Re: Part 73 - The long road
Cyan grins at the sight of the Banglen-Yp playing with a moth. She isn't hurting it, really. Her smile fades slightly at Banglen-Yp's question, growing a touch more wistful. She ponders a moment, then smoothly rises to her feet, moving to hand Nine Lives back to the 'woman'. "It is a question both easy and difficult to answer, Banglen-Yp. The reasons are simple. It is comprehending them when you do not feel such yourself, that is hard."
Taking two steps away, the Bard draws Fangmir, the unfamiliar sword heavy in her hand. "I should practice," she murmurs as Berd makes a panicked lunge off her shoulder to the nearest tree-limb.
"Through their lives, people feel rejection. They reach out as children, and are turned down. Not at every turn, mind, but it is impossible for people to provide for every child's every want and desires. This would be poor parenting, as well - it does not teach a child to be self-sufficient. Rather, it teaches greed and selfishness."
She tests the blade's balance. Perfect, of course, but weighted differently than both Kirilindë and Gurthang. The bard attempts a few exploratory sweeps in the air. The weapon may have been made for James' strength, but when he was younger. Less seasoned. While even that James would be stronger than her, Cyan is no weakling, capable of effortlessly hefting a strong man into the air one-handed and throwing him several paces.
She can manage this blade.
"But rejection hurts. And children come to realize that there will always be rejection, in some way, and it always hurts. Some learn to grow past this, to realize that rejection of a request is not a rejection of them. Others do not. They learn that to request leads to pain. To open oneself to another leads to pain. It is a lesson they find hard to break."
She begins a simple form. Forms are nothing more than that, of course; they teach form. Balance, footwork, blade control - all useful, but no substitute for real practice against a resisting opponent. But for learning the ways of this sword, a form will suffice for now.
"At the same time, they encounter the fact that sometimes when they give, the other person does not give back. This is life. Perhaps the other person has no time. Perhaps the other person, through a conflict of personalities, does not wish to give back or be a friend. Perhaps it is situational. Perhaps - and this is sadly all-too-common - the other person is of a sort who has grown selfish themselves, for whatever reason, be that pain in their heart, or a general malign bent. But the lesson is still learned, whatever the root."
The sword becomes a wheel of silver in the air, echoing the shape of the archons for an instant.
"Sometimes when one gives, one loses."
She pauses, turning a sad smile to Banglen-Yp. "And so these children grow into adults. And as adults, if they cannot rise above these painful lessons of childhood, they may grow cold. Closed in. Greedy. They have learned that if they wish to feel good, they must take that from others, not help others. To help is to give. Far easier to take. One can take items. One can also take worth - by putting down another, one makes oneself feel better...for a time. It also brings guilt, somewhere inside, so one quickly must do so again, to keep the superior feeling, a vicious cycle difficult to break."
Moving through her form, she shakes her head. "Ah, but there are many ways this manifests, too many for me to list. And certainly people are not all this way - people are a mix, in general. Some mostly giving, but at times selfish of their needs. Others in the other direction. Very few stand at each pole. Certainly I have been guilty myself!" she notes with a small laugh.
"But in the end, it comes to this: it is easier, in the short run, to gain something - worth, items, respect - by taking it from others, than it is to put the effort into helping them. Easier, but less lasting. And damaging to oneself, for it is wrong, and the spirit knows this no matter the decisions of the mind. Effort is needed in life. All good things come with effort. Some people realize this, and are perfectly willing to put in the effort, to make their lives and the worlds about them better places through hard work. To create something lasting, for themselves and others."
The form ends. Cyan slowly lowers Fangmir, her eyes glittering amethyst. "But to those who learned the two painful lessons wrongly in their childhood, who have never grown above them, the effort is too costly. Far better to seek the shortcuts, the easy solutions that never last, that only cause more pain within oneself and the world."
Her lips press together and she gives another sad shake of her head. "It is a sorrowful thing."