A limerick is a five line poem.  The first, second, and fifth lines rhyme and so do the third and fourth.  The first, third, and fifth have the same verbal rhythm (meter) and length, and so do the second and fourth.

Examples:
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical
-- Vyvyan Holland

Would a limerick thread be kinda tough?
It could work if we helped out enough.
We just need to strive through,
And do all we can do,
And maybe this thread won't be rough.
-- Dr. Monkey

The more-or-less complete rules of limericks can be found here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)

There once was a man named Fred
Who never would get into bed
He would not sleep
He's in too deep
And soon we found he was dead

There once was a thread with a ship
The captain we forgot to tip
The ship sunk away
But we will still play
With new places to take a trip

This great loss I will forever mourn
A burden I never thought would be born
It makes me sad
Which makes me mad
And my hair will now be very torn

Cody will never win this war
Although he has done so before
This time I will take it
There's no reason to fake it
And he'll have to go play some more!

My phone line is blocked up till four,
Why did not I get cable before?
So here I am time wasting,
While the turkey waits for a basting
And no one can call me till four

It looks like we've got competition
One without any rendition
Of this game played before
I hope he doesn't snore
But I think our battle has come to completion.

I will retake the throne now
With a kick, a bang, and a pow
I will have victory
Yes, me, me, me
Even if I'm not sure exactly how

Some fighting we needed to see
Gives Kagura and Cody much glee
Seems K won the fight
At least on this night
Perhaps the next time maybe me

I have retaken the throne
It is now my very own
Yes it is mine
Please don't wine
Or you'll have to get off the phone

King Cody the Brave and the Shiny
Doesn't like it when people get whiney
The crown now is his
That's just how it is
Though his reign will so likely be tiny
This message was last edited by the player at 05:53, Tue 18 Apr 2006.

To post more than doulos was what I was going to try
But I have already posted more than one thousand, why?
To exceed my first goal by much
And number two spot maybe touch
Then I will bring out my portable portal and eat pie.

There once was a poster named Cody
Who was a far betters poster than Brody
He posted a lot
For the #2 spot
Yes, that was the poster named Cody

To get number two on the list
Lots of typing is bad for the wrist
If he gets so much done
Why not try number one
Though that spot will surely be missed

A quick bid for queen I am making
So the throne from someone I'll be taking
If I can make it quick
I won't get to sick
And from a lack of sleep won't be shaking!

Oh, to where has FourLegged gone
I will lement him with this song
He has gone now away
and has nothing to say
Does that mean I did something wrong?

Cody too is now gone from the scene
No evidence though can we glean
of where he has gone
he's not out on the lawn
His not playing here now is quite mean

ASWOT is such a great place
But the posters keep such a high pace
They post into the night
As if for a fight
Then they vanish again without trace

With all of this stiff competition
It's like people are all on a mission
They must win any way
Could there be some foul play?
Missing bodies not just superstition

There once were some bodies a missin'
But just from the froggies a kissin'
Does this make any sense?
Like someting immense?
Just like Joe's all out back and he's pissin'

I posted alot tonight
The children run in fright
It was fun
I am done
So I must bid you all good night

The bodies gone missing are found
At least they have been seen around
Nobody was killed
For posts to be filled
Explosions though do still abound

I'm not very good at this
Oh, hey look it's Chris
Now everyones here
So let's have a Beer
Now I have to take a piss

It really is true what you say
A terrible limerick this day
It really is sad
to see one so bad
But do one again anyway

You're trying to throw me off
By slipping this in, but I scoff
Your attempt is too weak
I know how to speak
But to you my cap I will doff.

I just like to write silly things
Like going round and round rings
Don't know why you can
Think that I have a plan
And no one around this place sings

My computer is freezing up now
But out of this competition I will now bow
I'll push on through
To beat you two
And I'll deal with the lagging somehow...

Unfortunate lagging can be
It usually happens to me
The harder I try
I can't get posts by
It can make me really angry

I think that though it's getting late
I'll stay up though I wake at eight
Sometimes there's a reason
If it's the right season
And I'll deal later with my fate!

Sometimes I stay up all night
The next day I'm just not quite right
I'll leave you alone
So go take the throne
I'm going to turn out my light

Sleep well my worthy rival
This will be well worth my survival
I'll post into the night
And all will be right
And the newbies will see my revival!

In my home
Do I drone?
I'm really cool
I rarely drool
I'm all alone

Someone, I think, needs to learn
The form of Limerick which he spurned
Try rememb'ring a class
Where they taught you with sass
And post a LIMERICK for which we yearn!

Some people don't quite get the way
A limerick's words are to say
They should learn how
And do it now
Before we throw them in the bay

Why has everyone gone away?
I had really wanted to play
No one is now here
So I'll have a beer
And then I'll be drunk anyway

Now that our enemies are gone
Our invasion can finally come on
I hoped no one noticed
By the time that I post this
But there are seven different people named Tron! >_>

I think seven is too many you see
But that doesn't change that seven there be
They will outnumber us
So let's run and cuss
And then to a haven we shall flee.

Is there any place we can hide
Whether out of doors or inside
We must run away
where we can still play
Without games I just can't abide

A Serious Waste of Time shall be my haven
I will be guarded by my flying pet raven
He is strong
say so long
It is only I he will be savin'

I don't think that I like your big bird
Even though all of us here he heard
He will keep you safe
You little lost waif
Though to save us all would be preferred

If you want you can all get your own bird
But I have two, should I get a third
Maybe a crow
sorry buy no
I think two birds are enough for one nerd

A large bird might try to eat me
How that's good advice I don't see
I won't run away
Right here I will stay
Because I am too brave to flee

Snakesszz You're not using your head
You'd be wise to flee fast, instead
It's foolish to stay
when a bird deems you prey
what good is 'Brave' when you're dead?

I meant I won't flee from a tron
Even if Cody's bird saves just one
I'll just save myself
Hiding under a shelf
Just please let me know when they're gone

I'm tired and should be in bed
You can see that I post here instead
Why must I do this
It's making me hiss
But I need to post more in some thread

I really love cheese
But I hate the bees
The buzz near me
I go crazy
I do enjoy the pees

This is a post
About a ghost
It doesn't rhyme
All the time
I want the most

Cerulean Tron Guy should try
to find out just what's wrong and why
what he writes here
Aren't Limericks I fear
There's a rhythm he needs to get by

Valiant effort from CTG
who needed two more posts to be
the best poster ever
but never say never
Soon reward for efforts he'll see

I still have my number one spot
And I really love it alot
I still feel bad
CTG was sad
But give the spot I will not

I know I'll not get to the top
For posting I'd have to not stop
I can't do that much
I haven't the touch
The stuff that I'd post would be slop

That is fine as long as you have fun
Just don't make a bad FourLegged pun
They are bad
Make me mad
My insanity has just begun

I wouldn't want to make you more crazy
By posting with thoughts that are hazy
To make all my posts good
Though perhaps that I should
But I can't because I am too lazy

Don't worry because I post the same way
Each of my posts has a one wot pay
I will earn my wot
or maybe not
Let's see what the MM has to say.
This message was last updated by the player at 07:15, Sun 30 Apr 2006.

Your post was great I must say
Even, one of the best all day
You earn your wot
For which you fought
But taxes still you must pay
This message was last updated by the player at 07:15, Sun 30 Apr 2006.

What happened to "Land of the Free"
Old America, where can you be?
If our fore-father's dreams
had included bank schemes
We might be called "Land of the fee"

But if your taxes were not paid to me
Then wots you would never receive you see
Once I get paid
The get updated
And everyone can dance happily with glee

In ASWoT we get paid to post
Of this fact we always can boast
No other game pays
Not one wot for days
Even taxed we do still make the most

There once was a soda  named Dew
Who's can had a distinctive green hue
A gift from above
It's the soda I love
For breakfast I'll have one or two.

Caffeine is the start to the day
For most people that is the way
coffee it is for some
for others dew is yum
From this need we just can't get away

I'm going to be gone for two days
You'll sure miss my usual haze
But please do not fret
I will be back yet
And in even a foggier daze

While not quite as yummy as Dew
Dr. Pepper's a strong number two
Golden Brown, not green
With a beautiful sheen
Think I'll go buy a liter or two

There once was a girl named Nessa
Who swallowed a big air compressa
Began to inflate
Cause of something she ate
And that was the end of poor Nessa

That girl should have eaten on here
Our restaurant's food it's quite clear
is much better than that
and it won't make you fat
Though it just might explode I do fear

Since Dragon does so like to rhyme
I thought he'd be here all the time
He's not been here yet
When he will I won't bet
But to miss it would just be a crime

To rhyme is quite enjoyable
but poets aren't employable
though I like a game
it's sure not the same
when some are so annoyable

Some posters annoy us a lot
We'd like to stew them in a pot
cook them up all nice
then sell for a price
that has to be more than one wot

When playing games with dragons
remember they're not wagons
they're big and they fly
drop things from the sky
and drink Coke by the flagons

Dragons sometimes get carried 'way
and us smaller creatures must pay
get burnt to a crisp
or flattened and bit (close enough)
leads me to insult away.

I did end up being quite flat
Falling bumper car made me go splat
It caused me much pain
I shall not complain
I'll just now go snack on a rat

candy makes her feel better
after newbies attack her
Muggle saved the day
said, "help's on its way"
then wrote dragon a letter

Once Muggle wrote Dragon a letter
For him there was nothing that's better
What did he say
In the letter that day?
Let's get him to tell.  Where's my fetter?

I'm looking for new rides today
To make me get dizzy and sway
forth and back
I've a knack
For not falling down anyway.

There once was a builder of metrics
Whose life his bosses made hectic
He created ten charts
All great works of art
Then his bosses said "Build me more metrics!"

My computer has many a game,
I have no books that one could call lame,
But for wasting my time,
And contructing a rhyme,
Nothing beats RPoL, or so I claim.

ASWoT is the best place to be
For rhymes, haikus or karaoke
So please entertain
By losing your brain
Or we'll test you in laboratory

This has been most fun,
Unfortunately now I must run.
For if I were to stay,
'though I wish I may,
My work would choose me to shun!

Goodbye and I hope to see you soon
Remind me to give you a balloon
For it is a gift
Will give you a lift
And then you can pop it with a spoon.

'Tis a favorite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.

The value of pie though can vary
To be apple, blueberry, or cherry
It too could be pumpkin
And baked in a pie tin
But the whole thing got eaten by Larry

Almost every post here,
Has my name on it, dear,
For, you see,
there's nobody but me,
They've all gone away, I fear.

Edit: ASWoT, not this thread
This message was last edited by the player at 09:38, Sun 04 June 2006.

Bart is a time wasting fool
without trying he's awfully cool
his name is on top
his posts never stop
with envy, I'm starting to drool

You should not have to feel jealous
Such posting simply does tell us
He's nothing to do
With no one here too
Until someone else makes a ruckus

It's a lot more fun to compete,
To fight for posts, to feel 1337,
But if nobody's around,
Good hiding spots abound,
I guess it's something to do while I eat.

It's lonely when no one is here
And then creepy sounds I do hear
It was just a post
You came for the roast
So I really had nothing to fear

Shakespeare loved iambic pentameter,
Personally, I find it rather a fetter,
Perhaps if I was more,
'cause with words I'm poor,
Perhaps studying English would be better.

Great limerick there.  Perfect meter and rhyme.  I think I'll nominate it.

Google suggests that it's from The Lure of the Limerick by W.S. Baring-Gould, p.5. Attributed to Harvey L. Carter.

Not that I wish to discount,
Any man's drive to surmount,
A challenge fair,
Yet I still care,
Plagarist Monkey, account!

There once was a poet named Monkey
Whose poem was thought to be free
But it was not
Monkey was caught
And so no Best Post for Doc Monkey

(It was still a good post, BTW.  I liked it.)
This message was last edited by the GM at 05:33, Mon 05 June 2006.

Are original posts really so rare
That to find a best post takes great care
People write much great stuff
That it should be enough
I should nominate more posts I swear

I would like to thank Yoss for his post.
Yes, it's true, and I don't want to boast,
But in this thread, you see,
The first post's not by me
But whoever it was will be toast.

(look at the first post of this Limerick thread)

Doctor Monkey in Suggestions did post
Of a game full of limericks to host
Thus it is his name
That appears on the game
So please don't be mad at poor Yoss

I think it gives credit you see
To those whose suggestions these be
The games that we play
On many a day
Because you gave them up for free
This message was last edited by the player at 00:15, Tue 06 June 2006.

-..-..-
-..-..-
..-..-
..-..-
-..-..-
What an enjoyable game,
All of us rhyming acclaim,
But occasionally,
Some rhymes just shouldn't be,
This one is certainly lame.

Limericks usually aren't my thing
But right now I'm having a fling
Just a little test
To see what works best
Though I think that I'd rather go sing.

..-..-..-
..-..-..-
.-..-
.-..-
..-..-..-
I apologize, Snakesssz, my fou pah,
Prob'ly I am considered bourgeois,
I called you a he,
I should have said she
Once again, I say "oops" till I'm raw

The way you're posting you must think
That you can become the king
Well I'm here to tell you
Your king days are through
And I'll definitely state that in ink!

There once was aposter name Presto
one day he had no where to go
he sat at his chair
and with a blank stare
he posted til his fingers said "NO"

So it's the two of us now is it not?
This battle will surely be hot
I will be upset
If my attacks are met
With the replies of an internet bot.

.-.-.-.-
.-.-.-,-
..-..-
..-..-
.-.-.-.-
Goodnight, farewell, auf viedersain (sp?)
I bid you all adieu... the strain...
Off to bed I must go,
I must sleep like... you know,
To sleep I go, from rhyme abstain.

Just go to sleep already boy
You shouldn't treat it as though it were a toy
Sleep is required
Or else you'll get fired
And then you won't be jumping for joy.

It's quite overrated to sleep
Without though I've gotten in deep
No work can I do
While nodding off too
I just hope my job I do keep

What's up with everyone today?
There've been few runs for the crown I must say.
Though it's easier for me
To keep it you see
It's more fun when I have to keep you away.

No poster can keep me at bay
If I choose the throne as my way
Lucky for you
I've things to do
So in my seat you can stay.

Today people just cannot see
That the throne rightfully belongs to me
They try and they try
And in anguish they cry
As I sit there like the Queen bee.

I refer to my previous bit
About my lack of commit
The throne is mine
But with no time
I cannot go and claim it

I stopped for an hour or three
And when I returned what did I see
My throne was taken
But I'm still unshaken
I've returned to make the usurper flee.

A king again I shall be
When only posting with me
A run of the board
All posts I will hoard
Then Call my jester to see

-.-.-.-
-.-.-.-
..-..-
..-..-
-..-..-
Konge Bart doth now decree,
All ASWoT'ians* shall be...
I could say, "Now bow down,"
Because I have the crown,
Then, though, you'd call me banshee.

*(I'm pronouncing it as four syllables, Asz/Woat/E/uns)

I'm taking the crown back again
And no one can stop me, ye ken?
I'll post and I'll post
Until I have the most
So when you've had enough just say 'when'.

'When' is what I'm saying right now,
So please, let me just post. But how?
I want that crown,
You can't take me down,
So when I get it I'll take a big bow.

Bart's form could use some change
The form he must arrange
To be correct
One must expect
To see, avoid, the strange

(Since you seem to be into analyzing the meter...
When writing a limerick, I think you choose a foot to use.  Once decided, you use that foot in the form 3, 3, 2, 2, 3, with equally footed lines rhyming.  So, in the one above, my foot is short-long.  So it goes: ".-.-.-, .-.-.-, .-.-, .-.-, .-.-.-".)

So much about taking the crown
I think if you must write it down
Just to waste your time
And think up a rhyme
Your face must be wearing a frown


(Actually, I believe it's also considered perfectly valid to use short-long short-short-long short-short-long, even though the first section has one less short.  Also for the 2 line, short-long short-short-long, is valid.  Myself, I prefer not to count meter at all and just go for close enough.  After all, it's still wasting time.)

A frown for the crown write it down?
But what if there's no one around?
That seems such a waste
And really poor taste
To frown or to drown for the crown.

(Maybe the number of shorts doesn't matter and it's just the longs that count?  Sorry, I'm a science kinda guy, not an English major.)

.-..-..-
.-..-..-
.-..-
.-..-
.-..-..-
The meter of rhyme is not dung.
For trippingly off of the tongue,
A poem sounds its best,
When lines are caressed,
Just like mama's breast when you're young.

To drown though is really extreme
I think that too desperate you seem
If you die for the throne
Then you'll lie there alone
A corpse for a king is no dream

-.-..-.
.-.--.-.
.-..-
--.-
..-..-...-.
What is this about drowning?
And why would my corpse be frowning?
I'm not even dead,
Just, off to bed,
As for meter, this poem is not accouting.

I guess I took too long to write
Response to a poem this night
So it made no sense
That's why I seem dense
But truly it's not worth a fight

Lim-er-icks that don't make sense?
Untrue it must be, so hence
On forward from now
it don't matter how
For this there shall be no d'fense

-..-..- x2
..-..-. x2
-..-..-
Salt water taffy tastes Great!
Certainly, you can relate,
For this yummy confection
provides this poem's direction,
So I am happy to state.

Let us now all think of cheese
Which many a tastebud will please
Cheese is so yummy
And good for the tummy
But when you eat please don't sneaze

I only have one more hour to go
Just a little bit of time, I know,
For then I count up,
The posts from this schlup,
Oh no, they've all been thrown out in the snow?!?

You tried for Most Posts in a Week
But I'm sorry, your count is too weak
You set out to take it
But didn't quite make it
Please do try again for next week

(A solid first week, though.  Very nice.)
This message was lightly edited by the GM at 21:50, Thu 08 June 2006.

.-.-.- x2
.-.- x2
.-.-.-
That Lounge thread set to [All]
My 'puter took a fall.
But come this week,
My posts will peak,
I'll try some things to scrawl.

Scrawl some things if you must
But typing is better, I trust
It's up to you
What will you do
I'm hoping that you won't go bust

My goodness, how ugly I are,
My features ain't hardly no star,
But me, I don't mind it,
'Cause i am behind it,
It's you folks up front get the jar!

[[Limerick that I learned while teaching Scout camp]]

Once again I am back
I must check my gun rack
cause I've heard there's a danger
and I feel like a stranger
that's why I am a crack

Danger, Danger, Will Robinson,
The danger has just begun,
There are so many strangers,
Whose presence endangers,
My post count will soon be undone.

[[Ok, that was a rather pooor one.  I think I'll call it a night.]] ;)

This world's getting crazy
but I am too lazy
that should be understood
consid'ring I am good
that I know it's crazy

The dirtiness from our hippopotamus
Is a thing that is quite circumbendibus.
But the worst ones I've seen
So seldom are green
And the green ones so often are octopus.


((WTF?! Well, I'm not a limerick poet anyways. ))

(I rather liked that one!)


Vacation I've just returned from
My brain it was starting to hum
From internet lack
I'm glad I'm now back
Though t'was fun just being a bum

.-..-..- x2
..-..- x2
.-..-..-
It's good to sit back and relax,
To lie down and eat all the snacks,
But the problem with that,
Is I start to get fat,
That's simply the cold hard/true facts.

Fat is a journey of chips
and sweets laid softly to lips
where comfort is found
in cream and ground round
it's carried for life on the hips

[[Giving a syllabic pattern lets people know how the limerick should be pronounced -- for instance, the word "felt"  -- is it accented or unaccented?]]
-.-.-.- x2
..-..- x2
-.-.-.-
Problem is, I love to breathe,
Hard to breathe when in a sheathe.
An enclosing cocoon,
I felt like a baboon,
It was prone to make me seethe.

[[ if it's well written and the reader isn't completely witless, I say they'll figure it out- but you're nice to be so helpful- when all else fails, I just spell phonetically ]]


Limericks are rhythm and rhyme
and make sense about half of the time
they can be kinda flirty
and some are quite dirty
and some are just silly, like mine.

Puff the Magic Dragon, lived by the sea.
What a magical place to live, for you and me.
If only I could fly, to a magic shore,
Or be a mighty dragon in the days of yore,
Rather than my current life, strewn with debris.

Bart's poem has made me depressed.
Is life's debris not for the best?
Should I clean my room?
Please lend me a broom.
That my poem's over, you've guessed.

Let me get a vacuum, a broom,
Dirt's doom, around we'll zoom,
The grunge will be sucked
Till the dirt does obstruct
Then we'll take a break, I assume.

Let's just take the break right away
As I'm feeling lazy today
I don't want to sweep
I would rather sleep
I will leave the mess if I may

There once was an <insert 2-syllable noun> from <insert 1-syllable place name>
Who <insert 2-syllable past participle> much faster than <insert 1-syllable rhyming noun>
<insert 3P 1-syllable pronoun> departed one day
In a <insert 3-syllable adjective> way
And returned on the <insert 3-syllable adjective> <insert 1-syllable rhyming noun>

There once was an egret from France
Who dribbled much faster than Vance
It departed one day
In a terrible way
And returned on the nastiest stance

There once was an aardvark from Spain
Who travelled much faster than rain
She departed one day
In an elegant way
And returned on the 9:01 train
This message was last edited by the player at 04:31, Tue 20 June 2006.

Your poem was better than mine
My lines were just big wastes of time
I typed really fast
And it was a blast
But it led to a terrible rhyme

Limmericks I find hard to write
My messages always seem trite
So try as I may
It ends in dismay
And I might as well go fly a kite!

Wasting time it is what we do here
For your poems you've no need to fear
They're funny to read
And that's all we need
That no talent is needed it's clear

Talent is for a schmuck.
Take the rules -- they suck.
I think I'll decree,
there's no higher degree...
...
...
Crap for a rhyme -- I'm stuck.
This message had punctuation tweaked by the player at 05:11, Wed 21 June 2006.

Don't you hate when you search for a word
But not one is the one you want heard
On your tongue tip it stays
Though you think hard for days
'Till the one you then choose is absurd

I was touched by your soft, caring words,
It was welcome advice that I heard,
So I'll try one more time,
To make meaningful rhyme,
And free poetry to fly with the birds.

At least you don't look like our Kent
whose knees are fantastically bent
he tried once to dance
but lost track of his pants
and never knew quite where they went

No one knows why his pants fell away
as he danced on that terrible day
he was not at all thrilled
when he found his butt chilled
He ran off to find warmth so they say

He stopped in the brambles to pee
but lost track of his flexible knee
it buckled and turned
twisted and burned
and sent him straight up a tree

So now he's trapped high in the air
The pain from his knee sent him there
I'm am sure now his pants
carried off by the ants
would just itch so he'll buy a new pair

Why up the tree did he fly?
It was merely a fire by his thigh.
Now he's stuck in a mire,
For he still was on fire,
The flames from the tree now draw nigh!

How judgemental can you be?
Did he mean to light the tree?
An accident true
Could happen to you
Just as easy as to me

I make no call on his judgement,
But I think his ascent we must lament.
Public opinion Poll:
Stop, Drop and Roll,
Or climb a tree to his torment?

[[That first line started with "Dearest Snakesssz," but I had to remove it as it was a bit too long.]]

That it was a fire he'd not knew
Too late did he find out and blew
on the fire and flame
to extinguish the shame
But fire when blown on it grew

The fire department comes,
His tragedy becomes
Evening news fodder,
A laughter solder,
Into the corner to suck his burned thumbs.

Have you just given up on the beat
That last line was not so very neat
As your poems before
Pants guy ran out the door
Blazing flames and so giving off heat

To quote two of my previous limericks, sometimes the limerick is beautiful.  Sometimes it's not. ;)

What an unfortunate man
Anything goes wrong that can
His burned thumbs are so sore
Pants still lost like before
We're right back where he began

I was walking along in Madrid
I came upon a school of small squid
they where there all around
with more squid to be found
but the queen of the squid was well hid

The thing I can't understand
is the sight of squid on the land
they oft take their tea
and hold school undersea
and avoid being supper for man

Water, water, everywhere, not a drop to drink.
I think the sea and I have fallen out of sync.
A glass of cold cool water,
A tasty bit of slaughter,
I do so love my meat, a tasty rosy pink.

Red is the color for meat
A steak that is rare can't be beat
All smothered in spice
It tastes mighty nice
Oh my mouth so much longs for the treat!

I once knew a fellah from Slough
Who fancied a good looking cow
but he treated her rough
and received his rebuff
in the form of a kick in the ye-ow!

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill can hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week,
I'm darned if I know how the helican.

 -Dixon Lanier Merrit

Dr.Monkey is back for a spell!
Good to see that you're doing so well
I missed that big grin
and the wit there within
Not to mention that fresh monkey smell.

In the pantry he's scaring us all
His behavior does truly appall
What monkeys won't do
To civilize you
At least someone put up a wall

At least there's no poo to be flung,
No ducking or dodging of dung,
Word's cannot express,
Dr.'s oblige noblesse,
How young Dr. Monkey is hung.

[[By hung, I mean hoisted by his own petard, of course.  Get your mind up out of the gutter.]] ;)

Why do people think weirdly of me?
I'm just a monkey, as you can see.
I don't mean any harm,
Just grab hold of my arm,
And please click your heels now: one, two, three.

(ambiguous refrence to "The Wizard of Oz")

There once was a kantiandream,
whose mind came apart at the seams,
he read Kant's Critique,
his mind sprang a leak,
and no one now knows what he means!

What in the world did that mean?
It's like my mind's been wiped clean
My thoughts have all gone
To sit on the lawn
They like the grass 'cause it's green.

An empty vessel is my mind,
unshuttered by venetian blinds,
without caffeine,
my mind is clean,
An open mind is much maligned.

_{.-.-.-.- x2
.-.- x2
.-.-.-.-}

Oh why has the door been left open
Someone might decide to throw soap in
Making no sense at all
I throw them at the wall
This limerick truly is gropin'

I once knew this guy from Peru
a stubborn old git, it's all true!
He refused to give way
to a lorry one day
and became a pile of road goo.





_{((Wot? That's just plain gross!:Editor))}

It's good to avoid being road kill
Being flattened can make one feel quite ill
Move fast on your feet
To get off the street
Unless you're leaving me cash in your will

Well said, once again, clever snake
your poems are never half-baked
you spin a good word
and don't wax (too) absured
and your humour- it just takes the cake!

Your flattery makes me blush red
Such very nice things you have said
In my wasted time
I make poems rhyme
I'm glad you enjoyed what you read

To exist or not exist, that is the question
The nature of reality in this dimension
what can we say?
We've lost our way
Philosophy gives us whole new comprehension.

I once ate a whole pizza pie
I can't tell you the whole reason why
I was hungry I guess
But here I digress
Now I'll eat a whole cherry pie

For a small critter Flea eats a lot
He has emptied three plates and a pot
It is what he does best
Please leave some for the rest
Else when hungry the food they find not

Macaroni and cheese
I'd like some more, please.
Everyone likes it,
To cheese we must submit,
I think it's even liked by fleas.

I am sure in the pantry he finds
macaroni and cheese of all kinds
he can have some each day
never quite the same way
Such variety just blows our minds

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

I met a guy from Kentucky,
who claimed that his life was real sucky,
he pulled down his pants,
when he made his mad rants,
and was neutered one day by his ducky!

The limerick, peculiar to English,
Is a verse form that's hard to extinguish.
Once Congress in session
Decreed its suppression
But people got around it by writing the last line without any rhyme or meter.

There once was a President called Bush,
well, twice, if correctness you push,
an empire he built,
from oil clad stilts,
and now the whole world wants to kick his dumb tush!

There once was a man from Great Britain
Who interrupted two girls at their knittin'.
Said he with a sigh,
"That park bench, well I
Just painted it right where you're sittin'."

The girls on the bench were nonplussed,
within seconds they were radically fussed,
with a flutter and sigh,
they poked Mad Hamish in the eye,
without ever disturbing their busts.

_{((It's okay to borrow from other authors- but good manners (and copyright laws) bid us give them the credit))}


What are words? Mostly play-
to give our ideas some say
in the matters of love
(which are gifts from above)
They mostly just get in the way.

OY!

This message was deleted by the player at 14:53, Mon 03 July 2006.

Reality perceived is unreal,
and Kantians preach this with zeal,
the world transcendental,
it stands fundamental,
balanced upon noumenal keel.

Clever young Brit with a brain
so few of your kind still remain
seems they all gave a kidney
to travel to sydney
to move up a notch on the food chain.

Two kidneys are better than one,
for the blood can absorb much more fun,
when blood is unclean,
it's hard to stay keen,
and you're more likely to die in the sun!

That last one about blood was so fine
I think about blood all the time
be it clean or diseased
it's the same to us fleas
that I don't get enough is a crime.

There is something I must say,
I don't dislike fleas per se,
but it is rather crass,
when they bite my bare ass,
on those days I roll naked in hay.

Rolling naked in hay is a risk
you could puncture or fracture a disc!
you risk more than a bite
from a flea or dust mite,
if the farmer fancies a tryst!

I like good food it is true
but the pantry has its crew
they come and they bite
take pleaseure in fight
and make me ask if it grew

I enjoy this posting conflict,
Down the posts, which ones have I clicked?
Going to the next page,
Takes away my post gauge,
Don't post randomly, rules are strict.
..-.-..- x2
..-..- x2
..-.-..-

I did have much fun taking a trip
Almost missing a plane though a slip
I did make it back fine
Left my brain though behind
And now posting I'm losing my grip

What to write about?
Should I scream and shout?
An odd limerick,
A slick little trick,
Writing ends the writer's drought.

I once knew this bloke from 'Ole Coven
Who fancied his luck was uncommon
Till one summer day
when a roll in the hay
Left his girl with bun in the oven

I once had a rhyme I forgot;
Then

Ah, this is a fine time to write
About the exploits of last night
I pushed and I grabbed
I pulled and I stabbed
And all in the end came out right

A murderer you are,
You think that you'll go far,
Too many drinks,
Not enough shrinks,
You need someone who's passed the bar. ;)

Perhaps he should have passed the bar
Instead stopping there in his car
Then fighting a drunk
The day really stunk
When all started laughing, har har

In the day it is seen
how amazingly keen
A Dragon can be
when determined is he
to be placed in between

Each day I go to school
Studying the rule
not man's law
(too bourgeois)
but bloody laws of nature cruel.
This message was last edited by the player at 17:35, Fri 21 July 2006.

They say the best years of your life,
are school days come trouble or strife,
yet if I had to go back,
other boys I'd attack,
for cruelty and hatred were rife.

If I went back to grammer year,
Lord of the Flies, I'd shake my spear,
I could never fit the meld,
my brother did and was expelled
My life now is less austere.

If I only I could be a frog
I could sit all day on a log
I'd eat big juicy flies
and have muscular thighs
Though I'd live in a smelly old bog

If I was a frog,
I would go to Prauge.
Princesses are found,
Places of history renowned,
Not in dirty smog.
This message was last edited by the player at 00:34, Mon 24 July 2006.

Everyone wanting to be a frog
Must be resulting from heavy smog
To be breathing the air
Without much of a care
Is an unlikely choice on a jog

What else would I be but me?
A spirit, a sprite, a bean sídhe?
A transformer robot?
But whatever I've thought,
It's me on the marquee I'll see.

This won't be a good limerick
I'm writing it overly quick
One king for too long
That's totally wrong
So I'm knocking him out with a brick.

That's probably going to hurt
And the crown will just revert
Time matters not
What was I saying -- I've forgot.
I think I'll go eat some desert.

Yesterday, a man came calling,
Softly speaking, "Help, I'm falling."
"That's absurd!
No, not another word..."
I held up my hand, forestalling...

[[To be continued...]

"I can see your feet quite plainly,
They're flat on the ground, mainly,
Your problem here
Is too much beer."
So, on the ground I had him put down, humanely.
This message had punctuation tweaked by the player at 02:17, Sun 06 Aug 2006.

He cried aloud, I did not care,
just gave him my cold cool stare.
If you get drunk, I'll do to you,
exactly what I put him through --
Cold, icy water, straight to the hair.

I helped him to his feet.
He staggered to a halt, concrete.
"Let's go back to the dorm,
Perhaps this time you'll reform."
His deceit.  Repeat.  Replete.  Retreat.

Only the lonely, know the way I feel tonight,
'cause there's no limerick posters in sight.
Maybe later on,
before dawn,
another poster will ease the limerick blight.

Sprayed, mounted, hung are their skulls
They formerly, once were called gulls
But then I took 'em
Bioengineered them
Crossed them with with bread and made bagels.

Bart has posted here many times
Writing seven of his good rymes
I'll break his streak
at my posting peek
but soon he'll be attacked by mimes.

I try to scream and naught comes out
An invisible box is all about
The mimes they come
My brain feels numb
No doubt I'd rout if I could but shout.

I've drawn them off you
There numbers were few
It was not hard
though now I'm scarred
I'm one of them too.

No, not a mime, it cannot be!
"Please, say a word," is my plea.
For mimes in the trade,
Do not get paid,
You need a degree to be bourgeoisie.
Or so decreed the bourgeoisie.
This message was last edited by the player at 05:04, Fri 25 Aug 2006.

I once, on Runescape, had a mime,
it was so silent and sublime.
I had to follow its moves,
and I ended up in the grooves,
Now I wish it would come back some time.
This message was last edited by the player at 05:10, Fri 25 Aug 2006.

I've gotten him off you, don't fear
He will never again draw near
He is gone
I sing my song
While many eyes, to me, do leer.

there once was a wonderful car
she often would go very far
but at golf she did stink
when she shot she would blink
her score was never on par

there once was an evil goddess
with nice hair and a rather fine bodice
With her love of slaughter
She could never be hotter
And best of all she was humble and modest

Artpad will start with the color red,
And yes, it will soon be such a great thread.
Write and draw,
Cut and saw,
And soon, all of the weak shall become dead.

I once ate a full bucket of chicken
But my poor old heart stopped a ticken
They cut into my heart
And with shock it did start
After all this my fingers I started a licken

Wonderful rambling on
Topic to topic 'till dawn
But time shall come
To sleep succumb
Here now I've started to yawn
-..-..-
-..-..-
.-.-
.-.-
-..-..-

I once flew into the sun
I thought that it would be fun
I burned my skin bad
It made me so sad
You should see my toasted bun

Far up to the sun Flea flew
She was baking before she knew
Up there it's quite hot
Like inside of a pot
Her baked bun we could use for stew

A limerick, i once tried to make
and post it up here post haste
i thought and i thought
but it all was for naught
at limericks, I'll never be great

I can not make things rhyme
I just don't have the time
I try and I try
They just go awry
Finally, poems are sublime

There once was a house with a rat
That loved to eat cheese with the cat
They'd share of glass of wine
Talk 'til a quarter of nine
Then go out all night with a bat

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Will you drink some sherry?"
"What prompted that emotion,
The thought of locomotion?"
"Of my intentions, don't be wary."
This message was last edited by the player at 05:27, Wed 13 Sept 2006.

Scorpion is an annoying thing
he likes to think that he can sing
but just cause he can shoot
doesn't mean people will hoot
When in fact he can only sting

Nine Eleven's past once again
Much to my chagrin
Must I remember years of yore?
Could I have done something more?
Once more time to begin.

There once was a chimp in the zoo
who only would cry boo hoo hoo
til one fine day in may
he found a girl to play
and now the zoo chimps are two

A lucky chimp to find a mate
My hope for the same I do relate
For I love chemistry, english and math
Each leads me down the very same path
They all teach me to conjugate.

I must say that school is sometimes good,
but it is boring more than it should
Now my mind feels so numb,
I would rather be dumb
I'm going to build my house of wood.

OOC:I'm referring to the 3 little pigs.  Wood, in between straw and bricks.

[[In Cajun style.]]

The big bad wolf, he huff and puff,
Until the Cody, he say, "Enough!
You go way, now, Wolf,*
You see me, Wolf, I am a ring,
But I can be a living thing,
You go 'way, or you be cuffed rough!"

* [[Apparently, "wolf" is one of the words that has no rhymes in English.]]

I onced knew an old cajun king
who fancied he knew how to sing
he would wail and croon
and howl at the moon
of music, he knew not a thing!

(I enjoy Brill's limericks)

Here is a poem I wrote
Don't make a run for my throat
I'm writing this quick
So it's probably sick
It's really not worthy to quote

(thank you x)

An owl is a cleverer thing
than a rat or a cat or a king
he can see in the dark
and poop in the park
and eats mice like he can't taste a thing!

Did you know that cows are splendid too?
They even have very usful poo.
It helps to make food
Which tastes very good.
After that it turns back into poo.

Agreed- Cows are quite useful things
But they don't shine and sparkle like rings!
They can't seal a vow
(Poor unshiny cow)
and they're never mistaken for bling!

Why the heck are we typing bout cows?
For me it just doesn't arouse
Slam my head gainst a crate
Smash my foot with a weight
Hang myself with an old rotten blouse

        - LemurRick -

There once was a lemur named Rick
Who knew the most wonderful trick
He could eat his own head
without winding up dead
and poop it back out, that's just sick

Flea just had his one thousandth post
A thing of which he can now boast.
It was funny
filled me with glee;
We shall celabrate with a roast!

There once was a flea who was gold
He wouldn't do as he was told
Its good to be king
and wear all this bling
He wouldn't wear cloths in the cold.

I shall take the throne back for me
The thought of it fills me with glee
Too bad for you all
I'll be King of the Hall
Darn, I can't find the key.

This man had sold me a book,
Of which I thought I would look.
But the story was sad,
and, honestly, bad.
Now I growl to myself, "What a crook!"

Can I follow as Bart has in past
And double post ever so fast?
For I love this dear thread
And do not wish it dead
Oh, I really hope this game will last!

You write all your lim'ricks so quick
I might think that there is a stick
That's beating your head
And wants you quite dead
If you don't make your limericks quick

Quickly, dear Yoss?  You are wrong.
The writing itself is quite long.
It's the space in between
that the time is so lean
But I'm sorry my posts tend to throng.

What stick do you speak that's so austere?
'Cause I see none but now I do fear
Why does it want me dead?
For that is what you said.
And the thought brings me nigh to a tear.

Why not make a run for the throne
When you're sitting here all alone?
Rather than multipost
You could rather boast
Of how often you've taken the throne

I steal that sweet throne in the night
When all others are far from my sight
I'm procrastinating now
Though when Queen, all will bow.
But still, it just wouldn't feel right.

The crown I think you should take
Even if it's just for my sake
Once you take it from me
Then I with great glee
A return to the throne I will make

As fun as that may be for you,
frankly, you can go smell Ms. Brill's poo!
right now I must go
which just goes to show
I can't now take the crown had I wanted to.

To me, it seems you have lied
For just a moment before now I spied
Saw you make a post
In Questions Tennis, a post!
So you didn't leave as you implied

What're 5 minutes here, and 10 minutes there?
In the grand scheme of things, I really don't care
You called me a liar.  I tell you, "I'm not."
I made that last post for that one tiny wot
But night has now fallen.  For crown's sake, beware!

Did I not say this would come to pass?
Now I made you look like a...bass
"But why fish?" one may question
T'was by poster's discretion
I tried to avoid being crass
This message was last edited by the player at 09:38, Thu 12 Oct 2006.

Crass is the limerick's best friend
and something you shouldn't amend
the 'vulgar' propells
as humour excels
and better if it can offend!

How Brill speaks of the lim'rick is true
Of poet forms that are base there are few
But lim'rick is one
And oh so much fun
You really should pay them their due

But mean words can cut like a knife.
And can hurt one in all of their strife.
Made queen twice today
which just goes to say,
Oh man, do I need a life!

You have taken the crown twice today?
Even still, I think I'd say
That no life would include
Posting ruling out food
And of course post in INC/DEC all day!

Those filthy players from the INC
at 20 paces they still stink
to their computers their glue
they live without food
Yet still they avoid a trip to the sink

I once saw a poster from DEC
With a computer tied tight round his neck
So he'd type all day long
With some occasional Pong
Boy his life must have been quite the wreck

There once was a poster in Iowa
his limerick verse was very raw
He wanted the crown
So a poem he wrote down
Yet every three word showed a flaw

There once was a man that ate toast
He ate so much more then most
Til one day last may
ate 5 pounds in one day
So now he has something to boast

I once heard of a man in a gang
that believed in the theory: Big Bang.
Till God's finger did shoot
making this young man mute.
Now he thinks (not speaks) the word, "Dang!"

Eating a spicy burrito with beans,
Wednesday, for Bart's normal dinner routines.
Eating them* no longer burns,
Law of dimin'shing returns.
Purple they are, though, must get some vaccines.

Pronunciation Guide:
-..-..-..-
-..-..-..-
-..-..-
-..-..-
-..-..-..-

Edit: "them", not "then"
This message was last edited by the player at 05:23, Sat 28 Oct 2006.

I know of a boy who at glance
brings truth to, "white boys can't dance"
though today I saw
with wide eyes and dropped jaw
his dancing put all in a trance.

This boy you say filled you with awe?
Yet you think that his dancing is raw?
But he's obvi'sly good
Not a stiff block of wood
Else why were you so filled with awe?

Did you play the music to dance?
For the boy of the night's romance.
Alas, this dancer of glee,
Twas someone else, not me,
My prance could not draw your glance.
This message was last edited by the player at 05:28, Sat 28 Oct 2006.

I've never seen you bust a move.
But I'm sure you really can groove.
Maybe sometime both we
can dance (to swing hopef'lly).
I'm sure that I won't disapprove.
This message was last edited by the player at 11:57, Sat 28 Oct 2006.

I once had a mighty stuffed head
It hurt so much I thought I'd be dead
Til I blew out my nose
all over my clothes
Now I'm all covered in goo instead

I rarely find time to bust moves
though dancing, the mister approves
It's the bit about timing
(not so much rhyming)
that mixes up all of my hooves.

A really short rhyme
Can be done anytime
Making them long
Like a drinking song
Is something that I'm

Working on, when I get around to it
I just find it so hard to commit
I'd rather spend time
In the sweet sublime
Of chatting with friends, I admit.

chatting with friends, so you say
by this, meaning the IM way?
Or in face-to-face
in that one "real life" place
Or are you just on your PC all day?
This message was last edited by the player at 02:24, Mon 30 Oct 2006.

I just ate a whole box of spagetti
I should have waited til it was ready
The spagetti was raw
It broke up my jaw
Next time I'll have it cooked up by Betty

Are you referring to good Betty Crocker?
Did you know she once was a rocker?
But now she's a cook
Though she once was a crook
And she'll help you get fed before soccer

I have a throbbing headache
Acetaminophen I should partake
It'll help ease the pain
That is wracking my brain
But please, guys, don't cry for my sake

A headache is never much fun
Unless from work you can run
Then relax all day
That's really the way
For to make a headache close to fun

Ibuprofin, my friend.
1000 milligrams is the end.
Take away the pain,
That much, I fain,
400 is plenty enough to mend.

This morning's thought process was quite askew
Hopelessly, now, wondering, "What do I do?"
It's not like I sleep.
And I've tried counting sheep.
But now I have not just one job, but two!
This message was last edited by the player at 19:41, Wed 15 Nov 2006.

We each need a knowledge filter
When we hear a fact out of kilter
To tell if it's true,
'Though not what we knew,
*

*I'm not sure what to put in for the last line:
-Sew a tapestry of facts, like a quilter.
-Please try hard not to be bitter.
The first is weak and the second doesn't really rhyme.

Bart's poetic well ran dry
So much that he wanted to cry
He searched for a word
But all were absurd
Oh, woe for Bart's well that ran dry!

It's lonely on here all alone
Though it gave me 'nough time for the throne
people need to come on
and stop being gone
Or maybe I should just make a clone.

Hmm...

There once was a queen Amboni
Her crown I think was phony
she posted alone
and captured the throne
Presto arrived now shes not lonely.


Yes I am reaching

So much work still needs to be done,
before this poor girl can have fun.
Music consumes every inch,
leaving me in a pinch.
From all this work, I want to run.

Oh work it is such a hassle
But it's something with which we must 'wrastle'
It can get you down
And leave you a frown
Oh work, it is SUCH A HASSLE

This past week I have been not content
My bad days are at fifty percent!
as a grade that is failing
so in life, I am trailing
behind on the sad path of descent.

A bather whose clothing was strewed
by breezes that left her quite nude
saw a man come along
and, unless I'm quite wrong,
you expected this line to be lewd.




_{I nicked this one off a friend- but had to share it, it made me smile}

Time travel is quite an event
though many an hour is spent
in an effort of sorts
to work out the ports
and whether you've come or you've went.

The limrick is favored by Brill
In fact, she finds them a thrill
In only this thread
Her post count is fed
So few other threads for Ms. Brill

Bob thinks M&M's taste so good,
He doesn't think he should,
go down to the store,
buy him some more,
he'd gain weight, he would.

This thread is quite a success
It looks like I am next.
I'll give it a try
Wow time flys by
I can't give my posting a rest

Maid Merriam and Robin Hood,
If anyone ever could,
Live happily ever after,
Full of love and laughter,
You know if you could you would.

Finding myself riding on a train,
But the train was bound for hell

A limerick that is not complete
Isn't very fun, doesn't look very neat
Please finish it now
Make it up somehow
Or copy it from somewhere and cheat

"How big's your intellect," I said,
"Oer how much does your hat spread?
Would you say you got big brains?"
"The size of a man," he explains,
"Is in his heart, not his head."

Taking out the trash
Such smelly stinky trashcans
Oh the flies are nice

I'm sorry that's a hiku
obviously to haven't a clue
let me fill in the holes
Stop counting syllables
maybe then you'll know what to do

There once was a flea made of gold
Who wouldn't or couldn't do as told
A Limerick or Haiku
Either one here will do
No body else in this place is as bold