You no longer fear anything, including death, and live a reckless lifestyle, that should leave you dead, but wind up in prison. Now you have no fear of anything, but no freedom to actually enjoy life.

I wish for a long and fulfilling life.

Granted, you are now gifted with immortality, but you feel the pain of every death you must endure. Your everlasting life is very fulfilling. In fact, it is far too full for anyone, even one with a mind such as yours. The only end you are granted is the end of your sanity.

I wish to be free of this wretched bottle, and to no longer be a genie!

Granted but now you find yourself a Djinni in a lamp.

I wish for the next Star Wars movie to be great!

The next Star Wars film is great.  Unfortunately, that Star Wars film is never screened.  The Star Wars film after that is immune from genie intervention in either direction.

I wish for diplomatic immunity.

Unfortunately a dictator seizes power in a sudden coup and she doesn't give one macaroon about so-call diplomatic immunity.

I want a cookie that tastes good and won't cause any deleterious effects.

Granted, but it tastes so good and is so good for you that everyone in the world demands a share of these cookies, and the sudden influx of sales located on one fixed point crashes the world's economy.



I wish for precisely one million dollars to be put into my bank account by legal means, that does not raise any suspicion on the part of the bankers or the government, that is untaxed, cannot be stolen from me, that no one knows about, and that can be used at any time by me for whatever purpose I choose.

Granted, you receive 1 million Zimbabwean dollars, which isn't even worth 1 us cent.

I wish that no one could construe this wish to their own ends.

Granted, but it isn't to your benefit either.

I wish to meet a horrible demise

Granted.  You meet a horrible demise and completely fail to get along.

I wish for universal peas.

(Whaaaa?? Fail to get along?)

Granted! Peas the size of universes are magically sprung from the font of the genie's magic. But as a result these peas soon become sentient and begin devouring other universes. Soon a new supervillan is sprung from this; Galactus Eater of Peas.

I wish that I had more soda to drink.

Granted.  You have all the soda you can drink, unfortunately, you can't drink any of it.

I wish for whirled peace.

Granted! Peace whirls and whirls, and because of the law of energy conservation...because peace has whirled as long as it has...it must soon whirl in to a whirlpool of chaos.

I wish for eggs.

Granted, you have eggs.  Unfortunately the yolk's on you.  A metric ton of yolk has been dropped on you.

I wish for popcorn shrimp.

Granted! But because you have not specified on the amount of popcorn shrimp you desired....you have been granted all of the shrimp...and have coincidentally led to the utter and mass extinction of all shrimp in the world.

I wish to be on the nice list.

Granted, you are on Satan's nice list. He'll be visiting you soon.

I wish for some cocktail sauce to go with my yummy extinct popcorn shrimp.

Granted! But now you have been given the smallest microspec of cocktail sauce to go with said popcorn shrimp.

I wish for Satan to bring beer for me during his visit

Satan show up with a keg and all seems well. Then he notices your lack of punctuation and becomes offended. He storms out, telling you that he didn't really want to drink with you anyway.


I wish I were a real boy.

Unfortunately, as you find out, real boys age.  80 years later, you die of old age while your puppet friends continue to make astounding inventions and to progress science even further.

I want the answers.

Granted, you are given the answer to everything you already know, and learn nothing new.

I wish for something to happen to me that cannot, by any definition, be considered anything but beneficial.

Something happens to you that cannot, by any definition, be considered anything but beneficial.  And then the moment passes and the ups and downs of normal life resumes and you find yourself cursing how you didn't seize the chance when it presented yourself.  Your life is overcome by your continuing rumination on the harshest words imaginable, "What might have been?"

I just want a nice tasting cheeseburger that will taste normal, be digested normally, and go down normally.

Your cheeseburger screams at you, "Nooo! Don't eat me, you psychotic monster! What did I ever do to you?!"

I wish people would post more in the TESTING: 60 Seconds RPG thread.

Oh, that was smooth. Well trolled!

*slow claps*

Beautiful.


I wish people would be that witty more often. ;)

Everyone, except you, is that witty all the time and you slowly become a social recluse, driven to despair by your inability to drive your wittiness up past 61.109365%.

I wish I had a good measure of Gallic sensibility.

The genie scratches his head at this wish. Not knowing what Gallic sensibility means, he grants Bart the gift of Gallic sensitivity. Bart begins to break out in a rash whenever he encounters anything Gallic.

I wish upon my birthday candles for a pony.