Google engineers (not social scientists)  Ethics???

They data mined "spicy searches" online and then separated the data male and female.  Pretty much ignored the male data set, Who really cares what men search for anyway?


The basic myth emerged of Beauty and the Beast.

Where the "beast" is a man at the top of a predatory dominance hierarchy

The Beauty (female hero myth) "tames" the beast through seduction
The Beast (aka bad boy) has the ability to provide/protect and to face the chaos/malevolence of the world on her behalf (or with her).

It is no fun to tame a person who is already tame and the tame male has no indication that he would be worth anything in the face of the world.  The tame person is too weak, to be of any practical use.


So the top 5 search results for women (are also reflected in popular culture)
1) Vampire
2) Werewolf.....Twilight Saga (both 1 and 2), Vampire Diaries, etc
3) Pirate....Pirates of the Caribbean
4) Billionaire ....50 Shades of Grey
5) Surgeon......Grey's Anatomy

What do we see in the fantasy of the Twilight Saga?
Multiple high status males competing for her.
The vampire (powerful, rich, immortal, monster) wins
The Werewolf (monster, nice friendly, loyal) the option remains on the hook.

********
So one thing that happens frequently for men is that women get anxious/fearful and subject men to "testing" to ensure that he is still trustworthy as a protector/provider, in doing so she will approach most likely with disrespect, if she is called on it, she will be "reassured"; if on the other hand she disrespects you and you agree then you are too tame to protect and thus she will no longer respect you.

*********Role in family
This sounds like there might be a role that you have taken on in your family.....there are a number of these roles, it is not easy to find all the roles in one place online, but it might be worth sorting out which role you have taken on.   The role in a family is considered a fixed one, because it sets expectations of both ourselves and the other people in our lives.  For example I am the "fixer" so others learn to not try if something is frustrating and instead of sorting it out or trying they just save it for me to handle in the future (when I am around).....I think if you look into these you might find a good fit, the only way out of a role is first to know it and then to reflect on it and actually start to change the thoughts/feelings/action; because going through the same ones and hoping for change does not work out.    So I have to make conscious effort to make changes to these areas.......
I hope to hear from you soon in regards to what role you feel you have taken on, what "job description" you are doing.
********
Some people have identified manipulation  tactics that are frequently employed called S.I.G.N langauge; that is an acronym for Shame, Insult, Guilt, and Need to be right.....

Is this a good mental map, or cognitive positioning system?  Some systems seem to be too simplistic for any  utility for the complexity and uncertainty of real life.
Is it too low resolution for any utility, is it combined with a few others that basically makes it ideological possession?  Is it good enough to function more often than not?

Another way of thinking about this is the lens through which I view the world.
For example:
Tyranny versus famine (I either submit to society or starve).....
Oppressor versus oppressed....Socialism/capitalism.......
Fixed versus  growth mindset
internalizer vs externalizer
The 4 basic life positions
Speech is violence
All the bad my parent(s) did was due to (mental illness/substance abuse) and all the
      good was the real person they wanted to be...
***********
Porn Ok so one thing to understand is that we do have some control over the lizard brain, the one that we tell it what we are hunting/seeking, and that has the dopamine system on hand to reward when we find the thing. So if I have my brain set seeking porn, that is a problem that most people do not even get into at all. If I hunt mushrooms in the woods, when I find a rare or tasty mushroom, my brain will reward me with a hit of dopamine. On the other hand letting it default to porn is a terrible idea. So that is the first thing to be aware of in terms of your own brain.
The second thing is that many people believe that technology is set to hook, hack and hijack everyone's brain!!!

Porn is problematic in so many areas, one may be the super stimulus and inability to perform in real life, the second is of course frequency of use. the third one is destruction of relationship (want the person to feel rejected, look at porn). the 4th one is that often as people seek greater and greater stimulation that they may get into strange or illegal areas. One thing to know for certain is that porn tend to make people into passive observers rather than active participants, which is the opposite of her needs in a relationship......I guess that is the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Perhaps you can tell me what resources you have already looked into and we can go from there.
*******
This is unfortunately a pattern that often comes up, that a person may do/say horrible things along the way of the relationship, and they are waiting for the one time for you to "mess up" they then use that cudgel to mercilessly beat their victim into submission, all the while being the victim.  In transactional analysis they sometimes refer to this as a "game"; this one is known as "I've got you now you son of a bitch".  It is about control and domination.
How does that sound to you?
********
AM Meerloo, MD a professor at Columbia university in 1956 wrote a book called "The Rape of the Mind" which explores the psychology of thought control, menticide, and brainwashing.

***********

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same
weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”
- Marcus Aurelius
**********
The book "Cold Mountain" by
Has some of my favorite quotes in recent times that I think have something important to say.  Quotes are only useful if they are internalized and lead to change, otherwise they are just great quotes that I "like" on social media and move forward with life.

I had a coffee mug with the quote "What would you attempt to do, if you knew you could not fail?"  I enjoyed many conversations with many coworkers in my office over time from that one mug.
*********
“The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduce them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim. An individual in a crowd is a grain of sand amid other grains of sand, which the wind stirs up at will.”

-Gustave Le Bon

"The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he's in prison."
-Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Art of War by Sun Tzu "If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the result of a hundred battles."

Miyamoto Musahi, echoes this idea in A Book of five Rings, "know your enemy, know his sword."

Modern counter terrorism units know this and understand that being trained to be a better terrorist makes one more capable in combating them....

The first problem is identifying the modern "enemy" properly and then becoming familiar with the "tools and tactics".......

So the first question is what are you facing?

********
“Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men.
Whoever does not have two-thirds of his day for himself, is a slave,
whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official, or a scholar.”
Friedrich Nietzsche


“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie
comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so
loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
 Fyodor Dostoevsky


Feminism is a mechanism that allows the broken to create an alternative society (reality)
to complain about how their failures are someone else fault.
——-?
********
My top three book recommendations, in no particular order (and not claiming that you or anyone else has any of these particular things).
As a great book about fear in interpersonal relationships, especially communication and the fear of abandonment, I like this book "I hate you, please don't leave me."
In terms of family of origin and intergenerational stuff I really like the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents."  and finally in terms of a deep dive into the personality of an individual, I like the book "Meeting the shadow: the hidden power of the dark side of human nature.".
Obviously if you are thinking about big picture items like the  meaning of life, I have some for that as well.
If you need something specific, please let me know.
Kind regards,

********
The Crowdsourced Panopticon
Conformity and Control on Social Media
- Jeremy Weismann

What the internet is doing to our brains; the shallows
Nicholas Carr - 2010

Nicholas Carr has written a fascinating book on the effect of the internet on lives and, in particular, our way of thinking. The author’s thesis is that modern technology, especially the internet, is rerouting our brains (p. 77), changing the way we think (p. 18) and the way we read (p. 90), is designed to divide our attention (pp. 115-116, 136-143, 194) train us to multitask (pp. 113-114), and “pay attention to crap” (pp. 142). Carr contends that net reading is, by design, distracting and superficial; it seizes our attention only to scatter it (pp. 115, 118). Thus large chunks of information is gained at the expense of concentration, contemplation (p. 5), and linear thinking (p. 10). Google, for example wants to digitize all information including books (pp. 152, 163), but has designed its system such that the reader moves from site to site quickly. The more clicks the better. “The last thing the company wants is to encourage leisurely reading or slow, concentrated thought. Google is, quite literally, in the business of distraction” (p. 157). The Shallows confirms Marshall McLuhan’s now popular observation, “The medium is the message” (p. 2). That is, the internet is not just another way of gathering information, reading, or being entertained. It has become the message and is rapidly changing everything.

A most interesting part of Carr’s evidence comes from scientific research regarding the brain. Many studies have been done, often in response to medical issues caused by injury, disease, and deformities, that have revealed the plasticity of the brain (pp. 24-38). Scientists have observed the brain adjusting to defects and injuries in remarkable and beneficial ways. Observed also is the ability to train ourselves to be sick, alterations in the brain circuitry and function due to addictive drugs, and intellectual decay through mental laziness or indifference (p. 35). If the brain can actually change in these ways, then it’s obvious that it will be affected by constant exposure to the internet and other distractive technology. Basically we are being trained to be distracted, to lack concentration, to be shallow and superficial in our thinking, to lose our ability to reason deeply. Our brains are now on high alert and struggle with calmness, rest and leisure (pp. 5-10, 77, 90, 115-118, 123, 127-134, 140-143, 166-168, 194, 221). With all the complexity of the brain, how strange that the author nevertheless embraces evolution (pp. 49-51).

Another valuable feature of the book is tracing technology advances throughout time (pp. 17-24). This includes the history of writing and books (pp. 52-77) memory is evolving role as technology advanced (pp. 54-57), and Gutenberg’s press resulting in the expansion of reading as well as the multiplication of words (pp. 68-75). Of interest are the pioneers of the modern computer and internet, such as Lee de Forest and his audion (pp. 78-80), Alan Turing who wrote the blueprint for the modern computer in 1936 (p. 80), the “prophecy” by futurist Edward Bellamy of “indispensables” in 1889 which is the harbinger of the modern I-Phone (p.109), the founding of the web in 1990, Apple in 1977, Google in 1996 (pp. 9, 154), and the invention of ELIZA software which served as a Rogerian therapist in 1966 (pp. 202-208).

Carr documents both the value and dangers that technology and the internet have brought to the modern world. He sees no turning back and no real solution to our dilemma. Technology is addictive and virtually indispensable in our culture. The closest he gets to a remedy is to turn to Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Sleepy Hollow to recommend that in our distracted technological age we need to return often to Sleepy Hollow where we can rest our brains, think more leisurely and deeply, and contemplate more slowly (pp. 166-168, 220).


*********
Antisocial behavior in women (can be violent) but frequently you will be dealing with gossip, innuendo and reputation destruction.  For full evidence of this you can go to archive.org and read a guide book for women by a woman: With a porported ultimate goal to cause the target of the crafted allegations to cause a man to kill himself.....

How to:
Destroy
A
Man
Now
A Handbook
By Angela Confidential, PsyD.

DARVO
 Harsey, S. & Freyd, J.J. (2022) Defamation and DARVO [Editorial]. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation. Volume
23, Issue #5.
“Defamation lawsuits targeting abuse survivors tick all the DARVO boxes: by suing for defamation, those accused of abuse are collectively denying they are guilty of their behavior while asserting that any claims made against them
are false (in most cases, individuals cannot be defamed by true statements). Alleged perpetrators who sue alleged victims for defamation often attack the mental competence and motivations of the defendant in the defamation lawsuit. Moreover, defamation lawsuits position the plaintiffs - i.e., the abusers - as victims harmed by libel or slander. This is the three-pronged DARVO response - deny, attack, reverse victim and offender - packaged in
a lawsuit intended to intimidate, silence, and punish victims.”

Misandry? Assumes all men are guilty and no such thing as false allegations!

The editorial is itself an example of gaslighting DARVO!!!
Deny - that humans are capable of lying about abuse. Deny the established literature of female antisocial behavior, gossip, innuendo and reputation destruction..

Attack - the ones trying to defend themselves against false allegations and label them abusers because someone said they are.

Reverse victim and offender - by stating unequivocally that filing a defamation lawsuit is always intended to "intimidate, silence and punish the victim" - who is re-victimized by the lawsuit. It can't be a way to fight for vindication, an effort to restore a damaged reputation and to clear one's name because someone decided to publicly accuse them of something horrible they didn't do. They are abusers who use the lawsuit as a means to further torment their victims. It can't be anything else because people don't lie about abuse.
This message was last edited by the GM at 12:59, Thu 27 July 2023.