engine
 member, 412 posts
Tue 5 Sep 2017
at 18:03
I Just Want To Scream
In reply to Tyr Hawk (msg # 984):

Most of how you describe yourself, is very, very similar to how many, many other people would describe themselves. In terms of specific things like physical appearance or clothing choice, you'll find that many, many people with the traits you describe have something noteworthy about their physical appearance or their clothing choices. You're not alone, it's just a matter of finding those people, which the internet has made almost ridiculously easy.

And then you have to cope with those people. That's the trickier part. What that boils down to is letting stuff go, letting people make what you see as mistakes. In my experience, people who feel like they know what they're doing aren't receptive to change until what they think they know fails them, and often not even then. But before that, unless they're asking questions, they aren't all that interested in hearing that they're wrong or that there's another point of view. So, yeah, telling them that they're wrong, or offering another point of view, isn't going to gain you any trust.

And it's about trust. You're looking out for people, but they have no reason to trust that, because often people who correct others or debate what they say are trying to play social status games or control others. If you're not doing that, and I don't think you are, then you need to gain trust from people that that's not what you're doing. This will probably involve holding your peace even when others are wrong, bolstering people when they're right, and noticing when you're pressing your point harder than is socially appropriate and toning it down.

Find a good therapist, someone who won't argue facts with you, but who will get you to focus on the conclusions you draw from how people respond to you and get you to question your assumptions.

Until then, try being wrong. Start with once a day. Let a point go uncontested. Concede something. If you're not sure about something, instead of looking it up, deny yourself the benefit of the doubt and assume you are wrong. See what happens. Consider it an experiment.

Edit: To actually answer your question, yes, I feel broken but not as badly as I did before years of therapy, supported by medication.

This message was last edited by the user at 21:23, Tue 05 Sept.

mickey65
 member, 123 posts
 Long-time PbP player
 Love several systems
Wed 6 Sep 2017
at 02:55
I Just Want To Scream
In reply to Tyr Hawk (msg # 984):

Being hard to get along with is sometimes treated like it's a crime against humanity.

But it's not any kind of crime. It's not even bad in and of itself. It just clashes with the fact that so many strangers are squeezed together into one small space and have to find a way to live together.

And finding ways for strangers to live together is usually assumed to be good in itself, but it's not. It's just a necessity forced on us by the fact that we can't avoid a world in which strangers have to live together. Which I see as a broken and malformed world.

So don't blame yourself for being hard to get along with. It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that the broken and malformed world is a misfit for YOU, not the other way around.
Tyr Hawk
 member, 321 posts
 You know that one guy?
 Yeah, that's me.
Wed 6 Sep 2017
at 23:07
I Just Want To Scream
Lots of varied and good advice. Thank you, everyone. I don't know yet what I'm going to follow, but it's nice to have input from folks.

I will add though that it's particularly frustrating to me because, in real life, I rarely meet anyone who doesn't like me and my personality. >_> I've been to Australia, across the U.S., London, Paris, and rarely do I encounter someone who I just don't get along with, even though I feel like I don't act differently. I guess I should've specified that the arguments mostly happen online, but the isolation sort of permeates my life.

But, yeah, thanks again.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1122 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Thu 7 Sep 2017
at 17:52
I Just Want To Scream
In reply to Tyr Hawk (msg # 989):

The difference for online and real life is force of personality. The internet's only personality is the person on their side of the keyboard. Where as in Real Life your own personality and natural charisma get to come in to play.
Tyr Hawk
 member, 322 posts
 You know that one guy?
 Yeah, that's me.
Thu 7 Sep 2017
at 18:13
Re: I Just Want To Scream
ShadoPrism:
The internet's only personality is the person on their side of the keyboard.

THAT... is a really interesting way to think about that. I haven't really considered that before, but it makes sense. Don't know if I agree with it, but it's a really interesting thing to consider. And, I suppose we're getting off the original vent now, so I'll call that the end of it for now. XD
Dara
 member, 374 posts
Wed 13 Sep 2017
at 21:07
Re: I Just Want To Scream
Why is it so hard to find good fuzzy slippers with a rubber sole?  And went I do find one that might work, they don't have it in my size!?!?!?!  AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!



thank you
V_V
 member, 615 posts
 You can call me V, just V
 Life; a journey made once
Wed 13 Sep 2017
at 21:49
Re: I Just Want To Scream
In reply to Dara (msg # 992):

I had the same problem for my good friend and roommate. It seems the soles don't come on nice fuzzy slippers.

I personally wear slippers with a fleece inlining and I've found them quite comfortable. The men's versions are exorbitantly priced, so I buy women's slippers and I'm not ashamed of it. Granted they wear out, but dollar per month I get better use out of the cheaper ones than anything really specialized. I'm hard on foodware though.

Fuzzy slippers tend to have those foam or super thin rubber soles that might as well be wrapping paper.

I actually have the same problem about size too. The double wide for my good friend made the ones I found for her a few years ago the first and last that worked.
SunRuanEr
 member, 56 posts
Sat 16 Sep 2017
at 14:50
This drives me nuts.
Why is it that people join an RP-heavy game on RPoL and then seek to do everything possible to remove their characters from every scene that involves any kind of RP whatsoever? Example:

Group of new characters A, B, and C: Talking, chatting, meeting each other

New character D: Walks right through room (says nothing), exits out to someplace else.

Now, see, doing this once or twice? I totally understand that - sometimes a character is shy, or socially awkward, or insecure. But when literally every. single. post. a character makes is them AVOIDING the scene and other characters entirely...

WHY THE FRUIT ARE THEY PLAYING?

*headdesk*
ShadoPrism
 member, 1125 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Sat 16 Sep 2017
at 16:56
This drives me nuts.
In reply to SunRuanEr (msg # 994):

Sounds to me like they are not playing but just taking up space.
Some socially insecure types (RL) will play characters that way, waiting for the GM or another player to force them to interact. To much of playing themselves than the characters they want to play I think.
engine
 member, 437 posts
Sat 16 Sep 2017
at 17:14
This drives me nuts.
In reply to SunRuanEr (msg # 994):

What do they say when you ask them about it?
SunRuanEr
 member, 57 posts
Sat 16 Sep 2017
at 19:16
This drives me nuts.
In reply to engine (msg # 996):

I learned a long time ago not to make any OOC comments/questions that could be taken as criticizing another player's play style, even if it's in a role of trying to make sure the other player is having a good time. Too many people react badly to that. That's a GM's job, not mine, for that reason.

So instead I sit and wonder 'Does this person just not like everyone else? Are they hoping to play this like a solo game? Are they going to be unable to check the site for a few days and they're just removing themselves so they don't block things up? Are they bored with the current scene and just putting lame white-text posts in as a passive-aggressive way of saying that to the GM?'

I know it's not really something that should bug me, but I see it ALL THE TIME in multiple games, and it just hit the frustration straw that broke the camel's back this morning.
bigbadron
 moderator, 15439 posts
 He's big, he's bad,
 but mostly he's Ron.
Sat 16 Sep 2017
at 19:46
This drives me nuts.
In reply to SunRuanEr (msg # 997):

Or they might really have nothing they want to post openly in the scene, and are just posting meaningless filler so that they can include a private line to the GM about what their character is REALLY doing.
GammaBear
 member, 797 posts
 Gaymer
Sun 24 Sep 2017
at 04:04
I just want to...ARGH!
What the fudge is wrong with people? Why is it so hard to have a good work ethic? Seriously! It doesn't require much effort AT ALL! You leave your house in enough time to show up to work a little early, that way if something happens, you have a buffer. If you're going to be late, call. If you're not going to show up, for fudging sure CALL!!!

Are parents not teaching kids any more that if you're on time, you're late and if you're early, you're on time? There are other people to consider!!!
ShadoPrism
 member, 1126 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Sun 24 Sep 2017
at 15:58
I just want to...ARGH!
In reply to GammaBear (msg # 999):

Well this is the generation that thinks life should be handed to them cause they are all entitled brats.
GammaBear
 member, 798 posts
 Gaymer
Sun 24 Sep 2017
at 19:27
I just want to...ARGH!
In reply to ShadoPrism (msg # 1000):

Well, found out she quit. That would explain why she didn't call or show last night. *sigh*
MythZarya
 member, 25 posts
Sun 24 Sep 2017
at 19:28
Met the neighbor...

I met one of my new neighbors last night. Correction. It was 1:30 AM, when he pounded repeatedly on my back door and rang the doorbell incessantly, until I woke up and answered the door. Apparently I parked my car in what he believed to be his spot, even though there aren't any assigned spaces here AND I was parked at my own back door. I have come to the conclusion that he is an angry, little troll with entitlement issues. ...They're everywhere.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1127 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Sun 24 Sep 2017
at 20:09
Met the neighbor...
In reply to MythZarya (msg # 1002):

Way to fix that one. Call police, disturbing the peace and / or harrassment. Either may show him he is no better than anyone else. (won't help his anger much though, people like that don't like it when others don't bow down to their limited intelligence.)
MythZarya
 member, 26 posts
Sun 24 Sep 2017
at 23:16
Met the neighbor...
In reply to ShadoPrism (msg # 1003):

I agree. I was diplomatic and polite this time, but I'll definitely be calling the police if he ever steps foot on my porch again. He can cool off in police custody.
V_V
 member, 627 posts
Wed 4 Oct 2017
at 11:43
Things everyone else learns as a child

This message was deleted by the user at 12:32, Wed 04 Oct.

Tyr Hawk
 member, 329 posts
 You know that one guy?
 Yeah, that's me.
Thu 5 Oct 2017
at 18:40
Tout le Monde...
So... just...

I spent the last hour trying to convince someone that racism is bad, and that they shouldn't be a racist. Would you like to know how that conversation went? Well, I'm not gonna go into details because it's against forum policies (unless I missed something), but it went badly.

Suffice it to say, I am seething, and it has been made worse by members of the chat where it happened.

fruiting people...
Brianna
 member, 2136 posts
Fri 6 Oct 2017
at 22:25
Tout le Monde...
In reply to Tyr Hawk (msg # 1006):

You can never persuade someone it's bad to be racist, it's a part of them.  You might teach them it's not wise/safe to exhibit certain vocabulary/overt attitude trends, but just because they no longer say so, doesn't mean they have changed.  This is part of the problem with police in certain areas, I expect; no number of seminars or whatever is going to correct the issue, when push comes to shove the cop is still a racist, and may not even realize certain judgements and behaviours are caused by that.  The person may work to change themselves, though most won't truly understand why they should, but it can't be imposed from the outside.  Sexism is the same, the only ones who change are those who change themselves, or perhaps who didn't really hold that belief, just learned the attitude and language when young, and are smart enough to realize the stupidity of it and, again, work to educate themselves.
Shannara
 moderator, 3755 posts
 Keep calm, drink more
 COFFEE!!!!
Sat 7 Oct 2017
at 03:30
Tout le Monde...
Please remember that politics, even under the guise of rants, is not a suitable topic for this board.

Thank you.
OceanLake
 member, 1014 posts
Sat 7 Oct 2017
at 17:10
Tout le Monde...
It's unlikely that The1Ryu would have won an award for Most Cooperative Party Member.
bigbadron
 moderator, 15447 posts
 He's big, he's bad,
 but mostly he's Ron.
Sat 7 Oct 2017
at 18:05
Tout le Monde...
In reply to OceanLake (msg # 1009):

Noticed that, did you?  ;)
Merevel
 member, 1219 posts
 The Unlucky Gamer
Sun 8 Oct 2017
at 14:06
Tout le Monde...
In reply to Tyr Hawk (msg # 1006):

On a related note, trying to convince people who complain about performance standards, yet take twice as long breaks and often stand around talking to people gets very similar results.


And gets you, not them, a trip to the managers office. Wooot. Logic!