^ wouldn't be the first to try.
< has been the target of many assassins.
V hired some of them.

^ has a misunderstanding
< I do hire assassins, but not for my forum-buddies :)
if V can guess my going rate for assassinations, I will give them 10 WOTs

^ has secret prices.
< hasn't had a use for WOTs for many years.
V is sure they'll take off again any day now.

^ should put their faith in the only currency that will matter after the COVIDpocalypse
< is only optimistic about one thing: Flea Market Revamp 2.0: Electric WOTaloo
V is being hypnotized with my mesmeric digital text into buying everything I'm selling rn

^ is overconfident of their abilities to mesmerize.
< is listening to bad old country music. {The Warbling! Not the Warbling!!!}
V can't understand the pain < is going through right now, but will still be sympathetic.

^ forgot about my Curse of Apathy given to me many centuries ago. it's been a blessing.

< Doesn't listen to country music, ew.

V listens to K-pop and should feel bad. [just kidding i love you all]

^ Needs to put the Korea back in K-Pop

< The only think better than K-Pop is J-Pop!

V Cannot pass the Turing test

^ Doesn't know I am very smart and that is why I paid 20 dollars for a website to say so.

< is Supergenius (Doesn't know what the turing test is and got defensive because is insecure)

v Is being sent enraged DMs at this very moment along with screenshots of an arbitrary IQ score as proof

^ Needs to lay off those Internet sites that say "Only 1% can solve this" simple problem.

< Did so 10 years ago after they consistently pegged him at 165 IQ

V Times out on Internet IQ tests during the first question.

^ Hurr durr gurr durrff!

< Durp, ngoof gah gah.

v Hnnng bwah bwah uh-hoo doorrgghh?

^ Speaks an interesting language foreign to <

< Cannot decipher the language.

v Thinks language is for nerds

^ gracefully and fluidly communicates divine truth that not only elucidate but illuminates the beauty of the otherwise banal
< communicates through a crude series of grunts and gestures in a vain attempt to be like the cool kids
v sounds vaguely like an insulting, (and slightly racist,) parody of the Swedish Chef, but < doesn't know, because of the whole grunts and vague gestures thing

^ Taught < how to make Chicken Boom-Boom

< Fired at a raw chicken with a "boom-boom" and quartered it

V Enjoyed the meal created after cooking the Chicken Boom-Boom

^ mistook my grimace for a good expression

< did not enjoy the meal and wants a refund

v should never try cooked chicken boom boom

^ Accidentally found a piece of shrapnel in the Chicken Boom-Boom, sorry.

< Offers a new helping that does not set off the metal detector

V Is being served a metal-free Lettuce Boom-Boom

^ Is offering food to strangers like a shady guy again
< Won't fall for it this time!
v Can have the lettuce boom boom

^ Has a white panel van that he offers his shady food from.
< Loves shady food.
vIs scared of their shadow.

^ promised they wouldn't tell anyone!
< says you would also be scared of your shadow if it frequently snuck away from you
v HAS SEEN MY SHADOW

^ has a shadow made of Lettuce Boom Boom
< ran away from ^'s shadow
v was caught shadow boxing

^ needs to stop speaking of The Forbidden Scripture
< will be calling the Shadow Inquisitors
v saw nothing here today, okay?

^ Has not been here in a long time
< Is here right now, and is raising another game from the dead
v Wonders why another strange game has been resurrected

^ moves according to curved patterns
< asks himself strange questions
v is suspicious, as the company looks crazy

^ is having a fascinating conversation with ^
< has no idea what ^ is conversing about
v wants to have ice cream for dinner

^ is able to guess more than he thinks he can
< changed his mind about dinner menu
v likes this game

^ is correct that < likes this game
< wonders if ^ likes the game too
v thinks the game is incredibly awesome