the enemy mega boss... course he lived, but now outside the world.)
Malakhon
 member, 1274 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 18:54
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
31. Cephalopods do not get bonuses to attack Japanese women.
32. I will not make Asmodeus pose for adorable photos that I caption "I can haz Cheezburger?"
32. I will not purposely pretend not to know the differences between Ecchi and Yaoi just to watch the resident anime' nerd fume with rage.
33. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the the GM's riddle.
34. Treat the Gaming table as if it's "Barrens Chat"

This message was last edited by the user at 19:20, Sat 27 Mar 2010.

Cygnia
 member, 87 posts
 Amoral Paladin
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 19:10
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
35. Plan B is "Blow the place up".  What's Plan A?  Plan A is "Every other plan but that one".
Malakhon
 member, 1275 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 19:22
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
36. Compare the GM's quest to the plot of LOTR derisively "Oh, so we've got to get the magical amulet? Just like Frodo and Samwise? Are we going to mount doom to throw it into the volcano to save all mankind, which just so happens to be in the one guy who is trying to stop us lands? well you have MY axe.."

This message was last edited by the user at 19:23, Sat 27 Mar 2010.

Alexei Yaruk-Mundhenk
 member, 102 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 19:23
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
37: Not every situation can be solved by a sufficient application of Duck Tape.
38: Roll for pun damage, EVER.

This message was last edited by the user at 19:25, Sat 27 Mar 2010.

Malakhon
 member, 1276 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 19:31
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
39. My halflings's battle cry is not "Run And Live".

40. Not allowed to pass legislation of health care reform requiring all citizens to   purchase health potions and become clerics 1st level so they can cast cure light wounds 1X per day.

41. My character can't check facebook during the encounter.

42. Anything numbered 42 is not the answer to life, the universe and everything. It is just a number not just divisible by two but also six and seven. In fact it's the sort of number that you could, without any fear, introduce to your parents.

43. Not quote Phrases from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Monty Python or Fletch during a game session incessantly.

44.  Saying "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses." to the Arch-Lich is semi-allowed, because it is from "Fletch Lives" the sequal, but it is highly frowned upon.

This message was last edited by the user at 19:33, Sat 27 Mar 2010.

Lwaxy
 member, 50 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 19:41
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
45. Making dumb jokes is NOT a feat.
46. Repeating "Oooh shiny" over and over just because of a gold coin is a nono, even if I am playing a kobold.
47. I will not choce an elephant familiar and let it lose in every pottery shop I happen to come across.
48. Not everything that looks like a monster needs to be poked with a stick. Especially not the poor little demon in my party.
Shae_Dravenmore
 member, 74 posts
 Desk Jocky Extraordinaire
 Keeper of the Cool
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 19:41
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
49. The bard is not allowed to seduce the priestess who has taken a vow of celibacy.

50. My characters may not be the son/daughter of my last character so that they can inherit all the cool loot I got during the last campaign.
TheWarriorPoet519
 member, 929 posts
 Freelance Writer
 Civilian Sheepdog
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 20:23
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
51. May not take Weapon Focus: Woopie Cushion
52. May not ask the fabled King of the Dwarves if I can braid his beard
53. Am no longer permitted to hide Siege Weapons in Bag of Holding
54. Am no longer allowed to hide Bag of Holding in Bag of Holding
55. The Ghost of Elvis is not my familiar.
56. The Gnomes did not "Steal me Lucky Charms"
cptcthulhu
 member, 58 posts
 Nuke em till they glow
 Shoot them in the dark.
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 20:33
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
Malakhon:
9. Ogres are not kosher.

Depends on how they are prepared.
57.Gnomes in Space are NOT allowed to fly the ship by Giant Hamster Power on a treadmill..
Lwaxy
 member, 51 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 20:41
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
58. Elves in space do not constantly say "fascinating" and "illogical" and they do not have green blood either.
59. Dwarfs in space do not yell out "I'm a dwarf, not a..." at every opportunity.
Ryees
 member, 290 posts
 RPoL's resident Grammar
 Nazi - *Nuclear Woot*
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 21:22
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
59: I am no longer permitted to allow the use of siege weaponry while fighting pixies.
60: I am no longer permitted to let those pixies then call on the pixie queen, which is a large, Elder Green Dragon.

That was a hilarious and painful series of events...
silveroak
 member, 2010 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 22:20
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
61: I can no longer improvise an Elizabethan sonnet utelizing advanced scientific concepts as a form of rhyming cantrip for GURPS improvised magic.
62: I can no longer banish demons by causing teh ichor in tehir hearts to undergo a nuclear-fusion reaction (see 61)
facemaker329
 member, 2430 posts
 Gaming for most of
 25 years, and counting!
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 23:50
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
63: I will no longer cast 'Water to Steam' spells on orcs and kobolds to watch them make like a potato in a microwave.
Alexei Yaruk-Mundhenk
 member, 103 posts
Sat 27 Mar 2010
at 23:55
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
64: Uploading Trinary programs into the robot may in fact "blow its mind", this is not advisable.
silveroak
 member, 2011 posts
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 00:01
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
65: exploiting a design flaw to destroy a universe will not earn sufficient experience to ascend to divinity to escape the disaster I created.
Lady_Death
 member, 145 posts
 Our Lady Death
 Cometh for you!
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 00:42
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
66: Put a bag of holding into a bag of holding and use the result as a weapon in battle
67: Ever play as a Rogue Sorceress again...EVER
68: Fix the GM a  'drink'
69: Debate the internal physiology of a dragon in order to exploit it in battle.
70: Mount and ride other players characters- no matter how much fun it is
71: Try and murder the rest of the party in their sleep for profit.
72: Become a professional rail road destroyer.
73: Play as the children that resulted from previous or current characters exploits.

This message was last edited by the user at 00:43, Sun 28 Mar 2010.

Malakhon
 member, 1277 posts
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 01:00
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG

73 sounds like a fascinating game. I loved reading a series of books Robert Jordan wrote under a pseudonym about the Fallon family. As one ended, the sins of the father were carried over to the next but a new story emerged.



74. Enjoying things that are against the rules TOO much.

75. Convince the dragon that he'd prefer to eat the wood elf because he is "Organic".

76. Minmax my character and then take the trait "Minmaxes everything" to explain it.

77. Work out a deal with a kobold to let me keep robbing his 'dungeon' of the same bag of gold for XP, and then give it back to him so I can repeat it over and over to get to super high level.

78. Use a Bucknards everfull purse like a photocopy machine for objects.

79. Send a Bucknards everfull purse connected to an infinite bag of holding backwards in time so that I can immediately go to where I hid it and collect nigh infinite gold.

80. Cast Limited Wish "GM eats a tic tac"

81. Name my monk "Chuck Norris" and go around round house kicking everything.

82. Name my monk character "Mr. Monk" and go around solving murders in a quirky and fastidious way.

83. Make my familiar available for "Stud".

84. 52 gold pieces worth of jell-o pudding..awww, yeah.
Lwaxy
 member, 52 posts
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 01:01
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
85. I will not kill every drow PC who is supposedly related to Drizzt. Only when the GM says it is ok.
86. I will not play a dragon with digestive problems again.

Edited numbers

This message was last edited by the user at 01:09, Sun 28 Mar 2010.

Lady_Death
 member, 146 posts
 Our Lady Death
 Cometh for you!
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 01:08
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
87: Pimp out the Wood Nmyph for profit.
88: Use other characters as  'breeding' stock.
89: Use boy friends characters as cannon fodder to save myself (still not obeying this one)

This message was last edited by the user at 01:16, Sun 28 Mar 2010.

Lwaxy
 member, 53 posts
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 01:15
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
Malakhon:
83. Make my familiar available for "Stud".


What's wrong with that? I do that all the time.

90. I will try not to guess the GM's motives ahead and then confuse the party with it.
91. "I surrender" in Orcish is not spoken through the nose.
92. When failing a panic save, I'll not jump on the GM's lap and shout "help help" in his ear.
silveroak
 member, 2012 posts
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 01:19
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
93. Use Nuclear fallout to make a Radiothermic Generator in Twilight 2000. (though I now know how to do this in real life... just in case of a nuclear holocaust)
facemaker329
 member, 2431 posts
 Gaming for most of
 25 years, and counting!
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 02:10
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
94: I will not give my troll a paired weapons proficiency, paired with a club proficiency, and use a kobold in each hand to decimate the rest of their group.
Lady_Death
 member, 147 posts
 Our Lady Death
 Cometh for you!
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 02:16
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
95: I will not carve up dead monsters and sell them as mystery meat pies.
96: Using bits of monsters to make armor for the party will carry smell penalties.
97: I will not link the planes of fire and air to watch the show.
98: I will not take bets, sell tickets or in any other ways try and profit from our fights.
99: I am no longer permitted to spank the party with my change alignment sword
Lwaxy
 member, 54 posts
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 02:18
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
100. I am not going to play a 8-year-old elf brat with an INT score larger than the rest of the party anymore.

This message was last edited by the user at 02:18, Sun 28 Mar 2010.

Lady_Death
 member, 148 posts
 Our Lady Death
 Cometh for you!
Sun 28 Mar 2010
at 02:23
Re: Over 9000 things I am no longer permitted to do in an RPG
101: I will not make fun of the paladin whose int is so low he can not speak unless mounted on his horse. Who has an int higher than he does.