Arc 1, Special Thread 1: The Onyx Spire
"Tough question."
A moment goes by as he thinks, but his eyes never leave hers.
"I suppose... In all honesty, my heart says "belonging". My inner skeptic would say "simplicity", or even "naïveté". Back then, the world was both small enough to feel like my actions made more of a difference and large enough that I didn't have to feel responsible for the fate of mankind, let alone demons, gods and all life in the universe. I was an angry young man with a chip on his shoulder, doing the right thing no matter the cost. It was easier, it was more rewarding, it felt more meaningful."
There's a faint glimmer of nostalgia in his eyes before he shrugs and sighs deeply.
"Now I'm an angry man with a chip on his shoulder approaching middle age with a wider sense of reality and the shades of grey permeating it. Everything I do or don't can affect millions or billions of lives in a world of painfully limited resources, so I can no longer charge ahead to do what my gut tells me is right without balancing it with what's good for the Living as a whole. At the same time, no matter how much stronger I am, how much I push and sacrifice and triumph, the best I can do is push back the apocalypse for a scant few moments more. It's... I can't go back to the past, and I'm not sure I would even if I could. I'm wiser now, more powerful, and my purpose and importance is clearer than ever. Objectively speaking I'm much more use to the Living as I am now. But it's... harder. More complicated. All this bureaucracy and planning and PR and compromise... It's necessary, but at the same time I feel less and less like a part of it.
He doubles down, inching closer so their chests are practically touching, his stare as intense as ever as he gauges Sondok's reaction.
"What about you?"