Past winners:
April 2011: Top Two:
Aribeth, Heath, April 11, 2011, Worst Loglines:
Aribeth:
A man reverses the f and l buttons on his keyboard and then proceeds to type his book
Santos and Aribeth in ASWoT Omni-festival, Sat 16 Apr 2011:
Santos:
Anywho... I'm tired. I may be back tomorrow. I also might not be back tomorrow.
Stay tuned to find out!
Same Dragon Time!
Same Dragon Channel!
** Santos uses his Bi-Transual Key again and disappears into another portal. **
Aribeth:
bye-bye. quick someone change the channel
Santos:
** Santos grabs the remote. **
... Chuck Norris for the Total Gym...
** Click **
... Just set it and forget it...
** Click **
... Save you 15% on your car insur...
** Click **
... If you can't afford your medications astra zenica may be...
** Click **
... at Creditreport.com...
** Click **
... Now that's progress...
** Click **
... Incredible price of only $39.95...
** Click **
... but wait there's more...
** Click **
... Telemundo...
** Click **
... Ba-da-ba-ba-bah, i'm lovin...
** Click **
... Starts Friday...
** Click **
... sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY...
** Click **
There's nothing else on.
** Santos returns to the ASWoT Omni-Festival channel. **
Heath, Shatman, Kagura, Lounge, Aug. 20, 2009:
Heath:
This post was not edited.
This message was last edited by the player at....
Shatman:
This one was.
This message was last edited by the player at...
Kagura:
Suuureeee... I regret not paying attention to the original version of the post. ^_^
Heath:
It's not edited, so you didn't miss anything.
Heath; Time Waster Lounge; 23 Jun 2009:
Now I know why Fourlegged's posts are the way they are:
powerisall, Kagura, Germ Ant; Time Waster Lounge; 15 May 2009:
powerisall:
oh come on, I was thinking about nominating that typo.
Change i back!
Kagura:
What would we be changing you back to?
Germ Ant:
You'd be changing back into a typo? I didn't realize you used to be a typo.
...
But now that I think of it, it explains so much...
powerisall:
What can I say?
I was a accident.
Kagura:
So... squids evolve from typos?
Germ Ant:
PIA is not your average squid. Perhaps he was meant to be a squad.
Yoss, Kisa, Heath; Best Post of the Month; 8 Apr 2009:
Yoss:
Wow, I managed to completely skip that post as a read down the page. *slumps shoulders* I'll go now.
Kisa:
*chases after the cute Owl* NOOO! come back! We need you to run the many lives that sit here and waste the times of other many lives!
Heath:
He'll be back when it gets dark. He's a night owl.
Heath, Yoss; Time Waster Lounge XXV msg 192,193,195; 30 Mar 2009:
Heath:
One laugh is all I need to make it worth it...
Yoss:
Heath, it was clever. It didn't make me laugh, sorry.
praguepride, FourLegged; Best Post of the Month V, msg 208, 211; 3 Feb 2009:
praguepride:
I am Czech! Like my ancestors in WWII, I do not back down from implications of violence....
*pauses, checks a history book.
Awww crap, I surrender.
FourLegged:
I'm French and feel your ancestral pain.
Vixcis, Germ Ant; Time Waster Lounge XXIII, msg 152-154; 29 Jan 2009:
Vixcis:
I always put forth my best and sexiest effort! wich is why I should automaticaly get poster of the week, and royalty, and best post of the month!
Germ Ant:
I'm afraid your sexiest effort isn't allowed due to this not being an adult game.
Vixcis:
boo...Then I'll make it an adult game!!! just look at these *rips off her shirt only to find a black bar covering all her good parts*
Ugh how did this get here?! *throws off black bar only to find another one in it's place*
Well fine the try this!! *rips off pants and is shocked to find a large leaf covering her downstairs*
BOO!! *starts throwing black bars and leafs around like mad getting frustrated as the keep coming back*
PIA, Heath, King Scorpion, Hilarious Quotes, Dec 2, 2008:
Powerisall:
YAY MAGIC MISSILE!
*ahem*
or maybe just good ol' racial unlimited use per day planeshit...
Heath:
You want to explain to me what "planeshit" is?
King Scorpion:
Planeshit? "Look out below!"
Heath:
So that's the smell at the airport!
Yoss, Heath; Best Post of the Month V, Nov. 18:
Yoss:
Wow, I just realized how many spelling and grammar errors there are in the "assassin" quote.
Heath:
You mean "grammatical" errors? :)
Santos, praguepride; Best Post of the Month; 13 Oct 2008:
praguepride:
Stop talking about assassinations and get back to the voting! Come on, what is more exciting? Assassins or politics
Santos:
assasinating politians.
Heath, PIA; Best Post of the Month IV; 2 Sep 2008:
Heath:
Apathy is Man's greatest way to manipulate others.
Zeldi, Raz; Useless Trivia; 1 Aug 2008:
Zeldi:
this is the most useless thing ever said!
Raz:
Zeldi:
this is the most useless thing ever said!
This is the most useless thing ever quoted.
Yoss; Royalty of the Board VI, post #104; Tue 1 Jul 2008 at 19:38:
quote:
There is something I would like to tell you. What is it, you ask? Every now and then, something special happens at ASWOT; Noteworthy accomplishments that deserve recognition. Think of things like Best Post of the Month or Most Posts in a Week. You can't help but enjoy our various time-wasting achievements.
For some of us, time-wasting here has become part of our routine. I can hardly remember what it was like for me before ASWOT; Very different, that's for sure. Everyone here has their own ASWOT story.
Things like "bad voodoo" may mean nothing to those outside our small group, but to us they are special. How can I possibly recount all of our, ahem, accomplishments? Only let me say this. Ultimate time wasting is something we excel at. Sure, no one else in the world cares most likely, but that's not the point. All of us should strive for a more pure time wasting experience. Never let real life get the best of you! Do what you must to stay at ASWOT!
Perhaps you are wondering where I'm going with all this. Open disclosure, though usually my style, is not in vogue for me at this moment. Surely someone will waste the time to figure out what I'm trying to say, and exactly how I'm trying to say it. Then again, maybe this is just a long ramble from someone who's been at ASWOT too long. Siezing the throne, as I just now have done, may have been my only goal.
Why was this post special?
- It was Yoss' 25,000th post
- It spelled out "twenty five thousand posts" using the first letters of the sentences
- It gained royalty using the post
- July 1st is Yoss' anniversary
June 2008 1st place (we had too many nominations):
Presto, Yoss; Time Waster Lounge XIV #828,905; Jun 2008:
Presto:
They have evacuated a few of the little towns around us and are no longer allowing people to use some of the brides in the area.
Yoss:
I'm sure the husbands are quite relieved.
June 2008 2nd place (we had too many nominations):
Snakesssz, Powerisall, Raz; Flea market; 26 Jun 2008:
Snakesssz:
With all the explosions around here, I'm sure you could use a blast shield. And I'm amazed that you've even survived this long without Mime repellent.
Powerisall:
....yeah. i'll keep that in mind.
Snakesssz:
Just don't wait until after a mime gets you.
Raz:
You never hear them coming.
Golden Flea, Dragon; Preferences Game XII; 28 April, 2 May 2008:
Golden Flea:
Overy sweet tea, it's almost soda.
Dragon:
Flea... I think your tea needs a hysterectomy.
Dragon, King Scorpion, Best post of the month, April 28, 2008:
Dragon:
I'd like to nominate these for April...
quote Time-Wasters Memorial Mental Asylum, April 2005:
Germ Ant: *Germ Ant parries Raz's thrust while ducking the flying tackle and comes back with a lightning fast riposte.*
Raz: Feeling overwhelmed by the tall fencer, Raz flicks some controls with his toes, launching springs under his feet, making him bounce up and down as he attacks and blocks.
Germ Ant: *Germ Ant responds to his opponent's unorthodox maneuver by reabsorbing his legs and floating in seemingly random vertical and horizontal patterns as the fight continues.*
FourLegged: Ooh, Crouching Goblin, Hidden Alien!
King Scorpion:
I thought that the posts had to be from this month to be nominated
Dragon:
They ARE this month! It says nominations for the month of "April". It does not say what year! :p
Vixcis; Timewaster's Roadtrip; 29 Mar 2008:
*Vixcis suddenly pops near the front of the bus...shes wearing a scanty flight attendent outfit compleate with mini skirt and tiny little hat*
"hello passengers and thank you for choosing time wasters bus tours for your traveling needs, you driver today is a ferret and the meal being serverd tonight is eucalyptus soup. In the likely event of an emergency the exits are near the front of the bus or anywhere you can explode yourself a nice sized hole. In the event of a water landing, my breasts can be used as floatation devices. We'll be cruising at a nice speed of lord only knows and ariving at our destination sometime between now and never. Please store all koalas in the overhead compartments as they may become shifted or cranky during flight. If you have any problems please don't hesitite to call me over I would be more then happy to help or kill you."
Dragon, Timewaster's Roadtrip, 20 Feb 2008:
Zeldi:
*hits the brakes, shits into reverse, floors the gas*
*Throws a roll of toilet paper at Zeldi*
And for goodness' sake, clean up that mess! This bus smells bad enough already without you having shit into reverse all over the driver's seat! :o
Ms. Brill; things that make you go hmm...; 14 Jan 2008:
When voice recognition software was new and no one had a very good product, much less a product on the market for the general public, I had a programmer friend in the biz who asked if I would help him test a programme he was working on.
Needless to say, after a short time of the computer mis-typing what I was saying I got very (very) frustrated and shouted into the microphone. What came up on the screen was this:
Far queue bar stewards!
ChaosLord, Heath; TW Dungeoneering; 10 Dec 2007:
Explanatory Comment: CL had found a "Chronometric Eraser" gun which erases whatever it is pointed at from history and into nonexistence.
Heath:
"Don't we want to know what happens here? That gun of yours will disintegrate as soon as we leave the room. At least shoot something with it."
CL:
"Thats not true. Is it? Well, I better not tamper with the chaotic nature of everything."
Heath:
Well, since you start each room fresh...
Rules:
However, your character does not have any special powers or equipment unless the DM okays it first.
Since I wrote the rules, I remembered that. :)
CL:
"O."
*CL zaps the rules with the gun*
Heath; One Up Em; Friday 16 Nov 2007:
We were so boring...hey, pay attention!...we were so boring that...I said, hello!, over here...we were so boring that no one would even...hey, I'm talking here...we were so boring that no one would even listen to a thing we'd say!
Dragon; 10 uses for a... IV; 14 Oct 2007:
Pyromancer
. . .
2. Someone to introduce the flame of love to the circumference of a circle.
. . .
Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
In case you couldn't figure that out: Pi-romancer
Yoss, Heath, Ms. Brill; Beach of Wasting Time; 12 Sept 2007:
Heath:
I'll birthday suit myself.
Ms.Brill:
I'd pay a dollar to see that.
Heath:
You'd probably pay a dollar to NOT see that!
Oops! It appears my birthday suit is copyrighted!
Ms.Brill:
I thought anything before 1928 was public domain?
FourLegged; Last Letter Conversation XII; 2 Aug 2007:
Good people don't stalk. I've followed several of them around for a few months and not one of them showed signs of being stalkers.
Time Wasters' Tundra; 28 Jul 2007:
ChaosLord:
"O cool an arc!"
*zooms back with rocket shoes*
"Shotgun."
FourLegged:
"If you think it'll help." FourLegged hands ChaosLord a shotgun.
ChaosLord:
"I mea- never mind."
Heath, Raz, FourLegged; Puzzle Room VI; 3 June 2007:
Heath:
There is a word in the English language in which the first two leters signify a male, the first three signify a female, the first four signify a great man, and the whole word, a great woman. What is the word?
FL:
No thanks. I'll stick with the aspirin for now.
Doulos; Time Waster Lounge VIII; 17 Apr 2007:
Oh oh we better not start humanizing people here. I picture all of you as monstrously grotesque beasts whose hands have fused to the keyboards.
Don't destroy my world!
Vixcis, Cody; What If; 5 March 2007:
Cody:
What if you became GM?
Vixcis:
In the place of a GM you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair!
Heath; The Definition Game II; 12 Feb 2007:
Redundancy is...
...saying the same thing over in repetition and saying it again until the same thing has been heard over and over again without saying anything new and repeating something so that it becomes long and old and repetitive and backing up with the same thing so that nothing new can get through to ruin what has already been said over and over. It is the unnecessary use of either needless, tautological, pleonastic or superfluous text, by which one repeats, in duplication, the same, identical, aforesaid things over and over again, beyond what would be needed or required to explain, or make comprehensible, the intended or signified meaning of that which one wishes to convey. It is usually common in redundancy to repeat, sometimes with different phrasing or words, the same idea or reasoning, thus restating one's thoughts, sometimes paraphrasing oneself and effectively saying the same thing twice, or double. And it comes from Lord Alvin Redund, but I myself guess you (the reader) know or understand what I mean here in this sentence that was excessively repetitive to the point of being repetitively excessive. The wording was superfluous, repetitive, and more than required. In the times following, and subsequently, and afterwards, all things, items, speech, text, stuff, and things that are repetitive, superflous, or more than required are called, named, or otherwise denoted as Redundant, because, due to, and as a direct result of Lord Redund's text contained within his correspondence missive letter.
And in case it's not clear, this is the original missive letter from Lord Redund which started the word Redundancy:
Lord Alvin Redund:
Dearest, esteemed, important, and beloved colleagues, friends, and comrades,
I, Lord Redund, also called Lord Alvin Redund, am writing and penning this missive letter in correspondence to you, my friends, colleagues, and comrades, on March 15, 1734, this fifteenth day of March of the year 1734 to request, inquire, and ask of you, my friends, colleagues, and comrades, if it would be possible, feasible, or conceivable that I might borrow, or obtain on loan from you a small, tiny, insignificant amount of money, coin, or currency with which I might purchase, obtain through sale, or buy additional paper, or parchment, with which I could then write or pen more letters, missives, and messages unto you, my friends, comrades, and colleagues.
Thank you. I am grateful, and much obliged.
Sincerely, Truly, and Earnestly,
Lord Alvin Redund, Lord of House Redund
Any questions?
Bart, Heath; PL in Increment Decrement Question Game II; 1 Jan 2007:
Bart:
I only have slightly more influence with Ambroni than you have with Scorp -- we've gone on some dates, but we're just friends.
Heath:
You seriously went on dates??? LOL. That might be more vinegar than honey then... :)
Bart:
Me and Ambroni, not me and King Scorpion. :p
Yoss, FourLegged; Question Game IX; 8 Dec 2006:
Yoss:
Do you enjoy being nostalgic? If so, wax nostalgic in your response.
FourLegged:
Ah, I remember nostalgia. To wax poetically about remembering remembrances of days gone past, it makes me a little misty eyed to think upon the memory of it now.
I recall remembering my memory of remembered remembrances. Yoss asked me to wax nostalgic in my response. Those were good times.
Yoss, Bart; Last Letter Conversation IX; 16 Nov 2006:
Yoss:
You said it, not me. Just remember that. :-)
Bart:
"That", ok, I'm remembering it. I've got to hold that word in my brain. Ok, I'm picturing the word on a tray and I'm standing on a beach, holding the tray, the waves are rolling in, I can smell the sea breeze and I'm waving with both hands at... No! Wait, what happened to that? Did I drop it on the sand... Let me get down on my hands and knees, perhaps it's still around, oh, there it is -- my towel was blown on top of it. Ok, perhaps the beach is too distracting.
Ok, I take that and I'm now in a forest, surrounded by the pine trees. I'm holding that in front of me, as I feel the cool breeze lightly brush my hair and the warm sunlight streams through breaks in the needles of the trees and I reach up with my hands to stretch in the sun and I... No! Wait, what happened to that? I must have set it in some nook of a tree somewhere, maybe here, maybe, oh, it fell into that old stump over there. I'd better pick it up and dust it off. Ok, the forest isn't working either. Maybe if I remove everything around me.
I'm dressed in white clothes, floating in whiteness, there are no floors, ceilings or walls, I can see nothing around me, it's just blank and that is floating in front of me as I contemplate zen. Wait, what's that, a sound? I glance around but when I look back that isn't there anymore, that is now this. Ah well, I think I'll just give it up for lost and move on. Ok, back to the beach with that.
I'll just put it in a box and set it down on the sand here. I walk away from that, secure in the knowledge that I know where I set it down. I can walk back and pick that up any time I want. Good, now it's remembered. Even if I forget about that, as long as the box is there I can always wander over, see what's inside and remember that.
Heath, Dragon; Compliment the Insult; 27 Oct 2006:
Heath:
^ Knows how to get to the museum where they put all the arms, legs and heads that are missing from the statues in normal museums.
V Ends every sentence with "...for me to poop on."
Dragon:
^ Is accumulating posts nicely...for me to poop on
V Is still trying to make a post worthy...for me to poop on.
Yoss; Didn't You Get the Memo?; 12 Oct 2006:
To: Team DEC
From: Team INC
Memo: You're going DOWN!
Heath, Dragon; Useless Trivia V; 6 Sep 2006:
Heath:
Pluto. Talk about cosmic downsizing.
Dragon:
Ya, also, Disney has just released a notice that their Pluto is no longer a dog. He will now be classified as a 'Large Animated Maverick Beast' or 'L.A.M.B'
FourLegged; Poster of the Week; 22 Aug 2006:
Woo hoo! I'm number three! I'm number three! I'm number thr- That's three posts and the third spot from the bottom. Never mind.
Bart; Suggestions II; 14 Jul 2006:
I think, going by the strict rules of the God Game, there are a lot of "minor" laws of the universe that could used so that a person could never get anything done.
I create Light
I create a world
Wait, you forgot to create photons, you can't create light
I create photons
Wait, you forgot to create electromagnetic lines of force, what are the photons traveling along?
I create electromagnetic lines of force
Woah, you can't just do that, what's creating that force? You can't just have a force out all by itself originating from nowhere.
I create whatever it is that creates electromagnetic lines of force
Lol, you haven't even created the strong and weak nuclear forces yet!
I create the strong and weak nuclear forces
OMG, but what about giving the electrons spin?
I give the electrons spin
You can't do that, you haven't even created electrons yet
I create electrons
But, now you just had a Big Bang-like explosion as all the negative electrons repeled each other and you forgot to create protons and neutrons.
I create protons and neutrons and tie them in together with the electrons to create atoms
I'm sorry, but the rules clearly state that you can't do so much in a single act of creation.
I create Death
That's just nonsensical, how can you have death when nothing's even lived yet?
I create life
Slow down there, pardner, what sort of life are you creating, how are you animating the body, electric shocks, slipping a soul inside, what?
I create a body
Woah, you can't just do that. Ex nihilo creation? You've got to at least whip the body up out of the dirt like in the Bible or use evolution or something.
Shut up
Sorry, but the rules of the game don't allow you to say that to me
I give you a name, you are now the Devil
...ok, I don't have a problem with that.
I smite the Devil with my godly powers
I block the smite with my Devilish powers
I go off to create my own universe to play in
Evil's reach extends everywhere...
Presto; Time Wasters Lounge; 7 Jun 2006:
Wasted advice is the only type I give.
I used to give advice wasted but the hangovers started to take the fun out of it.
Golden Flea; Closed Captioning Game; 2 May 2006:
Muggleboy; I Did not want to hear that...from the presidential candidate of your party; 28 Apr 2006:
You're vote will give me a mandate. No, not a man date, a mandate... you know, where... oh, forget it.
Heath; Time-wasters Lounge; 28 Mar 2006:
If Ms. Brill spies on another cow, is it called a steak out?
Heath; Things that make you go...hmmm; 25 Jan 2006:
Whenever I feel blue...I start breathing again.
Germ Ant; Time-wasters' Karaoke Bar; 11 Jan 2006:
It's my time
(Oh) it's what I love
Well, it ain't my job
But I wish it was
It ain't no crime
Doin' what you love to do
Hey, it's my time
I can waste it if I want to
Heath; Time-wasters Lounge; 7 Dec 2005:
This thread will now be automagically redirected to the top of the game.
Raz; Best Post of the Month; 29 Nov 2005:
Look at all the pretty colours
Cody Coriva, Things That Make You Go Hmmm, ~26 Oct 2005:
Why do people lose their health trying to obtain wealth, and at the end of their lives spend all their wealth to get back their health?
Yoss/Twendle, Best Post of the Month, 28 Sep 2005:
Twendle Havashank:
Yoss, that took me right back here.
Yoss:
Of course it did. I linked to this page. I would be worried if it took you anywhere else. :P
Twendle Havashank:
Well that was a complete waste of my time.
Twendle Havashank:
Oh yea. I forgot. That is a good thing here.
Raz, The Fortune Cookie Game, 22 Sep 2005:
Who cares about the future, EAT THE COOKIE.
Kienzan, unknown thread, ~16 Feb 2005:
FourLegged, I've been meaning to tell you this, but...
We're actually twins separated at birth. You went to our true parents, while I was stolen away by an Eskimo who was visiting his old college roommate. I grew quickly on the blubber fed to me by my adoptive parents, but I wasn't old enough to walk when I was mistakenly left on the ice on one of my "father's" seal hunting trips. Luckily, a mother polar bear mistook me for her cub, because I was swaddled in white fur and I had a full diaper, and she took me as her own. For many years I lived among the polar bears, until the day I came of age and challenged the tyrannical chieftan of the polar bears for supremacy. After long and fearsome combat, the beast was slain, and the Blubber Crown was bestowed on me. There was a great feast, and many bottles of Coke were passed aound, because polar bears are quite fond of it. It was at this feast that the wise and ancient polar bear seer, Frozen Paw, told me of my true origins. And so, I set out on a quest to find my blood kin, with only my guardian Mr. Biggums at my side. We roamed long and far, we ranged from Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia, Atlanta, L.A. In Toronto, I lost an eye to an ornery fry cook, and had it cybernetically replaced, and spent many years as a laundry bounty hunter before returning to my quest. The road was long and arduos, and Mr. Biggums doesn't talk much. I had almost given up hope, when my garbage man suggested this site. I investigated, and chanced upon A Serious Waste of Time. Frozen Paw had told me that a marsupial would show me the way, so when I found you I didn't approach immediately. I watched from afar until it dawned upon me: this eucalyptus-eating creature was my twin brother. Still, I did not approach you with my wondrous news, not wanting to completely shatter your reality. The time has come now though, and here I am, your brother. This is why we look so much alike.
Foucault, FourLegged; H.M.S. Timewaster; 11 Feb 2005:
Foucault: The road to hell is paved with reiteration.
FourLegged: You can say that again.
FourLegged, The Gravestone Game, 10 Feb 2005:
Raz
We shall never forget
the moment we placed
Raz beneath the Earth.
I for one, will always
remember the Raz-bury.
FourLegged/Boo-Gah, H.M.S. Timewaster, 4-5 Feb 2005:
FourLegged:
Hey, where did my audience go?
boo-gah:
*claps sullenly from a deck chair*
FourLegged:
"Oh, there she is. And for my next trick..." FourLegged steps overboard.
boo-gah:
(Meanwhile, on deck...) *claps a little more enthusiastically* Encore!
FourLegged:
"Waaaaaaah!"
Now why did I do this again? Oh right, showbusiness.
"Waaaaaaah!"
*THUD!*
FourLegged falls to the deck from a great height. Bits of koala strike boo-gah.
Doulos, Time-wasters Lounge, 1 Sep 2003:
(This post inserted for sheer time wasting purposes)
This message was last edited by the GM at 17:20, Thu 05 Jan 2012.