This Isn't Balanced

Basically, you write a conversation between a GM and a few friends who made D&D/GURPS/whatever characters for a tabletop game. However, the game is a TV show/videogame/movie, and the characters are the stars.

Example: Star Wars
GM: So. What you guys are?
1: I'm this dude. I'm a space smuggler. And I'm full of crap.
GM: What?
1: Yeah. And my charisma and quick draw are superior.
Gm: yeah I can see that.
1: And I'm 2's mate. We kinda roam together on my ship.
2: Yeah.
GM: Ok, so 2. what are you?
2: I giant furry alien with superior strength and that speaks on a really annoying language that few understand.
GM: Wait, what?
2: But 1 totally can understand me.
1: Yeah dude. It's here.
GM: Fine. What about you 3?
3: Oh, don't mind me. I'm just some young blood and I'm uh... some kind of ancient monk that worships a divine ephemeral power from where I withdraw superior psyonic abilities.
GM: What?
3: Oh and I have a sword. A laser sword.
1: Damn. And I tough I was full of BS.
GM: But... what... how.. wah...
3: It's all in the rules.
GM: Fine! What about you 4?
4: I'm a diplomat.
GM: Finally someone that is not a total douche.
4: And a princess.
GM: Well, okay I guess...
4: And I rebel leader.
GM: Wait a minute...
4: And I'm 3's lost sister.
GM: Wait, wait?
3: Seriously?
4: Yeah.
1: Nice.
2: Yeah.
Gm: Ugh...

The actual game would be guessing what the characters came from.
This message was lightly edited by the GM at 15:16, Fri 13 Sept 2013.

GM: Okay, what are your characters?
P1: I have pointy ears, but I'm not an elf.
GM: Good, there are no elves...
P1: But I can render people unconscious by squeezing their shoulders.
GM: Huh?  Anatomically, that's...
P1: It says so right here.  And I can join minds with people by touching their foreheads.
GM: Is that on a successful attack roll?
P1: No, they have to let me do it or it's like rape or something.
GM: So there's a code of ethics?
P1: Yes, and I never get emotional.  Everything's logical.
GM: Except your character...

... is Spock. lol.

Do I make the next one, or ???

I think that's how it works.  Like the quote game.  You answer and then post.

Alright. I pass mine to Heath.

GM:  Who you playing?
P1:  Okay, I'm an alien...
GM:  But this is on modern day earth.
P1:  Right, so I'm disguised as a human.
GM:  Okay, so what can you do?
P1:  Well, I don't know much about earth, so I sit on my head.
GM:  Are you stranded here?
P1:  No, I just report back to my boss.  But on my planet we age backwards.  I sometimes also wear my clothes backwards.
GM:  What's the point of that?
P1:  So that I can fall in love and lay an egg that cracks open into my baby, which is really an old man who acts like a baby...
GM:  Wait a minute.  You sure it's not Alzheimers?
P2:  I want to play the old man baby!

Is it Mork? From Mork and Mindy?

Yes.  You're up.

AIIEEEEE I WINS!!! okies...okies

GM: Please discribe you charater
P1: Well I'm royalty and leader of my own kingdom
GM: Wow...umm..wow, you must be quite powerful
P1: Oh my no! In fact I tend to get kidnapped often
GM: Seriously? More then once? By who?
P1: A giant dragon
GM: Oh well that's under...
P1: A giant dragon disnosaur turtle, I'm not quite sure what he is but he has alot of turtle and mushroom henchmen
GM: Mushrooms?
P1: Oh my yes...which is wierd because I rule the kingdom of mushrooms!
GM: Are you sure you not ON mushrooms?
P1: It's ok though my boyfriend always saves me
GM: Oh really? Is he a mighty warrior?
P1: *giggles* Oh my no...he's a sewage and drain technician
GM: Riiiiight

Princess Peach... but is she actually the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom? Or does her mushroom seneschal do that for her since she's busy getting kidnapped all the time?

If I'm right, I pass my turn to someone else.

Shouldn't there be a King, not a Princess, that rules the KINGdom?

Since nobody has solved it yet... Here goes.

Keep in mind a few things:
The GM is running a crossover game. It's two different games/movies/shows.
Grant correctly guessed the John is playing Master Chief. (two hints right there)

GM: Okay, dudes, gimme your characters for the crossover game.

John: Alex, what'd you pick?

Alex: Futuristic supersoldier with power armor.

John: Hey, go figure. Same here.

GM: John, I noticed that your armor literally weighs a ton?

John: It's okay, see all of the cybernetic enhancements? My dude can wear it fine.

GM: Alex, you've got pretty much the same armor...

Alex: Not true! I didn't need cybernetics.

GM: How the hell does that wor- what the hell? It doubles as an orbital drop pod?

Alex: More or less. Don't forget the jetpack and super sprint.

John: Whoa, hold up! What sourcebook is that from? I don't even have a sprint! This is BS.

Alex: Hey, you're going with tried and true. I'm literally one of a few hundred people trying this one out. We don't even know if it's broken. Just bear with me.

Master Cheif talking to Alex... an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper (ODST)

Just incase, Brotherhood people from Fallout ... again, just incase.

Yeah, it sounds like some ODST guy. I never played and the game was so...meh never had the urge to look it up :D

Thats it, I'm stealing someones turn...it's only fair...


GM: So your applying for the villian possition
P1: Yes but a misunderstood one
GM: How do you mean?
P1: Well it's not my fault that I like to make statues
GM: Statues?
P1: Yes, very lifelike ones...I make them with my eyes...
GM: Ok...lets move on...to apperance, lets start with hair color.
P1: Many colored
GM: Many colored?
P1: Yes...each strand has different color scales
GM: Your hair has scales?
P1: Yes and it moves and goes hisss...you don't have any reflective surfaces in here do you?
GM: Ummmm sorry the villain position has been filled.
P1: Oh hiss...

Medusa?

lol yay!! That was super easy though! :p

I was thinking that the interview might have ended a little differently

GM: I'm really sorry...
P1: Do you want to get stoned?

I have one..

GM: So this will be a game about interdimensional travel, and taking over the world.
P1: Oh! I have the perfect character for that!
GM: Go on...
P1: I want to play an elite ninja.
GM: Sounds doable.
P1: With ice-powers.
GM: Huh?
P1: Yeah, ice powers, I'll be able to freeze people in place. And then, if I critical, I could shatter their bodies.
P2: Ohhh now I have an idea for a ninja too! I could chuck a grappling hook at people, and pull them across the field.
GM: Hold on guys, I think you're getting out of hand..
P1: Oh c'mon it's in the rule book!
GM: Show me!

ooo ooo scorpion and subzero!!

Yes!

Tee hee I'm the best!

okies okies okies...ummmm lemme think...

GM: I still have a spot open for a villain, my last applicant was uh...not that great...
P1: Oooo villianess I can do that
GM: Great you'll need a diabolical plan of course!
P1: Oh my yes I have that covered...I'm going to make it once season forever but have the holidays never come!
GM: Like and endless summer kinda deal?
P1: No think...colder...
GM: I guess that could work, do you have any powers
P1: Oh my yes lots, but I mainly turn things to stone
GM: *sigh* why does everything have to be things turning to stone with you people?
P1: I don't understand...oh before we start you should know I don't work with children or animals...
GM: Thank you...I think the spots been filled alredy...
P1: Awww...are you sure...I can make it worth your while, come back with me to my castle...I have loads of turkish delight...everybody loves turkish delight...
GM: NEXT!

White Witch, From the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. >_> The turkish delight part put it over the top, I think.

Lol mine are always to easy...your turn hotstuff :p

GM: Okay, so let me set the scene. This is going to be a super hero type game, but low powered.
P1: So are we talking like Batman kind of?
GM: Well, you guys won't be able to be so rich..But you will be facing a lot of ninjas, and robots.
GM: I'd also like the four of you to share a back story.
P2: Like we all come from the same monastery and all have mystical powers?
GM: Yeah...but you'll be hiding beneath the streets of New York, like alligators.
P3: Well, can we have awesome fighting skills?
GM: of course!
P4: Well..lets get this party on, dude.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I hand my turn off to whoever else wants it.

P1: I'm gonna give it to you straight. I want to play an anti hero.
GM: I can work with that.
P1: One that was literally made to bring about the end of the world.
GM: So you mean a villain?
P1: No. Someone who doesn't want to be a hero, but is put in a situation that kind of forces it.
GM: Well what's his drive to be a hero then?
P1: Well he wants to prove that he's not just the doombringer everyone thinks he is, and he wants to make his father proud.
GM: Well alright. Anything else I should know?
P1: Yeah, he's a demon. And he carries a gun.

Is it this guy?

It is!

GM: So what do you got?
P1: Okay, okay. I'm like this girl. But she's a robot, right?
GM: Alright....
P2: Oh, come on. I have something way better than that.
GM: Which is?
P1: Which is?
P2: I'm practically the video game reincarnation of Bruce Lee.
P1: Oh, come on! My girl can have chainsaws on her arms!
GM: Sounds interesting.
P2: My guy could totally whoop you. I have spinning kicks and even nunchucks!
P1: I have rockets in my boots!

OOo ooo Alisa and Law from Tekken! Lol that's my favorite game...I'm ranked in the top 500 with my Lili, I'm a master with her :p

Lol, you're right. I use Alisa most of the time, and I kick butt with her. :3

Then we shall battle!!! give me your gamertag for so I can crush you!!

Lol, I'll have to remember it first. I don't get online often. I usually play Fallout or play Tekken against computers. XD

Oh I guess it's my turn again...

GM: I STILL need a good villain
P1: Oooo I can do villain...I've always been a bit of a witch
GM: Great you don't turn people into stone do you
P1: Oh my no...I turn them into seaweed...
GM: Ugh this just gets worse and worse...lets move on, what do you look like?
P1: Umm, white hair, alotta make up, purple, with eight legs
GM: We can stop now...
P1: But I didn't even get to sing my song!

Ursula from Little Mermaid...

Hooray!! You got it you got it!! Your turn!

Finally i'll give it a try...
(super easy)

GM: Hello, your this boys... er... guardian?
JK: No, I am his teacher. He'll come with me for training.
GM: And you have his mothers consent?
JK: Well no... I err ... won him...
GM: Won him?
JK: Yes,I won him from a race as a bet.
GM: So... You won a sloave ... to teach him?
JK: Yes, to teach and instrucy him.
PA: Its all legit, I speak for the authorities.
GM: Ok then... so you won this slave, intend to teach him ... ok

It the guy from star wars...whats his face...umm Qui Gon Jinn?

yes... you win

I coulda gotten that... XD

Oooo, can I put up a mini-dialog for this game, or is it someone else's turn? I've got a pretty dang schnazzy idea! :D

You can has my turn miss thang, you do what cho gotta

YAY! :D Ok, here goes!

GM: What kind of character do you have in mind?
P1: Well, the idea I have in mind is technically two characters.
GM: Wait, what?
P1: It'll be two people inside the same body.
GM: Is your character schizophrenic?
P1: No, they're-
GM: Or does he have MPD?
P1: No! It'll be two people, but it'll be like I'm one character.
GM: Sounds like he's possessed.
P1: No! Well, actually, yes...
GM: Explain, please.
P1: One character will be a normal teenager - short for his age, rather hesitant and shy at first, but that'll change.
GM: Okay.
P1: He also loves playing games and solving puzzles. The other character is the spirit of an ancient Pharaoh.
GM: Hold on - Pharaoh? Where on earth did that-
P1: Hear me out, okay?! Anyways, my first character solved a weird puzzle and now the second character inhabits his mind. Whenever there's a fight or a game to be played, the second guy will take over the first guy's body and totally pwn the enemies.
GM: How does your first character feel about being possessed?
P1: He doesn't know about the second character yet.
GM: So the second guy takes over the first guy without the first guy's permission? Frequently?
P1: Yeah, and the first guy has gaps in his memory from that.
GM: ...
P1: Oh, here's some concept art I drew for them.
GM: *looks at drawings* What the heck is up with that hair?!
P1: It's natural!
GM: It looks dyed to me, not to mention loaded with hair gel... And they look a lot alike, but definitely like different people. You'll have to roll whenever they switch so no one suspects -
P1: No! No one is supposed to be able to tell when they switch!
GM: Why... **headdesk** Never mind.

YUGI MOTOU AND ATEM (Yami Yugi)

I had this halfway through. :)

LOL I figured someone would guess pretty quickly... It's your turn now! :D

So we need a new post from Gaea apparently.

*pokes Gaea*  new post

I'll make one.(Really easy.)

GM: So, you want to play a superhero game... but you don't want to have powers?

P1: Yeah, but I'll have this awesome suit with these cool gadgets.  I also have a ton of money I inherited and trained for many years to gain superb fighting abilities.

GM: OK, but doesn't your backstory seem a bit cliche?  I mean your parents were killed when you were young and you grew into who you are because you want to avenge them?

P1: Hey, I wrote in 5 minutes.  Give me a break!

Batmaaaaan!



GM: Alright, let's get this superhero game started.
P1: I wanna be a complete badass. Combat training, tons of weapons, big shiney knives, grenades...the whole she-bang.
P2: I wanna be a tiny assassin, doing all sorts of crazy cartwheels flipping out knives and flips, popping baddies in the heads with my dual glocks.
P3: I wanna be a loser teenager who collects comic books.

The first one's probably the Punisher. Honestly I'm not too sure about the others.

Nope, all part of the same setting.

The Kick-Ass characters?

P1:  My character's finished and I think that you'll like it.
GM:  Oh dear.  What is it this time.
P1:  A koala.
GM:  A koala?  A koala what?  A koala vampire?  An alien koala?  A koala god?
P1:  Nope, just a koala.
GM:  You're in a game that has multiple dragons, an evil Goddess, an air elemental, a PC beholder, and Sean ****ing Connery.  Heck, the entire environment is a shape shifting alien that could destroy a koala without thinking about it.  And that's just highlights.
P1:  Yup.
GM:  Can your koala do anything? Perform magic? Time travel? Wield exotic weapons? Summon objects from infinite containers? Anything?!
P1:  Nope, nothing.  No magic, no time travel, no weapons, and seriously, infinite containers is just bad juju. Although, my koala can mix a mean martini.
GM:  Dude, you may as well start writing up a new character now.  This koala, while admittedly a little cute in squishy sort of way, won't last five minutes.
P1:  Oh, I forgot to mention, he doesn't like getting squished.
GM:  Really?  Does it do anything when it gets squished?  Hulk out or something?
P1:  Nope.  He just doesn't like it.

EDIT: Sorry Kagura
This message was last edited by the GM at 02:21, Mon 02 Sept 2013.

*mutters* _{... still not a fairy...}

Oops!  Fixed.

Wait, what? Is it you?

Is what who? Take a good look around. This game has the strangest combination of characters you'll ever see...

Oh I was confused, was FourLegged talking about himself?

How many other koalas do you see around here?  I only see...

...one...two...three...four...five...six...mumble...mumble...mumble...mumble......nevermind.

Eucalyptus: Not even once

He forgot to mention Einstein...

I removed the "testing" from the title.  It seems to be popular enough that it can be an official game, I think.

You guessed correctly, you smarty.

Is it too late for me to vote "nay"?

Nope.  Vote away.

OK, I vote this game be closed or at least sent back to Testing status.

Testing sounds good so it can have a second try to work out the kinks.

What should be rewritten to make this thing work?

I kinda want to try my hand at this, can I, or do I have to wait for some sort of vote or something?

I'd be willing to run with this, but I don't want to be the one posting the fresh game.

I don't even understand how the rules are supposed to work, but play away!  Any open thread is always fair game.

Alrighty then!

P1; I'm a girl who loves my little sister enough to sacrifice myself for her, I'll even kill other people for her, also once I almost starved to death
P2; I saved her, I love her enough to die for her
P3; Hey! I taught her how to hunt
GM; Okay, okay, so it's a bunch of self sacrificers then?
P1; Well, I'm willing to sacrifice myself but it never really goes that way
P2&3; Yeah she just won't die
GM; I thought you guys were fighting over her a second ago, now you want her to die?
P3; No we want her to choose
P2; Him or I? Who do you love
P1; I never really was in love with P2, I was just following my sponsors' lead, and I told him so when we got back from causing a bunch of deaths unwillingly, but then I did fall in love with him, but I was already in love with P3 before, and now I just don't know what to do
P4; i'm the sponsor, and I'm an alcoholic
GM; W-wow, just--- Wow~~

So, it's a pop culture reference and we're supposed to figure out who the characters are?  If so, how does that tie into the game title "This Isn't Balanced"?

I know who the people are but really? And how does this game work?

No idea.

Is how you play, I thought it would be pretty fun, ^ Was obviously StarWars, anyway, anybody else willing to try, or just me? Don't know why it isn't balanced, I really don't

In reply to LuLu Prayer (msg # 74):

Well, I have no clue on that one.

I think it was clearly poorly explained, I believe the main posted places a scenario; like the example given.  The following posters have to guess where the scenario came from; i.e. star wars.  as to it's 'balanced' name, I don't get it...


so, for LuLu a quick easy example would be

1; I'll play the green haired boy
2; I the taintable untained
3; I the one whom owns the un-named galaxy
4; Then I guess I'll get the girl passing through
1; but than who will gm?
4; I don't know, green haired usually does actually.
2; I'll GM
3; Sorry but one sentence does not a gm make
4; why can't 3 gm
1; fine we can go with that.

Chronicles?

1; I'm old
2; I'm young
3; They both travel together, I'm 2s' mum, and I don't trust 1
GM; Why the distrust in 1
3; I don't think he'll keep her safe
GM; aren't they just travelling?
3; No, they save the world too
GM; From what?
2; People
1; Well that depends on your definition of people
3; Aliens, I almost got killed by a christmas tree 'cause of 'im!
GM; I think I'd be reasonably worried myself, by the way 1, how old are you?
1; 900, or something like that
GM; Jesus christ

The doctor, particularly if it involved a christmas tree I believe it would be donna noble and her mom...  Though I remember no episode where Donna's mom was involved I clearly must have missed that.

Actually, it's Rose and the Doctor

GM; So, then, who are you?
1; I am trying to find 2
2; I got lost--- Sort of
3; I'm mentally unstable and I'm trying to help 1 find 2
GM; 1, why are you trying to find 2?
1; He's my son, Oh by the way, my wife got killed by a shark
GM; 2, how did you get lost?
2; I disobeyed 1
3; I already forgot who everyone is, what are we doing again?
GM; So very forgetful then?
3; Yup!
1,2,&3; FYI, we're all fish
GM; okeydokey

Finding Nemo?

Finding Nemo.

I am not interested in posting one.  Someone else may do so.

Finding Nemo was right by the way

that was fun to read (after reading all posts)
someone post another?

Why don't you try it Char?

because I would find some thing too bizarre and obscure and no one would get it
or I would find something based on a children's book and you would all laugh at me
and... I am scared of wanting to use words I can't spell...

Aww, okay, maybe I'll do one later, or convince GPT to do it

if GPT is who I think GPT is then GPT has not been here in a while...
of course I can be wrong.... it happens a lot

GPT is Just A Girl Passing Through, her name is really long so we shorten it, and she's been here almost as long as I-- posting wise anyway

that is who I thought
yeah she has not been here for the last like two weeks
something about moving and motel internet iirc

We live together, and we got evicted from our last apartment, currently we're moving from California to Portland Oregan, with alot of people (big family)

then you might have some success in getting her to post...
I did not know you lived together... sorry

Eh, whatever, I'm not one to sweat the small stuff sweets

why does everyone call me sweets or sweety? what do I look like a sherbet lemon or something?
:P

(note I am joking... however lots of people call me that and I do not feel sweet)
This message was last edited by the player at 22:39, Sun 12 Jan 2014.

Hmm, maybe it's because you come of as a sweet person? Or maybe it's because it rolls off the tongue better than Charlotteen, but I think sweets suits you, sweets

that is really nice of you... but I think if you knew all the things I did you would not think I was sweet

So then tell me all the things you know and allow me the choice of deciding for myself?

you have not told me all you know or much about your self
why should you expect me to do what you will not?

Clever, I like that
I have been in a lot of places in my life, and I've done a lot of things, I've struggled with dyslexia etc. and I've no idea how to tell you everything all at once, so let's play a game: I tell you something about me or going on with me, then I ask you something about yourself, you answer and then ask me a personal question, I'll start
I live in a big family of 8, other than me there are 7 people, a mother with a girlfriend and four children, of those children one is a father whose son and fiance live with us also
What's your family like?

my biological family or the those I live with?
I prefer those I live with even though I have not been here for much more then a month
here there are a lovely cupple who let those in need in to their home. they feed me and give me a warm and safe place to stay. Though the local government pay for them to have me its not much. then there are three other people all older then me two who have no place to go so stay here like me and one on rest bite care. all of use in care here right now have some tricky disabilities that other people can not get there heads round but in our own way we manage quite well.
the cupple have two girls who are now grown up and don't live here but them and their boyfriends are round a lot. one of the daughters have a lovely coccer spanial.
I am the youngest at 18.

do you have your own room? and what is your room like?
This message was last edited by the player at 23:09, Sun 12 Jan 2014.

Currently? We just got evicted so it's the motel life for us, we all have the same room, but I don't mind, my family is awesome--- when we're not fighting
Why do you dislike your biological family?

do you want the short virtion or the long virtion?

long

long... okay
just remember you asked

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
for as long as I can remember I have been physically, sexually and psycologically abused by my farther
when I was 15 I tried to get him to stop
there was a police investigation
my mother and gradmother and aunts all banded against me to get the charges droped
a month later dad was living with us again
and a few weeks after that the abuse started again
in lat november 2013 a teacher at school saw throw a crack in my mask and askedd me a question I thought no one carered to know the answer for
I shrugged her off but did not forget it that night and the next day i wrote a letter to her telling her everything
police came to my school and they talked to me
they took me to the police station at the end of school till they could find somewhere to live
later that night they brought me here
since then my mother and other family memebers have been hostile to me and tried to get me to talk to them so they can make history repeat its self
I turned my back on them and they will never forgive me
but in a lot of ways they are the bad guys not me?

---

if you really want to know...

what would be your dream job?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Let me tell you something sweets, what they did to you was not only horrid and unkind but controlling, the best thing for you to do right now is find independence and stay away from them, all they'll do is try to drag you back in and hurt you again. No matter what they say or do you are free to go on and be yourself and do what you must in your own pursuit of happiness. I myself have experienced that type of abuse, and though I had a family who did support me, I do know what it feels like to be trapped

---

As for my dream job, an artist, maybe not famed, but a few sells might be nice :)


I myself might have to be doin' something here soon, so if you need to sleep I won't keep you up any longer, love ya sweets, and good night

but I am not sleepy
*mutters*grumble*

Hehe, well I'm back, if you'r awake enough to talk?

I will be here most likely until my friends tell me to sleep
is it my turn to ask you a question?

Yes ma'am

what is your favouret place?

My absolute favourite place? Of all time? O'malleys' ice cream pub in Cleveland Ohio, there's also this little place in Amarillo Texas that I can't currently remember the name of

Are you allergic to anything?

yes
the pollen tries to kill me

are you scared of anything?

red alligator skin boots, black spiders, and anyone in my family getting hurt or taken away from me

is there anything you're afraid of?

silence, tall people, men, my friends getting hurt

It's your turn to give me a question now

ooops

can you be forgetful?

Most of the time I'm not, but the few times that I am I forget something lame or really important

like just now?

Yep, so what kind of things do you like to read sweets? Or do you not enjoy reading very much at all?

I love reading
I like crime mystory classincs like sherlock homes
I like some siefy
I like a lot of fantacy
as well as books about heart warming adventures with children and animals so long as they are not sad

do you like reading?

I very much love reading, sweets, science fiction, manga, politically controversial, and genres like that are more my thing

What's your favourite colour?

Green

Do you like braking the rules?

YEP, IN FACT I'M AN ACTIVIST, ALL OCCUPY AND NO TALKUPY!
DO YOU LIKE TO OBEY THE RULES??!!

No but I do sometimes
Do you like work?

DEPENDS, WHAT KIND OF WORK?!

My history homework

Is this even the same game anymore?!

nope I think not

will you fix it?

DM: Alright, so I want all of you to put a lot of work into your backstories.  Come up with something creative and unique!

Player: Alright, my character is a god and-

DM: What?!  You can't play a god!

Player: Why not?  I've never played a god before.

DM: You'll break the game!

Player: My creativity is more important than the game!

spoil sport

Why don't you try to make one?  They can be quite fun.

because no one will work it out...

What do you mean?  I'll read it if that's what you're saying.

its more I might have an ubscure reading list that is very verid so you might never work it out or tease me for picking a book that you have an oppinion on

GM: Who are you?
Player: I'm the son of a God.
GM: Oh, no, not this again...
Player: And my mother is jealous and my father is king of the gods.
GM: Just shoot me now.
Player: And I'm the strongest man to ever live.
GM: Right, of course you are.  I thought you were half man, half god?
Player: Whatever, but I have these tasks I have to fulfill...

(continuing...)
GM: What now?
Player:  He has a motto as well.
GM: And what would that be?
Player: Hurt you please...
GM: Let me guess, it rhymes with his name?
Player: How'd you guess?

even I know this one
Hurculies

Yes! Your turn.

Player1: I have the keenest eye for detail
GM: right
Player 2: no he does, and I travle with him
Player 1: I am logical all the time
GM: oh boy
Player 2: I am a doctor and we solve mystaries
Player 1: I am esaly bored and a drug addict
GM: this could be interesting

Sherlock Holmes

Yes your turn

Anyone can take my turn.

fine I will try to think of one

GM: this story will be set in a desert land of magic and mystory
Player 1: I am a thief
player 2: I am an evil alchamist
player 3: I am a parrot
player 4: I am a princes but I don't want to be
player 1: I want to marry the princess but its against the law
player 4: I run away from home and am rescued by player 1
player 5: I give player 1 three wishes
player 6: I am the farther of player 4

Disney's version of Aladdin?

You probably got that.

yeah...

GM: So, who're you going to play?
1: I'm going to play a 13 year old kid
2: I'm going to play an under the bed monster
GM: Wait, what?
2: Yeah, I'm going to be a leather-jacket wearing latex-clad under the bed monster.
3: And I'm going to be the bully.  They can prank me for hilarity. Also they need my help to save the day in the end and then we all become fast friends.
GM: You all still want to play a school game?
4: Absolutely, I'm going to be the brain, Queen of the Science Fair, and the teachers give me copies to the school's keys.
1: And I'm going to turn into an under the bed monster!  Sort of.  Ok, maybe not really.
2: I want a flamethrower.

I... have absolutely no idea. The name should've given it away, this really isn't balanced, or sane.

Yeah, I don't know this one either.

I have no clue O.o

Wasn't this a Fred Savage vehicle?  Something Monsters

I was thinking Little Monsters too...but weren't they 10?

monsters inc
just kidding i have no idea

Anyone want to start a new one?

i'll try...

GM: So what are yall gonna be?
P1: A robot
GM: Oh so you're gonna be a support class, or a technician?
P1: No I'm gonna be a jerk who is useless and constantly getting drunk
GM: Oh, you do realise that will impare your stats heavily?
P1: No no it's good for my power cells
GM: -_-

Futurama?

yeah i made it easy :P

1: I'm a middle schooler.
2: Yeah, me too.
3: Me three.
1: Hey guys, I'm going to bring my girlfriend and little brother in.
4: Hey, so I have super psychic powers.
5: And I...
1: Shut up, 5, I just brought you so mom wouldn't get mad. Go play Xbox by yourself, here's a piece of consolation pizza.

damn... that's ambiguous xD

its gonna be some young adult or teen thing tho, i think

It's very famous, two seasons so far. :)

13 reasons why?

Oh, that's Stranger Things, isn't it?

Yes! :D

In reply to Bart (msg # 168):

Groovy, I will post my own probably this evening.

Okay, this might be slightly too obscure, but it honestly did strike me as a roleplaying game gone wrong (in all the right ways).

GM: The new campaign is going to be a pulp adventure with exotic locations and weird science, starting in New York City. Everybody will need some social skills. I don't want any mini-maxed characters, so does anyone want a pre-gen?
Player 1: Nah, we all made characters this morning. My guy is the best lawyer in Manhatten.
GM: Excellent, is he well rounded?
Player 1: He's also the best fencer in the United States.
GM: Ooookay, what about you, Player 2? You're not an ogre again are you?
Player 2: No, this character is a chemistry teacher by profession. He's the top chemist in the world.
GM: I'm glad to see you have moved past your combat monster phase.
Player 2: He's also the world champion boxer. He has fists like mallets.
GM: That's a sort of balanced. Does he have any flaws?
Player 2: Low charisma.
Player 3: I want to tell you about my character, the Doctor. I got lucky on my rolls, so some of his attributes are maxed out.
GM: Which attributes?
Player 3: Just his physical, social, and mental.
GM: That's all of them!
Player 3: He was raised by social scientists in an experiment to see if they could raise a perfect man through training. So, he grew up in isolation, but he inherited his parent's gold mine. I put all my background points into Wealth.
GM: Clearly, you did not.
Player 3: So he became an inventor and a surgeon. I used that wealth to buy all the best equipment, all the vehicles, and safehouses around the globe. He has a blimp, but he needs a pilot.
Player 2: I can pilot that. A teacher's salary stinks.
Player 3: Sure, you can be my driver. I'll pay you ten times your current salary.
GM: Why would you take Blimp Piloting if you didn't know ahead of time that he was buying a blimp?
Player 1: You'll need a lawyer. Will you hire both of us?
Player 3: Sure!
GM: Let me see that character sheet! Oh my stars and garders... What, what is this personal code of ethics?
Player 3: That's my flaw. The Doctor will not kill his enemies.
GM: Okay.
Player 3: He abducts them and performs brain surgery on them to make them into his allies.
GM: You are supposed to be the good guys.
Player 3: Yeah, like I said, he doesn't kill.
Player 1: Exactly how much does your lawyer earn on retainer?
Player 3: How much can you use?
GM: Hold up, I clearly warned you that I would not accept mini-maxed characters.
Player 3: The doctor has no minis, just maxes.

Should I post something a little more contemporary?

You should post whatever you want to post

GM: Okay, we are going to try out of a new system since you guys have rules lawyered all of the old systems to death. It's called Gumshoe.

Player 1: Like for Trail of C'thulhu?

GM: Yeah, it's the same rules, but this next game won't have any supernatural elements. I need something uncomplicated until I feel comfortable with this system. I'm talking a basic procedural mystery. You guys will be cops solving a murder. Okay?

Player 2: Groovy, we have some characters ready.

GM: What? When?

Player 2: We got bored waiting for you to show up, we saw the book, and we made a couple of detectives.

Player 1: They've got no supernatural powers.

GM: I know that I am going to regret this, but let me see your character sheets. (shuffles papers, reads) Hmm, Player 1, why is your character so young?

Player 1: He's a teenage detective. It's a genre trope. He assists the police when needed, but he's not tied down by regulations.

GM: Seems a little underpowered for a change. Okay, there is nothing here deal breaking. (shuffles papers, reads) Wait a minute, this is the same character. The same character is on two character sheets in two different hand writings.

Player 2: No, it's not. Look at the names.

GM: What the hell?

Player 1: They are brothers.

GM: They have the exact same stats, same skills. They even have the same physical description.

Player 2: They're twin brothers.

Player 1: Identical twin brothers, it was easier than building two distinct characters from scratch.

GM: Oooooooh guys, this is bad. In this system, different skills produce different clues. You need diversity of skills.

Player 1: No we don't. You always call for the same three or skills in every game.

Player 2: We worked out the most commonly used skills, and we doubled down on those by having two characters geared toward exploiting them.

Player 1: It's like having twice the skill points for free.

GM: Rejected!

Player 3: May I join? My character is a girl.

Player 1: Sure!

Player 2: Aight!

GM: Let me see that character sheet.

Player 3: She's not even related to them.

GM: Same age, same skills, you crossed out the name and hair color. You wrote in a different name, made her blond, and added an "fe" in front of "male" in a different ink color. Was she by any chance supposed to be a triplet?

Player 3: It's a mystery.
This message was last edited by the player at 01:41, Thu 09 Aug 2018.

Would they happen to be named Frank, Joe and Nancy?

Contemporary? I nearly choked to death when I blew the dust off these books.

In reply to FourLegged (msg # 174):

You are correct on all counts. You are as correct as you are fuzzy.

I was going to go with something more recent, but the thought of the Boys as player-characters amused me too much to let it go. I think it's your turn now, 4Leggy.

Here we go...

GM #1: So, what should we make the Hero face against this time?

GM #2: Hmmm... how about feudalist society and economic oppression?

GM #3: No way, the answer is obviously the Demon Lord!

GM #1: Definitely demon lord, definitely. Still fresh, every time!

GM #2: Sighhh... why do I hang out with you guys?

GM #3: Who knows? Anyway, what race should the awesome OP demon lord be?

GM #1: Obviously a demon, right?

GM #2: Well, if we're doing this, we could at least make him something different? Maybe an angel?

GM #3: Pfft, that's stupid! Let's make him something silly, like a goblin!

GM #1: ...

GM #2: ...

GM #3: ...

GM #1: Nope. Terrible idea.

GM #2: Too dangerous.

GM #3: My bad, you're right... There is no way that guy would let it go...