Mord nodded seriously.  "Our quest reminds me of Adel Triplefang, in his lifelong searching for the Temple of Doubt.

"Everyone wondered if there was such a thing."

The Triplefang clan is ruled not by the wealthy, nor the mighty, but the lowly shepherd.


He has true Leadersheep.

There it was, the entire goblin army, charging ahead, and only one Triplefang warrior on the top of the hill to defend.  The goblin king bribed ten goblins to kill the barbarian, but he ducked behind the hill, and killed them all, then returned and taunted the goblin king.

The goblin king ordered a hunnerd goblins to bring back the head of the barbarian, but when the dust cleared, it was the Triplefang coming back over the hill.

Finally the gobbo king used his goons to force his entire army to attack the lone Triplefang, but the first goblin came running back.  "IT'S a TRAP! There's another one on the next hill!"  Mord fell over holding his sides.

"That one kills with a little ale in ye."

Adus and Fergus Triplefang were out hunting this one day, see, and they come around the corner and see this built-ahem, fetching nymph.   And boy was she looking bare of garment, and with an eager look in her eye, if ye know what I mean.  Say no more.

The nymph asked them what they were doing.

The two boys tripped over their tongues and said they was hunting.
The nymph smiled and suggested that if they were interested in a little... "activity" she was game.

So they shot her.

So this one warrior, full of himself, goes to the ancient sage of knowledge atop a lonely mountain, and demands a quest worthy of his might.

The sage gives the warrior a once-over, and suggests rescuing some kittens in the next town.

The warrior yells at him.  "Cats are no challenge for me!  A true challenge."

The sage apologizes, and suggests rescuing the treasure of ages hidden in the back of the mountain, guarded by twelve fire-breathing ancient dragons, each attended by a hundred lovely princesses.

The warrior's eyes popped and he asked, "Are you serious?

The sage replied, "No, but you started it."

"Tulong the traveller heard of a lovely princess held captive far, far, far away.  For two years he searched the land for rumours of her location.  For four years he sailed through stormy seas and crossed barren deserts.  For six years he battled thigh-deep through guardians of a fortress bigger than all the lands here combined.

Finally, at long last, he broke her shackle, freeing her, and asked her for her hand-fasting together.

She shook her head.  "With how long you're gone from home, are you kidding?""

Why are warriors better than thieves?
Warriors hit that every time, but Thieves Cant.

A sorceror named Hugh walks into a bar, sits down. The bartender says, "Buy something or you'll have to leave." The sorceror says, "I think you'll appreciate my presence when the friar gets here."

Sure enough, a few minutes later, a friar, decked in robes and carrying three empty flower pots, walks in and saddles up to the bar. He looks the bartender square in the eye, and says, "Gimme a drink or I'll kill you with these pots." The bartender just laughs at the old man, and dares him to try.

The friar speaks a word of incantation, and out of each of the flower pots grew three tremendous man-eating flytraps, which begin consuming nearby bar patrons. The bartender shrieks at the sorceror, "Do something!!!!"

Upon hearing this, Hugh speaks his own incantation and hurls a ball of flame at the plants which reduces them to ash. The friar, soundly defeated, retreats from the bar, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

After a long series of battles, a wizard, rogue, and paladin discover a treasure horde... of a few copper coins and a priceless piece of jewelry, bedecked with huge gems.  The paladin points at the unique piece and states, "I recognize that heirloom item.  We should return it to the rightful owners."

So the wizard and rogue killed the evil doppleganger.

"What do ya get if ya pour boiling oil on a northern minstrel?"
"A skald."

What's the difference between a goblin and a trampoline?
-You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

If you jump half-way through a fancy window, are you in pane?

Two ogres are yelling at each other across a mighty chasm.

"How you get to other side?" says the first ogre.

"What you mean?" calls back the second ogre, "You ON other side."

How do you get a tavern-full of dwarves onto a roof?

Yell drinks on the house.

Forget who collected these, but I loved them:

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

*laugh*

Man that was fast!  :-)

Good stuff.  I guess we should have each character bring his or her 3 best jokes to Genessa.  No rush picking those out.

I've been waiting all day in court, so had a little free time.  These were some of the funnier ones I remembered or came across.

Two Triplefang women were talking about their garden. One of them complained over too many snails on her cabbages. "I usually gather them and throw them into the woods", the younger woman said. The other one looked at her in dismay. "I tried. But every time I bowed down - whoooosh - they were gone."

(Hm, this one works better when spoken, the second has to speak really slow ;) )

You'll probably visit Genessa soon.  If anyone has a joke to add, now is the time.

Also, Mord please pick out your 3 favorites to deliver in game.

Post 5,7,14

Bring on Genessa - Mord's feeling lucky on his chances for the jest competition :)

I'll post tonight, but I think Genessa might have to wait until the amazing miracles of Pelor occur.

What do you call a goblin brave enough to attack a sorceress? Ash.

A warrior, a druid, and a harper meet where three paths become one. They travel and sing and drink together, and make themselves merry--until a hobgoblin patrol comes near. The next day, the hobgoblins return home, claiming to have been attacked by a mad tree, and that a smartmouth songbird told them they had lost their minds. What happened?

In reply to Mord (msg # 21):

So the Nymph one, the Tulong one, and the Orges one?

Yes sir