Re: Vents with allowed responses - 3
In reply to Hunter (msg # 2241):
Hunter I feel you brother. I won't now, but later, to show I care, I'll hit "reply to msg..." to show you how much of an impact you made on me. I do hear you though! Some may not, but I've been there. You may not see this, and if you don't, maybe one day you'll come back and I can shoiw you "hey, yeah, people replied go look!". I know health, in more than one way have adversely affected your life. I know your ideas were just not coming together, whether through players, or the timing of pbp. I know you posts within the last year many yellow and then red flags that you were waning of RPoL. even if you didn't consciously know it, you were readying yourself to do something else.
You are welcome. This is not reply to say you owe anyone thank you, but to remind you...you\, like all of us...have an open invitation, any time of day or night, any day of the year, any year you wish to return. I will ask, if you see this, let us know how you are, even if it's less than once a year.
There will only be one Hunter. We know that the wolves are at many of our doors, we'd like to know you're alive, and not hospitalized, imprisoned or grieving. If it's the latter, let us grieve with you. That is the core of a good community, even if we can't help celebrate your victories, some of us really invest to help grieve with each other.
I won't hit the "reply to" nor double post, but in reply to...ShadoPrism, Genericous_Maximus and especially SunRuanEr: I agree with the validity of these methods. I, unfortunately, have put myself at a losing war, battle by battle, and need essentially reinforcements with more than one physician and therapist. I will need four fields of medicine to treat what is both physical addiction, AND the psychological trauma. I WILL fall off the wagon. I wish I wouldn't, but I can't ignore I have to address my trauma for 17 of my first 24 years of life, no consecutively. I was anorexic as a child to deal with abuse, and when I was declared unable to work, as in verified, I only got one meal a day while awaiting my SSI (Not SSDI yet). Food and especially sugar are an emancipation. I have Tourettes, and it was believed at the time sugar was the cause. I won't use hyperbole, but I felt enraged and resentful of the psiciatrist that belived in that debunked BS. Were I to use hyperbole, I would say I wanted to <blank> that woman. She ruined a portion of my early life, and was aan enabler.
All that said, there is recovery for that too, it just has to be tackled individually. I have case manager and medication manager, and General practitioner. I need dietician (( have no teeth but can eata steak, so I have options. Brocolli, though I love it! Isn't an option right now). I also need a therapist that just handles my trauma, which is full blown non-combat PTSD. I have more, after living in a car during 2022 spring. PTSD "stacks" and "overlaps" as D&D would put it. ;) So I know that cold turkey is the best in one avenue, but likely to prompt worse addictions or behaviors in many others.
This is good advice though. Aspartame is not the option for me. I have part of a container I'll throw out. I am having it tonight, as I through out sugar from...well pests. It's been there since...April. Anyway, I have a fight ahead of me, and I can't do it...on my OWN, but I will be the star player. I just need to get some doctors to help me navigate this safely. I'm in contact with my case manager tomorrow and will go over that; it's two of three goals I have, getting doctors, and hitting the gym. My other is replace my stolen Social Security Card and Birth Certificate whom I know who stole it, but they won't admit it.
Anyway, this is good advice. I appreciate it. :D I especially appreciate your expressed belief in me SunRuanEr. You're a player I know from D&D 3.5 IIRC and so I feel like I know you better and call you more of an acquaintance, so thank you. That means alot! Little encouragement by people in my life help make balloons to give buoyancy. Even though these can't nearly lift me, they lighten the load. So again, thank you for expressing your belief in me. I believe in me too. :D This borders into good territory and I'll leave the vent on a positive note, but end the song. If and when I struggle I'll be vocal here *chuckle* I have loud "mouth". If I strike a goal, I'll post it as a good thing. I am in a race only against my set goals, no one else. I have enemies, but my fight is with my own problems, I set my standard against myself and my ability and limitations. I measure success by personal growth.
I do hope Hunter finds some solace somewhere. I'm glad I'm not the only one to validate his place here. There is a place for people on just communbity chat, or Rmail, or lurkers, or niche games. If he feels he needs a break, I hope that break brings him enjoyment; whether it's "productive" or not, I hope he finds some enjoyment. If he sees this, I hope...Hunter that you know we can't be procutive all the time, even in group activities. I'm legally disabled and so receive social security. I have abusive past for over half by life. I will be almost 50 before I'll have regained that lost time. I was constantly told I was not productive, but I learned, and I hope you'll know, everyone, everyone, who does live in terrible abject slavery, has leisure that isn't "productive". I play video games. I do so with my roommate and do so, less than I'm encouraged to, on my own. I have trouble justifying that time, since I'm at home all day. My case manager talks to me about how much leisure time I spend; on my own. It's staggeringly little. Less than one hour a day; and I am at home almost 24/7. You deserve recreation. All people do. I hope you'll consider whatever it is that brings you that worthwhile. Enjoy someone else's creation if you can't produce your own creativity into product. It waxing and wanes. I wish you well. I mean what I say, I'll reply and list the messages that resonated with me, to show you you were not marginally noticed. I got to know you, just through CC alone. WE may not be friends, but you were a support for me, and showed solidarity. That's more than most on RPoL, certainly more than those that whom have vilified me. Consider that, after I show you hard numbers. Best wishes Hunter, keep on the hunt.
Take which ever you want, and know the rest will not go to waste
*hug*
*fistbump*
*pat on the back*
*smile*
*nodding validation*
*quiet ear*
*invitation to Rmail*
