Jess has spent three days in Sanctuary, hooked up to a hundred beeping machines with dozens of strange tubes.  The Exalts of Sanctuary- including Dr. Kelleigh Connolly- haven't been able to find evidence of an Abyssal plague, realizing that Jess's infirmities are certainly the case of physical trauma.  Nonetheless they requested she check in just to make sure she'd be alright.

Life in the Quarantine Ward is beyond boring.  It's enough to drive one insane.  Jess's admittance to the ward has apparently been kept hush-hush, as she's gotten no fan letters.  She's just been isolated, alone.

That is... until one of the 'orderlies' arrives.  The 'orderly' in the Quarantine Ward is a remote-controlled robot with a tablet for a face and a pair of manipulators.

"Excuse me, Miss Jess Maraud," She recognizes the man on the tablet, Nurse Kevin.  He's a big lunk of a nurse who's got a ham fist with the orderly-bot.  "You have a visitor- would you mind if Miss Kapoor visited?"

Nidhi Kapoor, Chosen of Oramus and Sacheverell, an Infernal that seems to float around the different political currents and stations aboard the Last Refuge like a spaced-out rubber duckie.

(Feel free to make a Hardiness roll to reduce the effects of your Wound by a step.)
This message was last edited by the GM at 14:31, Sat 05 Nov 2016.

(Roll 26 + 5 Skill = 31 before situational monitors)

Isolation is an odd situation for one that spends so much of their time focusing on the perceptions of others, but it also gives the Zenith time to think. With the current upheaval, politics was likely to play a larger and larger part of the struggle to come, and staying out wasn't really an option, especially if she was going to distance herself from Lucifer. It was perhaps unfortunate that doing so was necessary, but the incident had been her fault in the first place for failing to keep up her persona.

The room is, at least, certainly dramatic. With most of the equipment hooked into the ceiling, the many wires and IVs hang down to Jess' form, strapped securely to a standing bed. Her head encased in a strange, periodically beeping helmet, she feels vaguely like some sort of video game boss.

When the visitor is announced, it's welcome news. While applying her tactical mindset to what little she knows of the political structure governing Last Refuge is fascinating, Jess would probably enjoy nearly anyone stopping by at this stage. Of course, it's a very unexpected name.

"Not at all, Kevin. Send her in."

((Kelleigh Medicine roll:  28 + Medicine 10 + Specialty 5 (Exalts) + AB 10 + Quality Tools 5 = 58 vs 58, succeeds, Soothes to Minor, Recovery 40))

"Alright, sending her in."

The door opens and Nidhi Kapoor floats into Jess's room, her feet a few inches off the ground.  She gives Jess a dazzling smile, her eyes a solid white-blue light that shines of peace and understanding and unsoiled napkins.

"Jess Maraud!"  The Infernal's forehead burns like a blazing star, "It's wonderful to finally talk to you again so soon.  Your head started hurting last night and it made me sad, but not as much as your throat."

She settles down onto her feet by Jess's bedside.

"Your head swells less, yes?"

Nidhi Kapoor was, to understate things, a unique individual. Of particular interest to Jess was the Infernal's retention of a pre-Exaltation injury. Not the sort of thing you ask a person about unless you really got to know them, though, and she got the feeling very few people at all really knew such an eccentric individual. Curiosities aside, the Malefactor had been nothing besides a great addition to the team ever since her Second Breath, and Jess had found the few interactions they'd had pleasant.

The entire meaning behind her visitor's words is not immediately apparent, but she doesn't sense any mockery in it.

"In two senses, I suppose. Kalleigh does fine work, and I've had much time to think." Jess speaks out of habit, even knowing she merely needs to think at the other Exalt to be heard. "Thank you, also, it's nice to have a visitor."

Despite her recovery, the light remains a little disorienting. Of course, Jess had suffered enough hangovers to not be especially bothered, especially while not fighting to stay on her feet.
This message was last edited by the player at 00:26, Mon 07 Nov 2016.

"Time to think is not necessarily a good thing."  Nidhi admonishes the room in general, "Too much time thinking leads the mind down strange avenues!  They should've had you doing simple things.  Folding proteins, writing little jingles, anything but staring at a white wall.  You stare too much at black walls already, and white walls aren't much better.  One must become empty but not for emptiness's sake alone."

Nidhi reaches out and takes Jess's hand in a much more human gesture than any other infernal Jess has known.

"Everyone's mind projects onto the blankness around them, but nothing reflects back.  I am a skewed mirror of minds, showing truth distorted by creativity.  You should project upon me!"

The woman's eyes fade a bit, showing normal human eyes for an instant.

"They heal the body, I am here for the soul, Jess Maraud."
This message was last edited by the GM at 21:47, Mon 07 Nov 2016.

From behind her mask, Jess peers at the other woman. Showing weakness to Lucifer had gone... exceedingly bad, and this person was essentially a stranger. The smart thing to do was to disappear deeper into the facade, to hide her thoughts from this Infernal, and accept that whatever "damage" upon her was something she richly deserved. She just needed to tell Nidhi to leave. She was both in Sanctuary, and the higher ranking Exalt, so-

"I'm not sure it's necessary." she says, her mind beginning to race through the events that lead her here. "But I think I'm willing to try?"
This message was last edited by the player at 08:12, Tue 08 Nov 2016.

"There is magic and then there is magic.  If you're willing to try it can't be something that I do.  I'm a mirror.  I only show what's here," She taps Jess's hand.

"If you don't think it's necessary, nothing can help you, forever.  If you are content with how you are, why bother to reflect?  We look in a mirror to inspect our blemishes and our beauty because we are insecure about both.  If you are totally secure with yourself, then I am not necessary.  Are you secure with yourself?  Are you content?"

Of course not. Maybe there was a time when Jess had selfishly been happy to struggle forward, putting on a show for the crowd, she could no longer pretend her own inadequacy wasn't killing people. She'd disappointed Red, Lucifer, and even Kumiho most recently, but her trail of bodies spelled out a much longer history. She was by no means content, and she was ready to take more final steps to help protect the Last Refuge. Calm, rational steps, she was sure.

Still, far be it from her to dismiss the wisdom that could be gained from others. There were admittedly only so many perspectives one could find locked inside their own head.

"No, I wouldn't say I am content." Truth be told, I've never met any creature for which I have greater contempt than myself. "Do you just want me to talk? Or 'think' might be a better option? I've never been a hundred percent on how your power works."

Jess could feel herself responding to the other Exalt. Isolated as she had been, a human touch and human gesture provided a bit of warmth. It was only then that she realized she had started to feel cold at some point, actually.
This message was last edited by the player at 00:44, Wed 09 Nov 2016.

"Talk.  Hearing thoughts not spoken aloud is difficult.  It's a poor way of recompensing my hearing but so it is."  She smiles at Jess, "Go ahead and talk.  Let me listen."

"Alright." she says, the smart aspects of her self telling her to shut up, while the other, more tired parts have managed to stop listening to them. "I suppose I'll say that I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. Haven't been for a long time. Things just sort of struck home a few days ago, though. The great burning star of the morning saw a part of me I didn't want him to, and responded appropriately. Ended up doing a lot more more damage, I suppose, than any of those half ass Nanking firing squads. Bruises you get over, but doses of reality are a bitch."

She needed to careful of what she said. Talking was one thing, but there were subjects that could be lethal for her if approached incorrectly.

"The spat itself was ultimately minor, but it illustrates a problem. The people deserve a proper hero, not a false idol."

Nidhi listens carefully.  She purses her lips and squeezes Jess's hand.

"Whose reality?" She asks, "Yours?  His?  Mine?  Better question, what is a proper hero?" She looks down at Jess with those eerie solid blue-white lit eyes, "Am I a proper hero?  What about Michael Florentine?  The definition changes from person to person, people to people.  I hear demons speak in reverent terms of Oeguso, even when it's obvious to everyone else that she was a pawn of the Neverborn.  What is your definition?"

"The definition changes from person to person." Jess agrees "The quality of person does not. Whether they are born to wealth, or with every odd against them, they inevitably shine apart from the rest of the world. A hero's triumphs are epics, their failures tragedies. Where so many are ground into the expected shape, the hero is inevitably more." Her tone becomes excited, nearly manic in fact. "People like you, Lucifer, Lyla, Red, Brahe, and even Oeguso, you're all set apart from the world's story as something special. Someone like Michael Florentine perhaps even more so."

There's no bitterness here. Just utter certainty mixed with wonder.

"It doesn't end with Exalts, either. People like Chupacabra, and Axehead, for example. We're overflowing with heroes from our engine rooms to the unsung marksmen sitting in the gunnery chairs. To me, I think, maybe everyone on the Last Refuge is more."

She shifts uncomfortably in her bonds.

"It's not just power, either. Any worm can be given strength. The common denominator is the quality of parts making up the mind, the body, and most importantly, the soul. Heroes are born to be heroes. Or villains, I suppose, according to their nature."

Jess realizes how insulting that might sound. "Please don't misunderstand! I think the world of people like you, and I know it's not easy being what you are. Gods and kings suffer just the same as everyone else, and I know it doesn't simply happen without effort."

She calms herself down, noticing her heartbeat had climbed. The next words needed to be chosen carefully, and spoken evenly. "After all, even the Unconquered Sun had his failures. His moments of blindness, or carelessness."

Nidhi listens and squeezes Jess's hand once she's done, utterly unwilling to interrupt the older Exalt and to let her have her say.

"I think you have a problem there, Jess Maraud.  I'm a hero?  For going into an epileptic episode and screaming some numbers that happened to be the coordinates for an escape pod?  You realize there are gods that can take those numbers, fold them like paper, and make an origami crane?  The numbers could have been meaningless, but once meaning was attached, gained something more.  But it was nothing I did." She shakes her head, <b>"My triumph isn't an epic one.  You talk about the 'heroes of the engine rooms' or the Gunners, and none of them are shining apart from the rest of the world because they ARE the entire world at this point.  The percentage points have gotten a bit skewed."</b>

Nidhi sighs, "And what am I?  An Infernal?  The old labels have no hold on me, Jess Maraud, why do they have a hold on you?" She looks at Jess again, "And for all your varying definitions, your choice that quality somehow makes the man instead of luck or opportunity, let me ask- why don't you view yourself as one?"

"It's not my place to judge you either way, though I'll admit that your Exaltation may be the one I find most intriguing of the Exodites."

She pauses to consider her answer. Jess had some suspicions that couldn't be trusted to anyone on the ship, but she could perhaps express some of her frailties.

"It's all relative, in a sense. Take for example the massacre that occurred during the latest battle. Lot of reactions to it. Morningstar was angry, others cried, while still others acted to their natural tendencies, planning for how to do it better next time. But me... I've gotten tired." she says while once again playing the battle over in her head. "I've watched so many people die. Some of them were friends, others were enemies, while most were just strangers. It all hurt so much at first, all those natural human reactions, but over time it just began to make me feel... cold."

"I try to memorize all their names. Counting them over each night, wondering how many of them would still be alive if someone stronger than me had been Chosen. It makes me sick to my stomach that I've nearly lost the ability to properly mourn them. There are... pieces of myself that are missing, and I feel like that's starting to come to the surface. Lucifer rebuked me because he saw a little bit of what I really am."

Jess keeps her expression neutral. "And it's in the nature of a hero to abhor monsters."
This message was last edited by the player at 20:19, Sun 13 Nov 2016.

"If you want to speak of monsters you're speaking to the wrong person.  And you're pointing in the wrong direction.  Let me ask you first.  How long did it take for the cold to creep?" Nidhi asks, "Name me some of their names.  Tell me what air they breathed.  Explain to me their home towns.  Tell me about their friends."

The Infernal leans forward.

"There's a reason I ask you this.  I don't think that you actually do know more about them than their names.  This isn't a rebuke!  I look and listen to you and one word keeps crawling into my mind- isolation.  I don't see flowers here.  I didn't have to make an appointment.  The doctors spoke of you professionally."

She waves her hand- still gripping Jess's.

"You can't build a bridge to the sky without touching the ground!"

She begins to interrupt with a list of the dead, but sees the Infernal's point. "I suppose it was at the point that the numbers started to get hard to keep track of. But I'm not a general sitting far from the battlefield either, even if I don't know much more about them than their names. However, I should at least have the certain basic human reaction to seeing the bodies of the people I watched alive and smiling just hours before. The others nearly explode with emotion."

This was actually a line of thought too dangerous, perhaps, to travel down so early.

"You have a point, though. Knowing people intellectually doesn't, ah, mean your heart knows them. I really don't have many people I'd ultimately call myself close to. The magic to producing a certain image is separating the role from the actor, I suppose. When you feel the role, it becomes difficult to do it flawlessly. Ideas are known by the masses, not by individual people. They're not meant to be examined, specialized as they are towards a certain purpose."

She smiles in a slight way.

"If I were lonely, that would mean I pity myself. I admitted earlier that I am not content, but I did not mean that I am grieving for my own welfare. On the contrary, I am an insect that was granted unimaginable power. There is no creature so fortunate as myself in this world."

Her head cocks to the side,

"Of course, it does make sense that isolation might create a lack of empathy, whether it bothers me or not."
This message was last edited by the player at 23:56, Wed 16 Nov 2016.

"How is that a basic human reaction?  Don't you know history?"  She asks, "In times of war, that IS a common reaction.  Desensitization is often the first stage of post-traumatic stress disorder.  You've been fighting in the deadliest, most traumatic war in human history for ten years, Jess."

Nidhi crosses one leg over the other.

"Overthinking, overanalyzing separates the body from the mind- withers your intuition, makes you miss opportunities.  You are philosophizing too much and living too little."

She taps Jess's forehead.

"So stop philosophizing!  Go out.  Make friends.  Get laid.  Go on hiatus.  You called yourself a monster for not feeling emotion- it makes you sick!- but that is what happens when you sublimate your soul for something else.  We don't need more monsters here.  We need more people."

On one hand, Nidhi was missing information, but on the other, it wasn't information Jess had any interest in giving out. It was a good argument either way, and perhaps it was true that she'd sort of lost contact with... anyone. Heck, she hadn't been with anyone in the intimate sense since Ragnarok. There had been parties, sure, but even her debauchery had been mostly all about presenting a certain carefully calculated abandon. Maybe, just maybe, it was possible to repair whatever was wrong with her.

"I don't know if what you're talking about is precisely possible; I've spent a rather large part of my life learning how to make people safe. she says, letting the word carry a few meanings. I haven't had companions in a long time. Opening up in the past has also proved dangerous. Still, with things going the way they are, I think you're right. Of course, just talking to people can be a little hard. I'm not very difficult to recognize, and people always keep their distance."

"You're the Chosen of Sol Invictus.  In the end, what is possible is only defined by your mind."  She taps her own forehead, "As a Chosen of Oramus, possibility is undefined forever but only in my mind, trapped, unable to escape from itself.  Be thankful!"

Her smile fades a little.

"Jess, there's no shame in starting higher and working your way downward.  You have peers.  If you're worried about safety and death, I'd suggest starting with the younger Exodites."

The words made sense. It couldn't hurt to try and turn things around. Self-termination was ultimately wasteful unless it was entirely necessary. Maybe there really was a way to salvage herself. Heck, maybe the dark thoughts following her were just normal human things. Maybe most people had extended inner monologues preceding every statement. Certainly she couldn't be the only one who tended to overthink things.

"Alright. You've made a lot of good points. Opened a few routes I'd not really considered going back down. Maybe I really do need more than my own mirror."

There were a lot of things that could be done. Maybe she could even hang a poster in her room. Of course, the last time she'd tried that, she'd torn it off the wall after an hour. Baby steps.

"Good,"  She opens up a notepad- where did it come from?- and begins scribbling something down on it.  Then she opens up a little flip-pad inside and scribbles upon that!

She tears them out, then extends the two pieces of paper out to Jess.

"This is a prescription,"  She says, "Anti-depressants, for a start, and also homework. Also a firm injunction to avoid your fans or anything related to your music for a week."

Jess stares at the script. She'd always been afraid of such things growing up, having rarely seen pills of this sort used for their intended purpose. The real question was more practical, though.

"They make these things strong enough for Exalts? I would have thought the amount needed would be all over the place."

Avoiding her fans could be difficult. The disappearance after the battle would probably have raised a few red flags already, meaning people would be looking. Then again, the ship was a big place. There were always places to go.

Like all good doctors of any type, Nidhi's writing is an illegible scrawl.

"This is Sanctuary, my friend.  They make them extra-powerful.  Burning Feather no doubt has a hand in it."  She stands up, "If all else fails, I suppose you can disguise yourself!  It would be fun, but inadvisable- if you want to make friends, you cannot hide behind a mask."