drew0500:
Disclaimer: I'm not a therapist, counselor or offering services.
You have what sounds like a very bad case of Co-Dependency.
Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.
Do you expend all of your energy in meeting your partner’s needs? Do you feel trapped in your relationship? Are you the one that is constantly making sacrifices in your relationship? Then you may be in a codependent relationship.
The term codependency has been around for decades. Although it originally applied to spouses of alcoholics (first called co-alcoholics), researchers revealed that the characteristics of codependents were much more prevalent in the general population than had previously imagined. In fact, they found that if you were raised in a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, you could also be codependent.
Researchers also found that codependent symptoms got worse if left untreated. The good news is that they’re reversible.
Click the link above to see the full web page.
The people pleasing and going out of your way to be manipulated out of large sums of cash, and moving for no other reason then to game also speaks to a much deeper issue.
My advice -
1) Take a break from gaming (GMs need to recharge their creative juices, taking breaks is healthy!)
2) Seek counseling for both you and possibly your wife (If she's going along with all this, then she likely needs help as well. People do not move just to game, it should make sense for your situation.)
3) Seek a support group for co-dependency (There are secular and non-secular programs available)
Hey everybody,
I appreciate all the feedback and advice and well wishes. I think I'm just going to step away from RPGs for a little while. Maybe just buckle down on some single player games that I have in my Steam Library or maybe work on my YouTube series a little bit until I'm feeling better.
I do want to address the above, though, so there's no misunderstanding. The fault is, of course, mine for not making this clear.
We didn't move
just to game. Basically, what had happened was that my wife and I were already in the planning stages of a move to Vermont, but we weren't able to sell our house as quickly as we'd been expecting. My sister, who was also looking to leave, WAS able to sell her house (we lived in the country, she lived in a college town) in relatively short order and she extended the offer to us to basically hitch a ride with them to Maine, then once the dust settles (either our house sells or we put together the funds for a down payment), we'd move on to Vermont.
Over the course of those months we lived in Maine, my sister revealed a rather conniving and, frankly, terrifying aspect to her personality that I'd never seen before. She became what's known as a "kept wife", as her husband's pension basically covered all of their living expenses with sufficient amount left over for them to go out to eat daily, buy all new appliances, several high dollar odds and ends...you get the idea. Sleeping until noon every day, playing WoW for several hours, then going to nap on the couch until dinner time. All the while, she had started to take on some very passive-aggressive tactics with my wife and I. Changing "house rules" on a whim, eating food we'd bought for ourselves (I have to have a specialized, and expensive, diet for health reasons), that sort of thing. After that, she'd begin soliciting money here and there. Small amounts at first. "Oh, you used the car last week when it snowed, I need $20 for gas." Of course, any time I drove her car, I filled it back up because that's a thing you do when someone helps. So there's, y'know, $40 out the window. Then there'd be "unexpected bills" that they just couldn't cover and, naturally, since we lived there, we would oblige and pay what we thought was our fair share.
I didn't find out until the literal day we moved (another $2k that we had to spend because it was either get the moving truck or my wife, our pets, and myself were on the street THAT DAY in February) that our neighbor, Randy, had overheard my sister and BIL talking about these "bills" that keep showing up and how it was one big ruse to get us to help pay for repairs/restorations on their 110 year old dump. We didn't realize
how badly we'd been taken advantage of until we got back home and took stock of everything. It was right around $10k, counting the moving truck to get back.
As for the two nimrods here in Indiana...that's a whole 'nother bag of worms, but you get the idea.
I know it sounds like codependency, but I've already spoken to a number of my friends and their relatives in the therapy field. They don't think it's codependency. Aside from my depression, I'm stable and functional. One of them summed it up in a nutshell, "You're too nice of a guy and, given your history, it's understandable. Every time the Universe uses you as a chewtoy, you dust yourself off and then go help somebody else pick themselves up. You've seen the depths of human sadism and you want to do some good to outweigh the evils you witnessed."
Yeah, probably.