OceanLake
 supporter, 1103 posts
Sat 29 Feb 2020
at 20:32
Stupid car
I suggest:
No borrowing your car.
No ever giving her your car unless you already promised to do so.
Tough love

(Alas, easy to give such advice)
Silverlock
 member, 107 posts
Sun 1 Mar 2020
at 20:54
Blamestorming at work
How is it that 7, yes, 7 bosses of my 9 bosses (yes, convinced I work for Ring wraiths) hold a 1.5 hour meeting on who to blame for not running a test on a specific sample when 1 boss selects the schedule; another boss is supposed to check it that the proper tests be run, having access to that information, a higher boss is supposed to check THAT, then a higher boss still is supposed to check HIS work, and then the boss of the sampling crew is supposed to check 'does this look right, as he am the one who oversees the paperwork after the previous bosses pass it along to me' and the boss below that one is supposed to check for the same thing, then the next boss in charge of what comes into the lab for lab work is supposed to check for that same thing again.....And when all of them fail to do their assigned work, for which they are paid handsomely, they all desperately try to point the finger of blame at the two unfortunates at the very bottom of the ladder, who are the mere flunkies following their written orders (the orders that were supposed to be checked by said bosses).  These are the flunkies who would be told they are wasting company time and resources if they sampled anything incorrectly, mind you.  The more bosses I have, the less work they do, and now that they all figure the OTHER boss will do the work, none of the work gets done and they blame the two poorest paid not-boss workers in the chain for their mistake.  Did I mention that tax payers are paying their lavish salaries ?  And, more unfortunately, the people who need to be told that this waste goes on are the relatives of said aforementioned bosses, so you know that's not going to be corrected. Perhaps some other relative must be hired as a boss, since 7 of them are not enough to their jobs correctly.  Now all the bosses are angry and looking for trouble.
CrazyIvan777
 member, 285 posts
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 14:33
Blamestorming at work
Two years ago I had, within a one-hour drive, seven different people who I could hang out with, take in a movie, game, have lunch or dinner, what-have-you. Normal friend stuff.
Since then, two have moved out of the country, two have moved out of state, two just don't hang out with me anymore, and one... the one I considered a best friend... ghosted me. Just stopped talking at all. I don't know why, and I may never.
But hey, it's okay! When I say I'm going to run a game, people come flocking! Yep, absolutely! I can absolutely GM and write and run games for folks. I mean, I'm good at that.
When the game ends, of course, everyone's ready to talk to each other and make plans for other stuff. I mean, not with -me-, of course. That'd be... foolish? I guess?
I'm not going to stop running games. I -like- running games.
And I feel that if I stopped? No one would interact with me at all.
And yes, I know. Suggest. I have. I've suggested lunches. I've suggested movies. I've suggested just getting together to hang out. In response, I get empty promises. Lunch? Yes, one of them said that'd be a great idea... mid-January. Hang out? Sure! Oh, making definite plans for it? Total silence. Rain-check for a meet-up? A lot of hemming and hawing.
I feel so damn alone. I feel like no one really wants to interact with me face-to-face anymore.
I feel like if I vanished, no one would really miss me. Maybe they'd miss the games, but they wouldn't miss me.
tibiotarsus
 member, 126 posts
 Hopepunk with a shovel
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 16:46
On fair-weather friends
Maybe check in with the good friend that vanished, since something bad might have happened to them, or to their brain: I know my instincts when badly ill, mentally or physically, go something like "pretend nothing is wrong...crawl under a porch to die...if you survive this bout, spend ages finding the courage and social energy to go about apologising..." Depression thins down the communicative centres of the brain, too, so...if there was no argument involved and you haven't changed dramatically enough to not be the person they made friends with recently, check up on them because it's probably not you.

Otherwise, aside from telling them how you feel you folk don't just hang out enough, I think you need better or/and non-gaming friends. If you can volunteer somewhere, or find somewhere local or online that caters to other hobbies you have, that's a good place to encounter people with similar interests you might get on with.
KingHenryBlack
 member, 35 posts
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 17:31
On fair-weather friends
   I've had the same thing when it came to friends; when I adverted for a game beginning, people came out of the woodwork to ask if they could play - they raved about my games and always seemed to enjoy the atmosphere and effort I put into them. But outside of the game, I wasn't invited elsewhere and always felt like a 3rd wheel on a bicycle whenever I went with them to a movie or something else. It got frustrating after a while, and I eventually walked away from those same people after my breakdown 6 years ago. I never knew if it was me or them that was the problem, and even occasionally, I still wonder ...

   I can count on one hand - and have fingers left over - how many friends I have, and only 1 of those I would consider a 'best friend'. I haven't seen him in almost a year now physically, but I keep in touch through Email and Facebook (yes, *that* place), but my circle of friends has always been small since I was in High School during the Middle Ages. :)

   I'd suggest possibly that you might try and go out to meet others, and find people on your own to enhance your circle. If there are things other than gaming that interest you, find a club and ask to join. What tibiotarsus says is true - there are other places where you could find new friends and enjoy a better quality of life. Go forth and have fun ... and you might find some people to share it with, along the way.

Cheers.
witchdoctor
 member, 173 posts
 ᏣᏔᎩ
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 21:45
On fair-weather friends
I think that CrazyIvan777's experience is pretty common.  The same thing has happened to me post-college.  In college there was ALWAYS someone, usually a handful of someones, around wanting to hang out, go somewhere, do things together, etc...  Post college that number has dramatically thinned out to the point of only seeing some of them when they're logged into the PlayStation Network and they pop up on my 'friends list', beyond that they never call or text or FB messenger me or anything.
  I used to think we were a pretty tight group but proximity was the catalyst it seemed.  Some of that group still hang out and play tabletop/online together but I rarely get to join in because my work schedule is the polar opposite of theirs.  I try to stay in contact with them but it's really difficult these days despite the communications abilities of modern Life.  Such are First World, 21st century problems...

This message was last edited by the user at 05:43, Sun 08 Mar.

GreenTongue
 member, 915 posts
 Game Archaeologist
Sat 7 Mar 2020
at 22:12
On fair-weather friends
I believe you can thank the instant feedback provided by a cellphone.
Compared to that people are boring.
Like the difference between reading and a movie.
Best I can tell people would much rather watch a movie than read a book about the same subject.
So, instead of the "boring" interaction of talking, they interact with their phone.
OceanLake
 supporter, 1104 posts
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 00:23
On fair-weather friends
Suggestion: Learn to play bridge and find groups. You'll be welcomed, and one or more will be happy to tutor you. In general, find groups that have the same interests as you. If you keep fishing in these pools, you'll eventually land one or more persons who relish companionship.
Isida KepTukari
 member, 342 posts
 Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 00:44
On fair-weather friends
Or perhaps a local library or gaming store has some board-gaming nights. Those don't require the intense time investment of RPGs, and since you are mutually entertaining each other (unlike an RPG where the burden is usually more on the GM) you might be able to find people who like games, but are more chatty and willing to talk or interact in ways outside of games.
KaiWriter
 member, 61 posts
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 17:46
On fair-weather friends
If you play something that has an official league (something like D&D's Adventurer's League or Paizo's Pathfinder/Starfinder Society), get involved with it.  If you're looking for more games, you might be able to suss out more interested parties at things like that- usually there could be people who play there and then have other groups.
GreenTongue
 member, 916 posts
 Game Archaeologist
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 17:54
On fair-weather friends
I play Magic the Gather's Commander / EDH format for this very reason.
People need opponents to play against.
If you show up, some will play.
Silverlock
 member, 108 posts
Sun 8 Mar 2020
at 19:25
On fair-weather friends
There used to be a brick-and-mortar game store within easy driving distance where a game could be found any night.  The same group of gamers would hang out, eventually wind up at the all-night diner, and break up about 3 am as we had work the next day.  This went on for a while until the game store began cutting its hours, then changed owners, and then the group splintered into the 'clique' and the 'nobodies'.  The 'nobodies' were good enough to game with, have GM a game for the 'clique' but NOT good enough to be included in any 'clique' events, etc.  I was a nobody.  The only clique member that can recall my name only speaks to me when he wants to buy - very cheap - my extensive collection of painted miniatures, which he plans to sell.  Bad news; there are a lot more bad people who will act like a friend and be worse than an enemy to you.  If I knew how to find good friends, I'd share the knowledge, cos I have very few people in my life I could call friend, and it's not for lack of trying.  We invited 50 people to a party to celebrate a major birthday and a retirement, and 20 showed up.  The OLDEST friends showed up.  The more recent showed up late.  Good luck finding a decent human being out there; joining a gaming club will at least get you some human interaction though.
GreenTongue
 member, 917 posts
 Game Archaeologist
Mon 9 Mar 2020
at 12:52
On fair-weather friends
I have been lucky I guess. The gaming store I go to has a sign-up sheet for "pods" (group of 4) and anyone can signup. This really helps getting people to play with.

I'm in my 60's and often not the first choice for others to play with but over time I have played with a lot of the regulars. Now, I usually don't have a problem finding people to play with there.
I have found that once you become a "known quantity" you become accepted.

Outside of the store they may not want to hang out with me but that's fine. When I was younger it was a lot easier but this is a common problem.
From what I read, it is a serious problem with older people. Their skill at meeting people has atrophied and they become isolated and depressed.

Gotta get out and get exposure.
There should be more places for older people but if nobody makes them, they will not come.

Online is a substitute but not the same as live.
CrazyIvan777
 member, 287 posts
Wed 11 Mar 2020
at 20:42
Re: On fair-weather friends
GreenTongue:
From what I read, it is a serious problem with older people. Their skill at meeting people has atrophied and they become isolated and depressed.

Gotta get out and get exposure.
There should be more places for older people but if nobody makes them, they will not come.

Online is a substitute but not the same as live.


Very true. Very true. And I'm slowly coming to realize that, while I want the companionship I had before, it's not realistic to get that again. Instead, I have to start to rebuild. But what you said about atrophied social energies, that's... really the case.

So I've decided to just say 'yes' to anything people are doing. I hear about a book club? I'm in. A playtest of a LARP? Yep. On my schedule. Movie outing? Ye.... wait, I have something else scheduled that day.
But yeah. I need to get out there. And I'm doing it as much as I can.
SunRuanEr
 subscriber, 228 posts
Wed 25 Mar 2020
at 22:55
Shelter-in-place orders.
So the counties around mine have issued Shelter in Place orders. This is not a rant about being under one of those.

As a courtesy, the local news put out a video listing what you can and can't do, under the order.

On the list of things you CAN do? Play Golf.

Play. <profanities go here>. Golf. And specifically Golf. Not any other sport. Just Golf.

WHY UNDER THE SUN IS THAT ALLOWED? /headdesk
ShadoPrism
 member, 1304 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Thu 26 Mar 2020
at 00:08
Shelter-in-place orders.
In reply to SunRuanEr (msg # 1549):

cause it is really built in to the game to have social distancing. individual or small groups, very far apart.
Imladir
 member, 25 posts
Thu 26 Mar 2020
at 00:16
Shelter-in-place orders.
More like the people making those decisions don't want to have their lose their golf games. Pch, what kind of monster are you to want to deny them that?
SunRuanEr
 subscriber, 232 posts
Fri 27 Mar 2020
at 22:12
Argh
In continued quarantine-related rants:

Dear school system -

Why on earth would you give out packets of papers to do offline, for kids that don't have internet access, and then inform the parents (at the end of the week) that you expected the kids to email in/upload their work each day by 4pm to get a grade? What part of 'for kids that don't have internet access' made it seem like requiring them to upload it daily was a reasonable requirement?

/headdesk
ShadoPrism
 member, 1306 posts
 OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
 Gamer-Disorder
Fri 27 Mar 2020
at 22:41
Argh
In reply to SunRuanEr (msg # 1552):

The went so far as to put school busses with wi fi amplifiers in certain areas. Never even considering how pointless that is for families that don't have a computer, cause they think EVERYONE has a computer or access to a computer.
Problem is the places that these sorts could normally access a computer, those places are closed because of the virus.
Thus showing the stupidity in action.
DaCuseFrog
 member, 90 posts
 SW Florida
Sat 28 Mar 2020
at 01:35
Re: Argh
SunRuanEr:
Why on earth would you give out packets of papers to do offline, for kids that don't have internet access, and then inform the parents (at the end of the week) that you expected the kids to email in/upload their work each day by 4pm to get a grade?


I'll do you one better.  The school system in my area gave us websites of places to go so we could download and print the work to do offline.  So no internet, no computer, no printer... wow, three for three (obviously not talking about myself here, but we are one of the poorest counties in our state).  What's an email address?  And public libraries are closed to the public for at least a month (though they are offering curbside service for hold requests, which is actually pretty smart - at least someone is).
praguepride
 member, 1587 posts
 "Hugs for the Hugs God!"
 - Warhammer Fluffy-K
Mon 30 Mar 2020
at 04:44
Re: Argh
After everything that has happened I know of a trained medical professional who is still dismissing COVID as just "the flu".

Like sure...if you ignore that it is twice as infectious, twenty times as deadly and there is no established vaccine or treatment protocol and even just the testing protocols are spotty...then yes. Just like the flu...
tibiotarsus
 member, 139 posts
 Hopepunk with a shovel
Mon 30 Mar 2020
at 12:14
Re: Argh
Whilst commonplace usage of "flu" to mean "bad cold" makes that really awful, the current plague has a mortality of about a third the rate of actual influenza across the entire population, and a tenth that of virulent strains like the Spanish Flu; I think the statistic you have is specific to individuals of 60+, who don't often die of normal flu, but are dying relatively often of this thing because we don't have an effective treatment yet.

Your medical acquaintance needs a slap, though, for sure. They do not sound competent and are clearly causing people fear and alarm, which makes them do dumb things like cram themselves into shops to hoard stuff and spread viruses faster than hospitals can cope.
praguepride
 member, 1588 posts
 "Hugs for the Hugs God!"
 - Warhammer Fluffy-K
Tue 31 Mar 2020
at 00:51
Re: Argh
Twice as infectious and twenty times as deadly. While younger people are not dying at the same rates they are still being hospitalized and taxing the system.

Looking at NYC numbers, 10% of people 0-44 get hospitalized and 20% of people 45-64 identified are hospitalized.

Now granted those numbers are biased because it's only people with serious symptoms getting tested but that hospitalization rate is what is really concerning. Yes it isn't as fatal as 1918 flu but we also have a LOT better medicine now. Looking at what is happening in Italy when their medical system gets taxed makes you realize this could be as bad as 1918 but we have a 100+ years of medical knowledge and tech under our belts.
Brianna
 member, 2214 posts
Wed 1 Apr 2020
at 08:47
Re: Argh
Remember that any numbers you see only include the people who actually get tested, aka at best usually only those who present severe symptoms, and in time to seek help.  I wish stats by country also showed the total population of the country, and percentage of that population that are getting tested, besides whether that country has any shortage of tests, as so many of them do.
Imladir
 member, 27 posts
Wed 1 Apr 2020
at 13:17
Re: Argh
There isn't all of it obviously, but the most complete stats (as far as I know anyway) can be found here: https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/