Humour: Those lightbulb jokes are still about...   Posted by Traveller Referee.Group: 0
Traveller Referee
 GM, 6 posts
 In space nobody can hear
 you swearing at me.
Mon 19 Sep 2005
at 23:48
Humour: Those lightbulb jokes are still about...
How many Vilani does it take to change a light bulb?
I'm not sure...what does the manual say?
Or:
One to design an improved illumination device, four to build it, and a team of seventeen fully trained lightbulb installation personnel to put it in.

How many Solomani does it take to change a light bulb?
Fewer than anyone ELSE, damn it!
Or:
I'm sorry that information is classified, now if you wouldn't mind accompanying me to the local SolSec office....

How many Zhodani does it take...
...to change a light bulb? I knew you were going to ask that.

How many Sword Worlders does it take to change a light bulb?
Highly efficient Sword Worlds engineering and manufacturing processes produce lightbulps which are far superior to the inferior models produced elsewhere.

How many K'kree does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as can fit in the room.

How many Aslan does it take to change a light bulb?
Female: Only one.
Male: At least seven, because I've seen six trying.


How many Vargr does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to get a ladder; one to slug the first one and take the ladder away; one to slap the second one around and force him to hold the ladder while the first one wipes his bloody nose and climbs the ladder; and one to stand by and smirk until the job is done - and then take credit for it.

How many Hivers does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulbs? How primitive...
Or:
None. They get someone else to do it, and make them think it was their idea.
Or:
*holds up both hands and rapidly wiggles fingers* (The Hivers out there will get it....)

How many Droyne does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. It always takes six. Everything always takes six.
Or:
Six. A worker to split a claw, trying to hit nails in the dark; a warrior to rough him up for damaging valuable nails with his carelessness; a drone to cast the coyns and decide if maybe darkness isn't a good idea; a leader to trip over the hammer and scream for something to be done at once; a technician to immediately implement a feasibility study for future illumination patterns; and a sport to watch the proceedings with resignation, sigh, and go get a light bulb and a ladder.
Or:
*looks around fearfully, then hesitantly peeps in a tiny voice* ...One?

How many Virushi does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but don't ask me how they got in there

How many player-characters does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the lightbulb and four to lay down covering fire

This message was last edited by the GM at 09:14, Fri 23 Sept 2005.

Traveller Referee
 GM, 7 posts
 In space nobody can hear
 you swearing at me.
Mon 19 Sep 2005
at 23:51
Humour: Those lightbulb jokes are still about...
As a special bonus, I present the Infamous Babylon 5 Light Bulb Jokes:

How many Centauri does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but in glorious day of the Republic, hundreds of slaves would change thousands of bulbs at your slightest whim.

How many Narn does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but then the Centauri unscrew 500 light bulbs as a reprisal.

How many Minbari does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They stop just before they're finished and refuse to explain why.

How many Vorlons?
(sound of running water, mingled voices)You are not yet ready for illumination...
Or:
We are all changing light bulbs.

How many Shadows does it take to change a light bulb?
Who decides how many watts the lightbulb needs to operate? Who designed the light bulb, and decided how long its life should be? Who is it that decides that there should be light bulbs?
(I don't know. Who?)
Ah. I'm with them. Think of me as an... intermediary.


How many of President Clark's minions does it take to change a light bulb?
Since ISN has declared that the lightbulb never burned out, why should we change it? I think you'd better come with me...


Semi-interesting story:  Sometime between Season 1 and Season 2 of Babylon 5 I attended an event called BabCom in Birmingham.  Peter Jurassik was there, taking questions from the audience and doing a stand-up routine in full Londo Molari make-up.  One of the audience asked him "How many Centauri does it take to change a light bulb?"... the very joke that appears just above here.
Well J Michael Straczynski was there (the show's creator and main writer) and he must have thought it was funny, because Londo himself told the joke to Vir in an episode in about Season 4.
- Profit Margin Computer
 NPC, 19 posts
Thu 27 Jan 2011
at 07:00
Re: Humour: Those lightbulb jokes are still about...
I was recently reminded of this, and was delighted to discover that it exists online.  Enjoy...

http://www.2000ad.org/markus/travellers/image.php