Re: The Emperor of Curd
The man's gauntness, let alone his state of agitation, precludes his acceptance of Axum's offer of topless cheese pie. Ravex's invitation, though, to tell you all about it, he accepts.
Unable to sit, he paces around your table, the darting of his eyes matching the fidgeting of his dactyls. They alternately caress and then spurn his brass gears, either rubbing them betwixt his fingers or pushing them away.
"I am Cog Turner Josephus, a chosen of Erathis, chosen, I thought, for a humble life of blessing mutually agreeable trade accords. I'll have you know that I wielded my stamp with effortless efficiency. No, not a deal could be sealed in Relkingham without my sanction. And Relkingham's no hamlet, no; it's the most prosperous municipality within the principality of Deloren on account of it not only being a port town but also being propitiously situated on a land bridge between two continents. While it's true that the laws are enacted in Wyllea under the auspices of Founder Neelani, that's just a small government town..."
With no one saying "Yes, tell me more about the local government," he adjusts his holy robes and says, "I've been having these dreams, you see. Well, really, the same dream again and again:
I'm at the club, we've been enjoying our gin and tonics, when we finally get down to business. The matter, you see, of Farmer Dell's stall had to be resolved with the erstwhile farmer having expired and his seed, as we all know, never having sprouted. So I was entertaining two worthy practitioners of land husbandry vying for his stall. They both had their samples. This is the way you know. They bring their best to me, and I look for signs of my deity's favor. Like reading tea leaves...but more profitable.
Now, by this time I've tied more than one if you know that I mean. I'm not seeing too clearly. I reach for one basket from the berry-man. I gather in the other basket--it's from the plantain-man. I'm just sticking in my mitts now, one in each basket, gonna get some good handfuls, first tastes you know, the virgin scoops. But it doesn't feel right. The berries, they're round all right, but they're too wet, and the plantains, they've got the right slope, but they've got these sharp edges.
I looked at the farmers and they just grinned at me, raising their gin and tonics. So I stuffed my face with an offering from each basket. Seemed to taste pretty good at first, the juice of the berries and the warmth of the fried plantains. I felt some things stick between my teeth, so, my mouth still half-full, I stuck a finger in and plucked them out. It was an eyelash and a bone sliver. I awoke vomiting. I've been vomiting for the last fortnight.
He looks at all of you, his orbs blinking. "You think it has something to do with the edict?" he asks.
This message was last edited by the GM at 00:01, Thu 03 Sept 2009.