Joe Hardy

"The next time I caught my own reflection it was on its way to meet you." ~Crying Lightning, Arctic Monkeys

The Basics

Name:  Joe Hardy (no relation)

Nickname(s): That is a nickname, sort of, at least it’s not his real name.  Hint, it’s from Damn Yankees.

True Age: How old was Sleeping Beauty when she woke?  Was she 16 or 116?  Joe is either 26 or 92, depending on how you count.

Apparent Age: Either way you count, he still looks to be in his mid-20’s.

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Species: Cursed Warlock

The Physical

Height: 6’

Weight: 165 lbs

Physical Description: Joe is tall and lanky.  He’d rather be tall and buff but he’s just glad he’s not tall and cadaverous all things considered.  His blonde hair had been longer than was fashionable though fashions change and while now it might be a little disheveled and hard to control, it could probably be called stylish.  If stereotypes are to be believed, Joe probably is or was a lone witch and as such falls into the category of ‘flamboyant’ where clothes are concerned.  He seems to have forgotten how to properly tie a tie or maybe had one around his neck for so long that he’s unwilling to tighten one ever again.

He’s got a bit of a sparkle to his blue eyes which falls somewhere between madness and mirth.  The same could be said of his smile though it’s not blue (fortunately) and rather a ruddy sort of red.

Currently he’s wearing a pair of very stylish Fluevog demi boots.

Distinguishing Marks:  He has a few tattoos including an anchor on his arm (apparently he’d been in the Navy or something?), a cross on his finger (probably sacrilegious since it’s upside down when he looks at it or flips someone off) and a black heart on his chest (maybe he thinks he has one or needed one?).  He might have some more but he hasn't seen them yet so he doesn't know for sure.

Face Claim: Jamie Campbell Bower

The Preternatural

Species: Cursed Warlock

Classification: The man IN the mirror seems to think he is a Master Warlock or at least was before the man IN FRONT OF the mirror screwed something up.

Powers/Abilities: Before he forgot, Joe was something of a sacrificial animist, which is basically what you might call a Jedi (minus a glowing sword plus a lot more bloodletting).  That means he believes that there is life and energy in all things and that energy can be tapped and used.  Internal/external, animate/inanimate, me/you, these things are all arbitrary boundaries.  Granted, animate might have more juice than inanimate, me might have more than you, you might have more than them, but the universe itself is made of stars and stars are made of energy and magic is a way of tapping into that energy.  Burning sage or spilling blood is one way of tapping that power but there are lots of ways to sacrifice and lots of things TO sacrifice.  A part of him wonders what was sacrificed to wind up getting him to where he is now or if he was THE sacrifice; it hasn’t occurred to him that it might be both.

As far as the details, sticking with the theme, he’s particularly good with Jedi Mind Tricks, handing someone a playing card and making them think it’s an ID, handing them a napkin and making them think it’s a check, handing them a hand and making them think it’s s foot.  It’s a little easier making them think that fire hydrant IS the droid they’re looking for but in a pinch he can also make them think that trash can IS NOT.  In other words, it’s easier to plant an idea than it is to remove one and he doesn’t have to go into a dream within a dream within a dream within one more dream to do it; he was in the camp that believed Leo never woke at the end.

He's also got a talent for more mundane magic, sleight of hand and mentalism (the fake stuff).  He's probably good at a lot of other things, he assumes he is and he's looking forward to finding out what they are.

Weaknesses: Joe is unattached.  When he learns about Facebook he’ll probably put down Separated or maybe It’s Complicated; maybe In An Open Relationship?  Point is, like Peter Pan, he and his Shadow aren’t in lockstep.  In fact, they’re like Lucy and Ricky or Gilligan and the Skipper, there was a line painted down the middle of the room between them, this is my side, they would say in unison.  He might be wrong about the Gilligan’s Island one, he might have been thinking about The Brady Bunch.  Point is, he and his Shadow/Reflection aren’t in sync and as such while he knows an SS Minnow’s worth of magic, he’s only got access to a keyhole’s worth of power.

Fortunately, as an animist he believes everyone and everything is magical and can therefore do magic so he just needs to find a young apprentice (he’s going to call them Darth Somethingorother) and a familiar (he’s going to call it Soames); he might also get one of those pet rocks he's heard so much about.

As far as other weaknesses, it's hit and miss how much he knows about current events since the random radio and television stations that were his only company for the last however many years would usually change stations whenever the news came on because the news is depressing.  Maybe that's why he finds it easy to remain upbeat.

The Personal

Personality Description:  Joe is mercurial, which is a nice way of saying unstable.  You’d be unstable too if you’ve spent half a century being fed nothing but radio and television programs.  There’s way too much in his head and most of it is useless (the useful stuff is in his Reflection’s head).  As such, he tends to be a bit daft (as the folks across The Pond might put it) and goes off on tangents and rambles.  That’s the same thing isn’t it?  Or is a tangent more focused because it has a beginning, middle and end, it just doesn’t follow the previous beginning or middle?  Which is this?  Point being, you’d be daft too if you’d been asleep for whatever 92 minus 26 years was and fed nothing but sound.

But now here’s the real question, would you be as happy to be alive as him?  Would you be as charming and good looking?  The Joe’s think not, but the Joe’s in question can be a little arrogant that way.

Likes:  Between the radio and tv, Joe would pick radio but now that he’s awake he’ll take eyes over ears.  He’s also looking forward to tasting things.

Dislikes: Sleeping, for obvious reasons, ties for previously stated reasons, he’s looking forward to finding other things he doesn’t like.

Occupation:  He’s a Master(ish) Warlock, is that a profession these days?

History:   Good question.  Joe woke up in a hotel room with the most God awful floral wallpaper you’ve ever seen and nothing to his name except just that, a name on the bill slipped under the door.  Joe Hardy, Room 926 with a little smiley face after it.  Even the little leather bound journal he found on the nightstand was blank, the paper old and warped, like someone had run it through the washing machine over and over until all the ink was gone.

Surprisingly, none of that bothered him all that much and he was actually feeling pretty good about things.  Well not things so much, there were a lot of things to worry about.  While he couldn’t quite recall the sort of things people would consider normal, his name, where he was born, who his parents were, what he was doing in a cheap hotel room in the middle of wherever he was, he did recall that the world was magical and he was magical and that was all that really mattered, so don’t worry, be happy.  For some reason he knew that song and started singing it in his head, making it the fourth thing in there along with another song coming from the radio, people shouting at each other on the tv and someone trying to get his attention from the next room.

Loosening his tie (which was trying to strangle him like a tangle of bedsheets after a fitful night’s sleep), he got up and soon found that the next room was the bathroom and the person trying to get his attention was him.

~O~

“You’re a handsome devil, what’s your name?” he asked the reflection in the mirror.

“Don’t be an idiot, you read the bill same as me,” The reflection said, which should have at least seemed unusual though didn’t seem to bother the man now known as Joe.

“She sure did a number on us,” they said together, the reflection with a frown, the man with a smile, the sort a proud papa might hold the first time their kid managed to make it to the bowl instead of pooing in their pants.

“The beach,” they agreed with the same split mouth, only they didn’t say beach, they said a bad word, not bad enough to deserve Lifebuoy, but bad enough for Lux.

~O~

It would take them a bit to figure out exactly what it was she had done, Vivien-ing them like she’d done to Merlin, trapping him in a cave (or crystal or hawthorn bush, depending on what version you believed).  Once they’d figured that out it wouldn’t take long for them to figure out how.

This is us, they would say, turning a glass of whiskey in a slow spinning circle like it was the Earth rotating on its axis.  That beautiful golden liquid is our mind.  It had been a beautiful mind, dark and rich.  He’d dip his finger in his brain at that point and suck it off his fingertip.  But pour enough water into it, they’d describe, slowly pouring water from another glass into the whisky, and that golden amber ambrosia begins to pale, from gold to yellow, yellow to a sickly sort of less yellow as more and more spilled out.  To prove his point, he’d let the whisky and water overflow, spread across the bar, drip onto the floor.  Pour enough and all you’ve got left is water, crystal clear water, so clear you can see right through it.

In his case, his mind had been the whisky, decades of radio and music had been the water and his head was that sickly sort of less. Fortunately, he’d clearly had the good sense to pour as much whisky as he could into another bottle and he could at least smell it in his reflection.  Can you smell a reflection?

He hadn't figured all of that out yet but he would.  All that would be left after that was figuring out why, assuming he cared.  In the meantime, the only thing he'd figured out was that he smelled bad, like a dusty old man and he needed a shower.

Theme Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLsBJPlGIDU