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10:52, 28th March 2024 (GMT+0)

Vents with allowed responses - 3.

Posted by GamerHandle
SunRuanEr
member, 74 posts
Sat 6 Apr 2019
at 14:24
  • msg #1362

My sympathy is running dry

I feel your pain, Isida. My spouse and I also have a (supposed to be) weekly game, that never seems to happen. If we get ANY notice at all, it's a text from the DM saying he's on his way (about an hour in advance). Nine times out of ten, the DM and his wife (who plays) just don't show up, without any notice whatsoever. I quit bothering to clean the house, or plan in advance for dinner (I tend to feed everyone on game nights, or used to), because it's lately just gotten to where I assume they're not going to show.

Because they don't, and can't be bothered to send a text or call and say 'Hey, we're not feeling it today' (they have some health issues, so that's understandable). I've gotten over it, mostly, although I'm still having to explain to my son (who started learning to play D&D in this group, recently) that 'no, it doesn't look like game will happen this week. Sorry'. Thanks, irresponsible DM & wife, for making it so *I* get to constantly disappoint my son... but that's another story.

It's pretty much ruining my ability to care about these people as friends (and it's worth noting that they have been, up to this point, pretty much the closest friends we have) because it's just so... disrespectful? Rude? Inconsiderate? I'm not sure what the words are, but in the day and age of cell phones and constant ability to communicate, there's just no excuse for making other people wait until the last minute to find out if/when you're going to show up at a pre-arranged event. Maybe it's just me.

Wanting 24 hours' notice seems perfectly reasonable. I hope you can find a way to get it.
Kessa
member, 588 posts
Dark Army:
Out to Lunch
Sat 6 Apr 2019
at 15:56
  • msg #1363

My sympathy is running dry

It's great that everyone is getting the help they need first and foremost, because life takes priority over games. But it sounds to me like Jane is dictating a lot of what's going on with other people's free time and more than that, she's jerking others around with her unpredictability. The gracious thing for Jane to do is the make the allowance that she's not able to be reliable and allow others to work around her without forcing everything to grind to a halt on her own account. But seeing as she's not willing to do this, I feel you have at least three options.

1. You tell Jane and your husband that you will end the game if it can't be kept regular, whether that means adding more people that Jane (when she is actually there) will just have to get used to, or Jane making more solid commitments and at a minimum giving you the notice you need. It's too much work for something no one can keep up with and there's a good deal of respect to the GM lacking in the current situation.

2. You turn this game into a one-shot, or a toss-around game that doesn't care too much about continuity to make it easier to follow and require less work on your part. Maybe use any extra time saved from doing this to run another game another night, the way you want to.

3. Cancel the game outright and start a new game with the people who are more predictable. Jane is welcome to join that game, but there's not going to be any undue accommodations on her behalf since it's not centering on her needs in the first place.

Outside of that, you can certainly support and interact with Jane in other ways, but it seems she's not willing to be courteous with your time or others in the current situation with the current game and for me, with the amount of time I can invest in games, that's a big deal breaker.
Brianna
member, 2177 posts
Mon 8 Apr 2019
at 00:10
  • msg #1364

My sympathy is running dry

I can understand how it can be difficult to predict 24 hours or more ahead whether you are going to feel up to something (I have that issue too, but for physical problems), but I think Jane needs to back off on dictating whether you are allowed to add more people.  It may be stressful for her, but the way it is now her problems are controlling too much of your life as well as hers.  Perhaps it would be better if she were in a game with just you and your husband, on an evening you keep free with alternate plans also involving just you two, and your son could be in another game that is more predicable.

It's not clear to me whether you have spelled out to your husband that you are on the verge of cancelling the game altogether.  As someone else said, you need to tell him this in plain and simple words.  ;-)  Then the two of you could brainstorm together, maybe with your son also, for a workable solution.
PCO.Spvnky
member, 387 posts
Tue 9 Apr 2019
at 01:49
  • msg #1365

My sympathy is running dry

Well, my rant is quite a bit less important than the one above (Hope you get your gaming fixed Isida).
Just looked at a game which seemed interesting in concept, starting up again after some players left etc.  Then I see that the requirements to get in are around 10 paragraphs (minimum) and I think "Woah, that's a lot for a game that has already died once." Then I look at the house rules and there are sosny that it isn't even close to the advertised system anymore.  I kept trying to hold on because the game is actually one I really want to play but I didn't even get through the whole house rules section before I just decided it was too much.

Do people really not realize how much they are asking for in some of these games?
icosahedron152
member, 946 posts
Tue 9 Apr 2019
at 06:01
  • msg #1366

Game Requirements

In reply to PCO.Spvnky (msg # 1365):

Look on the bright side. The GM spelled out what s/he wanted in advance, so you could make a decision before joining. That's better for everyone than joining and finding out a couple of weeks in that it wasn't what you expected. There's a lot of those games about, too.
ShadoPrism
member, 1257 posts
OCGD-Obsessive-Compulsive
Gamer-Disorder
Tue 16 Apr 2019
at 03:47
  • msg #1367

The Stupid Striked again

In this case a utility worker decided he did not need to follow procedure and find out which under ground lines do what and now over 30,000 people in 2 states are without internet for at least 4 days, maybe longer. Myself being in that number. So hard to surf the net on just my phone.
Seems he cut several feet off the main cable feed for the area. Which makes me wonder why no one thought to set up redundant and differing locations for the internet connections.
Starchaser
member, 595 posts
GMT+0
http://bit.ly/2NvdzWG
Tue 16 Apr 2019
at 15:24
  • msg #1368

I don't get people anymore.

Ok so my problems aren't exactly as bad as some on here so I apologuise to those going through tougher times.

I'm finding people quite hard to deal with lately and I don't know why. Can't work out if its me or something else.

I used to find rpol a safe haven with quite pleasant people but feel like I'm butting horns with people here too for no reason other than not being a doormat.

I just got banned from a game just for saying I was leaving it.

This was because it was indicated to me in a really cryptic way that I *may* have broken game rules but no explaination as to how. I re-read rules and still couldn't work it out and so directly asked why.

Driftwood ensued.

So I said I was leaving. Even pointed out I had many other games so was stretched anyway and was (in my opinion) as diplomatic as possible.

No ok, bye. No sorry to see you go. That's fine. I had expected to just click on the game and find myself no longer a player, but a ban? Come on!

There have been other more minor incidents throughout the day, not as bad as that one.

What's got into people?
This message was last edited by the user at 15:35, Tue 16 Apr 2019.
PCO.Spvnky
member, 390 posts
Tue 16 Apr 2019
at 17:32
  • msg #1369

I don't get people anymore.

Honestly I have found that people just get offended when you decide a game isn't going to work for you no matter how nice you are about it.  I have only ever had one gm who was nice about things when I left a game (normally I will just back out of a game if I notice that there is a player that I am not going to get along with, rather than waiting for a problem to start).
SunRuanEr
member, 77 posts
Tue 16 Apr 2019
at 18:43
  • msg #1370

I don't get people anymore.

In the defense of that GM, they may have been burned in the past by having someone who said they were leaving their game cause problems when allowed continued access to said game. Sometimes, the safest way to guarantee there will be no Departing Player Drama is to prevent the departing player from interacting with the rest of the cast.
Starchaser
member, 597 posts
GMT+0
http://bit.ly/2NvdzWG
Tue 16 Apr 2019
at 19:46
  • msg #1371

I don't get people anymore.

Yeah. Maybe they had their reasons.

TBH this has been the tip of a very large iceberg.

Lots of little things today have been chipping away at my self esteem.

I'll get over it.
icosahedron152
member, 948 posts
Wed 17 Apr 2019
at 03:03
  • msg #1372

I don't get people anymore.

Some people are just weird, and simple manners have been on the decline for decades.

If I want to leave a game, I'll say so. If someone wants to leave my game, I'll thank them for their contribution and give them a week to copy (not remove, thank you - I have game-continuity to maintain) any of their material, in case they want to use their character elsewhere. Even if they've argued with me. They're entitled to their opinion, even if it's wrong! ;)

What annoys me is when players (or GMs) just vanish.

I see a PbP game exactly the same as a FtF game.

If you go to someone's house and game with them, you don't sneak out the door when they're not looking, you thank them for their hospitality, shake hands around the group, and leave with your head high and your manners intact.

And if you're a GM moving to a new town, getting a new job, etc, you don't just stick a For Sale notice on your house for your gaming buddies to find next time they bring their kit round. You call them, thank them for the good times you've shared, and tell them why and when you're leaving.

Why do people become psychopathic morons online? What do a few pleasantries cost, really?
Starchaser
member, 599 posts
GMT+0
http://bit.ly/2NvdzWG
Wed 17 Apr 2019
at 06:05
  • msg #1373

I don't get people anymore.

Ive been discussing this issue with a friend. I think as a society we may have all become so connected to the online world that we are basically disconnected from each other. Humanity seems to be loosing its ability to relate or empathise and civility has declined.

That's not the case for everyone, though. Some people are still courteous and understanding.
acera
member, 152 posts
Wed 17 Apr 2019
at 09:34
  • msg #1374

I don't get people anymore.

Part of the issue may be that on the internet, no one can see you. Repercussions are limited. If you’re a jerk in real life, no one will want to be around you. If you’re a jerk on the internet, you can just find another spot to hang out in.

Some of it could be anxiety as well; I have generalized anxiety disorder and sometimes sending and receiving messages is overwhelming because I don’t know what the message says and I’m not sure if I want to know. I’ve ghosted out a couple times (although not after being in the game already, just after expressing interest).
This message was last edited by the user at 09:34, Wed 17 Apr 2019.
NowhereMan
member, 309 posts
Sun 28 Apr 2019
at 12:29
  • msg #1375

I don't get people anymore.

I had to drop out of a game a couple days ago because my enthusiasm for it just fell through the floor, for no apparent reason. The group seemed fun, and everyone was helping everyone else with character creation, and the OOC discussion was at a couple hundred posts before the game even started.

I hated having to leave a game with that kind of promise, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to add anything worthwhile to the dynamic/story/what-have-you with where my interest level was. Very frustrating.

To the crew of the Rotten Raven, the very best of luck.
horus
member, 709 posts
Wayfarer of the
Western Wastes
Mon 29 Apr 2019
at 01:54
  • msg #1376

Re: I don't get people anymore.

NowhereMan:
To the crew of the Rotten Raven, the very best of luck.


It's hard to admit to yourself that you are not a good fit for a game anymore, but it's for the best.  Don't beat yourself up about it, man.  You did right by the GM and the other players by withdrawing when you realized what was going on with you.
icosahedron152
member, 950 posts
Mon 29 Apr 2019
at 03:32
  • msg #1377

Re: I don't get people anymore.

horus:
You did right by the GM and the other players by withdrawing when you realized what was going on with you.

...Assuming you told them you were leaving, of course.

GMs are used to drop outs at the start of a game, it's probably no biggie.

The problem for GMs is not knowing whether a player has left or not - that just wastes their time and everyone else's, while they send out PMs and wait for a response, and hold your place open in case you've had family/work/internet issues.

Those delays and uncertainties spoil the game for everyone.

If anyone is leaving a game, all they need to do is post something like Nowhere Man posted here - it explains their situation, wishes the GM and players well, and makes a clean break that allows the game to continue smoothly without them.

If the GM becomes a jerk over it - well, you've already left the game, what're they gonna do? But by leaving a polite goodbye, you find out whether that GM is a jerk, instead of leaving them with the impression that you are.
donsr
member, 1578 posts
Mon 29 Apr 2019
at 03:44
  • msg #1378

Re: I don't get people anymore.

I always  ask folks  to let me know when they are going to bail. My games  aren't forever one, they aren't meant to be.

 self respecting gamers should  have the manners  enough to say,"..sorry..not what I thought".. and  then go, so the GM can let the rest of the game know they are gone, and no one's waiting.

 Rookies in my game  have a short leash for  ghosting... my vets  get a lot more  leeway, ebcause they tend to  let us know when RL takes them away.

 No one is getting paid  to play here..or  run a game, for that matter. Simple manners, is  not a bad thing  to ask for.
Isida KepTukari
member, 269 posts
Elegant! Arrogant! Smart!
Fri 3 May 2019
at 16:43
  • msg #1379

Le sigh

The situation with Hubby and the two co-workers he's teaching to game (with me as the DM) is more or less at a total standstill.  "Jane" is getting help for her many issues which precludes gaming, and the other co-worker "John" doesn't want to game if she's not there.  We did a board game night one evening, and he canceled the other due to prior commitments.  We haven't actually gamed since... at least January if not December.  I am hopefully going to reconnect with some old friends at a neighborhood party we're hosting next week, and then we're going to see if we can't actually get a game going.

Beyond the erratic scheduling and quiet stubborn refusal to let others into the game, I have difficulty getting anyone to really roleplay at the table.  Hubby is in love with the  mechanics, and while he's not totally indifferent to backstory, he's choosing to run two characters to round out the party, and so can't concentrate on much but the mechanics.  John does try and occasionally succeeds, but when I can get Jane to talk it's mostly about mechanics as well.  I get a teeny bit of roleplay out of her every once in a blue moon, but considering how little we're playing, it's about two times a year I see anything like that from her.

In other news, our sump pump isn't working so our formerly bone-dry basement is a sopping mess due to the excessive rainfall around here and the plumber can't get out here until Monday (it's Friday).  Boo!
Starchaser
member, 621 posts
GMT+0
http://bit.ly/2NvdzWG
Fri 3 May 2019
at 16:51
  • msg #1380

Le sigh

In reply to Isida KepTukari (msg # 1379):

Look at it this way. This blip could be the opportunity you need to rekindle those old friendships and let them blossom again.

I don't have that problem. No one I know offline is into roleplaying and think those that are are crazy. Probably because they've met me :/
NowhereMan
member, 312 posts
Mon 6 May 2019
at 02:27
  • msg #1381

Re: I don't get people anymore.

In reply to icosahedron152 (msg # 1377):

quote:
...Assuming you told them you were leaving, of course.


What? A vague message in a Vents thread isn't enough for you? People and their entitled attitudes these days...

Yeah, I always let a GM know if I can't stick around for one reason or another. I usually try to let them know the why as well, if applicable.
icosahedron152
member, 952 posts
Mon 6 May 2019
at 04:30
  • msg #1382

Re: I don't get people anymore.

NowhereMan:
What? A vague message in a Vents thread isn't enough for you? People and their entitled attitudes these days...

<Grin> Just checking.
Starchaser
member, 626 posts
GMT+0
http://bit.ly/2NvdzWG
Thu 9 May 2019
at 08:16
  • msg #1383

I'm in a weird mood today.

Its probably lack of sleep (rough night last night - long story) but this morning I've woken up in a weirdly empty and reflective mood. By all intents and purposes I should be pretty content. Things are slowly improving for me in my offline life (especially career wise) and as far as roleplaying is concerned I'm actually really busy in some great games with some great writing partners. But I actually feel pretty empty and unsatisfied.

I don't have that many face to face friends. This is partly due to be just being stupidly busy and partly due to the fact I don't live in the friendliest city in the world. So I tend to value the people I meet online perhaps more than most. And again, things are great in that regard. I have a few online friends. I am starting to make a few more. I have begun to reconnect with two people from my past (I actually tried to reconnect with more but I think quite a few people I used to know have left rpol) and one friend in particular that I've known for a few years now I value quite highly. They  are cool, funny, highly intelligent. Like a walking encyclopedia of knowledge and only one hour difference from me in time zone. So again I have no reason to feel unfulfilled.

One of my biggest regrets I think is that I burned my bridges with another close online friend who I also knew for years. I left rpol a few years ago and before I did it almost felt like we were the Bonnie and Clyde of roleplaying. We bounced off each other so well. Ran games together, played alongside each other all the time. When I returned things were different and instead of accepting that and just allowing things to be the way they were I reacted wrongly to it. It was exacerbated further by me arguing with them over game ownership (I had been gone a long time and two of my best games got transferred to them). I should have let it go but I didn't and it cost me my friendship.

A word to the wise: pick your battles carefully and make sure that what you stand for is worth what you could lose as a result.

And I did it again yesterday. Somebody replied to a (quite old actually) gpia thread (which I've now bumped) and their reply, although just a query got taken the wrong way by me. Luckily that got sorted quite quickly once I realised how much of a jerk I'd been but it highlights the fact that even when I have a chance to just think before I write anything I can still let my own insecurities screw myself over.

Another word to the wise: Think, think and think again before using your emotions to dictate your responses.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, maybe not. But one thing I know is this unsatisfied feeling I've had has been with me for a long time now and never seems to go away.
horus
member, 723 posts
Wayfarer of the
Western Wastes
Thu 9 May 2019
at 15:38
  • msg #1384

I'm in a weird mood today.

In reply to Starchaser (msg # 1383):

Chase your dissatisfaction down and conjure with it, man.  You are trying to tell yourself something important.  Look at this as a rare opportunity.  Don't really go at it trying to "fix" you -- just try to understand what is making you feel that way and the rest will likely come naturally.

I've been there (dissatisfied with my life) lately my-*durian*-self, so I get it to some extent.  So much to do already, and so little time (and everybody seems to want something I don't have time for lately).
DarkLightHitomi
member, 1556 posts
Thu 9 May 2019
at 21:42
  • msg #1385

I'm in a weird mood today.

AGAIN!

Some guy hit me with a car a while back, not even 2 months ago.

My car is getting fixed and so I'm driving a rental.

Naturally, some guy hit me again. Rear-ended me on the highway, probably totalling the rental car.
Starchaser
member, 627 posts
GMT+0
http://bit.ly/2NvdzWG
Fri 10 May 2019
at 05:41
  • msg #1386

I'm in a weird mood today.

In reply to DarkLightHitomi (msg # 1385):

Well since it's the other car's fault hopefully their insurance should pay the rental company for any damages. I hope you weren't hurt?

In reply to Horus (msg # 1384):

Thanks, mate!
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