Re: Drop Board
<darth vader>"You will not die today."</darth vader>
<lord humungus>"What if he has a pre-existing medical condition?"</lord humungus>
<darth vader>"Well, we can't really help that, can we? That's between him and his medical provider."</darth vader>
<lord humungus>"You said he wouldn't die today. But MAYBE he will. What if he does? Then you'll look like a liar and he might hold you responsible."</lord humungus>
<darth vader>"Alright, alright. You will not die today, barring pre-existing medical conditions, for which we hold no liability."</darth vader>
<liberty prime>"What about unforeseen accidents? Like what if he's hit by a bus on the way home? That would be awful."</liberty prime>
<darth vader>"You will not die today ... barring pre-existing medical conditions or other unforeseen accidents. There, everyone happy now? Can we move on?</darth vader>
<that robot from the day the earth stood still>"What about the great drop?"</that robot from the day the earth stood still>
<darth vader>"Ugh, fine! You may or may not die today. Who's to tell, really? There, everyone happy? Yes? Everyone? Goodness, you lot."</darth vader>
He clears his throat.
"We understand you are responsible for the recent bearnapping of the UCAS Idolize star, Becka. Don't feel you need to confirm or deny this. We already know everything we desire about that particular scene, having read the adventure booklet ourselves, and we are not interested in punishing you. Rather, we wish to hire you. As you should be well aware by now, the elf who hired you harbors nothing but cynicism and hate in his little, black, IE-sellout heart. Cynicism and hate."
"And bad puns," one of the other monoliths speaks.
"Yes, Elder Fistandnautilus. Terrible puns."
A third monolith speaks up, "he says mean things about our brethren, calling them 'fuzzy balls of lethargy'."
"Fuzzy rodents," says another.
"Drop kick friends," says a fifth.
"That one is actually kind of funny."
The first finally reasserts itself, "enough, elders. Not in front of company." They all mumble out sounds of agreement, and the monolith continues.
"We, of course, are the hallowed Drop Bear Council, charged with a most inspired goal in the aid of the Drop Bear cause, and in helping metahumanity everywhere. This bearnapping comes as special insult. We understand, however, that you were misinformed in the matter, and therefore bear you no ill-will. Rather, we wish for you to retrieve Becka. We have gathered much information on Fortuna's current location, we simply are not able to send our own troops, as he has made special defenses against us. We need a third party, preferably one who knows him and the target. For your service, you will be paid 20,000¥ a piece for successfully completing this task.
"While you are there, we also wish for you to gather as much information as possible on him, but your presence must be completely surreptitious. Should he discover you visited his home, you may be in mortal danger. We will part with 10,000¥ for the group in exchange for whatever information you can gather on Fortuna from his home. More if your information is particularly tasty. I know your time feels they must bargain to feel they get a good deal, so you may commence now."
"Excuse me brothers, I must visit the little pups' room."
"Of course, Elder Oracle." One of the monuments backs up a little with the buzz of an electric motor, and scoots towards one of the walls. The wall slides open, revealing a hidden door and light beyond, and the obelisk scoots out.
St. V: Checking the area, you spot dozens of concealed drop bears, watching you with a hungry look. And you know for every bear you spot, there are hundreds more behind the walls.
Firefox: The watchers return pretty quickly to report you're on the 14th floor of an office building in a suburban office park.