OOC Conversation 6
In reply to Albert (Padre) Juhasz (msg # 234):
"A traveling salesman, you say, sir? Well, sir, lament no more -- for you see before you Ezekial 'Flannel-Mouth' van Landingham, Esq., the sole and exclusive -- the one and only, I mean to say -- duly-appointed purveyor in these United States of America of Baron Munchausen's Excelsior Elixir for the immediate and permanent curation of every ailment that bedevils humankind! Yes, yes, of course I am!"
"Indeed, sir! This wondrous balm and libation -- yes, yes, both combined in the same reasonably-priced offering, designed for ease of application and ingestion -- is now enthusiastically endorsed -- yes, yes, I assure you that 'tis so -- by each -- one and all, I say -- of the crowned heads of Europe. So, my good sir, have you ever imagined yourself on an equal footing with the King of England? And what of the King of France? Well, sir, trouble yourself no more with frets and worries that you might be doomed to forever hereafter find yourself on a lower pedestal than those esteemed worthies!"
"For upon your application and/or ingestion of this marvelous elixir, you will be doing exactly -- precisely, I say -- the same as old George and Louis did, back in their glory days! Yes, yes, you will, sir! Most certainly you will!"
"'And what might this elixir banish from my life, once and for evermore?' you might well ask. Yes, yes, indeed you might. Well, sir, I am glad that you inquired. Yes, yes, indeed I am!"
"The ague, chilblains, whooping cough, palsy, incontinence, warts, bilious fever, the bloody flux, colic, consumption, distemper, dropsy, lumbago . . . why, the list of extinguished ailments, bothers and worries goes on and on! Yes, yes, of course it does! And that does not even include the too-delicate-to-mention male and female issues that are cured with only a few doses of this entrancing, mind- and body-numbing elixir!"
Baron Munchausen himself might well have exclaimed "Wunderbar!" when speaking of his own tasty balm and libation. As I am certain he did, just as King George and King Louis did, once upon a time. Yes, yes, of course they did!"
"And so, for the low, low price of only a single Double Eagle, I offer you today, the perfection of everlasting health. Oh, and did I say that subsequent to consumption, either orally or topically, you shall thereafter suffer no dice rolls lower than a four, guaranteed! Yes, yes, most definitely I assure you, sir!"
"So step right up and claim yours immediately, for supplies are limited! Yes, yes, of course they are! Now, then, who will be first to change their life for the better immediately, starting this very day?"