Picking up from the last game:

Crocheting needles because they can create his likeness.

http://www.instructables.com/i...d-Crocheted-Cthulhu/

Airport security confiscates needles now.

Common Sense debunks most airport security.

Thomas Paine wrote Common Sense.

School Libraries make it impossible to find anything by decent authors.

Good ol' fashioned ignorance trumps the school library, or any repository of knowledge, crappy or sublime.

Mischievous Cunning outwits the willfully ignorant.

GM fiat overrules mischevious cunning.

Porsche outstrips anything General Motors or Fiat ever made.

A brick smashes a Porsche quite nicely.

Godzilla cannot be harmed by a meager brick.

A movie critic TROUNCES Godzilla!

Cloverfield TRAMPLES critic.

Nukes beat the cloverfield monster...or did they :D

Peacetime beats the nuke.

Republicans end peace time!

Democrats beat republicans in the majority of the '08 elections!

Bureaucrats trump them all with oodles of red tape!

Maverick Police Officers cut through the red tape by going outside the law...to protect the law!

Hordes of hungry, time-wasting Octopi emerge from the sea to devour the MPO's!

Japanese Fishing Industry turns the octopi into lunch :D

Pirates steal the JFI's lunch.

Ninjas beat up pirates :D

Chuck Norris messes up the ninjas.

Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all come out of nowhere and beat down Chuck Norris.

A maximum room capacity sign beats Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan

the maximum room capacity was defeated with renovation.

renovations were defeated by zoning permits

zoning permits were defeated by Obama
This message was last edited by the player at 12:50, Fri 20 Feb 2009.

Obama was defeated by M.L.K, who's much more famous

M.L.K. was defeated by civil rally

??? Explain that one?

i really dont know... *helium..*

Hydrogen

Helium was beaten by smaller atoms.  What a wimp.

smaller atoms were beaten by fusion

Fusion was beaten by Fission!

Divorce attorneys took all of the fission's money

Socialists beat up attornies.

Personal Biases breaks down any function of socialism. e_e

a common enemy helps remove social biases

Conspiracy beats a common enemy

deepthroat reveals the conspiracy

Censors bleep out deepthroat

retroactive thank you.

anyway...


Janet Jackson beats down the censors' attempts to censor her.

Michael beats every jacksons.

lawsuits are the one thing that scares michael jackson

lack of evidence beats a lawsuit.

Inspector Gadget defeats a lack of evidence.

an EMP wave beats mr. gadget

lack of energy defeats an emp wave.

Red Bull defeats a lack of energy.

Ryan Sohmer demolishes your can of Red Bull

Time brings Ryan Sohmer to an end.

time vortexes warp time in unpredictable ways.

the warp controls vortexes.

a rift inducer is needed to create warps

malfunctions defeats the enducer.

Advanced Functions beat malfunctions
This message was last edited by the player at 14:02, Fri 03 Apr 2009.

major malfunctions beats every functions.

kicking

kicking the computer fixes major malfunctions.

parrying

parrying the kick pretty makes it useless.

riposte

a quick riposte makes the sad parry attempt useless

failed dice roll

a failed dice roll makes the riposte null.

natural 20

a natural 20 owns a failed dice roll in the crotch.

cheating kicks a natural 20 in the meatball area

the banhammer knocks cheaters out of the park

a power-mad GM will abuse the banhammer

jase defeats every gm.

ooooh.....

the server company has a one-up on jase.

a hacker defeats a server company.

hash table encryption beats a hacker

Glitches corrupts the encryption

human error is a bigger problem than glitches.

A.I. defeats human errors.

Spilled Coffee makes AI crash, rendering it useless.

a sippy cup would keep the coffee from spilling

straw makes a cup useless

Concrete, cannot be sucked up through a straw.

wrecking ball destroys concrete.

massive bowling pins give the wrecking ball something constructive to do

a strike knocks down all the pins.

an umpire will call the bad kind of strikes

a typo defeats an umpire and makes it empire

whiteout - defeats typos

rewrites, defeats a whiteout

editor - defeats rewrites with rerewrites

liberal media

the liberal media has every editor at its beck and call.

liberal arts

no one needs liberal media after they study liberal arts.

fry cook skills

You make more money with those than someone who has a liberal arts degree.

managerial skills

better than being a fry cook.

bad luck beats managerial skills

A nice DM beats bad luck

A real DM beats the (imaginary) nice DM.

Highschool - beats real DM

College > Highschool

too much time to waste makes me come here instead of college

jobs are better then free time

managers make jobs horrible

corporate fires manager.

the stock market sends corporate on a bailout

bailout is dwarfed by a malthusian catastrophe

Octapi flu threatens a global pandemic far worse than Malthusian catastrophe.

PIA, immune to octupi flu

Octopi can't survive on land.

Land, defeated by the ocean.

Conquistador - Will conquer the New Land

The Inquisition - kills of conquistadors.

Fluffy Pillows... Crush the Spanish Inquisition

A shrubbery - more important than pillows (nee!)

BEER - more important than anything.

REEB - the opposite of BEER

Reeds, more important than reebs, as you can use them for the ever popular always full, waiting list only, underwater basket weaving classes.

Patrick Reeds, more important than just ANY reeds.

Patick Stewart - Pretty much the greatest Patrick ever!

Kirsten Stewart: Much hotter than a bald Picard.

little Stewart - the mouse guy...

Little Caesars - grease with a side of pizza. Who doesn't love that?

Pizza hut- caesars sucks.

Pizza: Far better than a silly hut.

Pizza pocket - Pizza, without the mess (unless one's as sloppy as yours truly)

Hot pocket- comes in different flavors too

Pocket Player- PraguePride's nickname. (off topic: where the hell is praguepride anyways?)

Pocket Monsters: Far more awesome than PP

Gila monsters: Who doesn't love two-foot long, venomous lizards?

Monster energy drink: Who doesn't love staying up all night shaking like a leaf?

Red bull- tops any energy drink

Bull: Tops any red bull by killing it

Bull****: crap.

Bovine feces: Politically correct.

Fertilizer: better word.

Tranquilizer: More useful.

Morphine: Better drug

Acid: More used drug.

Sponsor: for recuperating drug users

Rehab: To screw over sponsors

suicide - When rehab didnt work

Rebirth: When suicide doesn't work.

Reincarnation: when rebirth had failed

Carnation: When being reincarnated fails...

Damnation: When carnation yet again fails

Failure: when anything fails.

Success: when all else fails

GRANT: Always succeeds. Except when he fails.

condoms: seldom fails.

Rippage: causes condoms to always fail.

B Pills- never fails.

Money: Necessary for said pills

prostitution - to get the money.

Pregnancy: no pills necessary.

Pain - PRegnancy, a bitch of a pain.

Pain killers: kill pain

Max PAYNE: the master on pain.

Max Power: more powerful than Mr. Payne.

Superpower: I suppose this one is subject to opinion, but still...

Uber-power: uber's more than super. Period.

God-power: nope it is not..

Chuck Norris power: Trumps all.

Chuck Norris' Mother's power: Yes, but who trumps Chuck Norris?

Body odor: the hidden power.

deodorant: counteracts hidden powers.

Deor: Gets to reek all it wants, because it kicks tush!

Jackie Chan; kicks more tush.

playboy: the king of tush

Hugh Heffner: Gets to live the tush.

vixcis: the queen of tushness

Dang...

I know!!!

I honestly can't think of anything...

vixcis's tops: tops everything.

Vixcis' head: on top of her top

Duct tape: Blindfolds and mutes Vixcis' head

Ducts: need duct tape

Top secret Communist military facilities: need ducts for James Bond to crawl around in

Laser watches: Crucial to Bond's survival

Laser Sharks... nothing can defeat them in the water.

Fire... dries up all the water

Hand grenade - puts out the fire. (engrish reference where someone mislabeled a fire extinguisher as a hand grenade when they wrote it in english)

Super glue --- can't throw the grenade

Universal Solvent: Destroys super glue on contact.

Mighty Puddy: Insoluble Ceramic Compound marketed by Billy Mays (so you know its good)

-30 F... Mighty Putty becomes brittle and snaps

Optimus Prime - Can't even break Mighty Putty

Child - breaks Optimus Prime.

Parent - disciplines child

Dr. Phil: disciplines parents.

IRS Agency: Disciplines talk-show hosts.

Geithner: Fires IRS agency

PETA: Kills everyone who isnt animulz

Zombies: eat all the PETA people

Scientologists: convert all the zombies, using their magic E-Meters, and screaming tomatoes.
This message was last edited by the GM at 23:31, Wed 10 Mar 2010.

Science fiction: discredits all the credibility of the scientologists

I find that offensive! I'm a scientologist, and it is not science fiction. How else would they have cured my drug problems?

... 1) I was being random, and 2) I didn't know what a scientologist was. Lemme think of something different...

Rabbits: eat all the screaming tomatoes

Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch: Blows up the rabbit in a blaze of holy shrapnel.

Polyus-Skif: Space laser destroys Hand grenade.

force field: prevents space laser from having any effect.

Fork: Gets wedged in the forcefields' generator, thereby short-circuiting the system.

Trash Compactor: Crushes fork

Industrial Trash Compactor: Crushes regular trash compactor.

Dianoga: Inhabits Industrial Trash Compactor.

X-wing: Kills the Deathstar that the Industrial Trash Compactor is located in, with a single lazur-beam to the 1m x 1m hole in the Deathstar that destroys it instantly.

Yuuzhan Vong: makes all X-Wings KOS

Plastic surgeon- "fixes" Yuuzhan Vong

Rosie Odonnel: The one thing a plastic surgeon cant make pretty.

Yuuzhan Vong Shaper Cult: can make ANYTHING 'pretty'

Volcano: it is a well known fact that ugly people love to sacrifice pretty people to the picky piggy god who loves to partake in the pigging out of  pretty people.

Hercules: can put a rock over a volcano :D

Hera: poisons Heracles.

Meg - chick that's a soft-spot for Herc.

Hades: manipulates Meg through most of the movie.

Kratos: Kills all the gods with freaky chain-sword things.

Customers: if nobody buys God of War games, Kratos will ide from lack of sequels

Advertising: Makes all customers rave about something new and quite possibly kill themselves or each other... possibly over there theories on what is going to happen on "Lost"

Consumers: Don't pay attention.

Glenn Beck: Dies a horrible painful death...

Rational minds

Rational minds ignore Glen Beck as he "dies a horrible painful death..."

chaos

Order

Chaos taken to its extreme results in undifferentiated neutrality out of which order can arise.

mess

So long as there is a mess, there can't be order.

Soap

Cleans off messes

Plastic

Melty plastic is soap resistant

Volcano

A volcano can vaprized melty plastic things

Ice-age

Freezes the volcanoes

nuclear level green house gases

Melts the ice age

Al Gore

He makes up some newfangled internet style device which defeats global everything.

Global EMP


Knocks out global electricity dropping man back into the dark ages, thus nullifying the internet

Windmill

Runs on wind baby.

Class 5 Tornado...


Sure you might get some cranking electricty for a bit...right before it destroys said windmill

Mine

Can't get me down here, I'm underground.

Earthquake -- collapses the mine

Entropy

Even the most cataclysmic earthquake cannot compare to the eventual destruction caused by entropy

Omnipotence -- beats Entropy handily, because it's (you know) literally all power.

Omniscience

Only one with omniscience can beat one with omnipotence.

Innocence.

Piety: the only thing I could think of that's 'better' than Innocence.

SACRILEGE: EVIL IS ALWAYS BETTER!!! _{vixcis is the perfect example ... just sayin'}

Correction.  It's better to correct sacrilege than commit it, which is what Snotburger was doing when he corrected the sacrilege that he saw Grant committing.

Instruction: It is better to instruct correctly the first time, then no need for correction should ever arise.

Initiative -- one verse in my church's voluminous scriptures says, "For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward."

Plain Oatmeal: It drives the initiative to eat out of even the hungriest person.

Oatmeal with Cinnamon -- come on, it should be so obvious that when you add some cinnamon it gets better, do I really have to spell it out for you? ;)

Just plain oats

No!  That's yucky, disgusting.

Pizza, that beats oats any day.!  Especially if it's nice and warm and fresh from the oven and the cheese is all melted, but after it's had time to cool for a bit because that molten cheese will burn your tongue right off.

Hut! The best place to make, store, and eat pizza.

Boat -- because it's better to live on a boat than in a hut.

Ship--because technically it's bigger than a boat. :P

Receive

It is pointless to ship something if it will not be received.

Your Grandma

She recieves more packages than anyone i know, if you catch my drift.

Your great-grandma.

She'd one up all-you-all if she heard what you were saying about my grandma.

Me, because I'm alive and my great-grandma is dead.

Chuck Noris, because you could never beat him.

Bruce Lee. Did.

Arnold - came back with weapons.

The Doctor - doesn't need weapons

Hulk - cannot spell weapons
This message was last edited by a game moderator at 17:00, Tue 08 June 2010.

Gandalf - can spell anything... get it? Spell? meh...

The Balrog -- it killed Gandalf, if only temporarily.

Bridges - collapse under balrogs.

The wind -- can make improperly made bridges perform sinusoidal waves and collapse (Galloping Gertie)

Walls - stop wind from going in that exact direction.

Wrecking ball -- knocks down walls.

Smelters - melt down the wrecking balls to useless slag.

Tactical bombardment - destroys smelter... OVERKILL

Oil spill - no fuel for tactical missiles, no bombardment

Microbes - eat the oil spill

Radiation - kill the microbes.

The Empty Space - between galaxies disperses radiation

Tesseracts -- they allow us to neatly ignore all that empty space.

Ignorance - What did you just call me?

Boot to the Head -- neatly counteracts all ignorance and allows for the peaceful meditation on the universe.  Seek the discipline of Tae Kwon Leap.

Helmet - deflects boot.

Frantics spelt it Ti-Kwan-Leep.

Chainsaw - cuts off head, therefore nothing to wear helmet

Husqvarna Protective Cowl - Worn over the head and shoulders (and in this case, the helmet), in order to protect these parts from rogue chainsaws.

Dragon fire -- burns right through that cowl.

Nose plugs -- dragon can't breathe in air, dragon can't breathe out fire.

Sneeze - tactfully removes nose plugs.

Benadryl - eliminates the need to sneeze.

Robots -- never suffer from allergies or need Benadryl, period.

Rust - freeze up the joints of those stupid robots.

Anti-oxidents -  prevent/remove rust.

Milk, which aparently destroys the anti-oxident benefits from blueberries ... but then again, my professor is borderline insane- oh, and she's a fan of bush, too so ... just goes to show you.

Heat -- makes milk spoil.

Cold - spoils heat's cool.

Scarf - Serves as the first line of defence against the cold ... for necks anyway.

Really?  My mom really likes a bowl of a few blueberries and blackberries in milk for breakfast.  Hunh.  I found this when I started looking around on the internet: http://www.naturalnews.com/025...ioxidant_fruits.html  I'm going to have to break the news to my mom now.

Anyway...
Robots -- they don't feel the cold and don't need any scarves

Oxydization - deteriates robots.

I think you can one up yourself better than anyone else here, my good ferret.

Vacuum - prevents oxydization.

In an attempt to take this loop in a new direction...

Hampster - When I was a little kid, my mom vacuumed up my hampster. Both the Vacuum and the rodent died, as the rodent got stuck in the tube, and the Vacuums motor died as the hampsters' innards were getting ripped out its asshole. When I insisted on a burial, my father buried the vacuum, as the two were forever fused (as disgusting as that sounds, it was actually quite sad).
This message was last edited by the player at 18:05, Fri 18 June 2010.

Robots -- with built in motors and valves they're their own vacuums and they're more fun than hamsters.

Magnets - Metal+Magnets=Fun

Hardened Plastics - immune to the magnets, but still with some strength to them.

A five year old - easily breaks hardened plastics

Candy - Distracts the fiver-year old, who henceforth is known as Tummyache Timmy.

Radical Born Again Christians - Candy is from the devil! Give that here!

4chan - Makes the RBACs cry and leave the Internet forever, and hence they're removed from ASWoT contests.

For those who have never gone to 4chan, don't. Really, don't. You can't unsee things like that after you see it. Even with a brick to the head; trust me...

Money - if anyone on 4chan had it, they wouldn't be there.

I assume you mean /b/. I went on with an image blocker and read some comments. By what I read, it is not a happy place. I promptly left and watched Kim Possible. I use /rs/ to find rapidshares of comics, RPGs, books, music, et cetra.

Love - Money can't buy it, and Love conquers all.

Yep, that's the board. I think I can safely say that's where all hope of innocence in me died.

RBACS?  Anyway...

Robots.  They disdain love as one of those "useless human emotions".

EMPs - stop robots from reappearing in the thread again by shorting them all out.

It is pronounced EMPS not E-EM-PEE. I should know.
This message was last edited by a game moderator at 01:45, Tue 22 June 2010.

Why not EE-EM-PEE's?  Isn't it an acronym?

Robots with hardened circuits -- stronger than EMP's.

E is seldomly pronounced <ee>. You silly Americans. It is not an acronym anymore in a cultural sense. No one says AR-A-DEE-A-AR. People say Radar. Same with Emps.

LAVA - melts Robots.

Liquid Nitrogen - I'm sure if you could accumulate enough, you can solidify Lava.

Super Nova - now that is the definition of heat. Not much survives a blast from one of those...

The emptyness of space - It can, has, and will continue to consume all energy in the galaxy by EXPANDING!

On an unrelated note, I realized that it isnt the galaxy thats expanding. Its matter that is contracting. Black Holes are becoming more common in our part of the galaxy as stars are beginning to collapse more frequently. Picture each black hole as a vacuum on the surface of the water. As the vacuum sucks water its way, the surface of the water between each vacuum stretches to meet the mouth of the vacuums surrounding it. Therefore, from our perspective, the universe seems to be expanding. Its actually tying knots in itself, or atleast thats what I believe.

The emptyness of space - It can, has, and will continue to consume all energy in the galaxy by EXPANDING!

On an unrelated note, I realized that it isnt the galaxy thats expanding. Its matter that is contracting. Black Holes are becoming more common in our part of the galaxy as stars are beginning to collapse more frequently. Picture each black hole as a vacuum on the surface of the water. As the vacuum sucks water its way, the surface of the water between each vacuum stretches to meet the mouth of the vacuums surrounding it. Therefore, from our perspective, the universe seems to be expanding. Its actually tying knots in itself, or atleast thats what I believe.

The New Word Game Thread - Changes "space" to "spice", and while the emptyness (or lack of) of spice in food can be a horrible thing, it is completely ineffectual at absorbing the energy of a super nova. Unless it's my great aunt's Mystery Meat Casserole, which can have almost anything added to it and remain the same lump of unappetizing grease and gray (yes, in this case gray is an ingredient), but I'm not sure if it's the lack of spice or her horrible cooking which causes that particular property to occur. I would run tests to determine this, but it's too dangerous. Men have died because of the dread Casserole.

Great Aunt _'s Mystery Meat Casserole - Apparently kills things. According to Mel Gibson, anyhow.

Hell's Kitchen - separates the cooks from the chefs.

Daredevil - Rules over Hell's Kitchen, protecting the innocent.

A room with no doors - defeats Daredevil.

A carpenter -  to build a bloody door. Seriously, what kind of room has no doors?

A swarm of flesh eating carpenter beetles - eats the carpenter.

Anthrax - Passed from the unknowingly exposed carpenter's flesh to the beetles as they eat him, killing them.

Containment - destroys anthrax.

Sexed-Up Teenagers - Break containment in their haste to get freaky wit' it in a secluded place.

Axe Murderer - Ever seen a horror flick?

Rust - axe blade falls apart... murderer has to resort to beating them with a stick.

Power washer - blasts off rust.

Knife - Severs the power washer's feed line.

Rock - smashes knife

Paper - covers rock.

Scissors - cut paper!

Brothers - cheat at rock-paper-scissors, which is what we devolved into there.

Fathers - punish brothers

Baseball Games - bring fathers and sons together and make them allies.

Mothers - ruin baseball games with incessant waving and other embarrasing acts of affection.

Orphans - have no mothers

Charles Dickens - distills orphans into character archetypes.

The Great Gonzo - plays a very convincing Dickens

Jim Henson - He created Gonzo

Mother -- it's where Jim came from, his mother.

Evil Stepmothers — because they're evil, and they're always stepping on those poor mothers!

Freudian Slip - it's where you say one thing, and mean your mother

Sigmund Freud — He's basically the king of Freudian slips. No one has Freudian slips without him saying so! Also, he rules over psychoanalytical domains where he commands Freudian minions: a fate worse than death!

Logic - because Freud didn't use it much.

Non-Euclidean Geometry - where right angles intersect and logic takes a flying leap out the nearest window. If it can find it.

Riemann -- because he made crazy geometries into his plaything.

Math - Without which Riemann is a naked babe wandering the woods.

Stephen Hawking -- he pwns maths

Stairs - Stephen Hawking's Kryptonite.

I feel dirty just saying that one...

Me -- I can bound up stairs with no problem

Roller Blades - Makes it nearly impossible for you to bound up the stairs.

gravel - One of the surfaces roller blades, and their cousins rollerskates, fail on.
This message was last edited by the player at 14:47, Mon 09 Aug 2010.

The Crusher - crushes gravel

Gravity - without which crusher would be just a floating hunk of scrap

Karma - reverses gravity

Injustice- Makes Karma not work properly

Phoenix Wright — defeats injustice!

Miles Edgeworth - pwns Phoenix Wright regularly

My DS's off switch.

Indifferently brings a temporary end to courtroom shenanigans.

Super Princess Peach- makes my DS's on switch turn on!

...I love that game...

Broken charger; makes your DS unusable once it loses it's charge.

Magic the Gathering, makes the charger obsolete since you no longer need the DS.

Light

Without light, you can't see the Magic: The Gathering cards.

Eyes

For without eyes does light really matter?

Brain

For without the brain you cannot interpret the signals sent by the eyes.

Acid.

Seriously F**ks up the brain ...

Base.

Neutralizes acids.

Zig.

All your base are belong to him.

Zag.

The polar opposite of Zig.

A line.

Something that does not zig, nor zag.