Epic fail:

Telekinetic - controls things with their mind
Telepath - reads people's minds.

Granted:  You become Sean Connery and die from an unexpected heart attack, because you aged so quickly.

I wish I had something better to do

Whoops; totally misread that. D'oh.

You find something else but it is more boring.

I wish for more wishes.

Granted

You have unlimited wishes, although it really doesn't matter as the first one will either lead to your untimely death or a fate worse than death.

I wish for something less boring

Granted

You now find everything terribly interesting, from the tiniest spec to the account records of the local church. Unfortunately, everything is more interesting than the last thing, you've lost all focus.


I wish for good luck, and good fortune, to out weigh bad luck, and misfortune in my life, and those I currently and eventually care about, for the rest of time.

Granted.

You are blessed with good luck and fortune as are everyone you love or ever will love and care about.  For the rest of time.  However, time ends ........................................................................................................................................................... now.

I wish I had an Oscar Meyer hotdog.

Granted--- sadly it's delivered in a uranium casing.

-----------------

I wish for understanding.

Granted.

You understand that life is pointless and promptly execute yourself

I wish no one ever died.

Granted-
No one has ever died. Ever. Dinosaurs eat you, you spend the rest of eternity as living digested muck.

--
I wish for enjoyment.

Granted

You enjoy yourself.  Too much in fact, you become addicted.  Hair grows on your palms.  You go blind.  It even falls off after some time.  You continue to enjoy it even afterward, though the ways you find fulfillment can't be listed here.  Eventually you are arrested and put into prison and find a whole other type of enjoyment as you become intimately familiar with your cell mate Butch.  Butch passes you along to his friends, which you also enjoy.  You are exposed to every sort of STD out there, including HIV, but you enjoy each one.  Finally, AIDS kicks in and you enjoy the slow agonizing death of not being able to breath caused by catching pneumonia.  You enjoy your funeral and being worm food.  You enjoy being part of the carbon cycle.  Finally, the world ends and you enjoy that too.  Until you're nothing but a spec of dirt floating in the universe which you rather enjoy too.

I wish for a non-radioactive cheeseburger

The burger isen't radioactive but its rotten and you die of food poisoning.

I wish to have the greatest singing voice in history.

Granted. You get a cd of the greatest singing voice in history, but later accidentally sit on it and it breaks.


=--
I wish for a panacea

Granted

You have the greatest singing voice in history.  However, after your debut you're swarmed by lustful teenage girls and trampled to death by several dozen stiletto heels.

Granted

You have a panacea.  However, miraculously no one ever gets sick, poisoned or is in need of your panacea.  It gets stored in your closet and forgotten for all eternity.


I wish I wasn't hungry.
This message was last edited by the player at 08:03, Thu 10 Mar 2011.

Granted- You die, you have no feelings any longer.

--
I wish to be the smartest person to have ever existed.

Granted

You are the smartest person ever to live.  Smarter than Einstein, Newton, Plato and everyone else.  Of course when you share your ideas with the world they laugh at you and you're committed to an insane asylum where you're kept doped up on drugs and are never allowed to reach your potential.  You die a lonely and forgotten man.  Years later the world realizes how smart you actually were

I wish for a comfy bed.

Granted,

You have a very comfy bed but you spend way to much time sleeping, you forget all your friends, family, everything and only want to sleep all day.

I wish to be a great warrior.

Granted

You are a great warrior, sadly your first fight is against the best warrior, and you die.

--
I wish for eternal youth.

Granted

You have eternal youth.  You're a baby forever.  All you do is cry, eat, sleep and poop.

I wish I was a great novelist
This message was last edited by the player at 08:13, Thu 10 Mar 2011.

Allas, I was to slow to post.

(That was a great and clever twist in my wish)
This message was last edited by the player at 08:19, Thu 10 Mar 2011.

Granted

You are a great novelist, sadly you never get up the courage to share your work so it's never recognized.

-
I wish for the rightful ownership of a goldmine.

Granted

You have are the rightful owner to a goldmine.  Unfortunately it ran out of gold years ago.

I wish for a perfect eutopia

Granted-
You get the perfect Eutopia.
You-topia. You're the only one there. Everyone has all the same ideals. It lasts about a year, and then you die off of loneliness.

--
I wish for courage.

Granted

You're like the cowardly lion, you now have courage.  With your new found courage you decide to go sky diving.  However, your pack doesn't open and neither does the reserve shoot.  The instructor you were with was too busy flirting with the hot girl you had enough courage to finally ask out and didn't see you were in trouble until you bounced off the ground.  By that time it was too late.

I wish my utopia wasn't so lonely

Granted

Your Utopia welcomes gaint ants in as company and they devour you and everything in the Utopia.

If only I had a brain, wait I can wish, I wish I had a brain.

Granted

You have a brain.  However, its been stored in formaldehyde in a mason jar for the last century and is utterly useless.

I wish I had new shoes.

Granted, you have a new pair of shoes, custom made--to fit someone else...three sizes smaller...


I wish, more than anything, more than life, more than the moon, I wish to discover a tattoo ink that can glow, but is safe to use on people.