My apologies if this week continues to go somewhat slow on my part, my mind has not been in the best shape lately for creativity. Also, along with many people being slow/distracted lately it seems best to not push things too hard. On the other hand, I fear going too slow because that tends to lead to players losing interest as well, so I am still trying to post as much as I can given my current limitations. After how long I've run this and how much time I've put into it, it'd be such a disappointment for my player base to drift. :(

Also I apologize for my ugly ascii maps (another in Veldy/Eternal thread and I added one for Dashu's scouting as well). I'm doing the best I can, given our medium, to give people as close a description of the surroundings as to what I see in my head.

I have Sims 3 now, and I am the biggest Sims fan I know(you do not know how big!), so this will have an impact on my posting. >.> I haven't said this on every one of my games, mostly because this one is the only one at the moment requiring the largest amount of my creative output.

Also because it makes me look like a HUGE DORK. :(

Though I am pretty sure I should be able to post for most threads by tomorrow, if not tonight. :)
This message was last edited by the GM at 19:54, Wed 03 June 2009.

... And it's a bit sad to have to follow this announcement with something more serious, but well, here goes.

Because of various reasons, Gatekeeper will need to take a few days off, and thus will not be able to advance her games until she returns - which will be next Monday or Tuesday. Accumulated fatigue has finally taken its toll, and it's not until she's taken a moment to breathe that she's realized how sorely she needs to catch up and rest. She's not going anywhere though, and will be right back after a few days to advance things and get back in the fold, revitalized and rested. Until then, consider the game on a short hiatus.

Thanks a lot for your patience and understanding, and we'll be seeing you soon!
This message was last edited by the GM at 19:25, Thu 04 June 2009.

Hi all,

I've rested quite well so far but I'm realizing it's not enough yet, so my hiatus must continue. I hope for your continued understanding in pausing at the brink of action. If I do lose players during my hiatus, I'll do my best to make up for it and keep things going, including fast forwarding some threads to bring more people together, and so forth.

I will try to explain to all of you a bit about what it's like being in my situation, not because I'm looking for sympathy, but because I respect my players enough to explain in detail. This is the only game I'm placing the full explanation in, mostly because it's the only one I've addressed my health issues in detail before. And this game also takes up the largest amount of my creative energy!

But if you don't want to read it, just skip the rest. I will check in again in another week or so, assess my health/mood, and see if I'm ready to post then.

---

I am a person with an unfortunate affliction. I have been diagnosed with major depression, something that has likely been with me since my teenage years (I am now in my early 30s). For about four years now I have been going through a difficult process of immigration to my husband's home country, and due to unforeseen complications I have been unable to continue my depression treatment for four years.

This means that I do not currently have much control over my illness, which is compounded with strong bouts of anxiety, paranoia, and cripplingly low self-esteem. Most of the time, I hardly even leave the apartment. My games are all the 'work' I do for now, which is why I've had so much time to post at an incredible rate in multiple threads.

One of my biggest problems is that I have a difficult time putting my own needs and concerns above others. Besides my illness, I was also raised in an environment that enforced perfectionism, high expectations and frightening, shameful consequences if I failed. I grew up believing that mistakes were to be punished, not a learning experience. I grew up thinking that as long as I was still conscious and physically well enough to get up and work on whatever needed working on, I had to keep doing so until my body failed me. My stress level, my emotional state, these were never considered good enough excuses for resting. Mix this up with the fact I had a severe mental illness (unknown to me until recently) and you end up with the person I am today. More often than not, my thoughts tell me that to gain people's respect, I have to work at it constantly, even at the cost of my own health and sanity.

Before I even found out about my depression, I ended up leaving college not because of my mental state, but because my body had developed an autoimmune disorder (myasthenia gravis). I had to leave school because I was getting double vision, I could no longer talk for long periods because my mouth would get fatigued, and worse yet I couldn't even swallow food properly so I was losing weight at an alarming rate. It's fortunately not an untreatable disorder (I'm in full remission right now), but still, that disease was what started me on the slow and painful path of realizing that the mindset I grew up with could eventually kill me.

Now, fast forward to today. I left the difficult environment that taught me to push myself so hard. I had to leave the country to even have the chance to survive, as the man who is now my husband loved me enough to take the often exceedingly difficult burden of caring for a person like me. Unfortunately, simply leaving was not enough to cure me, because my mind has carried with it all the bad habits I grew up with, and my instinct is still to apply those habits to every new endeavor I attempt.

In the case of my RPoL games: I have essentially pushed myself posting day by day, out of fear I would lose my player base, out of a complete mistrust that my talent alone was good enough to keep people's interest. I believed (and still believe, for the most part) that the posting rate of my game was the biggest attraction that my players liked. But to deliver that, I have let my health suffer. I have given hours upon hours of my time to posting that I could have used to tend to my personal needs. Because it's not like work or school, I don't have set hours for posting, so the only limit for my pace is myself -- and I don't know how to pace myself in a healthy manner when I think that slowing down will mean disappointing my players expectations.

The sad thing is, I actually do enjoy writing, and involving people in my stories. My creative urges are one of the few things that's given me a reason to live, and my RPoL games are by far not the first time I've ever done something like this. But because of my depression, it's hard for me to enjoy these things purely for the sake of enjoyment, without somehow turning it into an obsessive urge to prove myself to others. My ability to have self-worth without that is broken, and that's why I'm in this position now. I'm burned out.

My hope is that my long wait for treatment and medication will be over by this fall, but even then that won't guarantee a quick recovery. Mental illness is never a simple procedure to 'fix'. All I can do is try to learn to heed my limits in the meantime, when my body tells me it needs rest, my mind is too fatigued to create and my emotions too tense to deal with people's concerns. Right now is one of those times. So I will be attempting to take another week of break and see where that takes me. If I don't rest now, I will be forced eventually to shut down all of my games, so this is the only compromise I have. :(
This message was last edited by the GM at 20:14, Tue 09 June 2009.

As mentioned in OOC I'm starting to slowly get back to posting, though I will start at a reduced post rate. I've posted in the threads that were easier to start with (i.e. non-combat scenes) and will post the others tomorrow (Sunday) ish.

More PCs being worked on by players... one who has been waiting for some time for the chance, another who's a returning player.

There are others who've asked to join, so if you've been passed up, I'm sorry. I'm more or less going in order of who's asked, or in one case, who's played before. Even so the game is *quite* full at this point!

Kilani Sorune (first name first in this case) is something of a walking contradiction, a Chosen of Battles who wishes to be pacifist. She is an archer and a healer and may well have a hand in recruiting a larger force for the group... assuming she will be freed... and want what that freedom entails.

And the player whose character is a former PC turned NPC, Saffron, will be returning to us with a new concept - a rebel Dragon-blood. We are as yet unsure if it will be a permanent character or not.

I'll be figuring out in the next week or so where these new characters will enter; so far my intention is to have Kilani join the Freerunner Meeting group and the new DB to encounter Veldygar/Eternal. we will see!

Well, the two new characters are complete now. :)

Kilani will be joining Higura, Nanaret, Talia and Xurizu in... a few days, I hope. I would have put her with Perian, but the circumstances right now make more sense putting her with the larger group, considering what I'm planning ahead.

While Harue is now joining Veldy and Eternal (this trio has some volatile potential, but also has some great potential for character development, I hope.)

So eventually B25 will have 7 people and B23 will have 6. Yow! How did I get 13 characters. It'll be pretty chaotic when all of them meet at once, though on the other hand... many of the characters tend to be asocial. And not everyone can post at all times. I guess having more rather than less ensures at least some activity at any time.
This message was last edited by the GM at 20:35, Sun 05 July 2009.

My apologies to Perian and Kilani. I may not be able to start you on your new threads today. If not I will do so tomorrow. It depends on how I feel because I'm a bit under the weather right now so my creativity is at a low point.

Okay, I am going to be sitting here all evening and will push forward every thread I can, but am also playing Dark Heresy on OpenRPG shortly so the posts will come in stages.

Water Republic and Freerunner Meeting threads are temporarily closed.

I have been told something recently that makes me seriously doubt my judgment as a ST, therefore I need to sit and resolve that. It may take some time and thought for me to work everything out (as I feel seriously discouraged right now, it's not anyone's fault but me for being so embarrassingly bad at taking criticism).

edit - handling it as best as I can now that I've talked things over a bit. There should not be any noticeable gaps in play (well other than me not wanting to overdo my posting rate!)
This message was last edited by the GM at 14:39, Mon 29 June 2009.

Current thread status

Inner Temple: Going smoothly, soon the number of enemies will likely increase exponentially. >.> consider it a stress test after all that resting you got to do! Also don't forget you can stunt learn. I know you guys have tons of XP banked. *nudges*

Water Republic: I've PMed some things to Veldy because I need input from him before proceeding, we'll continue after that. Thanks for your patience!

Freerunner Meeting: once I get another defense from Talia (poor Talia) we'll move on here as well.

Kilani: I'm at a point I have to start moving your thread more, to sync with other thread(s). So once you can post again there may be some hurrying along. :)

Perian will be away soon, for the weekend, so his thread will pretty much be on hold till he returns.

Regarding recent additions to the RTJ/Character Sheet thread:

If you are a Lunar there are some immediate changes here. You can now add ONE non-Caste/Favored Attribute dot. It cannot raise an Attribute higher than 5.

Also, you can now have one more Favored Ability.

When you decide what you will add please PM me and let me know before you add it to your character sheet.

These changes are due to the fact Lunars are Attribute based, but given the sparse training time in this game it is hard to raise Attributes. Also, Lunars are disadvantaged in the first place for not starting with Heart's Blood and there being few animals to hunt so far in Coils (this will change by the time you reach Wood District, though).

Sidereals:

I feel that Sids are also similarly inconvenienced due to the lack of RDs and Astrology use. However I could not at the time think of a concrete, number-crunchy advantage for the Sids. There are, however, some story advantages that may eventually crop up, as mentioned in the Chargen post.

I am also considering a specific, alternate advantage for Sids due to the oddness of Fate in Five Coils, but... this is something that is pending me having a flash of inspiration (though Sidereal players can feel free to give suggestions).

Special Training:

There's a new one for the Freerunner Meeting group. Look under Experience / Rewards, Special Training Regimens.
This message was last edited by the GM at 14:57, Sat 04 July 2009.

I am just... worn out of writing atm, so I will have to save writing for the Infiltration for later. I really ought to be slowing down a bit, but I feel kind of bad to do so right before a major battle. :)

My next series of posts should hopefully be by Monday or possibly Tuesday night.
This message was last edited by the GM at 19:25, Sun 05 July 2009.

That was rather unexpected... I woke up to finish posts I started. Then I got distracted. And then I got *tired*... and woke up just now. o.o;

Well I'll get to it now in any case.

btw--I'm giving just one more day for more people to respond in Sector 5. I really have to move that forward due to new character(s?) coming in. There are some people who haven't posted since the weekend.

If you aren't interested in the scenario, then I'll just leave your character behind :) I have others that are more than willing to come in and play.

Same goes for any others that lag, I am going to start moving things regardless of a response. The exception is if players explain to me OOC why they can't post and that they'd like me to wait.

South Sector 5 is possibly going to get pretty busy soon. The thread will have to maintain multiple POVs for a bit, as new characters get introduced there. So! don't feel like you're 'interrupting' the other POV(s) when you post. :) you'll all convene eventually.

I made the decision to put more PCs in that thread, because more than one character in it is GM run, so having more 'regular' PCs may help progression there (I try to avoid making the decisions if possible).

As for Water Republic thread I do still intend for you to get together with Inner Temple Infiltration. So that should pick up the slack on your end when it happens. I hope it will be soon, but again that depends on time and on the other players!
This message was last edited by the GM at 18:16, Thu 09 July 2009.

Hello everyone.

Gatekeeper was pushing herself hard to try to move the threads along, but she's at the stage of her illness where she needs to get some rest and recover. I've managed to convince her to get some rest and let me make this announcement, so here it is: Gatekeeper will get a bit of rest and try to get better before moving the threads forward. She feels bad having to do this, but the sickness was just bad timing, so there's not much that can be done...

Thank you all for the kind words and the understanding, Gatekeeper will be back shortly and in better shape to continue along.

My husband makes it sound like I'm dying or something... ^^ It's really not that bad.

That said, I'm going to be sitting here doing some thread surgery soon. I decided it's way too confusing to stick too many points of view in a single thread... so I'm going to separate them. So Sector 5 will briefly be closed while I rearrange this.

Also, Water Republic is just... sitting there. I know Harue is busy until Wednesday or so. So I will wait until then, since I also know Eternal's player is worn out from work. If at least two people were posting there, I would have just moved on and posted for Harue as she suggested me. But right now it's 0 people so I am not inclined to post.

If that thread doesn't start moving at a more regular pace, I'll likely just have to close it. :(

Ok... I was hoping not to have to do it this way but here we go.

Operation Earthcalm is Kilani's thread. Higura, Nanaret, Talia and Xurizu will be headed that way very shortly. I originally had it happen faster, but felt awkward doing it all at once. Too wordy, vaguely railroady, etc. Plus side, means I already have things planned ahead and stuff will go faster.

Riot Zone is Immaculate Kestrel and Number Twenty Three's debut. I *tried* to make it as succint as I could but, so much needed explaining. :(

And now I will try to get the other threads moving. My apologies for the delay but the logistics issues with this latest scenario really gave me a headache. *shudders*

There, most stuff answered. Except Water Republic (which I think will need at least one other person posting) and Perian (I want to take more time to think through it before answering, there's a lot to address! :) )

I will be away for about 24 hours. Then I should be available for people to ask questions to, to make posts etc. again.

Actually, never mind. I'm here again but it's mostly to answer for other games that got neglected.
This message was last edited by the GM at 06:02, Tue 14 July 2009.

I am going to continue on with Sector 5 and Earthcalm by tonight (that is Wednesday night GMT-4) regardless of who posts.

I should be posting for other threads needing it by then, too.

As for Water Republic I've given some hints for people and I know Eternal has something planned, after that, I am going to have to speed things up. Which means I may start rolling for people to expedite things, cause I would like the thread to be at a certain point by next week.

I am about concentrating on Coils posts. Special apologies to Perian, Danae and Third who've waited the longest for a response.
This message was last edited by the GM at 13:12, Thu 16 July 2009.

I may not be able to get to posting this Sunday.

Monday evening/night is more likely.

But it could also happen I'll be inspired at some point during the day between stuff I have to do. We'll see.

I'm working on that last thread needing an update (the Inner Temple) right now, sorry to keep you folks waiting!

It's sad but my writing is just so slow lately. Nearly gave up on finishing tonight but I'm just supremely stubborn!

Getting just a little sick again! Flu part two with a side of infection, though fortunately it's milder.

Nonetheless I should be working on posts here by tonight.

I've posted in other game(s) that I may be slow posting this weekend (RL stuff going on)... most of the posting I DO manage to slip in ought to be in this game though, so you probably won't notice much of a difference in speed/response.