Re: Las Vegas -- Superstition, Fear and Jealousy
Dillon still had his first beer. Since he couldn't really taste the stuff it didn't do anything for him, he always just held onto a beer and sipped it periodically to be polite company. At Flare's question, he conspicuously took another sip to buy a few seconds. "Well," he mumbled. "I ... alright, just let me talk for a bit. It's not like one of those stupid mission speeches where I can just give some orders and say important sounding things and everything's good. I've got to sort of puzzle this out."
He sighed and leaned back into the couch. "So I kind of disappeared after Bahrain. Needed a month or two to clear my head incognito, without familiar people or things. Visited China, tried to climb a mountain there, had to leave in a hurry, ended up drifting along highways in Mexico and Nicaragua for awhile. That thing with Freak and Suzukaze, the quantum remission thing, Proteus, Laragione ... all of it. It got under my skin. I remember Solitaire's voice, and I remember pulling myself out of it. But I let the metal make a lot of decisions in all of that. It shook me up."
"I already regretted a lot of things. But then I started regretting some other things. Like, letting Impetus and everyone pull me away from your hospital bed after you got shot. And giving up on the whole vigilante business when things got too hot." He paused again, his cheeks puffing out slightly as he held a breath and tried to parse the next sentence. "And before Bahrain there was that weird thing where we all passed out at once. Don't remember much about it, but when I woke up I was at a Kraken Clinic getting treated because I'd coughed up most of my lungs. I ... when I started losing my powers, at first it was okay. Kind of nice. But toward the end it was obvious I was dying. The metal's like a cancer, and it's everywhere in me now. And without quantum to sustain it, I started getting a lot more human and things started breaking down. I kept thinking: That's bad. Don't tell anyone. They'll get worried. Don't get too close. Don't form more attachments. It could be any day now. Go do something heroic. Make it mean something."
"When Crimson Dawn and I were fighting, at that Proteus prison, there were a few moments when the whole lockdown thing slipped. I was in a headlock. And I was sure I was going to die."
His usual quirky nervous gestures returned. "I know, I'm rambling. But it all shook me up. So I tried to get my priorities together. While I was wandering I started reading. Took some of Dr. Zero's advice finally and tried to push my powers a bit more. Helped out as many communities as I could. And last week I was in Bolivia, and I'm riding in a truck up a mountain to this work site where they're going to pay me if I help fix their equipment, and I realized something. I'd spent two months trying to make peace with the metal and push myself, but I was still trying to be a hero. And I realize I'm sick of reading and working out and helping people, and I'm doing what I've been doing for years: just working harder rather than acknowledging any of the real shit that's been going on."
"I know that I need to stand up. Help people. But ... what I really regretted was not spending more time around you." He shook his head. "Because I am an idiot. And we had a ... thing. I don't know what it was, exactly. But I liked it. And I never really acknowledged it like I should have."
"What I'm trying to say is ... is I'm saying too many things." He looked Flare in the eyes. "I just know I needed to see you."
This message was last edited by the player at 13:00, Wed 23 Oct 2013.