Falls River is the river along which the deep wilderness folk have settled. Your settlement, Camp Starfield, has what is relatively standard rules in such settlements; those who can work and don't, do not eat. Starfield is home to 90 people who all contribute in some way.

Currently visiting the camp are the PCs, but also a druid by the name of Arowyn and a ranger by the name of Helja.

It was a long way to get here, but you are here because word was sent that this place needs help. The commander, Shane, explains that the camp has a couple problems:

Quest 1) Starfield been mysteriously losing supplies that, by all rights, should still be there.

Quest 2) Starfield has been spotting goblin activity nearby and needs that looked into, but their people are already stretched thin doing what needs to be done just to put food on the table for 90 men, women and children every day.

"Finding missing things is part of what Mittens does, and considering that is a much closer starting point, I suggest those interested join me."

She gets started scanning things with her Chuck Norris Jr. eyes.  Not as good as Epic Timothius' Chuck Norris Sr. eyes.  (20 passive perc.)

  That's the benefit of adventurers to hard working commoners. They solve problems because they have nothing better to do!

  "I know it's the obvious thing to expect the goblins are stealing the supplies, but there's an odd tendency for there to suddenly be another reason out of nowhere."  It's probably the goblins AND a second thing! Maybe.

  Joe lets Mittens deal with the staring at things, until it reaches a point where dirt is too dirty for perception to look at as good.

At a passive perc of 20, it takes Mittens and Joe 40 minutes to scan the general outdoors area, but taking 10 in each building will be 380 minutes (6.3 hours) total.

Both adventurers, however, are experienced at refining their ability to search and reduce the time by a substantial amount. Mittens gets distracted several times by the place being so new and interesting, having so many new and interesting things in it. And the occasional child being fascinated with a catgirl since they have never seen one before.

Joe's senses tell him to start at the supply building first, where he finds a relatively hidden clue that leads him to check the hut adjacent to the supply building, where he immediately finds what he suspected was the case: A cleverly concealed tunnel, too small for medium sized creatures, but plenty big for small sized creatures.

Around then, Mittens decided to check the exterior of the camp and found little tracks. At first, it looked like halfling feet, but Mittens is able to tell the subtle difference and figure out it is goblin tracks. Whoever this goblin is, they went to a lot of trouble to try covering their tracks enough for Mittens to lose the tracks at several points.

Helja gladly checks out the tunnel and reports that the tunnel leads to just behind the nearest tree outside Starfield's eastern walls.

---

Mittens perc rolls: 18, 13, 23
 Mittens nature roll for tracks: 20
Joe rolls: 22, 29, 25
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:17, Mon 08 May 2017.

"And already off to a good start!" Mittens boasts, "Nice work, everyone!  Next up: Find the thieving goblin and give him a stern talking to!"

  "Thanks Helja, glad there wasn't anything in the tunnel but a tunnel."

  He looks over to Mittens, "Considering the amount of effort involved to be subtle, there is a slight chance they would understand a conversation past screams, stabs, and poorly rhyming songs about screams and stabs."

Helja says, "Well then. I guess all you guys need to do is track down the goblin. I'm needed back at camp for cooking. Mrs Cammermill is sick, so I agreed to take her place as the camp cook. But if you find there are too many goblins for the two of you to handle, you can always return here to get backup. By then, I'll probably be done cooking."
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:58, Mon 08 May 2017.

"Sounds like a plan!"

Mits is quick to take the lead following the trail of the goblin.  Maybe she wants to impress Joe with her tracking skill.  Maybe she thinks herself a tank with her chainmail armor.  Maybe she's just eager for a fight.  The world may never know, because this time she's not narrating out loud.

  "Hopefully it's not that many, but we'll keep that in mind." Yes, if Helja has time after being a kind and sweet person she will help you shoot people in the face.

  Joe wanders along the wilderness with Mittens.  Very picturesque.  Like a less violent Calvin and Hobbes.

Whether the two decide to take their time or be hasty, it gets dark before they are able to finish following tracks. However, they can see the flickering of fire reflected on trees about 100 yards ahead.

Mittens conjures a second Mittens!  Yay multiclass shaman.

"Mittens.  Go check out the fire to see if there's lots of goblins, only one, or something else entirely unexpected."

Mittens salutes Mittens.  "As I command."

She floats off.  The Mittens that stays behind grins impishly to Joe.

  "You always were good at multitasking.  Now you're good at multitasking while doing nothing."  Very zen, except it actually means something instead of being philosophical rambling.

Mitts is able to see a single, surprisingly pretty goblin at a campfire. (visual of gobby can be found south of the map of Starfield)

The goblin is roasting marshmallows over the fire and, judging from the bones nearby, had already eaten some meat.

Mits conjures an image of the suspect for Joe.

"Mittens feels threatened by this thief.  Four pigtails!  That's twice the cuteness!  Nevertheless, I must put aside personal bias and aproach this professionally.  You from one side, me from the other, and second me from above.  That leaves her only burrowing as an escape option."

She lets Joe do the circling around since he has the DEX for sneaking.

  "At least no matter how this goes, it will be less awkward than people stealing medical supplies from dying soldiers because their kid has a nonspecific tummy ache."

  Joe will totally take advantage of looking slightly less threatening if spotted by having no drawn weapons (Thanks, built in quick draw).  But we get the feeling he'll manage dealing with the average passive perception this time around.

The gobby is completely surrounded and has no idea. Joe is able to get right up to the girl if he wants to.

She cheers at the sight of her perfectly roasted marshmallow. "Ha-ha!" she says with a little squeal in her voice as she holds the stick up triumphantly before going to nom the marshmallow.

Mits waits for the girl to nom the marshmallow before approaching all friendly-like.  Wouldn't want her to drop it or choke from surprise.

"Lalala!  What a welcoming looking campfire!  And a cute girl to go with it!  Hi there!"

  As tempting as it was to have done the 'here the whole time' gag, Joe has a preference to stay out of melee range.  "This is why I hang out with you, you're so much more sociable."  2 tiles away is technically out of melee range.

2 tiles away also means an entire 5 feet between Joe and the gobby. The goblin looks up towards Mittens shocked, all four of her pigtails wiggle as if the pigtails were startled. Then smiles and says, "Cute? Why... thank you! Hello!" A very surprisingly not-scratchy voice, if still sounding like a little gal.

She looks over curiously to see Joe and then skews her lips to the side before pulling more marshmallows out of her pack and offering them. "Join me! Have some marshmallows!"

"Why thank you!  Don't mind if I do!"

Mits gladly accepts the offered noms and begins to roast.

"Quite the treat all the way out here in the wilderness.  Where'd you get 'em?"

  "Thanks, this night is going much better than expected." Which would be the case even with a less jaded worldview.  'Cute goblin gave you marshmallows' is something even optimists don't generally expect.

  Though yeah, a slow lead up to tunnels and tracks is probably more tactful.

The goblin kicks her legs happily and says, "I got 'em from Jengus; he's a master alchemist, but sometimes I puts together treats like this. More importantly, he's my... why do you ask? You wanna get some more?"

Mits gets flustered when asked about her motives.  "I uh... YES!  Yes.  Totally was asking for reasons of getting more.  Has nothing to do with investigating missing supplies.

"More importantly, four pigtails?!  That's just.  Just.  Four!"

( Bluff 12 )

  "Maybe? Though given that sentence structure, do you know what smores are?" If she doesn't, would it be Unaligned or Evil to withhold how to make them until they get quest related answers?

Unaligned. Evil would withhold it on principal alone.

Once again, the goblin's pigtails wiggle as if rattling! "Eeeeee! Yes! Pigtails are fun! I like yours, by the by. And no, I don't know what smores are. Now what's this about investigating missing supplies? Maybe I can help? I'm not very perceptive, though... but it's OK because I have four pigtails!"

She closes her eyes with a content smile, bowing her head slightly while holding four fingers up towards Mittens.

(Insight 9)
This message was last edited by the GM at 04:19, Tue 09 May 2017.

"Thanks!  I like yours too.  I can't say four never occurred to me.  I guess I..."

Mits doesn't want to admit she wouldn't dare anything, but...

"I guess I was in the mood for two.  Smores are an amazing thing I'll let Joe share because he's the one to bring 'em up.  And thanks for offering to help!  Do you know of the local settlement?  Starsomething?"

  It's like a confused puppy was reincarnated as a goblin.  Which makes it all the more sad that the average adventure party would have seen a smiling goblin eating marshmallows and nuked it with a fireball.

  "You make a cookie sandwich out of graham crackers and chocolate with your toasted marshmallow in the middle."

  He comments to mittens "Starfield. So you got the important part right"

The goblin stares at Joe. "That sounds amaaaaaazinnnnn... GA! I've gotta try it sometime."

"Starrrrrr field!" she then puffs her cheeks, brings her fists together and suddenly flings her hands out, wide open while saying, "BAWOOSH!"

She looks at the two. "Yeah. My people pass by there all the time. They're not friendly to us, though. Probably because we're goblins. Too bad, really. We could probably help them out if they are having issues with supplies."

"Gaah!  The cuteness!"

Mits flails about a bit as if fairies were buzzing about her head.  She shakes it off and returns to her usual smiley self.

"Oh yeah?  Well maybe they could return the favor with cool Starfield stuff.  Seen any suspicious goblins pass by here?  'cause we tracked the thief's footprints to this area."

  Joe nods, "Yeah.  We're out here because someone dug a tunnel into Starfield's supply building, where supplies keep going missing."

The goblin covers her mouth, giggling from Mittens' flailing about and copies her for fun.

The goblin says, "Show me these tracks you speak of."

When Mittens shows the nearest tracks to the goblin, the goblin takes a step into the track. Her foot fits perfectly. "Well... you followed ME here, anyway. Doesn't mean you found the culprit. But I'll be happy to help you find them, whoever they are."

Mits snickers at the adorable goblin antics.

When shown that the footprint is a match, she slouches.  "Nyan.  Those tracks was our only lead.  Why were you walking about so close to Starfield?  Specifically the tunnel into Starfield?  And go to so much trouble to cover your tracks?"

  Joe will be stabity degrees of annoyed of it turns out the goblin is taking advantage of the fact him and Mittens are trying to be reasonable-oh hey, unrelated realization.  "You know, I don't think any of us introduced ourselves.  I'm Joe, this is Mittens. What's your name?"  What a world when Joe is the first person to introduce themselves.

The goblin looks concerned for Mittens. She's about to answer when Joe's question comes up.

The goblin grins wide at Joe. "Flert."*

Flert then says, "Like I said, my people often wander near Starfield. Covering tracks is force of habit because we don't want them following us back to our camp. As for what I was doing there, I was checking out Starfield because it's so neat to look at!"

*Fun fact. When making the character, used the random name generator in charbuilder and this name came up.

Mittens is usually the first to make introductions due to the player's dislike of those awkward moments where dozens of posts later a player's all, "Why are you using my character's name?!  He never told you his name!  Meta!  METAAAAA!"

"Thanks for handling the introductions, Joe.

"Did you see anything that might help us find the thief, Flert?"

 "At the very least, finding out who did it means nobody will try to blame you for it."  Unless she did it, in which case it would suck for Flert either way.


  Hello, my name is- *Hot coffee to face*

But if she took hot coffee to the face instead of dodging it, then the others in the game would rage quit.

Flert begins walking back towards the campfire and says, "Thanks for the concern, Joe. I haaaaate being blamed for bad things I didn't do. Did I see anything helpful? No. But I did hear there are some stray goblins in the area that are not of my tribe. It is rather late... tell ya what; why don't you two sleep with me, here at my camp. We can start the search tomorrow. Can't see as well in the dark as you can in the day anyway."

"Sounds good.  I'll conjure a watch totem."

Mits conjures a totem pole of creatures looking in all directions, topped by an imposing blue eagle...  https://s-media-cache-ak0.pini...360d5905e4bcc08c.jpg

Before long she's purring contentedly in Lala land.

  As usual, Joe is surrounded by people more adorable than he is... Not that this is hard to accomplish, it's the degree it is generally accomplished that tends to stand out.

  "I think We'll take you up on that, Flert.  Were you expecting anyone else to show up at your camp, on that note?"  He will keep seriousface bird company for a chunk of the night.

"Nope! I wasn't expecting anyone. I love your totem, Mittens!" Flert hugs the totem! "Well good night!"

The surprisingly trusting goblin goes to curl up next to the curled kitty!

The night goes by without issue. Nothing appears to be wrong or out of place. Mittens wakes to a sleeping goblin girl's face being a mere foot away.

All of the faces of the totem blushed.  Morning Mittens smileys at being a mere foot from adorable goblin face.  Nevertheless, morning kitty stretches are had and breakfast is started.  She keeps her eyes and ears ready for anything fun that might be about to happen.

  Joe would prefer more standard fun rather than 'live combat before breakfast' Mittens fun.  Also this is your semi regular reminder that Joe smiles more than his dialogue would suggest.

As if in slow motion, Mittens and Joe notice a goblin at the last second, mid-jump, about to gank Mittens with twin daggers!

Flert is 100% unaware and is yawning and stretching when this happens.

  Joe sighs as he draws his katana knocks the hurtling goblin out of the air with a well placed arrow, shoots the goblin while they are down, then sighs.

  "For your sake, you had better hope this is a violent misunderstanding instead of violent you are just an asshole."
This message had punctuation tweaked by the player at 06:24, Tue 09 May 2017.

Flert squeaks at the sudden combat, and yells, "Taal o!" before firing a couple of strange sparks from her fingertips that cause thunder to rip through the camp sight! Both sparks fail to hit the offending goblin.

"Gah!"

Mits spun around and fired eyebeams at the enemy, but misses.  She then swaps with the totem pole that looks down at the goblin disapprovingly.

"Your sneak attack failed!  You should surrender if you want to live!"

The goblin says, "....oooooow.... that hurt."

He hops to his feet, hops over to Flert, puts her in a hold, and holds a dagger to her throat! "Stop or I kill her!"

  Oh no, Flert is an NPC so that's actually possible! (Well that and low level hitpoints).

  "Do you have any idea what you are doing, or do you just go through life wanting to stab the closest person." Okay Joe, you can hunt down and kill them later if they keep this up.  Because you are having another 'Unaligned is not Chaotic Neutral' moment by not responding by just shooting him some more.

Flert is kinda frozen and holds her breath.

The baddy responds, "You from Starfield. You look for goblins. No look for goblins anymore!"

Mits discontinues attacking, her anger showing.  The totem pole slowly begins circling around the goblin.

"Broken Common.  Great.  OK, you win.  We no look for goblins.  I was hungry for breakfast anyway."

The baddy says, "Me back away with girl. Then let go and run."

Which he attempts to do.

   "Well that depends, do you know who dug the tunnel into Starfield?  If you do, punch them in the face a dozen times and make them stop it.  Because if that keeps up, they'll just send someone not as nice as I was."

The goblin runs for it. Flert looks at the others, as if checking if letting the goblin go is really what they want.

It is not what they want.  Mittens at least.  She gives chase while the totem leans out a foot to trip up the fleeing goblin.  (Joe can make a range basic against him as a free action with CA.  In addition to his normal attacks, of course.)

  Not for the first time Joe is surprised at being less violent minded than his peers, but then he was also thinking in terms of hunting vs asking.

  Hmm... Arrow to the calf just doesn't have the same ring to it. THUNK.  "I am a huge jerk some days, but still less of a jerk than others.  That's the important bit."

Soon, the invading goblin simply collapses unconscious. Flert starts dragging him back to the camp. "I guess someone just volunteered to be your thief?"

Mits ties up the prisoner.

"Ah yes.  Defending your friends from a murderous villain.  So rude!

"Thanks for dragging him back."

The totem pole transforms into darkside Mittens.  "Ooh!  Ooh!  Can we interrogate him?!"

Adventure Mittens looks over to Flert.  "You recognize this guy?  Or there anything familiar about him?  Like signature blades or whatever?"

  "Please don't make their brains ooze out of their ears when interrogating them."  Wrong mittens, Joe.

  He also looks over to Flert.  "They may just be linked to the actual thief, given leaping stab attempts are hardly anywhere near as subtle. Even when trying to sneak up for them."

Tie up and interrogate is go! The goblin says his name is Dunlap. He attacked because he is a member of the small tribe of goblins. He claims they are starving and the only way to survive is to steal from Starfield because humans and elves will try to kill goblins on sight.

Mits' eyes glow for a sec.  "I think he's being honest."

She looks over at Flert.  "What are the chances of a peaceful solution?  I'm generally not one to wipe out a tribe for the crime of being hungry, but sometimes being hungry is enough to make people try and kill me."

"I'm hungry.  Kill the cat!" a troll puppet on Dark Mittens' hand says.

  "You're going to have to consider ways of seriously making up for what you've already taken, if you want the slightest chance of things working out in your favor.  Your best option if you don't want to try is starve or find some other way to feed yourselves, because if you keep it up you're only going to end up with everybody in that fort who can hold a sharp object coming for you."

Dunlap deadpans at Joe. "Better that than die slow of starvation. I can't wave magic wand, make food appear. Your offer stinks: "Find some way to feed yourselves". Duh. Like we didn't look for ways that are not stirring huge human tribe."

Flert says, "My tribe gets along fine. Why didn't you come to my tribe and ask?"

Dunlap says, "Leader of tribe forbids asking help from other tribe. But some of us about to defy his orders. Defying leader means death, but his leadership is killing us slowly."

Flert looks at the others.

"'Pride goeth before a fall,'" Mittens muses aloud.

"So... we just gank their leader.  Problem solved!" Dark Mittens concludes.

Mits looks to Flert again.  "Any chance of some cultural bit that could single out their leader?  Like, he couldn't possibly decline a one-on-one challenge?"

  "I meant more in the sense that if you kept up just trying to steal, you'd end up with a pitchfork mob stabbing the hell out of all of you even if Mittens and I left you alone.  Like you said, your actions killing you slowly."

  He looks over to Mittens.  "Doing Dunlap's job for him would be easier, without half the goblins trying to kill us while the other half just sit back and watch while complaining nobody wants to help them live. Yeah."

Flert says, "I'm considering the idea of going to my tribe and telling them our tribe needs to show up and force their tribe's leader to surrender. Their tribe is making Starfield want to attack MY tribe, after all. Buuuut... I would like if you could assure me that Starfield won't attack my tribe. So like... take Dunlap and I into Starfield, explain the situation, and see if Starfield is willing to work with us, or at the very least, not interfere."

Dunlap says, "Stupid Flert! Starfield kill you! Why you trust human and cat?"

Flert says, "They spent the night here at my camp and never once attacked me."

Dunlap says, "It's a trap."

"Sounds good to me."

Darkside Mits looks disappointed.  "Aw man.  And I didn't even get a chance to monologue about the futility of resisting."

"Just to be safe, maybe Joe should go in alone and double-check that they won't flip out about you entering or approaching the fort, Flert."

  "It's not a trap because traps are supposed to make things easier, not harder and needlessly complicated.  Though it you want to rely on Starfield hating goblins, just put an emphasis on the fact your plan involves goblins killing other goblins for them while they sit at home... Well, aside from us."

  He nods to Mittens,  "Yeah, it would be much safer for them to wait well away from the place first.  And if Dunlap tries to run off I can always follow the sound of him being a huge baby."

ANOTHER FAST FORWARD!

When Joe enters Starfield, Arowyn the druid is there to greet him. "Welcome back, Joe. Where's Mittens?"

---

Meanwhile, staying behind with Mittens is Flert. "I wanted to mention earlier... by summoning another Mittens, you had 4 pigtails. Just sayin'."

Mits laughs and gives Joe a thumbs-up for his awesome jab at Dunlap.

She goes wide-eyed at Flert's revelation.  "Oh wow..."

"...She's right!"

The two try to fuse together, but it doesn't work.

  Dunlap tried to gank Mittens and held Flert hostage.  Shooting the goblin several times already was not nearly vindictive enough.

  "She's waiting with someone who wants to help, but isn't exactly safe to just walk right up to town.  So, yes it was goblins stealing from town.  But we're already up to three separate factions of goblins.  Ones just annoyed at all this going on, the ones doing the actual stealing, and the ones who would prefer to not starve to death but also would just get killed for not stealing." Was that confusing enough? Probably not.

  "So we're going to be helping goblins stab the hell out of other goblins when it inevitably turns to violence asking the thieves to cut it out.  But they'd also like to not be killed on sight by you guys after the fact, and the starving ones would prefer to try and get some kind of trade arrangement.  Otherwise they won't see the point of not stealing for the guy who will kill them if they don't steal.... So, at LEAST one set of goblins you can hang out and eat campfire snacks with, but it's kind of in the air if we end up with a second group of eventual farmer goblins or stubborn idiots."

Arowyn says, "....Lemme see if I got this straight: Three factions of goblins. Two of them steal from us. One of them doesn't want to, one of them does want to, and the non-stealing faction is completely uninvolved? Let's get you over to Shane and see what he thinks..."

---

Flert says, "I like you Mittens. I like you a lot. What are some things you enjoy, so I can keep them in mind for times I want to impress you?"

"The feeling is mutual, my friend!"

"Mittens loves adventure!  Like, seeing new places, fighting badguys, getting cool treasures..."

"Magic.  And swords.  Well weapons of any kind, really."

"So yeah.  I like fun!"

"How 'bout you?"

  "That is a much more clear way of putting it, yes." Joe follows along for the whole about to become violent situation being explained to the more important NPC.

After things are explained, Shane says, "OK. Well you know the rules of Starfield: Those who do not work do not eat. So let the goblins know that anyone who comes here and contributes will be welcomed and fed. I'll let my people know that goblins are not shoot on sight anymore."

---

Flert says, "I like helping friends out. As such, I know my way around machines because my best buddy Gikmoth is into machines and stuff. What I enjoy for my own sake is a little bit of mischief, but I try to keep that in check since most don't appreciate it."

"Mittens loves helping friends as well!  Mischief is fun, but I seldom has an opportunity."

"Yeah.  Villains don't leave much room for throwing a pie in their faces."

"So Mittens settles for simple silliness."

"Like mocking enemies with puppets."

  "Well, the first goblin we met knows how common sense works.  The second one has been pretty rough.  So hopefully it's back to knowing how not to be stupid is back on track the third time." Or he will have to shoot Dunlap some more... Okay logically we know that would be bad, but...

  Either way, Joe gets back to the pigtails pack.  "So they will stop having Goblins be kill on sight, but you have to work if you want food.  Of course that's what they do to their own people, so prepare to mock any goblins who claim that isn't fair."

Joe finds Flert in the middle of watching a puppet show. Flert looks at Joe. "Mocking preparations. Heehee, great idea, Joe."

Soon, the group gets to the enemy goblin camp. Soon, things are explained. And soon after they are explained, a fight breaks out with half the goblins fighting the other half.

"So uh... we gunna laser them or not?" Dark Mits asks.

"I dunno.  This is so novel, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do."

"I'll flip for it."

Dark Mittens does a backflip.

  Joe actually helps the side he would prefer to win.  Shocking!

  Being the lazy out of harms way ranged DPS does at least, tend to make one more popular if you make it both easier and safer for the ones up front to stab stuff though.

  In otherwords, shootey shootey prone prone.  He wonders if it even rates a perc check to identify the soon to be Ex-leader, given the tendency for garish garb.

OOC: For as little I care for Essentials classes.  Their SUPPLEMENTS attached to normal classes are why I don't want to kill myself from boredom with Joe. Control effects attached to at-will ranger shooty is a good time.

Soon, the fight is over and there are only three goblins left alive. Flert, Dunlap, and  on goblin who stands amidst the carnage before letting out a primal scream of victory! "FOOOOOOOD!" and immediately gets to carving up one of the dead goblins to eat it.

Flert says, "Thanks for the help, guys. Real shame most of them had to die..."

Mits totally helped the more reasonable side with lasers, then.


"Gross," Dark Mittens complains.

"You're right.  Uncooked faces are totally gross.  What was he thinking?"

Mits uses magic to cook the noms for the poor hungry goblin.  "On the bright side, fewer mouths to feed means more for the survivors?"

She makes with the looting.  Who knows?  Maybe boss face had a magic item or a few coin.

  "Considering nearly every single one of them died even with their enemies being shot by lasers and getting knocked on their backs...  Yeah, I can see why you didn't want to fight your boss."
This message was last edited by the player at 06:00, Fri 12 May 2017.

Yes. The boss goblin was THAT badass. But hey, at least this evened the odds.

On the dead goblins, Mittens finds shabby clothes, crude weapons, starving bodies and nothing else. Inside the cave they lived it, she finds a few stolen goods that have gnaw marks on them like the goblins tried to eat them, but found them inedible.

Flert says, "Well I guess that solves Starfield's theft issues. When you let them know what happened, check if there is anything else they want. If not, I'll take you two to my tribe because we have some problems we'd like a couple capable adventurers like yourselves to handle..."

"Sweet!" Dark Mittens cheers, "More adventure!"

Mits takes the stolen goods to be returned to Starfield.

"Sounds good!  Wunna come with?  There's no more kill goblins on sight order."

  So... Joe can't decide if Flert is really desperate for help, or just as dismissive of two sides he didn't like very much anyways basically wiping eachother out.  "Okay Flert, but like Mittens says we've still got to officially finish up our first job."

Flert nods. "Yeah. I'll come with. The novelty of being the first goblin to be allowed to set foot in Starfield will be worthwhile."

When the bunch enter Starfield, the people there give Flert a lot of nervous glances. Arowyn gives her a pleasant smile, squats to be eye-level and offers a hand in greeting.

Shane doesn't squat, but he does give her a handshake anyhow.

Shane hears them out and says, "Congratulations. Well we don't have much in the way of gold here, but we do have valuables. And food. Take your pick: 20 gold to split between you two, or your choice of 4 weapons from our weapons storage, or pre-conditioned rations that should last one person 4 weeks."
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:23, Fri 12 May 2017.

"I'll decide after checking out the weapons," Mits answers.

After all, they'd have to be pretty poor weapons for eight of them to be worth less than 20 gold.

  Joe nods, he agrees with Mittens for similar practical reasons even outside of monetary values.

The weapons are exactly like the basic weapons from PHB1. Basically, if Mittens and Joe feel like minmaxing their gold value of weaponry, they could loot weapons they will never use, such as an executioner's axe or bastard sword. Such weapons are also heavy and cumbersome to carry.*

*Mechanics-wise, you can either add 10 gold to your character sheet, or add 2 weapons to your character sheet, or go with "eh, I'm not gonna need to hunt for a couple weeks.", but I wasn't really thinking about mechanics here, just RP. This isn't really much of a pay day, but the guy was mostly offering weapons in case you had use for one or two that you don't have but planned to get. That said, if you sell such weapons, a normal vendor will give you half price, but a normal vendor is probably 100 miles from you. Goblin vendors will probably barter.

Mits asks which would be more valuable to the goblins, the gold or the weapons.  And bases her choice off that.  'cause she'd like to get cool goblin souvenirs.  Once she's got one or the other, she heads out with the others.

  Joe ends up with more arrows than he will probably use in this entire thread.  You know, if they even bothered tracking shots made.

Flert winds up staying long enough to socialize a bit. She has her own rations to nom while socializing. The people at the camp are soon wrapped around her finger due to her antics (and high charisma).

Afterwords, she heads off with Joe and Mitts to take them to her tribe. On the way there, she chats with the two. "I don't know how to thank you two for helping make sure relations are possible between my tribe and Starfield. So I'll have Jericho figure out a way to thank you. He's our tribe's leader."

"You're welcome!" Mittens answers with a smile, "I'm really glad things worked out."

"Monetary reward is customary for adventurers," Dark Mittens offers, "Or magic items."

  "Somehow I doubt the amount of gratitude we will get rates enchantment." Maybe Jericho intends to give them a five gold coupon and a bag of marshmallows?

Fast Forwarding!

The trio make it to the goblin tribe encampment. They have tents and a few campfires. The encampment seems at least as large as Starfield, but without any walls.

The goblins eye Joe and Mittens as they come in. One goblin begins chatting at Flert in goblin, using a nervous tone that borders on panic. Flert looks like she is explaining things and the other goblin eventually calms some.

Soon, they are introduced to Jericho. A tower of a goblin, he stands 4'8", is built like a bull, and has a hammer in hand. "Hey Jericho! Guess what! These two helped make it so we can trade with Starfield if we want to AND got rid of the other tribe that has been causing trouble lately!"

Jericho is standing on a raised platform that is 2 feet high, so he is currently looking down at Joe and Mittens. "Let me hear their version of the story."

He looks at Joe and Mittens expectantly.

POOF!  Suddenly there is a tiny stakewall in front of Mittens, and a puppet of Starfield's leader appears.

"You there!  Adventurers!  Someone's been stealing our provisions!  Go get 'em!"

"OK!" Mittens answers the puppet.

Mits recounts the story in her usual silly style using puppets and magic.  When Flert puppet makes her appearance, there's sparkles in her hair and cherry blossom petals floating around.

"Two pigtails isn't fun enough for me," she muses to herself, "Even three won't do.  Only FOUR pigtails shall grace my head..."

And so the story is recalled with lots of embellishment.  The Joe puppet seems the only sane thing in the whole puppet show...  Except that his arrows all have boxing gloves at the tip that judo-flip opponents.

  Joe doesn't seem to react to short people, tall people, or short people trying to be tall people.  "I was honestly expecting there to be more than two survivors.  It's amazing they managed to live long enough to steal supplies." Joe Dunflap had 60 HP, he's an idiot but that's more slapstick damage than you can take right now.

Jericho is THOROUGHLY entertained by the puppet show. He even claps! Then looks at Joe and nods. "...chances are you caught them just days from starving to death. Especially given one was desperate enough to attack you. Goblins rarely ever attack solo, and when they do, they usually make sure there is only one target."

Flert acts like she is proud of herself and even brushes her hand through her pigtails to flip them a few times. But her blush betrays how flattered she is.

There is now a small gathering of goblins, having been drawn to Mittens show. Jericho says, "That was highly  entertaining... so then. What can we do for you, travelers?"

Mits grins and gives a flourishing bow.  "Thank you.  Thank you."

"Flert mentioned more adventure..." Dark Mittens mentions.

Mits grins and thumbs-ups.  "But before we get into that, I'd like to wind up with awesome goblin camp souvenirs!"

  "It would be nice if you didn't screw with Starfield yourselves later.  Though 'not doing what you were already not doing' is probably an easy request for you to meet."

Jericho yells, "BRING THE SOUVENIRS!"

Soon, various goblins come with all kinds of trinkets. Teeth necklaces, a T-shirt that says "I <3 Jericho" (Conveniently comes in small, medium or large size categories), and various small-animal skulls.

Jericho looks at Joe. "We never provoked Starfield. Scouted it? Sure. Occasionally waved? Sure."

He then looks at Dark Mittens. "Flert mentioned adventure? What?"

Flert says, "I think she means... I mentioned there might be more chances for adventure because of the thing you need?"

Jericho ohs and shrugs. "I guess. If they are willing to trek that far."

"Sometimes half the fun is just getting there!" Dark Mittens cheers!

Mits is staring at the souvenirs.  "Awesome!  I'll take the full set!"

  Joe takes a necklace made of Elk teeth (notoriously bloodthirsty).

  "Long boring trips through the woods and mountains and assorted punctuated by sudden violence? Sounds like the usual travel setup."

Jericho nods. "Alright then. This quest is straight from my trusty ritualist Jengis. So when you return, he'll be the one rewarding you. So here's what it is: Follow Falls River upstream. Somewhere, INSIDE one of the falls, is a cave that contains an artifact Jengis wants. A crystal. I'll have him show you."

Jengis casts prestidigitation to show a 3D hologram of a crystal (shown on map).

Jengis says, "Get me the rainbow crystal and I will pay you with enchantments. And I guarantee you the enchantments you get from me will not be easily found anywhere else. Also, my niece Gikmoth might be out there. If you see her, give her this."

He hands a rolled-up scroll to Mittens.
This message was last edited by the GM at 04:37, Sun 21 May 2017.

Mits dances about happily with her new souvenirs.  "Sweet!  Sounds like fun!" 

Dark Mits' eyes sparkle at the gem.  "And if I want to keep the...  uh.  Didn't say that out loud!  So what's Gikmoth look like?"

  "So, what does the fancy crystal do?  Usually these sort of things have more going to them than being convenient spell components."  Though Joe would be perfectly fine with it instead being a surprisingly boring rainbow crystal for once.

Jengis says, "In short; it works great as a focus for casting rituals. It is to my craft what a nice bow is to your arrows." He looks at Dark Mitts. "If you keep it for yourself, then you won't get the reward I'm offering. Simple as that."

He then looks at Mittens and poofs an image of Gikmoth (Also now on map). "I could have just told you she's probably the only goblin you'll see with a metal arm, but what's the fun in that when I can show you what she looks like? Besides; you never know when some other redheaded niece named Gikmoth might happen to have a metal arm."

Flert has a big smile. "Ain't she just such a flower? She's my best buddy!"

Mittens has sooo many teases for this Gikmoth's fashion nonsense.  But she's no villain (that she knows), so she'll keep them to herself.  So what can she compliment about the cyborg?  Getting excited about a robot arm or cyber eye doesn't seem to fit Flert's question.

"One good redhead deserves another, apparently," Mits surmises.

"That's two more redhead goblins than I thought existed in this world," Dark Mittens says in awe.

  "Everyone keeps saying they are uncommon, but redheads seem more frequent than not" Though some have the excuse of their racial ancestry being all fabulous red hair, all the time.

Flert tugs on her two outermost pigtails and says, "Yep! Red hair is not common. Not a single person in Starfield has red hair, and I was looking for it!"

Jengis says, "Depends on your definition of uncommon. But it is more frequent than people make it out to be. Part of that is because humans are so prolific. If red hair is a 1 in 10 chance and you have 1,000 people in a city, then chances dictate you will see about 100 redheads, give or take a few. Me personally, I define 1 in 10 to be sufficiently uncommon. 1 in 100 would be rare." he eyes Joe with a smile. "As for why you might think red hair is more common than not, the rule of how the mind works is you filter out averages and focus on what is noticed. So you will remember seeing redheads more readily than seeing people with brown hair or black hair. Thus, even if you know 9 people without red hair, your brain will fool you into thinking the 1 person you know with red hair is just as common, if not more common. As an experiment: count the number of people you know with red hair. Then count the number of people you know. If more than a tenth of the people you know have red hair, lemme know your findings!" He seems scientifically interested in this.

"One, two.  Two." Dark Mittens concludes, holding up two fingers, "And both of them from a race known to be bald or dark-haired.  Life is stranger than statistics."

Mits grabs her own pigtails.  "I've thought of maybe coloring my hair red.  But then, I think about what it might look like blonde.  Or black.  Or blue.  I get so indecisive, I wind up looking like this:"

Her hair becomes rainbow colored!

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/i.../000/623/679/548.jpg

  "I suppose when you use a sample size based on 'adventurers', you get a lot of skewed findings in general."

  At Mitten's own color coordination attempts, he comments "Mittens. You are a cuppy cake cat.  Not a poptart cat"

Flert giggles and says, "Why not just roll dice and see what color your dice say your hair should be? That's what Jengis does when he gets indecisive."

Jengis puffs up proudly at that.

Flert then asks Joe, "What's a poptart?"

Jengis says, "I'll show you when they get back. It's one of the things I need the crystal for."
This message was last edited by the GM at 05:55, Sun 21 May 2017.

Dark Mittens and Mittens both gasp!  "Don't know what a poptart is?!  This must be rectified immediately!"

Mits gets overly dramatic with the magic to summon a frosted strawberry poptart, like she's Steve creating a diamond out of ore with his bare hands.  (( https://youtu.be/klHE8Q5Fc0k?t=22s ))

"Taste!"

She offers the treat to Flert.

Mits asides, "I combine Shaman with Invoker.  I'd totally be able to combine poptart and cuppycake."

(( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRpxecLkUHQ ))
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:12, Sun 21 May 2017.

  "Some of them come with marshmallow, if that helps."  Magical crystals used for snack creation AND weapons enchantment?  That's some highly versatile casting.

  He nods to Mittens, "I do admit a lot of them are practically flat cupcakes anyways."

Flert noms the tart and gets happy eyes ^.^ and says, "Fif iff amafing! Woulf you two confider taking me wif you on your queft?
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:22, Sun 21 May 2017.

Mits shrugs.  "Why consider it when it's already been decided you're coming with?"

Dark Mittens flattens her face.

  "Because she's polite like that?"  Well, that or she wasn't paying attention.  But sometimes Joe likes to pretend he has tact.

The group is invited to stay the night and enjoy a goblin party! Jengis provides fireworks! Flert insists on sticking with Joe and Mittens wherever they wind up sleeping so she can tell them spooky stories and goblin lore!

FAST FORWARD!

So the group sets out to follow the river upstream. Flert warns Joe and Mittens that it will be a lengthy trek. "I know it's called Falls River, but its namesake is because of the falls upstream about 10 miles from here. So just be aware of that!"

"No worries, it won't be boring," Mittens asserts.

Dark Mittens transforms into a goblin with a striking resemblance to Flert.  "Especially with TWO Flerts on the journey!"

  Somewhere, a Sorcerer feels a kinship of others being the ranged guy hiding behind multiple short but cute people and a Mittens.

  "Eh, still a shorter trip than the one to get to this area in the first place."  The walk between campaigns is always fairly brutal.

Flert blushes. "Gee..." then gets an "oh yeah" expression and asks, "I have been meaning to ask... are you an illusion? A twin who happens to have shapeshifting powers? What exactly are you?"

Mittens points at herself.  "I am a flesh and blood person with the power to project a conjuration of myself... or whatever else."

Flert 2 points at herself.  "I am a conjuration controlled by Mittens' entirely sane mind, and totally not a projection of bits of her conscious."

Mits shrugs. "So in other words, I'm not entirely sure."

  "Mittens is a Mittens.  She has her own Keyword and everything."

  File photo of Mittens shooting bees, lasers, and deadly telekinesis.

Flert gives a helpless expression. "I'm just some girl. Nothing all that special about me. I just have a gift for hanging out with cool people."

Mits grins proudly from Joe's description.

"And for awesomeness!" Mittens adds to Flert's self-description, "And thanks for the compliment."

Flert 2 nods.  "Liked what you did in combat too.  And I like your look enough to copy it.  And the list goes on..."

  "I know almost exactly how that can feel, Flert."  Though he's perfectly fine with not knowing exactly how Flert feels.  But just to be safe he won't be putting on any unidentified belts.

In response to the comment about combat, Flert says, "Oh that? I can't take any credit for those powers whatsoever. That is simply because I'm best buddies with Gikmoth, so when I said I wanted to be useful to Gikmoth, her uncle Jengis imbued me with powers. I'm just one step above maybe being Jengis' familiar? Though thinking of myself as his familiar is kinda cool..."

She looks back at Flert 2 and gives her a hug and a cheek-rub! "Thanks for the nice words!"

She looks up at Joe. "You know how I feel? How so, exactly, if I may ask?"

"Mittens would probably be ok with being the familiar of someone if they were awesome," Mittens surmises.

Both she and Flert 2 blush from the glomp.  "I uh... You're welcome."

They're both curious about Joe's clarification as well.

  "Feeling like nobody special hanging out with cool people. Regardless of how often they say otherwise." The almost part is because Joe isn't a Girl, as far as he knows.

Flert nods. "Honestly? It's a blessing. It means that cool people keep throwing compliments at you and making you feel loved. And I guess in the end, it doesn't matter if you are special in general... only that you are special to someone you care about."

"Pff.  Nothing special," Mittens scoffs.

Hand puppet time!  One that fires arrows in slow motion Matrix style.

Flert 2 blushes some more.  "And I get to be complimented in return.  It's a vicious cycle!  Only not viscous.  A happy cycle?"

  "Well, I suppose that's one reason I haven't had much issue with the mindset."

  Supplements are good for your health!  Not just the vitamin kind. "No Mittens, the arrows slows OTHER things down." Save Ends.

Conversation continues as the group travels. Flert continues being a sweet girl in the things she says, her general mentality, and cute antics. But 10 miles is a long way to travel and after about 5 hours, the group finally arrives at the first falls! The roar of the rushing waters crashing down is heard about 10 minutes prior to arriving at the falls.

Also heard is the pretty singing voice of a woman. But by the time the group arrives, the song is stopped and there is no sign of any singer.

Mits is super disappointed that the singer's gone.

"Heeey!  Person with the beautiful voice!  I wunna hear more!"

By now the shaman pet is a dryad.  "I can do a lot of neat things, but singing that good isn't one of them.  Flying tree go!"

She flies around trying to find the shy singer.

  It's prooobably safe, because mysterious singing that's dangerous doesn't stop when you get in earshot.  "My Charisma score isn't that low. Clearly several pigtails in my proximity would make up for it."

"Flying tree?!" Flert says before bursting in laughter!

At first, Mittens' searching bears no result. But then she notices unusual stirring on the top of the falls that looks much like if the Predador was a sexy female and had cloak technology activated.

Mits laughs from Joe's pigtail math, and is oh so happy to have put a smile on Flert's face.  She points up at where her other self found a clue.  "I think there's an invis person up there."

"Dryad Mittens thinks about how to approach the cloaked person.  What's more nonthreatening looking than a flying tree?  Catpersons Mittens would argue that adorable redhead goblins named Flert would be a perfect answer, but sadly, due to predjudices, one cannot assume that the cloaked person would agree.  Perhaps a fluffy critter?"

She transforms into a fluffy critter and approaches the cloaked figure.  (( https://blazingardor.files.wor...ute-fluffy-puppy.jpg )) Though, not as small.

"Hiya!  Are you the one with the pretty voice?"

  Well, flying dogs are pretty hardcore (Feywild! 'Man, Mortal realm hunting dogs are so boring. Ours can fly! But we're totally more one with nature anyways')

  But then those are not nearly as far down the fuzzy scale on the fur to mass ratios either.  "Well, that's probably a better response than I could give."  While well meaning, promising not to shoot someone is still not a comforting sounding sentence.

A head peaks up. Looks like a female elf with water for hair. In a watery voice, she says, "Hello... thank you for the nice words on my singing... but why so insistant on finding me?"

Flert and Joe can't hear this over the roar of the waterfall. So Flert looks at Joe and says, "I hope Mittens is successful. I liked the singing too. I like to sing myself."

Mittens handpuppet pops up.  "A head peaks up. Looks like a female elf with water for hair. In a watery voice, she says, 'Hello... thank you for the nice words on my singing... but why so insistant on finding me?'"

A second handpuppet arises to represent the puppy as she relays her own response.

"Ohmygosh!" the fluffy Mits exclaims, flailing all four legs midair, "Justlookatyou!  You're beautiful!  And water for hair!  So cool!  How could I not want to meet you?  Ohright.  You're welcome.  Say.  I'm betting it's no big deal for you to come down the waterfall to where my friends are.  I'd like to introduce you.  One's the cute goblin I mentioned."

  "Well, I bet you're pretty good at it too Flert." ... He really hopes she is.

  At Muppet exposition, Joe comments "See, more people surprised at being considered cool."

The girl widens her eyes and reaches out to glomp the puppy. "So cute!" she says in her watery voice. "I will come meet your friends..."

She lets go and swims down the waterfall.

Soon the girl manifests at the base of the waterfall, water constantly flowing around her to cover her otherwise completely naked form.

Like Neo getting mind-blown, Flert says, "....woah."

Mittens has sooo many teases for this Gikmoth's Water Lady's fashion nonsense.  But she's no villain (that she knows), so she'll keep them to herself.  Fluffy Puppy Mittens floats down toward the others.

"Hi again!  These are my friends, Joe, Flert, and Mittens.  Coincidentally, my name is Mittens too.  What's your name?"

  "It's nice to meet you." More words, but still about as generic as Flert's comment.  "Sorry for interrupting your song."

It is probably for the best not to tease the already shy water being who probably wouldn't even understand teases brought on by societal rules.

The water girl says, "My name is Aquarius. And it is no trouble... what brings you out to these falls?"

Flert says, "I... we... we're looking for my friend Gikmoth and a rainbow crystal." she manifests images of the two subjects. "Seen either of them?"

Aquarius nods. "Both. Your friend has been captured by a goblin tribe calling themselves the Waterwheel. They worship me as their goddess. The rainbow crystal is in the same cave they dwell, which is just past this curtain of water."
This message was last edited by the GM at 05:32, Tue 23 May 2017.

Mittens looks a little surprised, "Captured her?  What for?"

Fluffy tries to take a sneaky peek at the water curtain.

  "So, does it rate as quality worship?  Or just yelling how much they do your bidding while ignoring what you actually like."

  Okay, so it's goblins with good taste but terrible sense.  Unless this is a very pleasant 'it's neutral to let people sacrifice others in my glory' sort, but Aquarius does not seem nearly emo enough for that.

Mittens is able to see the other map on roll20: several wooden planks compose a passageway into the otherwise treacherous cave entrance. Standing on the pathway is a bored goblin guard, picking his nose.

Aquarius answers, "Quality. They do whatever I ask and then some. And their attempts to please me without my asking are usually quite pleasing. As for why they captured Gikmoth, it is because she came and tried to bargain for the rainbow jewel. When the waterwheel tribe refused to bargain, she tried to take the rainbow jewel secretly. They have been reserving judgement on her to see what I will say about the matter."

Flert says, "Well Gikmoth's no thief! If she tried to take it, I am sure she would have also left either an equally pretty thing, or tried to leave some kind of payment behind."

Mits is pretty sure that still qualifies as theft in most societies.

"What if she were to say she's really sorry?  Would you let her go?"

  Oh no, REASONABLE enemies!... Wait, should he be upset about this just being incredibly awkward instead of immediately violent?

  "Hmm, I wasn't really made aware that the gem already had a previous owner.  I assume you use the gem for some purpose then, if it's become such an issue."  Well yeah, Aquarius uses it to make sweet rainbows to bask in on demand.

Aquarius says, "To the waterwheel tribe, the gem is a focal point of worship. It is precious to them. To me, the gem is beautiful and I prize it for that alone. As for if she said sorry, I would let her go, yes. Why? Do you think she is sorry?"

Flert's face is turning red and steam shoots out her ears.

Fluffy nod-nods after returning to the group.  "I'm sure she is!  I know I would be if I were in her shoes."

Mits tries to fan Flert to help cool her off.  "Try and calm down, Flert.  Seems your friend isn't in any real danger."

  Joe would like to get paid and also some poptarts, but he expects neither of those things unless this is one of those quest to clear a quest situations or other such options not reliant on Joe being good at diplomacy.

  "Yeah, at this point your friend takes priority over shiny objects."

Aquarius says, "Then come on in... I will guide you."

She waves her arms and the water moves aside like drawn curtains. Aquarius walks forward. The guard immediately bows to her.

Flert calms some and gulps, watching the power display before her. Then follows...

Mits is astounded at how little violence has been a part of her adventures of late.  She follows along, giving a happy peace sign to the guard as she passes.  Fluffy follows along as well.

"So neat!  Water curtains!"

  Well, when a whole pile of goblins kill eachother that technically is less violence from the adventurers themselves.

  "It's alright Flert, though I do hope your friend isn't as tactless as I can be at times."

Flert sighs and nods. "I... wouldn't know. Haven't known you long enough to know what you consider tactful or untactful."

The group is led past multiple guards who all bow as Aquarius passes. Wherever they go, the PCs can see Aquarius giving off light to light up the cave. Finally, Aquarius enters the rear room of the cave, where the goblin tribe seems to be heavily debating in the goblin language. They stop upon seeing Aquarius and all bow.

Mits smiles and waves to Gikmoth.  "Hi there!  I'm Mittens, and this is Joe."

"Arf!" Fluffy adds.

"We're new friends of Flert."

  "Well if you are stopping to consider it, that's more tact than most people" And usually more than Joe has.

  He nods to Gikmoth, "Hello, we're hoping to get you home without things going poorly."

Gikmoth says, "Great! I can use all the help I can get here!"

Aquarius says, "Gikmoth, you are accused of trying to steal the rainbow crystal. What do you say?"

Gikmoth says, "This isn't the only waterfall and thus, there are probably other places I can get a rainbow crystal. I had every intention of searching the other falls first before asking my uncle how else we can get the crystal! So no. Accused or not, I did not try to steal it."

The goblin to her right says, "Liar!" and looks like he's going to punch her. Aquarius says, "Halt! If you punish someone before they are judged guilty, I will judge you guilty of the crime in her place!"

The goblin cowers and recoils his fist.
This message was last edited by the GM at 02:12, Thu 25 May 2017.

Fluffy wimpers at the angry shout.

Mits smiles.  "Thanks, Aquarius!"

To Flert she points out, "See?  Already this is way better than a lot of places' trials."

  Rhagar would be amazed at nobody's brains being melted out of their skull yet (too funny to let go, sorry alternate angry ghost Mittens).

  "So is the gem under any protection outside of some random guards? Or did it at least get a display case?" We left our precious holy treasure on the floor!... Because it is too holy to touch?
This message had punctuation tweaked by the player at 02:19, Thu 25 May 2017.

Flert is relieved the process is already going better.

The boss goblin says, "No. This cave is under protection by many guards. And the gem is deep inside the cave. Why?"

Hypothetical alternate angry ghost Mittens raspberrys the narrator.

Mits lets Gikmoth know, "Outside we were informed that before thing deteriorated to accusations of theft, you offered to buy the crystal.  That true?"

  As mittens fields her own fact checking, Joe clarifies "Because a closed case is harder to disturb even with a bunch of guards.  Though if there are that many guards, shouldn't you have a ton of people who saw the actual theft?  Everything's been a bit vague so far there. Is there anything beyond her being in the same cave as the gem that makes you so sure she tried to steal it?"

Gikmoth says, "Yes. I tried to buy it."

The goblin to Gikmoth's right says, "I saw her try to steal it! And Barl saw her too!"

The goblin to Gikmoth's left, in a durpy tone says, "...yeah."

The boss goblin says, "And when Chug told me he saw her steal it, we went out to catch her. The gem was in her pouch!"

Aquarius looks at the adventurers.

Flert says, "But Gikmoth says she didn't steal it! Therefor, she didn't!"
This message was last edited by the GM at 02:41, Thu 25 May 2017.

Mits rubs her chin in thought.  "Hmm.  Tried to buy.  Didn't.  Left cave.  People witness person that looks like Gikmoth steal crystal.  One that looks like theirs is in her pouch.  Could be a frame-up."

  Joe is hoping for more insights from Gikmoth for why she didn’t steal it beyond ‘I totally didn’t’. Or maybe she did steal it and this will be a very awkward day.

  “So, Gikmoth.  Do you have any idea how it got into your bag? Or was it even your bag in the first place?”

Gikmoth answers, "They found it in my bag. How it got there, I honestly don't know."

The goblins start murmuring about ghosts and the Chug says, "If there were ghosts, Aquarius would know."

Aquarius nods. "No ghosts in this cave or even around it for miles."

"Not all imposters and pranksters that plant evidence are ghosts," Mittens points out.

She looks to Gikmoth.  "Aquarius already said you can go free if you apologize.  Might want to consider it for expedience.  I realize that it is difficult to apologize for something you didn't do, but perhaps she'll allow you to maintain your innocence as well.  Like so:

"'I'm not the kind of person that steals things, because stealing is wrong.  Please forgive the misunderstanding.  I will be very careful about making sure this does not happen again."
This message was last edited by the GM at 02:59, Thu 25 May 2017.

  There is always an important distinction between stealing and looting.  The latter generally involves less skill checks too.

  "At this point unless you have something that shows the obvious reasons why you've been framed in child friendly logic, it really would be for the best to say your sorry so we can leave.  Then maybe go look for those other waterfalls you mentioned."

  It's also faster than walking 30 miles or such to the closest place selling scrying scrolls.

Chug looks frustrated. "Sorry?! All she has to do is say sorry?! If that's all anyone had to do to get out of a jam, we'll have dozens of thieves coming to take our junk! We have multiple witnesses! At the very least, I say that since these friends of hers are so clearly bored by our plight, we shouldn't let her go until her friends find this mischief-making shape-shifter, or else it WILL happen again! And next time, we might be framed into a civil war!"

Aquarius thinks on this. "How about it? Are you bunch willing to find the real culprit in order to free your friend?"

"I was planning on looking into it," Mits admits, "But was hoping Gikmoth would be released first so it would look more generous on our part to do so."

She the whispers to Aquarius, "Also, kinda figured that the person who wants her in trouble would get angry that she's been released.  And maybe make desperate mistakes and stuff.  I suspect a certain angry someone did something bad and they're trying to shift attention to Gikmoth to cover it up."

Hypothetical flashback!  "OMG!  I can't believe you dropped and cracked the crystal!"

"You bumped me!"

"We're doomed!"

"Hey, let's put it in the bag of that redhead so if they find the crack, we can blame it on her!"

  “Well, I’m no stranger to people taking back their word and demanding I instead jump through several hoops to get what I came for.  So, I’m kind of expecting Chug and pals will kill Gikmoth and then tell us it’s our fault when we get back whether or not we succeed.”

  He shrugs, “Boredom would have required that I never thought things were good to be true, Chug.  Now look at you, screaming at Aquarius while none of your guard pals so much as bat an eye.  Now there's the kind of selective worship I'm used to.”

Chug says, "I'm not screaming at Aquarius, you moron! I'm screaming at your overgrown lapcat!"

Aquarius says, "These people have committed no crimes and are my guests. You will treat them respectfully. Apologize."

Chug is fuming, but slouches as if relenting. "Sorry. But that... human... DID just question the loyalty of this entire tribe, which is like insulting everyone in the room! He should apologize as well!"

The guards say, "He only speaks what he sees. He saw you screaming in the direction of Aquarius and saw us simply standing by. But we knew you would not scream at Aquarius, which is why we did nothing."

Aquarius says, "If you find the culprit, not only will your friend go free without needing to say sorry, I will have the tribe apologize to her and I will give you the gem. I would rather it be in the hands of even-minded folk than for it to be the cause of strife among my worshipers."

Somewhere, dogs are cringing from the high pitch at which Chug is screaming "I kill you!"

Mits smiles and poofs a poptart.  "Have a taste of what Jengus plans on using the crystal for."

She offers it to Aquarius.

"Sure.  I'll look into the mystery."

  Joe might have been deliberately passive aggressive, maaaaybe.  But it can get results.  Even if still dealing with the whole ‘Did I say apologize? I mean sidequest’ situation anyways.

  <aqua>”It’s less the direction of Aquarius, and more decrying her promise to us.  But yes, we’ll look into this before we get Flert’s friend back.”<aqua>

Chug counters Joe with, "Decrying what YOU say she promised. How do I know you aren't just throwing claims around, taking advantage of our kind goddess?"

Aquarius smiles. "Thank you, kind guests. I will see to it that Gikmoth is treated well while you investigate." she looks at Chug. "Though yes, I did say that if she said she was very sorry, I would let her go."

She tastes the poptart, immediately gets hearts in her eyes, swallows, and gets a very pleased gaping-jaw expression.

https://itadakimasuanime.files...to-inazuma-07-05.png

"But you just made this without the gem. I am confused... why need the gem?"
This message was last edited by the GM at 03:45, Thu 25 May 2017.

Mits explains, "My conjured confection is but bits of illusory magic and flavor, not real food.  I believe Jengus wants to mass produce the real thing."

She smiles to Chug.  "Aquarius has been nothing but amazing and awesome.  And has shown us her really cool power!  Far be it from us to repay that with trickery.  That would be foolish."

It hasn't escaped her notice that Gikmoth hasn't said much.  But she's not about to draw attention to this.

"Now if I may, I'd like to sniff at the crystal to see if there's any suspicious smell on it.  Or perhaps tell-tale fairy dust."

If allowed, she'll be perceptioning the heck out of the crystal.

  Joe may totally be fine with making up things worshiped beings may or may not have said.  But making their declared promises while standing next to them seems a bit questionable even for him.

  "Though yes, given how this sort of situation can play out there is the possibility that isn't even the real crystal in the first place, so worth us looking it over just in case."

Mittens and Joe find out it is ALMOST exactly as Mittens figured. Chug DID do wrong. But it wasn't cracking the crystal. He was trying to steal it, had made a convincing duplicate and planted it in Gikmoth's carrying case.

Chug is thoroughly yelled at by the tribe. Aquarius has Chug and the tribe apologize to Gikmoth, then apologizes herself. Gikmoth has a big blush on her face and glances aside. "I'm just glad the truth was found out... and that my best buddy never lost faith in me."

Flert glomps Gikmoth, tackling her to the ground and kisses her all over the face. Gikmoth says, "Eek! Flert! Not in front of everyone!"

Aquarius covers her mouth, giggling.

Flert looks up from her kissing frenzy to smile at Mittens and Joe. "Thank you both, SO much!"
This message was last edited by the GM at 04:51, Fri 26 May 2017.

"Makes one wonder why Chug went to all that effort to replace the original with a replica if the crystal was only be used to feast one's eyes on," Mits muses aloud, "The replica would have served the purpose just as well."

"ARF!" Fluffy comments happily, tail-wagging and face-licking the goblin girls.

Mits gives an elaborate bow.  "You're welcome!"

  See, one of the benefits of having less prejudices than average is you can appreciate two girls making out with eachother on the floor across a wider scope of species.

  A damn shame for Joe then, that he is just barely polite enough not to stare.

  "You're welcome.  Waaaay less people died this time, so I'll gladly take being thanked for standing around talking and looking at things."

Flert helps Gikmoth back to her feet and Gikmoth just rubs her face with her forearm. "Wish we could have met on better terms, honestly, but I am quite... happy... to meet you two, given the results. Thank you."

Gikmoth and Flert both give a classic Japanese-style bow of gratitude in unison.

Aquarius says, "I am happy to have met you also. Please don't be strangers. Come and visit us again some time. In fact..."

She manipulates some water into a seashell shape and then solidifies it into a crystal seashell! "If you ever need me, simply dip this in any large enough body of flowing water, and I will appear for you."

"...unless I'm busy at the moment," being the obvious condition.  Otherwise, that could get very awkward.

Mits smileys!  "Happy to be of help!  May I hear you sing again?"

She lets Joe field accepting the crystal shell.  Lest she be tempted to use it entirely too frequently, or play with it, or show it off to people who'd be jealous, or so many other things.  See?  Mittens has some restraint!

Fluffy tries to snatch the neato crystal shell!

  Joe has always known that he must use his boring token human powers for good.  Or at the very least, not prank calling sweet and pretty ladies (Yes he takes the shell).

  "Thank you, it will be nice to have another group of reasonable people to visit."  He nods at Mittens's request.  "If it's no trouble, that would be nice before we return back to Flert and Gikmoth's home."

Aquarius ohs and says, "Sure!"

And sings this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jU5Xq-ItWxQ

(Tried finding a female cover of the song, but they were always so-so, poor recordings, poor performances, or both)

Fluffy doesn't wrestle Joe for the crystal shell and licks his fingers instead.

Mittens grabs Flert by the hips and literally lifts her up over her head and dances around happily, lip-syncing the lyrics.

Fluffy offers to be lifted up by Gikmoth.  And/or Joe.

"Awesome song!  Thanks!"

  Joe shall do the fluffy lifting because without magic, stepladders, or extending arms he can lift puppy kitty higher than Gikmoth.

  "Yeah, I can see why you have a lot of people following you." Though he doesn't mention how odd it feels to hear a water being singing about preventing drowning.

Flert gets a biiig, happy smile to being lifted!

Eventually, Gikmoth and Flert head out with Mittens and Joe.

Flert begins filling Gikmoth in on everything concerning Mittens/Joe since she first met them! After the full briefing, Gikmoth says, "Sounds like you two are different from normal folk of your kind."

Flert shrugs. "To be fair, our tribe is pretty different for goblins in general."

Gikmoth nods. "Can't deny that. That is thanks to Jericho's even-headed leadership. Though I think Uncle Jengis would have wound up amazing even if he didn't grow up with Jericho as an idle."

Fluffy was all tail-wags and leg wiggles!

Mits shrugs.  "Mittens falls into certain catperson stereotypes.  But is very different from the catpersons she grew up among in sooo many ways.  Haven't really run into any others since I left home, so don't have much else to compare myself to besides 'adventurers' in general."

Fluffy says, "So if by 'our kind' you mean, 'adventurers,' you would be right.  Most would not attempt to rescue a goblin."

  "Well, at least some of the people in Star town are open to the idea, as long as you work as hard as they do." Goblin farmers are still farmin, after all.

  "Yes Mittens, we are SELECTIVELY violent maniacs for prizes.  You need to have some standards after all."

Gikmoth says, "Well it is my good fortune that just the right catfolk and just the right human happened to befriend Flert at just the right time. Though if I have Aquarius figured right, she wouldn't have let me die... probably just made me a slave to the tribe or something. The lady seems nice enough."

Flert nods. "I'll miss you two when it comes time to part ways, but I'm sure many will remember your deeds and you'll start earning a rep."

Mits grins and gives a thumbs-up.  "Mittens aspires to be more than just an adventurer.  She aspires to be a hero!"

Fluffy savages a conjured shoe.  "Yes.  Selectively violent."

  "Well, hopefully we'll end up with more good stories than bad ones." Good thing even the goblins seem pleased with 'and then most of the goblins killed eachother'...

  "But yeah, you two are the coolest goblins I've met." Don't worry Joe, with this GM odds are good you will see more adorable badass people in the future.

Gikmoth says, "Thanks. Though if you got to know Jericho and Jengis, you'd probably change your mind. They are so cool, they give the sun brain freeze."

Flert says, "They're so cool, their fanclub has a fanclub."

Mits giggles and puts on sunglasses.  "Now that's cool!"

Fluffy reminds, "We'll be interacting with Jengis at least.  He promised awesome unique enchantments!"

Poptart armor!  Once per day as a minor action, you can produce a poptart.  Enjoy!

  "Well I'm clearly going to be biased, because I shared marshmallows with you first. And you like Gikmoth so much."

  Joe nods to Mittens, "Loot is is a proud tradition in all qualities of adventurer.  Even the ones who took oaths of poverty."

MORE FAST FORWARDING!

The group arrives back at the goblin town. Jengis examines Gikmoth, the two smirk and do some kind of secret handshake. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-d0m8W1XEk

Gikmoth fills him in and Jengis says, "Well... you got me the crystal AND rescued my niece. OK. So. Here's the thing. Was there ever ONE nifty little thing you always wished you could do? Like close your hand to shut someone up? Or maybe something another race can do, but yours can't?"

Mits is floored.  That's waaay too general for her to nail down.  Such a giant wishlist!  Smoke starts pouring out her ears.

"Uh... Uh...."

Dark Mittens is rubbing her chin.  "I would want to be cursed.  To be an adventure magnet.  Like one of those storybook heroes who was born under a prophetic sign.  'You are destined to go dozens of mini-adventures revolving around a grand adventure that will decide the fate of the world.  But more than that!  At one point you'll even beat a god!  Then from there, you'll learn that such a feat is just the beginning...'"

Mits thinks about this.  "Hmm.  Yeah, that would probably be at the top of my list.  But that sounds more a 'wish spell' level request."

  “Does proper truesight count?”  Why settle for darkvision or blindsight, when you can ask for sight beyond sight?

  Positively mundane compared to Mittens’s request, but Joe has found his seemingly mundane tendencies are often the hardest of all.

Jengis says, "Both of you are asking ridiculously powerful things. Truesight is the kind of thing only celestial superbeings and the most powerful of mortals have. Altering fate such that the universe revolves around someone is the kind of thing only gods have. No and no. Sorry I don't have the power of gods to accommodate you, but kudos for dreaming big? That said, I could give you adventure sense; the ability to sense where danger is. Most people would use that to run from it, but I'm sure you could use it to run towards it. And I could grant you the ability to see invisible things, OR see perfectly in absolute darkness, OR the ability to sense people approaching you from tremors in the ground... but not truesight."

Mittens lights up!  "Danger sense sounds awesome!"

"Especially if it has the range of a vulture's sense of smell," Dark Mittens adds.

She slouches and cranes her neck, trying to look menacing, then sniffs the air.  "I smell adventure.  100 miles thataway. "

"Well at that point, my thought of wanting the ability to open portals over great distances would come into play.  Even if I could only do that once a day, that would be handy for showing up before everyone's weeks dead."

  “Yeah I was thinking of the purely visual end of things, so if a bargain bin version of Godvision isn’t an option I would definitely go for blindsight.”  Which also keeps things from sneaking up on you, but with less wavy lines drawn around your head in the process.

Jengis nods at Joe and then Mittens. "Fantastic! I'll get started on that right away. And for the record, I am genuinely sorry I am incapable of giving you guys what you initially asked for. You guys are good folk and you looked out for my niece. This will take a while, though, so please make yourselves comfortable."

Gikmoth faces the others. "I'll assist him so it goes faster."

Flert says, "Do you want me to keep them company or come with you, Gikmoth?"

Gikmoth smiles and says, "Enjoy your new friends while they are here... they won't be staying for too long, after all."

Flert nods and faces Mittens and Joe with a bright smile.

Mits laughs.  "Sorry you don't have deific power?  Well me to.  Thanks, you two!"

Dark Mittens wonders aloud, "Sounds like Jengus just started a Mittens, Joe, and Flert fanclub.  So if we join his fanclub, the feedback loop will be infinite!"

  Hmm, the way they are talking Joe and Mittens probably won't be back here for quite some time, if ever.  Or maybe they are overreacting and StarStreet is still the town hub they expected it to be.

  "I appreciate the assistance you can give still, so thank you Jengis."  He looks over to Flert, "Okay, do you finally want those smores Flert?"

Flert gets those HUGE watery anime eyes. "MMMMmmmm? Yes please?"

Smores are soon had and Flert is loving it. Various goblins from the tribe follow the smell and try to take part in this activity.

While Mittens enjoys her own treat, Dark Mittens sings the S'mores song for the goblins as a tutorial on how it's done.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdRUgQyPXfI

 Joe is surprised at the lack of fiery flavor explosion descriptions in a song from Mittens, but it is probably for the best given the audience.  It would be really awkward if they wiped out another tribe by way of self inflicted marshmallow burns.

A few hours later, the goblins are clearly showing comradery towards Mitts and Joe.

Jengis and Gikmoth approach the group, carrying a big (for him) box and Jengis says, "So I got a little distracted and made these before realizing I should have told you I was done your rewards an hour ago."

He sets the box down, opens it, and reveals a box FILLED with poptarts. Of all kinds of flavors.

Jengis then hands a scroll to Mittens and a scroll to Joe. "Just use those and you'll have your reward."

"WHEEEE!" Mittens cheers at the poptarts.

"WHEEEE!" Dark Mittens cheers at the scroll.

Both are immediately enjoyed.

  Joe really could go for more camps full of goblins being like this, yeah.

  "Thanks, you two.  No reason to be sorry either."

When Dark Mittens uses the scroll, she senses the nearest "adventure" is up the river in the direction of the falls they just left. But farther up the river than there.

When Joe uses his scroll, he gains blindsight.

Jengis has a big, fat, proud smile on his face with arms folded. "Ya see? Now name ONE person you ever met or ever will meet who could or would give you such a reward."

"Jengus!" both Mittenzes cheer!

"Next adventure's farther up the river," Dark Mits informs Joe.

  Joe doesn't think such people will show up in this campaign, maybe.  "Not off the top of my head, no. It's probably going to remain a very lonely list for quite some time"

Jengis grins. Gikmoth is smiling proudly also.

Flert and the others begin eating the poptarts.

Flert says, "So... does this mean you're leaving?"

Mits shrugs.  "Not tonight.  One long trip is enough for a day.  But likely in the morning."

Dark Mits nods.  "Assuming there's still adventure that way in the morning."

  Joe nods, "Yeah, adventurers have to actually go adventure to keep themselves distinct from violent hobos."

  He looks over to Mittens "Well, if you can put up with sleeping for the night you can manage the five whole minutes extra it takes in the morning for some disaster to occur in the distance."

Flert says, "Hurray! Then let's make the most of tonight and share stories!"

Stories are had. Campfires at night with chirping crickets. Jengis using cantrips to make the fire flare up or a breeze to blow when telling his stories.

Flert making it a point to cuddle Mittens when she gets tired and falls asleep.

Gikmoth comments, "You really made a good impression on her, it seems."

Mits of course looves story time!  Dark Mits showed off by walking through the fire unharmed.

At Gikmoth's point Mits rubs behind her head bashfully.  "The good impression making was mutual.  You've got a really good friend in her."

 Joe apologizes for how many of his stories end with 'Shot them with an arrow' with occasional pyromania.

  "Yeah, Flert is a big reason why we wanted to bother with helping you all out."

Gikmoth nods. "She sometimes sells herself short, even if she acts like she has confidence to spare."

Next day! The goblins see off Mitts and Joe with kazoos and confetti!

Flert hugs the two and says, "Come back again some time soon!"
This message was last edited by the GM at 04:05, Mon 29 May 2017.

Flert 2 returns the hug.  Mits salutes her with a pigtail wiggle.  "You bet!"

  "We'd love to Flert.  And this place will probably be closer on the way back than Starfield wherever we go, so unless we need to rush off somewhere to warn people I think we'll be back."

The travel is very Flert-free. No excitable goblin girl chatter.

Up to the players what they do during the trek, but they do eventually get to the first falls, where the waterwheel tribe lives.

Mits offered to take some sample poptarts to the Waterwheel Tribe for Jengus' tribe if he was interested in opening trade with them.

"We've got a magic item for summoning the nice water lady.  May as well use it."

  Joe nods, and gets on the pretty water lady summoning.  "Makes sense, not often you gave the chance to let people know you're coming for a visit before you get there" the average non magical mail service being what it is.

Aquarius appeared and agreed to the poptart sharing! And was happy to have been summoned for this very purpose. And is overjoyed Mitts and Joe are returning after so short an absence!

When the duo arrive, Aquarius gives a bow in greeting. "Thank you for returning so soon... and with sweet treats."

Mits nods.  "Last time we were here the rest of your tribe didn't get a taste, so I figured they'd appreciate seeing what all the fuss was about.  And maybe you'd like a taste of the real deal as well."

Dark Mittens informs, "Part of the reason passing this way is 'cause I sense adventure thataway.  You know about anything that way?"

  Joe nods, "It's nice to see you again so soon, Aquarius.  Though yes, part of the reason is that we're expecting more problems in the area.  So keep an eye out in case it's something less pleasant than simple false accusations."

Aquarius ohs and nods. "Farther up the river, up in the mountain, there is a cold area where a village is having trouble with getting enough food. I don't know much more than that."

Aquarius and the waterwheels nom poptarts and love it, of course.

Mits is glad the goblins like the noms.

"Ah.  Good to have some advance info.  How do you feel about them fishing in the river?"

Dark Mittens asks, "And are Humans or Shifters considered 'kill on sight' races?"

  "I don't think we will have enough poptarts left to stave off a famine by the time we get there.  But hopefully we can work out something...  Okay, this is the third place with food problems now that I think about it.  So hopefully there isn't a larger issue at hand."

  Food theft, food shortage, and now another food shortage.  Which is also a solution where stabbing nature CAN solve it, because that's essentially what a lot of farming involves.

Aquarius says, "I don't know how they react to shifters or humans since I have yet to see a shifter or human in their settlement. But I can tell you they look devilish? They call themselves Ramshorns."

Mits hmms.  "Can you show me what a Ramshorn person looks like?"

DM nods to Joe.  "That would be unfortunate, yes.  Though the first two cases could be considered one case, really.  And two out of four people groups we've met don't seem to have any food problems at all."

  Joe feels he should probably be thankful they haven't yet reached the city of Scorpius yet.  Mittens will probably love all the seesaws in libra land though.

  "Hmm, I wonder if hunting to supplement their supply is out of the question.  Usually sentients always end up either omnivores of carnivores discounting personal preference, but maybe not this time." Minotaurs love meat!

Aquarius says, "Best I could do would be to shape the water to look like one."

To demonstrate, she causes the water to shoot up and form into a devilish shape. Horns. Tail. Otherwise human.

"As for the cause of their problems, I really don't know. Neither do the ramshorns."
This message was last edited by the GM at 05:25, Mon 29 May 2017.

"Guess we'll be finding out if hunting is an option soon enough."

DM changes herself to look like a Ramshorn.  "Any strange coloration I should know about?

  "Mittens, while I can appretiate you wanting to check in ahead of them first to see if they are hostile to strangers or not?  The first impression being an obvious doppleganger impostor would only cause us problems."  Yes, it would be far too dishone-okay you all kno where this joke goes with Joe.

  "You should disguise yourself as a small animal again that can won't go noticed unless they are hungry enough to try and hunt the first small bird they see."

Aquarius answers Mittens anyway. "Their colors vary... but if you were to, say, use the color of Joe's skin, add black horns, and a lizardy-tail or just a long, slender tail with a tuft of hair at the end that matches your hair color... that would work."

She then looks at Joe. "If they see a small critter, they will probably hunt it. I saw a small child crying once because he had to eat his pet."

"Wow that's sad," Mits and DM agree.

DM nods to Joe.  "Good point about not risking them thinking I'm trying to trick them.  Just want a form that feels non-threatening."

She transforms into a sheep girl.  cdn.awwni.me/pdu7.png

  "Okay yeah, we're turning around and taking the extra time to buy a bunch of rations from Camp Starfield first." Good thing bags of holding reduce the need of slow carts.  "Won't go very far, and Starfield probably won't exactly have a ton for sale.  But it should be enough to buy them some extra days, and hard to top 'we hear you were starving so we brought what food we could' as an introduction."

  He looks over to sheepy mittens, and says "Sorry, but your fluffyness isn't really enough to make 'children eating their own pets' any less sad... Well, maybe a little."
This message was last edited by the player at 06:26, Mon 29 May 2017.

Aquarius says, "Safe travels. I will see you again when you come this way. We will be happy to feed you when you return so you can conserve as much food as possible."

Mits nods to Joe then answers Aquarius, "Thanks so much for the help!"

Sheep Mits shrugs.  "Not really what I was intending to try and do.  We'll see."

  Joe waves to the wet lady.  "Goodbye, hopefully we'll get to see you sometime when everything is pleasant all around."

  *Superbird pulls the scene transition lever*

  And so, a cat, a sheep cat, and a guy approached a GM convenient distance from Ramshorn land.  Having bought what rations low level adventurers could afford, from what a low population settlement could spare.

When the duotrio whoknows how many you count as when dealing with pet classes arrives, they get to a snowy area with part of the river freezing and a large bonfire in the center of the town. There are six visible Ramshorns watching the PCs approach.

Sheep Mittens smiles and waves.  "Hi there, everyone!  Aquarious told us you all were having a food shortage problem.  So we went and bought some food from the human settlement down south.  It's not much, but it might help in the meantime."

Mittens then adds, "Affordably priced.  Afterward, we might be persuaded to be hired to look into the root of the food shortage problem.  We're 1 for 1 so far in solving such."

  Joe leaves the sales pitches to the cuter ones. "How long has this been happening?  Is there some direct cause you've found, or simply poor farming conditions and sparse wildlife?"

  Joe took 10 (=18) Nature on the way over, on the offchance that gave any insights beyond 'there's snow and people are starving'.

Take-10 on nature: The wildlife is so sparse even Joe feels safe from nature in this area. And it has been sparse for the past 15 miles.

The red-haired guy says, "You brought food? What's the catch?!"

These people definitely look like tieflings.

The guy with black hair says, "I'm so hungry, there is little that would persuade me not to take their gift... if it's poison, at least I would not have to be hungry for much longer."

The guy with the white hair says, "Please come closer, strangers... and sit at the fire with us. You must be cold..."

Mittens and Mittens nod and approach to sit at the fire as invited.  A granola bar is handed to Black Hair as she passes him.

"Couple catches," Mittens begins to explain, "One, we're expecting to be reimbursed for our troubles.  Two, if you can't trust the food, I'll have to waste some by eating off it myself.  Wouldn't eat poisoned food.  Three, limited supply.  We only picked up what we could afford.  And our last job didn't pay much coin.  And four...  you'll have to put up with my eccentricities?  I dunno.  Running outta ideas for catches here."

Fluffy smiles.  "In other words, there's not really a 'catch' per se."

  Joe nods as he follows along.  "We heard people were starving up here, but we don't want to end up starving ourselves trying to do something about it either.  You hardly have to worry about price gouging unless you think 'literally anything' in return is too much.

They don't ask further and just begin to dig in. But it is clear they have learned to control themselves with portions because even as hungry as they are, they don't eat fast.

Red-haired guy asks, "So what in the world can we give you? We tend to live off essentials and have very very few non-essential things. So to pay you for food, we would only really be able to pay you with work. Or else give up something else we need just to survive."

"How 'bout paying it forward, then?" Fluffy suggests, "When you're all back on your feet, be prepared to help those who need your support."

Mits rubs her chin.  "That's one option.  We've had payments in gold, song, friendship, a crystal, magical enchantments, and so on.  I'm sure we can figure something out you feel is fair.

"So do you know the cause of this famine?  Or clues to the cause?"

  Joe can understand a bunch of starving people being too distracted by actual food to noticed when he asked, but maybe now they will be in a better mindset to.

  "Given how goods for survival are more common than coin around here, it wouldn't be unexpected for you to make up for it when you can.  Though it also means for the moment we are hardly in a position to bring you more food from another town even if we wanted to."

The black-haired guy nods to Joe. "Yeah... you really went out on a limb on this one because now you are stuck in our situation. Miles from any settlement in a place that has a food shortage."

He looks at Mitts. "We don't know the cause. Our plants grew fine. We stored up our crops for the times of snow as usual. Animal population went down as usual. But then the last snowmelt, the population just didn't come back. And then snowfall came again and the population got even more scarce. They just are not growing in number anymore..."

"Then it sounds like relocation is the only option till the mystery is solved and rectified," Fluffy says, "We know of at least two who would be willing to help you with finding a suitable new place."

Mits shrugs, "No worries.  We'll be ok for a few days.  At worst, I'll look around, find no clues or way to help, and then walk back to the folks that are very grateful to us."

  Joe notes for how often people talk about the 'balance of nature', his own living experience involves either too much, or too little.  But that's because you live in a game setting, Joe.

  "There isn't nearly enough of you around to be the cause yourself, at least for any normal reason.  So if we're lucky, we'll run across some horrible artifact or the like in the middle of the wilderness rather than it just the world being that fickle."

Black Hair says, "Your efforts are most appreciated. Relocation with a guarantee of a place we can live is different than venturing into the unknown. So your guidance in that regard will also mean everything... possibly the difference between survival and death."

The girl with the white hair has a tear roll down her cheek as she stares into the fire. "...heroes are real. I tried to tell you, mother..."

The girl with the multi-colored hair puts an arm around the white-haired girl. "shhh...."

The boy with white hair says, "Please... do not be too long in the search. I can accompany you if you wish."

The girl with the multi-colored hair says, "Any of us could, really..."
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:22, Mon 05 June 2017.

"Aw?" Fluffy feels sorry for the sad girl.

Mits grins proudly.  "I have the ability to sense trouble from great distances.  It's how I found out about you all.  If there's anything to be found, I'll find it!"

She immediately gets to putting her magical plot radar to use.

  Joe's wildly inconsistent standards still can't consider himself a hero even when small children are crying over his mere existence being more than they could hope.  These are the hardships one faces when Unaligned does not mean set everything and everyone on fire while still claiming you're not evil.

  "Someone at least more familiar with the immediate area could help, but I would be more comfortable if you knew you could at least survive any sudden fights we may come across.  There seems to be a tendency for seemingly empty locations to get very dangerous in this business."

Multi-Color says, "We are all of us quite tough and capable in a fight. It is simply a matter of what you would need in your team. Do you need someone who hits hard or someone who can take a hit? Or perhaps a healer? Or someone who controls the battlefield?"

Mittens senses something much like danger further north.
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:36, Mon 05 June 2017.

"Ha HA!" Mittens exclaims triumphantly, pointing in the direction she senses danger, "Danger!  Thataway!"

She begins heading in that direction.  Fluffy gives a helpless shrug.  "A healer would be most needed.  But the more the merrier, honestly."

She follows after Mits.

  "Healing would probably be what helps us not die the most, yeah.  Thanks for coming along.  Looks like we'll be finding at least A problem, if not your problem soon enough"

  Joe shall of course, follow his fellow party members.

The girl who had not talked the entire time follows Joe and Mitts.

Despite Mitts' radar, the girl occasionally stops Mittens and shakes her head before finding an alternate route north. This happens about 3 times with no explanation.

But after the third time, Mittens senses the danger is very close. In fact, it SHOULD be right on top of them.
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:46, Mon 05 June 2017.

Mits figures the girl was leading the group around non-dangerous, but time-consuming areas of the wilderness.  Thick undergrowth, or whatever.  At the destination she looks both up and down.  And all around.

"Well here we are.  Possibly invisible or camouflaged."

"Or underground.  Or really tiny."

The two search cautiously.

  Well if it was the girl to blame the whole time, Mittens would have sensed it back in the village... probably.

  So Joe keeps an eye on their silent escort, as much as the ever important direction of 'up'.  Just because there is no ceiling doesn't mean something won't drop down on you.

Even as Mitts and Joe look around, they see orcs stepping out from behind trees, wielding axes and glaring menacingly. "...how you find?"

There are six of them.

Mits points to herself.  "I have the magical ability to sense danger from great distances.  You bunch look pretty dangerous."

Fluffy smiles and compliments, "Such stealth!  We couldn't see or hear you even this close!  So uh... would you happen to know why the local wildlife population has decreased so drastically lately?"

  Why would they give that away-Oh Mittens gave it away… Well, not like it was Joe’s ability.  Though he notes to self that blindsight still ironically needs line of sight.

  “I would assume the lack of local food would be a problem even for you, unless you had a way around that.” Or had only recently shown up like Mittens and Joe did, that too.

The orcs say, "What? No. We hunt. Have good hunt method. Cause all animals to move to us. Reduce work. But animals become few. We move soon."

The girl who had traveled with Mitts and Joe says quietly, "Orcs... they are notorious for over-hunting, leaving a place barren of the life that was there, and then moving on to ruin the next chunk of land."

Fluffy and Mits make an "Ooooh" face.

Mits thumbs at the tiefling and tells the orc, "Her people move soon too.  They want to go a different way than you orcs.  What way will you orcs go?"

Killing sentients for over-hunting is the perview of druids and shaman only.  Not Mittenzes who only multi-classed for the cool pet feature.

  Joe is honestly impressed in a way, given the average resilience of common wildlife to ensure a stable random encounter table.  "Yeah, we are trying to make for separate arrangements.  You would have to move on even faster if you followed along.  That said, I assume you are eating everything you hunt down?"

  It could just be an Oregon Trail problem.  We killed one single buffalo!... Oh we're only allowed to bring back 1/4 of it... Hunt three more buffalo rather than bring more people to carry one of them!

The orcs give the bunch a suspicious glance. "We go south and west." Then look at Joe. "Yes. Why would we not eat it all?"

The tiefling decides to be quiet. Her hunger made her already speak aggressively and aggression is the last thing she needs when she has the help of these nice folk.

"OK then!"

Mits claps her hands together with a smile.  "Happy hunting!  Oh.  And if you ever happen to have problems that an archer and magic user such as Joe and I can solve, we are very good at solving them.  Just ask the two goblin tribes to the south if you happen to get the chance."

Fluffy nods.  "We're equal opportunity adventurers.  We work for whomever is in need, regardless of race."

  "Because I'm used to dealing with people who have very, very low standards for what hunting actually entails.  Still, the longer your tribe grows, the more frequent you will have to move on.  Even if you start hunting less, more mouths to fee adds up.  So start planning on ways to make some more permanent settlements for boring farming and livestock.  Because being stuck with a nomadic hunter lifestyle forever, is for tribes dying too fast to need anything more."

The orcs look confused by Joe. "Uhhh... OK? We go. Dabu." They walk away. But Mittens is still sensing danger.

"Mittens is kinda happy to still be sensing danger.  She was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to get to blast something today."

Fluffy explains, "There must be something else dangerous around here."

They both fine-tooth-comb the area.

  Well, that conversation still went better than expected regardless of the end result.

  He looks over to Mittens, and comments "I'm honestly not used to apparent danger being polite enough for us to finish talking."  Frivolous take-ten nature is had, though he expects not much readily apparent with blindsight not picking up on much either in the immediate area.

It isn't so much that blind sight didn't work, it is that the group was blind-sided!

Arrows come from the direction of the orcs who took advantage of the trusting group and took the time to climb a nearby overhang to snipe the group. Why? Who knows. But they are shooting at the group nonetheless.

The tiefling takes an arrow to the cape and gets pinned to a tree!

"Yippee!"

Mits returns fire with bolts of energy that look like screaming, vengeful spirit bunnies!  She then takes cover, leaving the rescue to someone more dexterous.

Fluffy flies up to the enemies!  "You no run!  You die!"

  Joe burns a perfectly good action point to free the Teifling, before taking advantage of the fact high ground has no benefits in his universe.

  But fall damage certainly is a thing. Oh, prone status on At-wills.  You've made playing Joe interesting once more.

The tiefling is thusly rescued! And a couple orcs thusly shot by arrows and spirit bunnies? However, one orc appears seemingly out of nowhere to leap onto Fluffy and hack at her with his axe!

The other orcs are focusing their fire on Joe.

The tiefling twirls her hands a bit and the orcs find vines growing up around them!

"Nice!" Mittens commends the tiefling.

The orc crits on Fluffy!  ;.;  Mits winces when she goes poof, but now the orc has nothing between himself and the hard ground that's likely at least 10' down.  Mits waves her staff, and a ghostly deer with angel wings and a halo appears to roundhouse the entangled baddies!

  Ow, being shot back? No fair! (okay it is fair, but that doesn't mean Joe has to like it).  Still, 6 vs 3 and a half odds are much better odds than they could have been.  Particularly with orcs not being able to shoot back at him so well thanks to vines.

  "Thanks you two.  I guess we need to remember to keep some alive on the off chance they will answer questions better."  Arrow to the... Shin?  They can't all be winners.

The orc did in fact fall 10 feet and splats on his face. "....ow..... at least I make stupid cat go poof."

The tiefling exhibits a few more druidic abilities, including HEALING Mitts and Joe. Which earns her the complete ire of the orcs.

The team manages to defeat the orcs, but there is now a tiefling druid filled with arrows (and a thrown axe), who then collapses.

Adventuring without a healer means Mits is sure to have plenty of healing potions.  But those are expensive, so she first tries the traditional method of first aid.

"So unused to enemies using focus fire on anything buy my doppleganger.  Guess now I know what happens when my insult sounding-board goes poof."

  Joe aids with the first aid, though he expects this is very much going to be a potion job.  "Common sense.  Hurts when the enemies don't have it, also hurts when they do have it."

The tiefling goes unconscious. But at least Mitts and Joe have stopped the bleeding and stabilized her to the point of "she'll be fine until we get the arrows / axe removed and a potion down her throat".

"Removing arrows and axes from a friend is a gruesome job that I doubt I have the stomach for."

POOF!  Emo catgirl appears.  https://s-media-cache-ak0.pini...8661394acb60e358.jpg

"I got this."

She begins de-arrowing the tiefling.

(( Was thinking Dr. Catgirl, but...  https://s-media-cache-ak0.pini...4862f6459588c27a.jpg ))

  Joe is hardly against such things, but he opts to get to it as carefully as can be managed with someone else already grabbing at puncture wounds.

  "Well, you can check up on the orc leftovers while we deal with this then, Mittens."

The orcs have nothing more valuable than mundane weapons and armor on them. The don't have coin. They have some furs to keep warm. That's about it.

Tiefling is thusly de-arrowed. But remains unconscious.

"On it."

Mits ties up any still breathing after taking the mundane valuables and a trophy or two.

Emo holds the tiefling still for Joe's ministrations, just in case she should suddenly regain consciousness and choke on the healing potion or whatever. "I'm glad we got to kill some orcs, but this hardly solves the long-term problem."

  "Unless they were the smallest band of over hunting orcs ever, but that would probably be too convenient to happen."

  Okay, it's potion O'clock for the nice, heavily wounded not not dying lady.

She wakes, her wounds vanishing. "...you're... all alive."

She looks around. "So orcs turned on us in the end. I am sorry I let my guard down..."

Emo nods.  "Ninja orcs.  Not exactly the trustworthy type."

Mits grins.  "Alive and well, thanks to you!  Glad you're alive as well.  And don't sweat it that they got the drop on us.  Even with my magical super sense and heightened natural senses, they managed to ambush even an experienced adventurer."

Bright side is that darkvision will not avail baddies when Soviet Joe sneak up on YOU!

"As an aside, I'm glad you're not off-put by Fluffy transforming."

  "We're not exactly used to people calmly leaving after a conversation before immediately betraying us.  As sadly frequent as immediate betrayal in general is."

The tiefling ohs. "They probably just wanted to get into position..."

She then looks at Mittens. "Oh... I am a druid. I can change shape also. Still, yours is different, so I planned to ask about it later... what should we do now?"

"Now we question the survivors," Mittens suggests.

She wakes up an orc and asks why the attack.

  Joe isn't expecting very specific answers beyond the usual 'because you guys suck, and we are cool' sort.  But hey, it's been day full of surprises already.

The orc says, "We going to move. Because we hungry. We hungry. You food. Thought that obvious."

Mits nods sagely.  "As adventurers, we cannot take the obvious for granted, but your answer is a good one none the less."

Emo asks, "How does your tribe get the animals to go to you?"

  "You are very lucky we are not in the mood to eat you instead, considering how well 'survival of the fittest' worked out for you."

The orc says, "Magic Flute. Play flute; animals come. Fall in traps."

The tiefling just observes for now.

Mits claps her hands together in a gesture of eureka!  "Magic item!  Had a feeling that's what it was."

Emo looks skeptical.  "Did you orcs make the flute?"

  Oh no, you know things are getting bad when magic items have their actual economic and ecological impact considered.

  "It can be surprisingly easy to make basic magic items as long as they are not weapons or armor, though sometimes even then.  Materials is generally the biggest problem."

The orc says, "No. No make. Find. Ummm... not remember where. Miles away."

Mits ahs.  "OK!  You've been especially helpful.  This probably won't hurt a bit.  ZAP!"

Mits knocks him back out.  "So basically, this tribe of orcs will be especially destructive until that flute is taken from them.  After that, they'll have to fend the old fashioned way.  We could close this chapter in a satisfying way if we play our cards right."

Emo says, "We've also got a large amount of fresh meat here for the Tieflings if they can stomach it."

  "Right, while I'm going to leave that up to them?  They might not want to immediately skip to explaining to their children this sorry subject.  Though it's much harder to judge when they tried to kill and eat you first."

The tiefling says, "Either way, if we hope to use their bodies for food, we will need to carry them back somehow before they get claimed and eaten by their allies. Granted, we wouldn't want the rest of the orcs to know this bunch died anyway."

Mits sees that the tiefling didn't flinch from the suggestion and comments to Joe,  "Feeding people to hungry children is a time-honored tradition of many cultures.  Orc culture, for example.  And many a razorclaw shifter tribe as another."

She doesn't mention that she's heard that some humans do too in case Joe might take offense.

"Death march it is, then," Emo says.

They arrange the orcs in a chain gang, wake them, and tell them the direction to march.  They're careful to cover everyone's tracks as they go.

  Joe honestly is more used to unfortunately aggressive cannibalizes than practical minded ones.  But then, any diet looks worse when it's aimed at you personally.

  "When we get the eventual time and resources to spare, Handy Haversack, and a silent hacksaw." But it appears he can adjust quickly for the sake of non jerks.

Not knowing they are marching to their doom helps a great deal for their cooperation. So the orcs march.

Eating people is usually portrayed as either an act of desperation, an act of depravity, or both. The tieflings would probably rather not be driven to the point of needing to eat orc flesh.

......considering how orc flesh tastes, they may even forgo eating them and just move on.

"I heard a story once of an adventurer so badly dismembered by a gnoll that her allies had to scoop what was left of her into a backpack to carry her back to town," Emo comments.

"But she got resurrected!" Mittens interjects, "And turned around and helped to save the whole region from an evil druid."

"Just sayin'.  Joe's suggestion has more than one practical use."

   Sometimes you don't even need the Hacksaw, and babies did all the dismemberment already.

  "I would worry that being an adventurer desensitized me to violence, but I think childhood already covered that."

The tiefling says, "Childhood? What happened?"

Mittens had a perfectly normal childhood.  Outside not being a perfectly normal child.  "Mittens would like to know as well."

  "I moved to Luskan.  It doesn't have acidic monster spawning rain everywhere, just where the floating island above it floats past that day."

The tiefling ohs. "Sorry you had such trauma..."

The bunch get back to the town and the other "Ramshorns" are watching with curiosity. The orcs are quickly getting upset about the idea of being eaten.

The druid explains to the village what is going on. The white-haired guy says, "I don't think we should eat them. We have already been slipping down a slippery slope with the compromises we have made and this would be yet another. Besides, these two brought us food. And according to your story, if we move the opposite direction, we should be able to have sufficient hunting. Still, it is true that we can not let the other orcs know that we know about their flute."

Emo becomes Fluffy on the way back.  "I will be happy to cheer you up with song!"

Back at camp, Mits nods to the sage wisdom of white-hair.  "Works for me.  Wasn't looking forward to that option anyhow."

"So we simply kill them and leave the bodies to rot," Fluffy concludes.

  "Thanks, I probably could have left sooner.  But I did get a head start on having standards because of the place."

  The plot twist is this will be solved by teaching animals to have better taste in music... Okay, probably not.

  "They did try to kill us, and almost killed her.  So do whatever you like with the Orcs that isn't just setting them free with a stern talking to."

The red-haired guy says, "First, let's have some more of that food you brought so that we don't think with empty stomachs."

Food is had. The orcs refuse to beg for their lives or repent of their attempts to kill. In fact, they make a nuisance of themselves. So they are soon killed.

Blue-hair says, "Thanks to your provisions, we could last the trip to the next location... but do you think we will actually be able to infiltrate the orc camp and take their flute?"

Mits headshakes.  "I wouldn't recommend it.  But I think I know someone who can.  I'll enlist some aid and get it done without putting you all in danger."

  "Well, the easiest way might take quite a while of waiting.  Waiting until they use the flute again, then steal it while they are busy partying it up with their food.  Instead of starving and keeping their eye on the magic item they cant wait to use."

The Ramshorns all look at Mittens in anticipation. Then look at Joe. "Waiting means we starve, though..."

They look back at Mittens. "Who did you have in mind to get the flute, if not us or yourself?"

"They said they would be headed south first.  Which means they'll be going near to the water goddess' area.  She can meld with water.  I'm guessing that means she can also lift the flute off the orc holding it when he takes a drink from her river.  We've got a magic item for talking with her if we want to ask right now about her helping."

"She has a very pretty singing voice," Fluffy adds.

  "Waiting means Mittens and I might starve.  While you guys move elsewhere so you don't.  After all, it's so bad here now that the Orcs are leaving so there are any animals for the Flute to work on in the first place.  We could get it back in the next five minutes, and it wouldn't make a difference if you stuck around."

  He nods to Mitten's explenation, and says "Though it sounds like we might at least get it in a day or few at that rate."

The tieflings gather 'round to witness the summoning of Aquarius. When she pops up, they marvel in wonder. Aquarius listens to the proposal and nods. "More than happy to take such a tool from people abusing it to utterly destroy the livability of an area."

Mits smiles and nods.  "Kinda figured.  But still polite to ask nicely."

Fluffy offers Aquarius a hug!  "Thank you so much!"

  The wonderful advantages of being only a mildly anti-social Ranger.  People are usually much more happy to see you and help you out.

  "Thank you, though you are sure it will be generally safe for you to do this?  I feel bad enough already watching someone else get hurt on our behalf today."

Fluffy gets a little wet for her efforts, but Aquarius hugs her back before letting go and using her magic to dry Fluffy off immediately. "Wouldn't want you to get too cold, now, would we?"

She looks at Joe and nods to him. "I'll be fine. I'll yank him into the river, snatch his flute, and from there, he nor his clan will be able to do anything to me."

Fluffy <3

Mits kinda figured she'd be fine as well, but it was nice of Joe to ask anyhow.

"Great!  And we can even bait them to a specific spot for you simply by walking there.  They figure us food, so will very likely follow our tracks."

  "Would it be too obvious, or not obvious enough if we were also snacking on rations by the river."

The Ramshorn with blue hair asks, "How would that be obvious?"

The druid says, "Nice touch, Mittens... using the orcs' desire to eat you."
This message was last edited by the GM at 02:47, Thu 15 June 2017.

Mits grins and tries to imitate an orc, "'We want to eat you.  Thought that obvious.'"

Fluffy explains, "To adventurers, that which is tempting is an obvious trap.  The more tempting, the more obvious.  But I'm thinking these orcs have a different mindset."

  "Adventuring does strange things to your priorities, more so because it often ends up being true no matter how silly it sounds saying out loud."

  Joe will go along with the cool ladies to the planned location once everything is prepped.