icosahedron152
 member, 960 posts
Tue 9 Jul 2019
at 10:49
Eyeroll
Yeah, my Spidey-Sense tells me that, short of you having a Ferrari or something, even a dedicated piston-head is unlikely to stand in the rain talking cars - unless he has an ulterior motive.

Always stand your ground, ladies, the real nice guy will chat with you at a time and place of your choosing.
Shinoskay
 member, 47 posts
Wed 10 Jul 2019
at 19:41
Eyeroll
In reply to seraphmoon (msg # 1407):

no
Isida KepTukari
 member, 283 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Fri 19 Jul 2019
at 01:23
Eyeroll
Wear headphones.  For the love of little apples, do not force your media or phone conversations on those around you.

I have started taking my walks at our local mall in the morning, as it is better air-conditioned than my local YMCA, free, and lets me window-shop while everything is closed.  It's quite popular with a lot of people for that purpose.  And I understand that if you're going to be walking around in a relatively quiet area for an hour, it might be a nice time to catch up on a phone call.  But do not put your phone on speaker, as loud as the volume can possibly go, while you both shout your conversation at the tops of your lungs.

I had to duck down a side hall and wait until Mr. Loudmouth was well ahead of me so I could hear myself think.

Or in the breakroom at work, some co-workers will start scrolling through Facebook with autoplay on, which means every time they so much as pause on any kind of video I'm assaulted with random bursts of sound, again usually at top volume.

Turn off your volume, turn off autoplay, or wear headphones.  Maybe I should come up next to them while they're scrolling and randomly blast a really loud, off-key trumpet or something to get my point across...
Isida KepTukari
 member, 284 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Fri 19 Jul 2019
at 06:13
Eyeroll
Shut the door.

We work in an un-air conditioned factory.  It is ludicrously hot and humid right now.  Every time you open the door to the air conditioned break room, you're letting a lot of heat in.  There are already three fridges in there chugging away, plus 3-8 hot, sweaty people taking their break, and it takes forever to cool the  room down again if you decide to open the door halfway to have a lengthy conversation with someone because you don't want to take the one step up and two steps in to clear the door.  No, you may not have a conversation in the doorway, no you may not leave the door open so you can get "just one thing" from your bag.  Get inside, do your thing, and get out without lingering the doorway.  It's hard enough to stay cool as it is without you acting like you were born in a barn!
PCO.Spvnky
 member, 410 posts
Tue 6 Aug 2019
at 00:40
Eyeroll
Why does every D&D 5e gm hate warlocks so much?  Nearly every game I have looked at since I got into the game (recently) has had a no warlock policy?  I was thrilled when I saw that they had included them again.  They don't seem OP to me?
RosstoFalstaff
 member, 172 posts
Tue 6 Aug 2019
at 11:27
Eyeroll
Well they do have a significantly different method of handling. Short rest centered and capable of doing their schtick mostly all day

But no I wouldn't say they are all that broken

I do know there are a few people who object to warlocks in D&D and witches in PF because of religious beliefs though...
Yaztromo
 supporter, 276 posts
Tue 6 Aug 2019
at 11:57
Bosses...
I don't like when your boss doesn't talk / avoids talking with you about your working performance for many months and then schedules your performance review very, very, very late, as if s/he was pushing the time to talk about that as far away as possible.
You never know what to expect... why having the suspance?
12th Doctor
 member, 117 posts
 Laugh Hard. Run Fast.
 Be kind.
Thu 8 Aug 2019
at 13:13
Re: Eyeroll
RosstoFalstaff:
I do know there are a few people who object to warlocks in D&D and witches in PF because of religious beliefs though...


I would love to read an explanation of how people who have a problem with witches and warlocks because of religious beliefs are okay with nearly every other aspect of fantasy roleplaying.
Brianna
 member, 2193 posts
Fri 9 Aug 2019
at 04:16
Re: Eyeroll
In reply to 12th Doctor (msg # 1416):

You are looking for logic?  (un)common sense?  Dream on!  LOL
OceanLake
 supporter, 1083 posts
Fri 9 Aug 2019
at 20:46
Re: Eyeroll
It's like this: The fantasy world creators, are, in effect, creating heavens, heavens which fit the desires or needs of the the psyches involved. BTW, this is not necessarily antiChristian; Dante has levels of heaven.
Mrrshann618
 member, 131 posts
Sat 17 Aug 2019
at 20:39
Stupid fricken job
I think I've figured it out. I joined rpol shortly after the place I worked at shut down. Joined several games and created a few myself. Eventually got a new job, no problem. Quickly advanced over a few years till i made senior manager/ assistant store manager. Due to restrictions on time I was forced to stop a few games.

Job I worked at had a restructuring. I wasn't to happy as family life died. So I switched jobs. At first that went great, rapidly advanced again, had to shave a few more games off as this job was slightly more demanding.

Place got sold and while I was offered a transfer I did not want to deal with the long commute. So new job, no need for advancement as I was already in as senior manager again.

I just had to let go the last game of mine, the game I ran. Here I am, at lunch realizing that what good is my accomplishment if I'm always at work sacrificing time with my kids (who are at a nearby county fair that I will not be able to make thanks to work) and sacrificing what tiny things I do to remotely remain sane.

All I can do is hope that my wife won't kill me when I decide to go another way again.
Brianna
 member, 2194 posts
Sun 18 Aug 2019
at 02:18
Stupid fricken job
In reply to Mrrshann618 (msg # 1419):

I hope you are going to discuss this with your wife!  Maybe she also wishes you have more time for your family.  In any case, this is probably not a good time to ask forgiveness rather than permission, so to speak.  She may even have helpful suggestions as to what you do next.
Kessa
 member, 596 posts
 Dark Army:
 Out to Lunch
Mon 19 Aug 2019
at 02:57
Too Many Expectations
So, I just moved back to my home state after five years away and I've been so excited about it. But for months now, everyone has had their own expectations for what that will mean. Everyone assumes that because I've called my current living situation 'temporary' that any minute I'm going to up and move to the town they are in to: be their roommate, housemate, babysitter, on-call therapist; join their live-ttrpg; go out with them weekly, monthly; take a job at their workplace so we can hang out daily. And I genuinely love these people and all they've done for  me over the years, but none of them understand all I want is to go back to the same company I worked for before in the same small town, where I'm not particularly close to anyone so no one can have all these expectations of me. I've been moving every couple years with zero stability and I'm just... tired. And hearing other people plan what my new life back home is going to be like is just exhausting.
icosahedron152
 member, 980 posts
Mon 19 Aug 2019
at 05:36
Too Many Expectations
In reply to Kessa (msg # 1421):

Expecting something of another person is arrogant. They can hope, but they shouldn't expect.

It's your life, to live as you choose. Anyone who truly cares for you will undersand that, and will support your choices.
horus
 member, 841 posts
 Wayfarer of the
 Western Wastes
Mon 19 Aug 2019
at 06:00
Too Many Expectations
In reply to Kessa (msg # 1421):

Did you, perchance, move somewhere in the Deep South of the US?  If so, I get the expectations that come with family and friends having not seen you for a while, but, yeah, it sounds like they need to dial it back.

The good news is that, for most folks, this will dial itself back after the "new" wears off a bit, especially if you are forthright in your intentions for your own life.

They're probably all just glad to see you.  In southern cultures, that can be a bit overwhelming at first if one is not accustomed to it.
Yaztromo
 supporter, 280 posts
Mon 19 Aug 2019
at 12:15
Too Many Expectations
In reply to Kessa (msg # 1421):

Well... I can say I moved for work with a similar pace, but... my moves were intercontinental.
I was lucky having married the right person. It makes all the difference.
Kessa
 member, 597 posts
 Dark Army:
 Out to Lunch
Mon 19 Aug 2019
at 22:25
Too Many Expectations
Thank you, folks. I am hoping it calms down. Just overwhelmed and frustrated at the moment.

@horus, not particularly southern, I'm afraid, so I'm going to go with the glad to see me part. :) Not the worst thing ever, right?
V_V
 member, 840 posts
 You can call me V, just V
 Life; a journey made once
Mon 19 Aug 2019
at 23:05
Too Many Expectations
I'm going through a lot of trouble. Just this year, in February my place was in a fire. I lived with a roommate, my best friend, even now (I'll get to that). We had joint renter's insurance. Got the payout, and it needed a draft. So I went ahead and had it drafted her account. Little did I know how much she spent. I got a new bed, at the time less then 20% of what we had, and I always wanted a nice bed. I got a T.V. on clearance, around $250, and that was it. WE needed furniture, we needed to work to save to get another place. I had the impression WE were saving. SHE was not. Not only was it too late, when it was too late, she lied to me. Reasons, not excuses, but her family was basically the only other influence, and boy...that are abusive.

Well, here we are. Just a few months ago, I thought that was that. Savings *snap* gone, but we would move forward frugally. No. Services she had, that I explicitly asked about (Threadfix, Amazon Prime, PAndora, etc...) literally about two dozens things she was just throwing her money away at....she went negative. And because I wanted to avoid her getting one $35 penalty after another. I desosit what I had squirreled away.. I did this last month, I did this this month.

She's negative again. I have about two weeks with basically very little. She then asks me "What am I supposed to do?" I just have to walk away. It makes me so pissed to have her ask that. Like I hadn't actively tried to ask questions, give advice, help share that burden, because I LIKE her, I LOVE her, she's my best friend...but I've done all I can...more than I should have.

The worst news came today. The paperwork she did for school, the only saving grace...she lied about taking care of that. She had documentation...about the fire, which made her drop out (with good reason!) is spring semester. But she sat on it. I had asked, what I thought was "too" often. "So you're SURE, you've doen everything." "Yeah, V. We're just waiting for the next semester" weeks later "Did you talk to the school about the next semester" "Yeah." "And?" "And what?" "What did they say?!" "Oh...sorry...They didn't say anything." *sigh* "Okay, well did you talk to them about the semester?" "Yeah, I'm approved to get funding, if that's what you mean" *whew*. Summer was hard. Anyone who works and goes to school, knows summer semesters are to be avoided if you can even possibly hold out. Well, I asked again a few more times, hammered out that she was "Sure" she was all set. Last minute? Guess what...no approval. She hadn't even signed over the report of the fire. Through April. Through May. Through JUNE. THROUGH JULY! THROUGH HALF OF FU- *exhale*

Even if she had waited until August, it wasn't too late, but no. She waited, until school was starting. No textbooks, still going to school, just on a hope she might get the money. I'm livid.

Problem, clear and present is the mental state. I had a lot of lfaky friends. Friends face to face I meant. Great buddies. I helped each of them when they needed to move, to babysit, to watch their pet, give them rides. Nothing when I had my fire. Nothing. It eroded my trust in them, and also left me more isolated then ever. They wouldn't hang out either, because it seemed (I'm guessing) if they hung out they'd have to help out.

I share my car, that I bought, with Anne, my best friend. So basically it's been my computer, and mostly just phone conversations. I tried to chat on rpol, but all I had was more and more bad news, and I didn't want to erode the games (that I wasn't in the shape to GM during this hardship) but talking about RL crap. I figured silence was just better. I made some non-updates, to let people know "yeah, I'm thinking about starting up, here's my plan". But I've been isolated. Even with my best friend *scoff* my only friend it seems...I just end up fighting with. About money, about things I think are in order, in the past...that still lay ahead.

I don't want to take the car from her. It's how she gets to work, and school, but I'm just so pissed. I have the feeling she's of the attitude to miss work, rather than carpool. It's horrible!

This is just too much for me...right now...I don't want to talk about this, but to just...have some company...just chat. I put this in this thread so replies could be made public, if people want to do so here. I don't really want or need advise. I know what I'm going to do, and it will be my decision I can credit or blame. People gave me mostly dung advice. About what amounted to bupkiss. I'd rather made another mistake, that I made honestly, and learn, for myself, how I, as an adult, will handle it, than have to credit any success, to because someone happened to catch me a fish today. So to speak. To have to need people to tell me what to, and not to do. People did that. I took one advice for awhile, and when that didn't work, tried another. I'm just pissed, just bitter, just wanted some escape. I'd ad for GM, but that'll be more work. Even with a godsend, no game would be ready to play today, as I sit here, hungry, tired from fighting, and sleep loss, but trying to ration out my "Work" time of budgeting the shoestring for the next roughly two weeks, and then from there, possibly, probably not, deciding how to word my next game delay post. I'm also trying to remain calm. I just need a distraction, to break the monoteny, of bad stuff.

I looked for other public threads, but either I have nothing to contribute to the conversation, or it's more debate that conversation. I just want to have an update, a nice short little break every fifteen minutes or whatever, just to have something to look forward too.

I tried calling the hotline, but it wasn't hot enough. I called a couple warm line, but but got the cold shoulder. I'm just numb and would love to just chat about video games, or maybe a game system. Something short (not this beast! Not a wall fo text like this) and back and forth. So if someone, or really anyone/everyone, wants to Rmail me, that'd be sweet. I have some Rmails I saved, for an occasion just like this, where I really needed a lifeline. Something to get to the next hour/day/week. I dunno what from there. If nothing else, I'll see about dithering around in other threds, and if someone posts here, even about their own vents (of course!) to be supportive myself too.

I take heavy medication, was up for 36 hours, and took a heavier dose, and still...woek up to this bombshell, went to get some milk from the frig and never got back to sleep. WAs in bed, maybe 7 hours, after being up.

Anyway, I'll leave it at that. Thanks for enduring this rant. I guess that's why we have the thread for this stuff. :/
Brianna
 member, 2195 posts
Tue 20 Aug 2019
at 00:15
Too Many Expectations
In reply to V_V (msg # 1426):

Does she know just how upset you are?  How disappointed in her?  If not, I think she needs to, for both your sakes.  It might be better to put it in writing so you can say your piece without interruption, without setting one another off, and then having a discussion after she reads it.  I'm so sorry that your friend is treating you - and herself - so badly.
ShadoPrism
 member, 1266 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Tue 20 Aug 2019
at 01:38
Too Many Expectations
In reply to Brianna (msg # 1427):

She sounds like a friend I used to have, he ended up in over $2000 in debt to me. Then had the audacity to say he thought it was a gift. At the time I made $300 a month, doing crap work trying to put myself through school. But I helped when I could.
We are no longer friends because I came to realise he saw me as a walking wallet and nothing more.
V_V I feel for you. I been through some of the same kinds of things and all I can say is hang in there. Your not alone and I hope things get better for you. One thing I learned. You can't bail out people like your friend. They will never learn to care for themselves if others keep bailing them out. Sad but true. Sometimes you need to play hardball and it's hard on both persons but ... right you don't want the advice, just telling you how I had to learn. Good luck out there.
V_V
 member, 841 posts
 Remember me as V, just V
 My journey is near an end
Tue 20 Aug 2019
at 02:12
Too Many Expectations
I REALLY do appreciate your two remarks. Shado, your "advice" was fine. :) It shows you care. :) You kept it brief, and caring, not "I know, you should learn from me" but "I went through it too, man. Hard way is the ONLY way". All that's fine.

No, I know we'll be friends, Anne and I, for many years. Money corrupts. It won't corrupt me. Friendship is more important than money. Every time. Hands down. I don't have to choose though. THAT is not the choice I'm faced with. I'm faced with her parents and co-workers, being pymgies in her ear encouraging her to spend like they (THEY are upper middle class) WE can't do that. The only reason Anne could, is she had wad of money and even went into debt. She is my friend though. Anne does NOT use me. I did enable her. It's mostly her fault, cold, but true. I won't let her starve, I won't let her miss work, but yes...

Brianna! I'm always glad to see your messages. Yes, she knows how mad I am. I am very caring, but very loud. I yell. Both my parents' and Anne's did that. My father hit me, her father beat her. My father didn't have the energy to fight for a day, her father is a freaking psychopath, taking fights to point of not sleeping and eating. I say this because when I yell it triggers her to just say anything to get the noise to stop. I've learned to make my reaction brief, but it makes it all the more intense. Unlike our parents', my anger never translates to physical. Worst is when I slammed down my hand ona table...my hand hurt! Table was fine...well...it was before the fire...

Anyway, yeah, I got off track...for obvious reasons. Yeah *whew* She's anbudantly aware of my feeling. I'm quite transparent, in fact uncomfortably so, with even strangers. All my friends know what I think, because I'm a staunch believer in communication. But she is still learning how to cope with trouble, and I am trying to cope with living on my own. It's very far from ideal.

No more giving her money though. No idea how she'll get above 0 in bank account. And the penalties will make sure it's even harder. I have no doubt when she gets paid next, a few hundred, she'll still be negative. :/ Not my problem though. It's house on fire, and beyond putting more precious water on.

Anyway, I wanted to reply here, because I really needed to support. Anne is home early. Apparently class starts NEXT week. She has a legitimate problem with the loan office, and NOT the school. The big wigs, the big guns are having a joint meeting, even one that isn't local is skyping in to join the conference, so they can show Anne is worth having chance to persue school. Why THEY did nothing in MAy, June and July. Flip if I know. Anne did meet with them though. This time I know! They had, apparently, had donation fund going for our fire, and Anne got $200. Which she immediately gave to me. If she wasn't exhorbantly overdrafted, I'd have put that in her account, afterall I'm paying for both our electricity unless she can contribute.

Thank you both, and anyone else, for giving me something to reply to. Mvoing forward with Anne, is going to require being less than compassionate, but I enjoy our time to game and chat. I like HER. I hate her spending habits. Money ruins relationships. I'm not going to continue to act like we're a couple. She'll get the idea, if my words fell on deaf ears, but the fact it's on her now. There's nothing she can do, but wait for her loan, and suffer from not heeding curbing her habits. I feel alittle sorry for her, but getting the $200, was a godsend. Now I can make it until next month, and not starve myself! NExt month I'm giving Anne a shoestring budget (what I was left with!) and she'll have to budget that. No one deserves to go hungry. I wouldn't wish that on a villain. She needs gas in the car. That's it though. That's literally it. If she bleeds, she'll have to budget for the bandage. :/.

I'm done with this vent now, and spending time, with Anne enjoying time, having finally seen some fruit of her labor be born. So I'll read the rmail tonight, after she goes to sleep. I thought I'd be stranded for many more hours, but I'm going to go out, get a cheap drink, buy some food and relax. I really appreciate the concern. It's helped immensely. :)
Brianna
 member, 2196 posts
Tue 20 Aug 2019
at 23:45
Too Many Expectations
In reply to V_V (msg # 1429):

Good luck and hang tough!  If you need to go that far, remember you can buy the groceries, and take her car to put the gas in, rather than give her money.
tibiotarsus
 member, 62 posts
 Hopepunk with a shovel
Wed 21 Aug 2019
at 07:34
Too Many Expectations
Chiming in just to say that for people who have trouble conceptualising money beyond a binary of have money(infinite spending!)/no money, giving them money in cash is the most effective way to make them understand what they're spending. Invisible money flows like water, handing over your last fiver, not so much. Good luck!
GreenTongue
 member, 878 posts
 Game Archaeologist
Fri 23 Aug 2019
at 00:31
Re: Too Many Expectations
Brianna:
In reply to V_V (msg # 1429):

Good luck and hang tough!  If you need to go that far, remember you can buy the groceries, and take her car to put the gas in, rather than give her money.

This.
When someone is having problems controlling their finances, giving them more money is just enabling. Buying what is _needed_ is the best way to help. If they need more, they need to make the hard choice.
Shannara
 moderator, 3835 posts
 Keep calm, drink more
 COFFEE!!!!
Fri 23 Aug 2019
at 00:49
Re: Too Many Expectations
tibiotarsus:
Chiming in just to say that for people who have trouble conceptualising money beyond a binary of have money(infinite spending!)/no money, giving them money in cash is the most effective way to make them understand what they're spending. Invisible money flows like water, handing over your last fiver, not so much. Good luck!



The problem creeps in when their last fiver is not their last fiver, because all the people who keep giving them money will just give them more.

What some people learn when people keep rescuing them from the consequences of making mistakes is that there ARE no consequences ... until they run out of friends.

This message was last edited by the user at 01:08, Today.