Too Many Expectations
I'm going through a lot of trouble. Just this year, in February my place was in a fire. I lived with a roommate, my best friend, even now (I'll get to that). We had joint renter's insurance. Got the payout, and it needed a draft. So I went ahead and had it drafted her account. Little did I know how much she spent. I got a new bed, at the time less then 20% of what we had, and I always wanted a nice bed. I got a T.V. on clearance, around $250, and that was it. WE needed furniture, we needed to work to save to get another place. I had the impression WE were saving. SHE was not. Not only was it too late, when it was too late, she lied to me. Reasons, not excuses, but her family was basically the only other influence, and boy...that are abusive.
Well, here we are. Just a few months ago, I thought that was that. Savings *snap* gone, but we would move forward frugally. No. Services she had, that I explicitly asked about (Threadfix, Amazon Prime, PAndora, etc...) literally about two dozens things she was just throwing her money away at....she went negative. And because I wanted to avoid her getting one $35 penalty after another. I desosit what I had squirreled away.. I did this last month, I did this this month.
She's negative again. I have about two weeks with basically very little. She then asks me "What am I supposed to do?" I just have to walk away. It makes me so pissed to have her ask that. Like I hadn't actively tried to ask questions, give advice, help share that burden, because I LIKE her, I LOVE her, she's my best friend...but I've done all I can...more than I should have.
The worst news came today. The paperwork she did for school, the only saving grace...she lied about taking care of that. She had documentation...about the fire, which made her drop out (with good reason!) is spring semester. But she sat on it. I had asked, what I thought was "too" often. "So you're SURE, you've doen everything." "Yeah, V. We're just waiting for the next semester" weeks later "Did you talk to the school about the next semester" "Yeah." "And?" "And what?" "What did they say?!" "Oh...sorry...They didn't say anything." *sigh* "Okay, well did you talk to them about the semester?" "Yeah, I'm approved to get funding, if that's what you mean" *whew*. Summer was hard. Anyone who works and goes to school, knows summer semesters are to be avoided if you can even possibly hold out. Well, I asked again a few more times, hammered out that she was "Sure" she was all set. Last minute? Guess what...no approval. She hadn't even signed over the report of the fire. Through April. Through May. Through JUNE. THROUGH JULY! THROUGH HALF OF FU- *exhale*
Even if she had waited until August, it wasn't too late, but no. She waited, until school was starting. No textbooks, still going to school, just on a hope she might get the money. I'm livid.
Problem, clear and present is the mental state. I had a lot of lfaky friends. Friends face to face I meant. Great buddies. I helped each of them when they needed to move, to babysit, to watch their pet, give them rides. Nothing when I had my fire. Nothing. It eroded my trust in them, and also left me more isolated then ever. They wouldn't hang out either, because it seemed (I'm guessing) if they hung out they'd have to help out.
I share my car, that I bought, with Anne, my best friend. So basically it's been my computer, and mostly just phone conversations. I tried to chat on rpol, but all I had was more and more bad news, and I didn't want to erode the games (that I wasn't in the shape to GM during this hardship) but talking about RL crap. I figured silence was just better. I made some non-updates, to let people know "yeah, I'm thinking about starting up, here's my plan". But I've been isolated. Even with my best friend *scoff* my only friend it seems...I just end up fighting with. About money, about things I think are in order, in the past...that still lay ahead.
I don't want to take the car from her. It's how she gets to work, and school, but I'm just so pissed. I have the feeling she's of the attitude to miss work, rather than carpool. It's horrible!
This is just too much for me...right now...I don't want to talk about this, but to just...have some company...just chat. I put this in this thread so replies could be made public, if people want to do so here. I don't really want or need advise. I know what I'm going to do, and it will be my decision I can credit or blame. People gave me mostly dung advice. About what amounted to bupkiss. I'd rather made another mistake, that I made honestly, and learn, for myself, how I, as an adult, will handle it, than have to credit any success, to because someone happened to catch me a fish today. So to speak. To have to need people to tell me what to, and not to do. People did that. I took one advice for awhile, and when that didn't work, tried another. I'm just pissed, just bitter, just wanted some escape. I'd ad for GM, but that'll be more work. Even with a godsend, no game would be ready to play today, as I sit here, hungry, tired from fighting, and sleep loss, but trying to ration out my "Work" time of budgeting the shoestring for the next roughly two weeks, and then from there, possibly, probably not, deciding how to word my next game delay post. I'm also trying to remain calm. I just need a distraction, to break the monoteny, of bad stuff.
I looked for other public threads, but either I have nothing to contribute to the conversation, or it's more debate that conversation. I just want to have an update, a nice short little break every fifteen minutes or whatever, just to have something to look forward too.
I tried calling the hotline, but it wasn't hot enough. I called a couple warm line, but but got the cold shoulder. I'm just numb and would love to just chat about video games, or maybe a game system. Something short (not this beast! Not a wall fo text like this) and back and forth. So if someone, or really anyone/everyone, wants to Rmail me, that'd be sweet. I have some Rmails I saved, for an occasion just like this, where I really needed a lifeline. Something to get to the next hour/day/week. I dunno what from there. If nothing else, I'll see about dithering around in other threds, and if someone posts here, even about their own vents (of course!) to be supportive myself too.
I take heavy medication, was up for 36 hours, and took a heavier dose, and still...woek up to this bombshell, went to get some milk from the frig and never got back to sleep. WAs in bed, maybe 7 hours, after being up.
Anyway, I'll leave it at that. Thanks for enduring this rant. I guess that's why we have the thread for this stuff. :/