If you've been worried about my homelessness, don't anymore! I have a 15 month lease, I'm cautious that things could turn sour in May, but have it on good authority things will be good. I have my internet back, at reasonable rate. I have next to zero items here; My PCs, two air mattresses, some of my late Uncle's heirlooms, and about $300 in miscellaneous things that made it. I may (or may not!) have my items in storage. I sort of had to hand it over to someone, and just trust they did right by me.

I'm off for tonight. The tedium that resulted from my misrepresenting the HP subsitution gave me serious anxiety. If I wasn't already committed and realize not to bail, I'd hang up on this game. I hate this part of GMing. It's the real work. It all but literally gives me hives. MAkes me physically feel like I have parasites on my skin, psychologically and somewhat physically.I'm angry (now) I wasn't clear.

It also doesn't help my mother ruined my new life two days ago. Long story short, I haven't seen her in over 10 years. I have new place, and she metaphorically take a dump in it. This was after saying "This is the last time I'll see you" on the phone. I...if you want details Rmail me. Kee PMS for game or other RL stuff. I'm livid with my mother.

I need to cool off, I need to move in in about a week. The HP thing isn't anyone's fault. I want it to just be swept away. Forget it, or take it as is. I'm not mad about that, it's just something I don't want to come back to. It was tedious. That's all. Tedious while I've got RL stress, literally literally the same stress a wild bird or rabbit has by being caught and handled. Losing hair, dialated pupils, heavy breathing. Again, not from this game. RL shit. I'm gonna read and we're just going to move on a well marked path. I'll post if I need to. I don't want to be sharp, but to be blunt, let's not pick things apart. Please? Thank you. :)

I'm stoked to GM this after my home front is settled, my sister is married, and I meet her husband with my fucking mother not making her children's lives a parade to rain on. Let's KISS. ;) I hope this is not sharp. I also hope we can just do things slow and that all of you will understand if this is sharp (it may be) where that sharpness is coming from, and why I don't want to bring it here. :)

*whew* I signed up for this, and I want to get to the game proper! I know everyone who;s playing does too. Looking forward to that! We're talking about maybe a month or or so, as players finish. MAybe longer, afterall everyon waited on me.

I'm currently just giving time to the two or three players yet to post their progress here: link to a message in this game

I've experienced a medical emergency brought on by acute stress. You can see my bio for more details.

*shrugs* I feel like doctors told me the same thing as Barty Crouch junior and Voldemort. "You have to mean it" for the killing curse. *inhale exhale* I guess that's what I need to wait for. When I "mean it". I hope I never do. Oh well. I tried to ask for help, triage deemed me low risk. Cake in a crisis. How kind and thoughtful they were.

To be clear. I'll put it in my bio. Not now. I don't want to think about it, but I did want to address I thought I was being productive. I wasn't. I regret wasting my time and energy and making a post that would soon be irrelevant. So I'm trying to reverse that. *nods*

By rights I shouldn't have posted. I told myself I would take AT LEAST one week, and I didn't. I need to freeze my posts and give myself more time. I knew this was a factor and I need to step back and admit it occurred. I need to let myself cope and recover, and not let it bleed over.
This message was last edited by the GM at 23:45, Tue 30 May 2023.

July 4th is going to be the last day I expected to get in the way of things until Thanksgiving. Both are more American holidays. The former I know is, the latter is a matter of interpretation. Anyway, I've been doing work on the underside here, but I really would like people to consider their cohort, and if you don't have your main sheet done, I'm afraid I'll have to move on.

RL is looking up, but it's...seriously, it's like a metaphorical siege of epic proportion. The wolves are back at the door and I'm regaining ground. Soon the hounds will be out and hunting. That is to say, literally, I'm feeling more secure than I did before I was homeless.

Prayers for Scott. If you see this Scott, prayers for you my dear friend.

You have more than 24 hours from now to post freely. In approximately 32 hours, I will be closing every thread I am reviewing, and then after that, or udirng, I will be making a new thread to discuss character creation topics. I will be making them all in view of all players, so that other players can help me meditate on all our behalf. Each character will have a thread, named for them, but any player can post there, as long as they remain focused on the eponymous thread.

I expect we'll be starting the game this month, at the latest end of July.

I got called out, on a CC forum, and it upset me. I would like, someone, anyone, in this game or otherwise, to ping me on Thursday or Friday with something short, something germinal to the game.

This week was super productive, Monday was easy for me, but my roommate did excellent HARD work on Monday to which was a "deep" day. Tuesday I went o the Gym, met with my case mananger, went over ALOT of things, including my interaction with RPoL. Wednesday was crushing and liberating. I went to the storage unit and my one and only valuable item I own was trashed by the movers, back in April 2022. In a fire in 2019 (IIRC) I had insurance money, and got my dream bed. It's, or was,a $3,000 bed. At the time I had 30k in damages, and thought the bed a "small" purchase. My roommate would burn through the remaining and also a supplemental 15k. Seeing that bed, folded, ripped and basically destroyed was rage inducing. I got past it, but last night I made the mistake of going on public forums and got called out. It was an insult, but somehow okay because I wasn't named. So I really set myself up for a hard Friday, and tonight Thursday, but I want to put the work in, so I can get our fun out. That was the good that came from that CC fiasco. I appreciate every bit of patience my three games worth of players have given me.

I have to let people, like ones on CC, judge me, or rebuke me, and I can't afford to engage. Which is why I'd like a weekly upbeat simple PM. I have Rmails, but I take them so personally,. I get invested into them with the same intensity I do CC.

I think I will need help to remain focused, and need reminders about things I'll forget. I want to be planned and abreast of all the work put into places, JPCs, law and procedure. I also feel I best remember enough, rather than try to account for it all. Again the CC post prompted me toward this.

Got cluster fruited. Terrible storm on Friday, gale force winds. Just..just terrible. Not up to the task of GMing yet. Anne, my roommate, I want to have another good memory with her, but I think this is the last year I'll be celebrating her birthday with her. So I'll do that, and then  spend the following Moinday Tuesday and Wednesday with her, to form a good memory, before I slowly decouple from old habits.

I hope to dig deep, though not word for word, into sheet reviews, this Friday. I may have Sunday nights each week after tonight moving forward too, which would be nice, as it would be a good window to catch quick and slower posters each week, but still move at a pace I can handle.

As a personal note. I believe my housing situation is stable. I won;t know until something undermines that, but food shortage has been assisted by charity, and expenses I have been paying will vanish in a month or two. Rent may go up, but living conditions will if it does. I may be moving units, as this one is deplorable. I have some savings though, not much, but some. I didn't have to pawn off my Uncle's inheritance of his coin collection, which among all his things, his knives and currency are the things that help me remember him. He passed away years ago, but was my emotionally closest family member. I will pawn them, if need be, but it pained me, and I'm very relieved I didn't have to. It's about 40 coins, and one knife. My mother has the rest in her attic, which...I won't elaborate on how that goes.

Anyway. I just wanted to say I have reason to breathe more easily. So if you have been concerned for me, I think you may find reprieve by knowing I have almost a full year of likely stable housing.

That is a relief, Narrator. I can't imagine being in that situation and I am sure I am not the only one who is glad you pulled through to some stability.

Amen

Late but present. Looking over threads starting tonight. Not sure if it'll be weekly or a few times a week. I hope the former at the minimum. Local 70 mph storms back to back (or maybe it just felt that way) really messed up my schedule.

I'll be giving feedback on each character in that character's thread, as I said, but may start with those first posted last reviewed, just to be thorough, and while arbitrary, systematic.

Once we have all characters reviewed, I'll go over the group assets, first and foremost the group canon history. I'll fill in maps where there are none, and we'll work to make sure what maps I pick capture locations the best they can. We sort of...need maps, to be battlemap versions. So if empty white space with lines for walls is what players of certain location prefer, that'll be what we use. I'd like to try to use imagery that while not 100% accurate are still battlemap friendly and have traits like stairs, and objects that can be interacted with. I can much easier add .pngs too. Stairs to connect maps. Candles, a brazier, grave stones. I don't want to start from scratch though. If I have to do that, I'll probably do it once or twice, and good or ill that'll be the canon. Most likely if I need to from scratch we'll have to use bland white maps, or texture patterns, and then just lines for walls.

I need to start small. I have a lot to look over. At least I started the process. Next week will hopefully go smoother. I'm a still a bit rusty on D&D, and also don't have my physical books. I hope they are dry, and safe in the storage unit...

In reply to Narrator V (msg # 34):

In case if you do not have physical copies I do have PDF's and also can give online links to sources what I used.

I pdfs of ALL...but a few. So yes, please. Three are actually somewhat silly, but I'll tell you why I need the pdfs and not SRD. "Mage's...." instead of "Mordenkainen's..." in PHB, and the inclusion of Mindflayer and Beholder in MM (core), and some setting specific DMG data. I need core pdfs. I paid for them, I just don't have them on hand where I paid for them, so can't download them. I think a friend I've lost contact with bought them for me. I don't recall. Gah though, I just looked up the going price on some 3.5 books, physical copies...whew...maybe a good source to declutter and rebuild, by selling, if for lesser cut. My storage unit has cost me close two months rent over this time, and dang, seeing the PHB, just normal PHB (mint granted) makes me think it's a sign to go all digital. For $200, per book, yeah...I can sacrifice the paper in hand.

I also need Complete Warrior, Arcane, Divine, and I'll have to look...you know what the complete series would be easiest, honestly. I'm missing some and have some, not sure which I'm missing.

I have most of the Races of...but might be missing one. Draon magazine compilation I bought (got through DDI) just can't locate them ATM. Those are hard to find though, so maybe I can put a bounty on specific issues, as they come up.

If I need anything else, I'll ask.

A shout out to my dear friend JRScott for doing this very early on in this path. Unfortunately, I lost my password to my Protonmail account. So special thanks to him, and if his life improves, I want to acknowledge I loved that collection, it spared me so many lonely times by reading everything from 2e to 4e and more.

Anyway, I'll post in another thread my contact info. I need to set up a new account and have medium security for it. While homeless, I used high or custom security for my web and especially contacts. Look for that contact info in a non-public thread, one to JRScott's RTJ will be posted too.

On that note, I do want to spread the word that JRScott is struggling right now, and I really intend to help him like my anonymous donor did on RPoL, his only asking (as a total stranger beyond RPoL use, giving in excess of $150)  was to pass it on.

---

Spoiler for about those that can and want to help: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
No guilt need be if you decide you can't or won't have the chance, but JRScott is dealt the 2, 5, 6 and the flop showed no 3 or 4. Literally speaking, he was dealt a worse fate than me. It's not my story to tell, but he went from being homeless from his home destroyed, and then homeless again from his home reassigned. He's had some health issues, including mental health, which is the brain after all. A physical organ, that is the only, only organ you can't get transplant for. Mental health is physical health, and vice versa. It's arguably the apex. I wanted to share my friend's struggle as I could, and even though I'm knee deep still, I can wade, I have a dry shirt. It's not pretty, but I'm way above head above water.

Don't take that as a call to action any more than you would from anyone else. A special note should be made he's been unable to reply to correspondence. So if you try to reach out, he may not reply. He might not be able to to. He...I don't know...he may never be able to again.

I'll end this detour soon. Those of you who discretely offered more than morale support, but mail in or phone in aid, I'd like to reserve the opportunity to help JRScott or any of the community like him with your aid, if that's okay with those that offered that in this game.

I also know someone that I won't name, as I haven't had as much intimate permission, but they're father passed away, and their mother is in ruin financially. So this person has had to take care of her, and it's caused a great deal of strain. They are an avid D&D and Exalted player, and they will know what I mean, when I say they couldn't even eat at Wendy's or McDonald's without making special provisions. Last I heard they had home and food. My anonymous donor asked me to pay is forward, and I'm going how I can. This is one step.

---

That's all I'll say. Guilt trips are not my vacation. I felt it only right to practice the same generosity I was shown.

pdfs will be itemized and contact data will be provided in another group thread, not public.

It's a long day ahead of me...I haven't nearly as much sleep as I should have, but I'm very happy to have a day alone, while I'm awake (at this point) to go over personal pursuits. I think I'll crash hard when I do crash though. Crash as in sleep, or nap, preferably both.

I'm a little overwhelmed. RL downers, but mostly my own functions, or lack there of. I think I'm going to start and make a "dress rehearsal" to get the feel for the characters and locations. I will make mistakes, but if I let that stop me, that's where we'll end. I'd like the dress rehearsal to be a rewindable scene or series of scenes. I'm rusty, and have a lot going on in the background.

I also want to get our latest player introduced fairly easily, and part of that is understanding the others and their dynamic.

So I plan to start the 8th unless there is infirmity, hospitalization, imprisonment or death in my life. I bound to fail, and determined to move through it slow, at first, and learn the pitfalls and just repeat the parts I struggle with until I have the hang of it; and part of that goes with each of you as well. I'll going to run an attendance here is the next few minutes.

Roll Call: link to a message in this game
In reply to Hathra Bonecrown (msg # 234):
In reply to Narya (msg # 235):
In reply to Ghanek Brightwave (msg # 236):
In reply to Maynitra (msg # 237):
In reply to Vythisk (msg # 244):
In reply to Eldryn Duskryn (msg # 238):

So it's just Brookdale Moongazer I need to PM to let them know about the start. I iwhs I had earlier, but I think they'll have time, like Eldyrn, to post when they are available.

We're on for the end of the month. RL drama has really hit hard again. I'm on a staycation as of three hours ago. So I hope to be able to relax and spend some time on RPoL, but hopefully be set to "normal time" posting on Fridays.

I have three games currently. Two of which, this being one, have been in the works for years. I'm taking a breather for the next two to five hours, and either tonight or tomorrow night, looking to start an introduction with some stable starting point, but no "inciting event". So I will be looking for the average wingspan of your characters while in your comfort zone. I'll introduce, mediate and become acquainted with, the different characters. I want something more than "You're all in Ivost" and something less than "Crime is a..." or some other minor call to action. Something of this volume, but at a rest or beginning walk pace.

Sorry I haven't posted yet. I'll be helping scatter my mother's ashes on Sunday and then I should be back in gear

I'm sorry for your loss.

---

I'm going to be letting the introduction posts come in as people feel inclined. At least one player is in the process of making their post, so I'm taking my hand off the wheel for now, and looking to learn about the characters in segments, rather all in one big deluge.

I'm getting the impression, not the assurance yet, that I'll have finally my home and mind collected to move this brake heavy halting of the game to a slow but steady roll.

It's been a very, very peculiar set of semantic satiation, with D&D 3.5. I'm still not over it, but I think I can sort of make out some distinction while my vitamins are renewed and my mind becomes clearer and less foggy.

I hope I can get the balance of my three main projects on RPoL, two GMing and one playing, in good balance with my home duties, personal days, and upkeep of my sorely neglected health.

These all seem to be bonding, finally, and I hope they stick. It's very mournful to think of all that happened in the last year, but I want to make the New Year rung in the fence, not a just a solitary post.

I want to form some cohesive arena of Ivost and all the figures can come into focus comfortably but gradually. I know everyone has been waiting on me. I've been doing the same to some extent. I think December may be my next focus. I hope for this this 25th though. As I'm up against a few conflicting tugs, I won't this weekend.

If I post earlier, and then times passes without reply, I'll be fine with that. This is bad finishing period. If I post and this game starts only to pause again during the 25th after next, I think that's fine with me too. I have more than half a year remaining here, at my home. I hope to make the best of it while I can.

Wheels are turning and its just that traction, the grip on what I have in handle, to propel forward to gain momentum.

Almost there! Like an interrupted sneeze, and then the need to take an urgent call of the wild. RL has also been very consistently sabotaging my devotion to D&D. I am just learned by my paper books, I only make use of a few pdfs at a time with other systems. I used to know D&D sop well, but I just lost it, so I need like fifteen open. I intend to read when my period of time allows a full thorough read. I'm afriaid I have to keep starting over the last few (four?) attempts.

This game is NOT staying adult!!! I need to change it temporarily for my RL update; due to profanity. Nothing near smut or gore, just a copy and paste of my RL battle. I need to update you all...and I can't. I know I have such great players here. Anyway...I *sigh* I'll copy and paste. I wrote a reply to a GM wanted ad, and that was enough to really hit my peak, and remember how much I hurt, like a canker sore in your mouth you have to poke to know.

I'm NOT GMing another game. I...I'm going to copy and paste. Please feel free to decline the adult consent, and wait for the rating to change back. It will after it's been up for a week. I'm...I truist all of you and more will tolerate, even understand, my sincerity even if it's pedal to the metal. I hope this makes as much sense, or you cvban figure it out.