horus
 member, 582 posts
 Wayfarer of the
 Western Wastes
Sat 27 Oct 2018
at 05:25
Re: VENT - Now Entering Crazy-Space
Lord Caladin:
My issue - these doctors that say your covered and send a bill after the service. Like they didn't know what was covered.


Many times doctors don't know.  They're not the right people to be asking about that stuff.  Most doctors have someone in their office, an office manager or claims processing assistant or some such, who knows the ins and outs.  It might be better to consult them on any insurance-related issues, or to discuss matters with your insurance company's support team.

This is as it should be:  doctors should be focused primarily on implementing the right path of care to meet your needs, not the day-to-day paperwork that gets it paid for.

The crucial difference comes in finding a doctor who doesn't feel he or she needs to be omniscient to hold your trust and confidence.  My present physician is such a man.  He has stopped a consult to ask his office manager, "Hey, we have an insurance question, could you come here a minute?"  Her knowing the ins and outs of this stuff saves him from having to store all that along with all the stuff about medicine he has to carry around.
CrazyIvan777
 member, 253 posts
Sat 27 Oct 2018
at 16:54
Re: VENT - Now Entering Crazy-Space
horus:
The crucial difference comes in finding a doctor who doesn't feel he or she needs to be omniscient to hold your trust and confidence.  My present physician is such a man.  He has stopped a consult to ask his office manager, "Hey, we have an insurance question, could you come here a minute?"  Her knowing the ins and outs of this stuff saves him from having to store all that along with all the stuff about medicine he has to carry around.


That's amazing. Absolutely amazing. So many medical professionals I've dealt with aren't... I don't know if it's that they're not aware enough, or not confident enough, to admit they -don't- know something. To find someone who can reach out for other experts? Great stuff.
(Worked for a while in a medical library. It was strange to see how skittish doctors were about actually reaching out for more resources on something they were working on. As if their colleagues finding out would lead to some social or professional problems.)
Kessa
 member, 574 posts
 Dark Army:
 Out to Lunch
Mon 29 Oct 2018
at 05:14
Re: VENT - Now Entering Crazy-Space
horus:
Was this a rant, a response, or a little of both?  I've read some crazy stuff in my day, and written my share of it, too (I'm a doggerel poet, and when I'm in my cups anything is likely to leak out my pen.)

Care to tell us more about what particular brand of crazy has you going askew?

A vent of it's own to be sure. It's an awkward thing. A friend wrote a story, supposedly fictional, but it's not quite, since I know them well enough to place the events mentioned and the people. Some of the content is a bit questionable, both for what it is about and for the underlying question of whether it's the actual fictional part, or the real part. If it's fictional, it's in bad taste. If it's non-fictional-- well, there are other very real world implications to that and I'm not sure which I'd rather it be. I am certain, I don't want to be around when those related to these events discover them either way. And I'm quite sure I don't want to be the direct messenger to them. But yet, I seem to be the only one to note these blatant parallels, so I question how this can be. Surely, I am not the only one who's paying attention? Or, am I just seeing something that isn't there? Difficult questions to answer without knowing more... and I'm not sure I want to.
horus
 member, 583 posts
 Wayfarer of the
 Western Wastes
Mon 29 Oct 2018
at 07:35
Re: VENT - Now Entering Crazy-Space
In reply to Kessa (msg # 1292):

Me?  Unless I was directly involved in the story I'd dust off my sandals and go my way.  Sounds like too much sturm und drang at my age.

I know your situation is likely different than mine, though, so that advice (as such) probably isn't much help.

If you are directly involved in the story, you gotta figure out what the various relationships involved with you are worth, and act based on that.  Note that not acting may still be the best default course of action.

If any of this is legally actionable where you live, (and I don't need or want to know), you need the advice of competent legal counsel, of course.
Isida KepTukari
 member, 236 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Tue 30 Oct 2018
at 04:00
Re: VENT - Can't have it both ways
Look, you can't claim you like the holidays and then abdicate all responsibility for decorating and event planning onto me, nor suddenly claim you're "too tired" for our shared events because I made you do 30 minutes of work to get things ready.  It doesn't work like that.  I am not wanting to do all the planning, purchasing, crafting, organizing, and decorating so you can just enjoy the "fun part", then leave me to break down and return everything to storage to boot.
Kessa
 member, 575 posts
 Dark Army:
 Out to Lunch
Tue 30 Oct 2018
at 04:35
Re: VENT - Now Entering Crazy-Space
horus:
In reply to Kessa (msg # 1292):

Me?  Unless I was directly involved in the story I'd dust off my sandals and go my way.  Sounds like too much sturm und drang at my age.
[snip]
Note that not acting may still be the best default course of action.

This is all pretty much the conclusion I've come to as well. I have no obligation to attend this issue on my own behalf, but I have elected to pass word on to an intermediary so they can form their own judgments and come to their own conclusions, having vastly more knowledge and investment in the situation than I. That in itself may not be the best course of action, but quite frankly, it's no fun to be ignorant of a situation that's going to come back to bite you either way. Fingers crossed it works out better than I foresee. Relationship wise, there are things I would not do and then there are other things I would not tolerate others doing and I do believe this situation falls into both categories. As you say, I am too old for this... and they ought to be as well.
OceanLake
 member, 1052 posts
Tue 30 Oct 2018
at 05:35
Re: VENT - Now Entering Crazy-Space
Iselda, the person you describe has not yet reached, in this respect, the preschooler age.
horus
 member, 584 posts
 Wayfarer of the
 Western Wastes
Tue 30 Oct 2018
at 07:28
Re: VENT - Now Entering Crazy-Space
In reply to Kessa (msg # 1295):

Third reply to Kessa, so I'll be brief.

Just remember, now that you have set something in motion respecting this situation, that the road to Perdition is paved with good intentions.  Be careful out there.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1246 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Fri 23 Nov 2018
at 00:48
Re: VENT - Bad Holidays
Not feeling very thankful this holiday - just learned today that my stepdads dog has cancer of the limnoids. It does not look good for the pup. He is barely 8 years old, this is not a good way for him to go.
pitademon
 member, 842 posts
 hi all
Sun 25 Nov 2018
at 07:50
Co-Worker must be beaten with wet noodles!
Okay have nice holiday Thursday.  Draw back I have to work lack Friday.  Me- not really a big deal since I don't like shopping like that anyhow.  At work doing my job.  One of my co-workers gets to come in as well.  Hates it and spends day whining.  negative check 1.  We have modified assignments but gotta get them all done in time we work.  To me this is not a problem I believe...later I find it is.  Some things we have to prep up in advance.  More we can do the better off we'll be as now people coming in want to take care of their insurance. I explain this to my co-worker who again whines and says 'I can do that monday'.  I reply 'No we need to do it today so we can do the other things Monday and not be so crazy and we can actually go to lunch and not stress'.  I explain this 3 blood orange times!  negative mark 2.  Got so bad had our supervisor explain it to her.  Supervisor goes home early.  which is okay because besides the one comment spends day in his crystal office watching football highlight reruns on his cellphone.  By this time coworker has dawdled about whining.  gone on lunch and 4 bathroom breaks in 5 hours.  its a secret so everyone knows she sneaks off and makes phone calls and text messages.  so I am doing most of the work.  however as soon as supervisor leaves...she disappears for nearly 30 minutes.  okay strike 3.  when she finally resurfaces I remind her we only have so much time and all of this stuff must be done.  I look over 5 minutes later she is doing something totally unrelated to what we have to do.  I remind her again.  neg mark 4.  I'm calling it good.  15 minutes before shift is up I go to the bathroom, go to the locker room check out and go home right on time.  quite a few things not done.  I go home she is still there.  our time clocks record thins.  Mine is going to show I went home on time.  hers won't and that work was not done.  I called my supervisors boss and texted what happened.  I can do a lot of work but I am not gonna over work because some co-worker does not want to work.  And here is the kicker...If she had not whined and actually done the work promptly, we both could have been out in 4 hours and she could have done her Black Friday shopping and everyone would have been happy.  Come Monday...she can do EVERYTHING we didn't get done and her normal work.  I'm not going to help her.
acera
 member, 149 posts
Sun 2 Dec 2018
at 09:48
Co-Worker must be beaten with wet noodles!
My sister and I were caught up in the mass panic on the Strip after the Mandalay Bay incident. Fortunately it turned out we were never in any danger, but she is understandably dealing with some post traumatic mental health issues (compounded by general life stress).

To put it bluntly, it's like she's become obsessed with me. I recognize that this is more than likely an anxiety thing and wanting to make sure I'm safe, but it's weird and sometimes exhausting.

She is always calling me up to get me to come over. No other family members, just me. When I'm there she'll beg me to stay over, regardless of what I explain I have going on in the morning, trying to convince me by saying it's okay, she'll wake me up before she leaves. She's told me I can move in with her if I want in a very joking manner, but I think she's hoping I'll take her up on it one of these days.

She's on medication (last I checked), but it feels like she's not doing the things she needs to get better. When she calls, she has almost always been drinking. She won't go to a therapist through work, because the last one they sent her to she didn't like- and she didn't ask if there were any other options available. Her doctor obviously knows what's going on, but my sister hasn't mentioned the post-traumatic aspect because she didn't think of it until my mom actually brought it up; either way, I don't know if she spoke with the doctor about therapy. Honestly, I suspect she cancelled her last doctor's appointment because I wasn't available to go with her.

To be clear, I've dealt with some serious mental health issues of my own and have some continuing education credits in mental health issues. I know it's the mental illness, not her, but it's hard feeling like the only support she has (or is using) and like I'm letting her down when really I just need to take care of myself on a particular day.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1247 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Sun 2 Dec 2018
at 12:15
Sympathy and Theripy, Both in need of supply.
In reply to acera (msg # 1300):

Ouch, I totally feel what your saying. It's exhausting being someone elses 'go to' to feel safe. She needs theripy of some kind. But getting it for her will probably be like pulling hen's teeth. YOU may need some theripy just because your dealing with her needy self.
acera
 member, 150 posts
Sun 2 Dec 2018
at 13:14
Sympathy and Theripy, Both in need of supply.
In reply to ShadoPrism (msg # 1301):

I recently started a new role at work so Iím now on salary with benefits that actually include access to life coaching and/or therapy, etc. and am definitely looking into it once my benefits package comes in. Iím glad someone else can relate to my situation.
tibiotarsus
 member, 21 posts
 Hopepunk with a shovel
Sun 2 Dec 2018
at 22:21
Sympathy and Therapy, Both in need of supply.
It might be worth sitting the sister down next time she insists on you staying over and gently going over the fact that with your experience and limited training, it looks like her mental wounds are infected rather than healing, and that - frame it as a you thing - you're afraid that if you try to do a therapist's job (as badly as an ameteur doing physical surgery) you might harm her, and if you don't get the time to yourself you need for your issues, you won't be able to give her any support at her worst, and those things are scary for you because you love her.

I got into a similar situation as a teenager, with no support network whatsoever...it ended very badly because a) the other party came to see me as a 'saviour' and then hated teen-me for not being able to make severe addiction/mental health issues vanish and b) I was effectively enabling the behaviour/prolonging the damaging period of the issues via my sincere but clueless attempts to help. It was only the shock of me cutting all contact for the sake of my own survival that jolted that person into enough self-awareness to begin recovery.

So...I think you should try to be honest, reassure her that she is loved and valued, but be firm about boundaries (knowing exactly how much to take/where to stop often makes people feel safer, too) and looking after yourself. Is my two pence.
OceanLake
 member, 1053 posts
Tue 4 Dec 2018
at 06:58
Sympathy and Therapy, Both in need of supply.
Maybe make a deal:

You'll spend X amount of time with her if, and only if, she regularly sees a therapist...with no skips (save physical illness).
Flarelord
 member, 407 posts
Mon 10 Dec 2018
at 19:57
Sympathy and Therapy, Both in need of supply.
Wow, am I ticked off right now.

So, GMs who pitch the notion that they are open to third party content as long as you can show them the material in question and have it checked out; generally, you should be expecting players to ASK you if one thing or another is OK, and you should probably be willing to reply to those players to tell them whether or not what they want to use is OK or not with you.

You should probably answer prospective players in time for them to actually compose something before you close your game off. I specifically said that if the material I was asking about wasn't okay, i was fine with that and could do something else, but... I kind of needed to know, one way or the other...

Meh. It's not worth it.
CrazyIvan777
 member, 258 posts
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 03:03
Staggering along
Over the past eight months, five of my close friends have moved out of state to live elsewhere. One of my friends has been revealed to have Alzheimers and stage four cancer, and has about 5-6 months to live. Her husband will be destitute due to medical bills, and before knowing about the illness of his spouse, he opened his own business.

That's all background. That's all explanation why my life-stress has grown further and further, and my normally-bad feeling of being alone has ramped up like crazy.

A person whom I've long-considered one of my best friends, or, at the very least, someone I could talk to regularly, and talk about just about anything... Has kicked me out of their life. About three months ago they started talking to me less and less frequently, citing sickness, fatigue, or simply a want to delve into a video game. Seven weeks ago, they cut off our weekly game night 'for the foreseeable future', citing fatigue and finance reasons (which I'm not sure of). Then... They just stopped talking to me. In the last seven weeks, they've sent me two, maybe three texts. All just one or two lines, saying they hope I have a good thanksgiving or the like. Any attempt to talk to them afterwards? Nothing. There was one moment in which they told me I needed to respect their boundaries, and give them space, and since then... I think I've sent 2-3 texts, just general 'Hey, I hope you're doing okay.' One was in reply to the thanksgiving message.

No replies.

We talked every night for years. Years. And now... No reasoning. No nothing. I'm just... Ghosted.

A reason would be nice, but I ... I just want my friend back. Or some words. Something.

I'm so damn alone.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1249 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 03:20
Staggering along
In reply to CrazyIvan777 (msg # 1306):

Could be they are in a deep state of depression. I went through something similar with a long time friend and they just ghosted out of Everyone's life. Turned out to be depression to the point that they withdrew from life in general.
Took a few years, and lots of councelling on their part, for us to reconnect, but it's not the same. Some of the spark we had is just gone. Sad though that is.
CrazyIvan777
 member, 259 posts
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 03:23
Staggering along
Yeah. A mutual friend has said that she's gone into this a couple of times before, and at one point it lasted for six months. It... Hurts. To think that either I did something wrong and got cut out, or she's not doing well and I can't do anything to help her. :/
Isida KepTukari
 member, 238 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 04:06
Staggering along
I'm pretty sure I'm sliding into a depressive funk.  I normally enjoy Christmas, but of course that always brings a lot of extra work.  I took over doing Christmas cookies several years ago, and normally I crank them out over two days and a night, but I'm barely a third of the way through my list and I want to give up.  I haven't done Christmas cards yet and I dread doing them (thank God my husband does his side of the family unprompted).  I have several writing obligations I am behind on, and have upcoming games I need to prep for.

I know part of this stems from my last good friends moving to the other side of the country this summer - I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this stuff, or anyone left locally I could consistently call on for help.  I just had four days off in a row, and I still felt like I barely got anything accomplished.

Something is going to have to give, and soon.  Social media will likely be the second thing on the chopping block, and the first thing, as always, will be sleep.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1250 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 07:09
Staggering along
Depression is a nasty little disease. The only way to really deal with it, past medication, is to force yourself in to a happy place and push through it. Not that this always works as the condition comes with the proplem of draining all your desires. I been struggling with it all my life, with the added problem that I can't take the medications because I get all the worst side effects from them. (on the physical end, not the mental end thankfully).
But we are here if you need to vent and give a provible shoulder to lean / cry on.
Isida KepTukari
 member, 239 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 07:22
Staggering along
I've been on medication before, and therapy, and both were (thankfully) effective. Right now I've just got a bad stew of loss of support plus additional stress and it would be nice if everything else could just stop for a week or two while I catch up.  It won't, but it'd be nice.

Thanks for the shoulder, ShadowPrism!
Brianna
 member, 2164 posts
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 22:16
Staggering along
In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1311):

Sounds as though you're spreading yourself a bit thin, especially for this time of year.  Can you postpone or drop any of the responsibilities?  Keep in mind that you don't have to have full blown Light Deprivation Syndrome to be affected by the days getting shorter.
Isida KepTukari
 member, 240 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Tue 11 Dec 2018
at 22:46
Staggering along
I really hope I don't have Light Deprivation Syndrome; I've been on a night shift for the better part of 12 years!  I was able to get my dad on board to take over some holiday baking, and my husband is picking up more chores , so that is helping somewhat.  I should be able to, shall we say, steal time from work to do some game prep, and at I am off the hook for cooking dinner for the next week.  Little things, baby steps...
Brianna
 member, 2165 posts
Wed 12 Dec 2018
at 21:23
Staggering along
In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1313):

Well, it sounds as though you are light deprived!  Try some supplemental Vitamin E, and if you can, get some light bulbs intended to help plants grow in winter; the light best for plants is also good for us.  Neither will do you any harm, and maybe they will help.  I think a lot of people suffer from light deprivation, luckily most of us only to a minor degree.  But certainly a lot feel depressed, overwhelmed etc at this time of year, for varying reasons.