I think so. Can't check til tomorrow since our power is out and will be prob all night.

Ick. Power outages suck. If you find you don't have it, text me tomorrow and I can email it to you or something. I need to print it out and go through to make sure I got enough sensory details in there. You know how I struggle with description. But I'm trying to work on writing consistently every day, so I signed up for the 750 words challenge for September. We shall see if I manage to remove my name from the wall of shame.

Okay. So, no one ever posts for me unless I'm actively on Skype. And when I'm on Skype, no one ever messages me. So at this point, no one will play with me unless I am on Skype, actively watching to see the moment when they sign on, whether that's hours after I get on or minutes. And Skype is a fricken douchebag and likes to tell me people are on or off, at its whim, with no basis in reality, until I actually click on their name to message them. So that means, if I want to post with anyone, I have to sit at my computer, repeatedly clicking on people's names so that I can see an accurate account of their status. And that's not taking into account that Britt and Tori always show as online because they have it on their phones and it never logs them out.

So. In the last month, I've gotten to play for part of one evening. I think it was two or three posts. Meanwhile, you guys don't seem to have any trouble leaving posts for each other. So I'm really starting to have trouble not taking it personally and depending on how any given day is going, my reaction ranges from a crying "why don't they like me anymore" to a pissed off "who the fuck cares anymore." So basically, either tell me what's up, or make an effort. Because I can find other people to write with. Or I can do it by myself. Or I can spend the rest of my life wasted on Facebook. Whatever.

Not going over this (again) on a public forum...

Well, you're the worst offender, so whatever. I think I'm just done. I'm done feeling like no one wants me around and then when I try to connect and find out what's going on, I'm given excuses that try to make it all my fault. It's not my fucking fault. I post. I check in pretty much every day. I'm on skype at least two nights a week, if not more. I'm showing up. And no one fucking cares. So you can choose not to go over it (again), but I'm not taking "I assume you're busy with mom stuff" as an excuse anymore. Because I've said multiple times that I'm not too busy for you guys. So I give up. You guys can keep playing with each other and ignoring me. Have fun.

Did you miss the part where I said "public forum"? Everyone can read this and I'd prefer not to have it blasted all over the place. But since you obviously don't give a shit, fine.

Worst offender? The last time we were both on was last Sunday and we played. Then we hit a point where we were waiting for Sopha. Before that, there were *several* times where you were too busy to post anything because you were doing other things. I get it. You're busy, and that's fine, you have stuff to do and I don't have a life. But if you're unable or unwilling to make time to just sit and post, then how is that my problem? I have very limited time and energy now to post. I don't log in every day on Skype- the last time was Wednesday? I think it was Wednesday and I fell asleep on the couch. Other than that, I haven't been on and I haven't posted with anyone until yesterday.

Also, last I checked, the only time I ever post is when someone is online. You should know that. Tori and Britt and Sopha know that because they call me out on it all the freaking time. No, I don't post when no one is online because my creative spark isn't like a fucking light switch that I can turn on and off at will. It takes a lot more these days to even bring up a character because I just don't have the fucking energy. If that's a problem for you, so be it. I've been frustrated with you for years but I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to be "that friend" that bitches about everything. I guess that doesn't matter, though.

I am frustrated as hell because you DON'T have time for writing. I understand why but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. When you are on, you're either working on a church thing or a kid thing or your kids are bothering you or all of the above and you rarely spend more than a few minutes actually doing anything not related to church or kids. Last week Britt even asked you if you wanted to play and you spent 3 hours looking for a face and not a single word was written. In fact, you never even answered her question. And when you do write, it's all short little posts with little substance other than chit chat and I know, I KNOW you're a much better writer than that. Either you don't have the energy or time or whatnot, I don't know, but it's really, really hard to write with you these days.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to write with you or dislike you or think it's all your fault. I don't write these days because I don't have the fucking energy after working all goddamn day. I don't have internet access at work, my phone plays games with me whenever I do try to write on it, and by the time I get home from work, you're all too tired to write or don't log in anyway. But look, if you're too busy to post or don't have it in you or get home too late or go to bed too early (and I'm not pointing in any one direction), that's not anyone's fault and I'm not going to get on a public forum and bitch about it. I can't control what anyone here does or thinks, that's just fucking life.

I can't speak for everyone, but for me, it's not personal against you, Deb, no matter what you think. But I'm not going to lie and say it's not terribly frustrating that this little group we had going here has disintegrated into sporadic little posts here and there. It's not all your fault, no, but everyone has a hand in it, whether intentional or not.

I'm going to stop now because I'm super frustrated and angry right now.
This message was last edited by the GM at 22:49, Mon 07 Sept 2015.

Honestly, Deb, I'm a little confused as to where all this is coming from. Sometimes, we go a month without posting. We've all been writing together for nearly ten years. We get busy, we don't post for a long time, but we always come back together. ALWAYS. Sometimes, we post more consistently than other times, sometimes we go through dry spells. This has been the norm for YEARS, where is all this suddenly coming from?

The last post see that you made was a week ago, which was not that long ago. I received one post from Sopha after a week or so, and a post from Denise after a week or so. If anything, this looks pretty consistent for what's been happening for a while now. Where is this coming from?

I suppose we could discuss it in a thread in a different group, but given the fact that I already mentioned finding it difficult to get anyone to talk to me on Skype, this is pretty much the only place I felt like you guys would actually see it.



This is not about the last time that we posted together. It's about a trend. And hell, it's not even about frequency of posts. It's more about what I have to do to get you to post. If I could legitimately just sit back and think "eh, they'll get to it when they have time" that would be one thing. But if we stop and it's not my turn, I can expect that scene not to be picked up again until the next time I can manage to be on Skype at the same time as someone else.

And I would never say that you don't have a life. You have a less complicated life because you don't have kids. That is not even the same thing. Because you have a friend who seems to regularly do things with you. Like, in real life. The only friends I regularly see are either family or go to my church (which is, naturally, when I see them). And you're right. I don't regularly have time to just sit and post. At least, not at the same time as you. Which is why I get frustrated with the Skype harassment routine. I have time during the day, when you guys are all at work. At night, my husband comes home and wants me to spend time with him because, I don't know, he likes me or something. So when I get a chance to sit and post, imagine how frustrating it might be to have no one else on. Or the people who are on still don't want to post with me. If you're too tired to post, say you're too tired. Don't say "sure, who do you want?" and then end up not posting. Because then that starts the whole cycle all over again and I have to find time to get on at the same time as you and then ask you to play and it doesn't take too many of those cycles before I start to feel like being tired isn't the real reason you don't post.



My creative spark isn't like a light switch either. You complain about my posts being short and apparently shitty, but then you refuse to post unless I'm online to ask you to. So if I want more than one post out of you, I have to come up with something right then, or (see above about the Skype harassment cycle). So you're getting pissed at me for not caring about your lack of light switch muse, then turn around and complain that I don't have one either.

As for the last part about not saying anything about your frustrations, if you don't say anything, how am I supposed to know? So no, that doesn't matter, because I don't know it exists. When I thought there was a problem, I asked about it. The fact that usually the response is "no, why would there be a problem" should maybe be something you look at.

Yes. It did  take me 3 hours to find a face and figure out a brand new character. I wasn't ready to jump forward 15 years. I'm still invested in the characters we already have and those stories. But I felt like if I didn't claim a character, you guys would just divvy them up without me and I wouldn't be able to play with you later. So I picked someone. But I didn't flesh her because it still seemed like a future project and sorry, I wasn't sure it was really going to go anywhere. Wouldn't be the first time. When I was done with her, I posted the link for you guys but it was too late and (see above about Skype harassment cycle). I'm not sure what question I never answered. I suppose when I'm on a device that can look open skype, I'll try to look back at the convo and see.

I mentioned the short post thing above.

I know that I have not had much writing time in the past. I've not had much time for a lot of things because I allowed myself to over-volunteer. But in the last year, I've been cutting things out as I get the opportunity. At this point, I no longer have any positions in the church (I don't count sunday school teacher), though I do still have 3 kids. But I'm making an effort and have been for months. The only time you guys have consistently been on is Saturdays, and given it's proximity to Sunday, if I can be on then, I'm usually also working on church stuff. That should get better though because I'll just have less church stuff to do. For the last week, I've even been writing every day. And not just piddly stuff. I've been writing on 750words.com again and making sure that I write a substantial amount. That said, most of the crappy post issue is from feeling like I have to come up with something >right then or suffer the consequences.



I do have a response to this part, but it honestly refuses to form into coherent thought for me to write it out. The only things I can come up with are:
1. Maybe we all need to get frustrated and angry so we can make changes because being nice and trying not to hurt each other's feelings isn't getting us anywhere. I think we're all grown ups who know how to love each other even after a fight. So maybe we just need to fight. Get the blood flowing or some shit. Shoving a shoulder back into socket hurts like a bitch but if you don't do it, the arm is pretty much useless. So if it takes yelling at each other to get this shoulder back into its socket, let's fucking yell.
2. I think part of the problem is that we evolved from a group that was posting on a forum while chatting on msn. And we have done a shit-ass job of evolving to match new circumstances. I can text with you all damn day and post for you, on average, once a day, but not if you require me to be on Skype with you when I post. Hell, until my computer gets fixed ($50 I don't have just now), I'm spending half my time connecting to skype on one device and posting on another because my husband gets bitchy if I don't move upstairs when the rest of the family does. But posting from my Kindle makes the short post problem worse, and my netbook won't open Skype anymore so I uninstalled it.

Britt, I think I answered most of your questions in all of that up there. If I missed something, let me know. But I know that I mentioned how I was feeling a while ago and I thought I talked to you about it, but maybe everyone I talked to about it just thought I got over it. I don't know. Or maybe it wasn't you I talked to. I honestly can't remember.

I readily admit I'm a crappy poster. I always have been and I'm not sure that's going to change anytime soon. I don't post for anyone outside of Skype, generally and it has nothing to do with people "harassing" me via Skype. When I'm not online, I'm doing other things, like cleaning or researching or reading or other things I try to squeeze in time for. When I'm on Skype, I have constant pressure to post (and that's not a bad thing), so boom, post time. I've always been like that. So why is this suddenly a problem and suddenly about only you?

Also, are you aware that I now get home when it's 9 pm for you and 10 pm for everyone else? And that's after I've been standing for 8 hours and at work for 9 and driving for 30 minutes. So by the time I get on, everyone else is going to bed and I'm sure as hell ready to. Writing is the last thing on my mind. It sucks. Sucks for me, sucks for Tori and you and anyone else who wants to get online and write, but it is what it is. Again, it's not about you.

I can't see the posting situation changing for me. I have a very small window of opportunity to post (when I get home at 7 to about 11 when I go do bed) and if I've had a rough day and I'm tired; well, posting isn't going to happen. I know Tori has the same problem. She has work all day and then when she gets home, she's working on work. None of that can be helped. I also know that she asked you to start a Drew and Sonya thread over a month ago and nothing came about. Brittany asked if you wanted to play and you never answered (the question I referred to). Britt, I can only assume has the same schedule, I didn't ask.

My biggest frustration comes from this: all of these things you're accusing us of, you're doing yourself. You've asked more than once who you want, do you want to play, and then nothing. You get distracted with whatever project you're working on or your kids interrupt. THAT is what's frustrating - not the fact that you get distracted or that you're multitasking or that you're a mom - the fact that you are doing the very things you're complaining about here.

As for the last:



Nope. I'm bringing up these frustrations now because of the extremely hostile post you made after I asked not to bring this up on a public thread. I'm bringing them up because you decided that we're all devils and you're just an innocent bystander. I'm bringing them up because you're pissed off at us for not being the group you want us to be. Yes, I'm fucking frustrated and angry, but mostly because I know that there's nothing about this situation that I can change and also because I'm suddenly being held at fault for how you feel even though none of this is new and none of it is about you.

*quietly raises hand now that posting is an option again*

I suppose most of my frustration in this whole issue lies in the fact that I can't help but feel like this is a targeted attack since it is in a public forum and it seems like you're catching us all of guard. Like you've been stewing on the issue for a while and chose to continue doing that instead of explaining that there was a problem in the first place. Deb, you're complaining about this "Skype harassment" that you think exists when the truth is that there's no planned attack as far as Skype is concerned. I'll admit, I haven't been great about starting conversations with anyone on Skype in recent weeks. But I also started working full time again about a month ago and I've been dealing with a lot of stress from that end of my life. I'm combating the fact that I'm behind in grading, that my textbooks did not arrive on time for the start of the year, that my 7th grade textbook required that I register and create accounts for all 72 of my students, that my 8th grade textbook still isn't done, all of which mean that I'm back to being barely a step ahead of the student that I'm teaching. And while that might seem like something that's easy to handle for a teacher since it is my job, it means that I now have to spend the three-four hours when I return home from work (at about 6 o'clock when I finally manage to leave the school in the first place) hunting down reading assignments or activities or anything that my students can do to learn in the absence of material that's written and geared specifically for their age group.

Again, I'm not trying to belittle the stress that you're undoubtedly in from children and volunteering and everything else that's going on in your life (trust me, I know how stressful children can be at school - I can only imagine the sort of stress parents have to deal with, especially ones who take on the brave task of homeschooling like you have), but I am asking you to understand that even though I'm online and can occasionally throw a couple of posts Denise's way, they're usually distracted and take me a long time to write. I don't have much time for smalltalk and I don't have a lot of time right now for plotting.

All of that being said, I'm not trying to brush off your friendship or our writing together. But I can't remember the last time that you began a Skype conversation with me. Even if I'm not there, Skype does show me messages that were sent while I was away (since, like you pointed out, it runs on my phone and that usually means that I show up as 'online' no matter what my true status is). Again, I do a terrible job of starting conversations on my own, but it isn't a pointed attack. And we're both responsible for that sort of behavior. It's easier for me a lot of the time if I don't have a lot of conversations and things like that running in the background while I'm trying to do my work to limp through the next day. My husband'll tell you about that all day long - we don't talk much during the week and I get stressed by a barrage of texts from friends or my mother or anyone when I'm struggling to stay a step ahead.

I apologize if we've made you feel unwanted or unwelcome. That wasn't the intention. It was my understanding a while back that we were going to move on to the next stage of Drew and Sonja - I believe that was the wedding - since everyone was a little burnt out on the small talk scene (those are hard for me all the time, stressed or not stressed). I thought I remembered a conversation where you made a comment about starting that scene but when it never fizzled into anything, I think I assumed you were busy and in my stress, I forgot about it. I apologize if that hurt your feelings in any way.

I'm not looking to spark further arguments. As I've alluded to, I'm not sure I can handle the stress of further arguments. The public forum chat about this stuff felt enough like an attack - in all honesty, I get enough of those from parents and a coworker I don't get along with and I can't handle them online as well - but it's clear that it's an issue that you've been stewing on for a while. I'm not sure what sort of response you're looking for but those are my thoughts and my 'excuses' for my behavior. You can take it as it is but beyond that, I'm not entirely sure what to say. As a teacher, my availability is cyclical and is always going to remain that way. I'm sorry about the inconvenience this creates when posting, but I am trying to remain at least somewhat active with it so that I don't abandon you guys like I did when I was in college. I can't ever promise consistent, everyday posting, but I try my best with threads that are active and that's the best I can do currently.

I'm just going to say that this isn't the first time I've brought this up. Every time I bring it up, I feel like the person I'm talking to says something along the lines of "Well, you're too busy to post with," or "I'm not sure what you're talking about so maybe it's just you." So I'm sorry if hearing that repeatedly makes it feel like it's just me. And I'm sorry that I've been making changes in my life to try to be available for you guys and you can't tell. And I'm sorry that I even brought it up. I'll do better and I'll go back to taking what I can get without complaining.

I don't want other people to feel like they have to post when they don't have time or energy. But I also don't want to feel like people are only posting with me because I bugged them about it on Skype. That doesn't feel like friendship to me. That feels like giving a kid what they want so they'll shut up. And knowing that's not how you intend it, doesn't change the way it seems. Actions speak louder than words. So when I say hi to someone on skype and get nothing back, I don't always know if that's because skype is lying and they aren't really on or because they got up to go to the bathroom, or they saw that it was me and just didn't feel like talking to me. I do apologize for not following through on moving forward the Sonja and Drew thread. It already felt like pulling teeth to get people to post in the scene we were in (which was started up after the previous scene also just fizzled into nothing), so since no one seemed to care that I didn't do it, I just kept not doing it. And I sort of apologize about the future thread thing. But by the time I made her, Britt wasn't around to figure out what we were going to be playing, so I didn't really have any information from which to create a thread for them.

I don't know what the solution is. I just want to feel like people are happy to see me. I don't want to feel like that person they play with because she's been around so long they just don't know how to cut her loose. I love you guys. As sad as it is, you guys are the friends I "see" most often. My offline friends are busier than me and I have shitty transportation, so even if I manage to work out a time to get together with them, I don't always get to follow through on that. Not being able to play with you guys basically makes me feel completely isolated from other people. And I suppose it's not fair to put that burden on you when you all live so far away and have your own shit, but there it is. I have no other friends. So I need you guys.

This is the last I'm going to say on this because I feel like we're going in circles and nothing is getting resolved. It feels like you're determined to make this an us-vs-you situation when in reality IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. All the frustrations I mentioned were done so solely to point out that you do the same exact things and it has nothing to do with us and everything to do with your personal situation. It's the same with me, same with Tori and maybe the same with Britt (I can't speak for her since I haven't talked to her about this). None of this posting stuff or lack thereof is because we don't like you or aren't happy to see you or don't want to talk to you (I always respond if I'm on. Always.) and at least for me, I don't post because I feel a sense of guilt or whatnot. I post because I want to, because I'm enjoying the story line and the characters, because I am excited to be in the moment and the words are just flowing. When I don't post, it's not because I don't like someone, it's because I mentally can't. I can't dictate how you feel about that. I can't keep repeating the same things over and over knowing you don't believe a fucking word I say. So, I'm done with this. I've said everything I have to say and you can take it or leave it. The passive-aggressive posts aren't going to do much more than piss me off and I really don't have the energy or will to be pissed off, either.

I feel like anything else I say is going to come across to you as an attack or an excuse so I'm not going to keep trying to explain. I'm sorry that our explanations aren't enough for you and that you still feel like we're against you when that's not the truth. I am sorry that you feel ignored.

I don't know what else to say.

I don't know what you think was passive aggressive. I was legitimately attempting to apologize and end the argument. I said how I felt. You all said my feelings were wrong. I attempted to say why it even matters and why I got so upset. I'm sorry if my apology got lost in the middle somewhere. I don't always write as clearly when I'm upset.

So my life just got ultra complicated. My landlord came over and told us we have to move out by November 1st. She can't afford to keep the house anymore with all the repairs that have to be done so she's selling it. Her dad has a condo, but it's all the way out in West Phoenix, which means an hour drive to and from work instead of 25 minutes. You all probably won't see me online at all during the week after we move. After my trip, I will try my best to post but I can't guarantee it until after November.

We're trying to find a place closer to our respective works but we're striking out so far. Prices here in the valley are insanely high.

That sucks. October seems like moving month, since we're going to be moving, too. Anybody else want to move? We can all be moving buddies.

Well, good news and bad news. We're not moving in October, so I have more time for packing and planning. But we're going to be moving mid-December, so we'll freeze our asses off instead.

Whoops. I formed replies in my head for posts and then didn't actually find time to post. I'll try to get that done tonight or tomorrow.

Re: Drew's job

I think we determined that he would go back to being a lawyer when they move to new York.

Update:

My move-in date has been changed to next Sunday (which is a good thing, trust me). It cost me a little more but since it means getting away from Mr. Stress Trigger weeks early, it's worth it. I'm going to post a little bit all week, probably be on Skype a day or two, but mostly I'll be quiet until the end of the month when I'm all moved in. Thankfully I don't have to wait for an Internet hookup, since I have a hotspot on my phone now. So for the rest of this month I'll be on and posting, though probably not often. After the first, though, I'll be back to a regular schedule.

I think I'm out of my slump *strokes beard*

Yay!

Woo! I'm on a roll. Did I miss any?

Okay, so I'm trying to figure out where things went wrong. In both of the threads that I've recently moved forward to a new date, my days of the week have been wrong. I've looked at surrounding years and those days wouldn't have been right for them either, so it's not just a case of looking at the wrong year. Any other theories for how we could have gotten several threads worth of dates wrong? Especially when we take turns coming up with the dates?

*scratches head* Really? The date Nisey put for the new Vin/Lena thread is fine based on my computer calendar so I dunno!

When I posted a new scene for Logan,I looked back at the previous date and when I pulled up the calendar, the day was wrong. It was only off by like, a day, so I just put the right info for the new scene and figured if we ever did anything with all this writing, we could fix it then. But then when I went to get the date for the Kate stuff I posted last night, it was off too. The date that was supposed to be a Sunday was actually a Friday. And when I checked the years around it, none of them had that date on a Sunday. So I again picked an appropriate date and ignored it, but I'm concerned that it was off by so much and it wasn't the only one.