Re: Scenario Discussion
I arrived early to the game, for once. I walked into Brad's Rec Room with the assortment of chips and pretzels (it was my turn on the rotation for "salty snacks"). Walking in, I was confused not to see Jimmy, the Game Master.
Brad was there, of course. The ex-jock was easily the best looking guy there, but he was very gracious about not rubbing it in. He had actually given Jimmy a swirly, at the direction of the rest of the football team, when we'd all been in highschool, and seemed to be trying to make up for it ever since, although even Jimmy had long since forgiven the big, blond haired man.
Alex, as usual, was chatting up Brad. Though as straight as any of them, Alex had a serious "man-crush" on the ex-jock. Alex, pudgy and shy, seemed to think he was vicariously being "cool" by being Brad's friend, even though Brad was now, technically, almost as geeky as the rest of them. The former chess club president didn't seem to mind, though.
Steven came in from the bathroom, grinning and making a show of wiping his hands off on a paper towel. The only member still in high school, Steven (he hated being called Steve, saying that it was a "kid's name") had been warned several times to wash his hands after using the bathroom, even getting threatened with being kicked out. For someone who thinks of himself as more mature than his peers, Steven seemed to backslide into being a goofy kid with alarming regularity.
Hey, everyone. Where's Jimmy? I said, in leiu of a greeting. An outsider may have thought it rude, but we'd been playing "Dungeons & Dragons" for two years now, and were very comfortable with each other. Well, as comfortable as a bunch of male gamers could be, I suppose. Getting an enthusiastic chorus of "Hi Greg" back, I sat down, pleased at always at the warm greetings from my friends. I loved gaming, the fantasy of being things that I'd never be in real life, of doing things that it wasn't possible to do in real life, but it was the banter I liked best. The spirited back and forth between the players, as they exchanged jokes, puns, and creative, good-natured insults. I was, if you'll forgive the arrogance, the best of all of them, even the brainy Alex, of tossing off quips, movie quotes, and double entendres. It made me feel like a comedian before a friendly audience.
I wasn't real happy now, though. I had questions about my character for the game,and wanted to speak to Jimmy without taking up actual game time, as young Steven had to be home promptly at 11:30pm or his paranoid mother would probably call the FBI. Again.
Greetings and Salutations, true believers! Jimmy came striding into the room, holding a milk crate full of books, with a large wooden box on top. "Are you ready to RUMBLE!!!!" Jimmy was a good GM, but he had a bad habit of throwing out hackneyed catch-phrases. They were still trying to work on it with him.
They all greeted him as he went to his seat at the head of the huge Rec Room table. From their assigned seats, they waited for him to get settled in, getting characters out and "warming up" dice. Jimmy put up his hands, dramatically.
Put those characters away, guys. We're doing a different game tonight!
A variety of reactions greeted Jimmy's announcement. Brad and Alex had been indifferent to the all-dwarven party, but Steven was visibly crushed that he wasn't going to be able to use his dwarven thief (he had a thing for sneaky types, although it had been a hard battle to get him to stop stealing from the party). I was a bit dissappointed, too. Having just read Salvatore's Dark Elf Series, I'd been looking forward to making an alcoholic priest, constantly buzzed on dwarven "holy water". That had been my burning question for Jimmy, one that seemed moot, now.
Holding up his hands, the skinny, slightly spazzy GM called for quiet.
I know we were going to start a new game, but....well, we still are! I have something special to do tonight! With that, he opened the wooden box, handing each player a slightly yellowed piece of paper and a pen made from some sort of colorful bird. They looked up at the standing Jimmy (he often stood when he was feeling especially dramatic), expectantly but trusting.
Jimmy began speaking again. Tonight, we play a new game, called "Humanity's Folly". Basically, a group of humans, elves, dwarves and whatnot, working together, had a dramatic confrontation with a mad wizard that wanted to eliminate all the "good" races from the world. Pausing in his melodramatic way, he looked over steepled fingers before saying: They failed. In one fell swoop, all the "good" races (basically, all the normal player character races) had vanished, apparently forever. None of the rest of the world even remembers them. However, there may be hope! The gods are not pleased, but can't interfere directly. So......they find you guys. Basically, you'll be playing "monster races" that are instructed by their prespective gods that they need to reverse the spell, somehow, before the unbalancing in the world erases all existance. So.... you get to be twelveth level characters, and can spend eleven of those levels on "monster levels". That way, you'd still be at least a first level character. Other than that, anything goes. Now, it's traditional to write the characters using the quill pens, on the parchment, to symbolize the "harsh and crude" level that the world is at. Any questions?
Stunned silence greeted him. We all had discussed making non-human characters at one time or another, but had generally avoided it, as we would have had to sacrifice power levels to make the characters non-human, essentially trading human skills and knowledge for the monsters greater innate abilities. The hardened gamers we were, we rarely gave into the temptation to do so. Now, it seemed, we were required to.
Predictibly, the youngster Steven had the first question: Can I be a dragon? His excitement about his dwarven character had evaporated instantly at the thought of playing the number one most powerful creature in the game. There were, of course, no rules given for such a normally preposterous idea.
Surprisingly, Jimmy just smiled, consulting a tattered rulebook from the wooden box. Yes and no, my young Padewan. You can actually play a dragon, but you'd be very, very young in order to only use eleven character levels, like almost right out of the egg.
From the way Steven nodded and instantly began writing with his quill, the high school kid obviously didn't mind the restriction.
Brad raised his hand and quickly asked: Can we be ANY monster in the book? Seriously? Greg nodded, the same question on his mind. There were some seriously broken monsters in the Monster Manuel.
Jimmy nodded again. Yes. Just leave your character class blank and I'll assign the "monster number" and assign the remaining character levels.
I shrugged. It was difficult being a low level character, with limited combat skills and/or magic, but it might be worth it to be a powerful monster, like an immensely strong ogre, telepathic mind-flayer, or maybe even a genie. The guys all started writing on their sheets, though not as fast and intensely as Steven.
Alex seemed to want to peek at Brad's sheet perhaps wanting to choose a character that would compliment his, again. Brad was either too oblivious to notice or too polite to comment on Alex's constant predictable desire to "team-up" with him. I looked at my character sheet, drawing a blank. Out of habit, I tapped the end of the pen against his mouth. AAUGH! It tasted horrible! I looked up at Jimmy.
Hey, Jim. Where'd you get this game, anyway?
Jimmy waggled his finger. Uh-uh. That's a story for later. Just finish your sheets and hand them in, along with the pens.
Steven looked up. What? We can't keep them?
Jimmy laughed and shook his head, motioning for them to hurry up.
I looked back down at my sheet. What to choose? Hmmmm. I wanted something versatile, that could go in cramped dungeons as well as open spaces. That left out huge monsters like hydras and the like. Something that had magic powers as well. I almost put the pen back in my mouth as I though furiously, but stopped myself just in time, chuckling at my short memory.
Hmmmm... something undead, like a spectre or wraith? Nah. I didn't want to get repeled or destroyed by some cleric. A medusa? Very powerful, but I just knew that the petrifying gaze of the character would be reflected back eventually.
Ah! I had it. A doppleganger! Dopplegangers were strange creatures that could change into any other man-sized person, and could read minds. The ultimate spy. If I put some levels in cleric on that I'd have a truly useful and powerful character, good in combat and out. I quickly wrote up the character and handed it in, being the last one, after Brad, who seemed to change his mind several times, to Alex's dismay, as the brainy man had turned in a character that he'd probably thought would be a good match for Brad's when the jock crossed out what he was doing and started over.
Gathering up the sheets and quills, Jimmy placed the former in a pile and gathered the later in his hand. He took a grayish clay plate out of the same wooden box from which he'd gotten everything else. He got an old fashioned match out of the wooden box and lit it, the flame looking strangely pink. Raising his other hand, he intoned words that he read off another piece of parchment.
We have made out choices, O gods of Chaos! Teach us what you will!
Steven and Alex looked at Jimmy liked he'd lost his mind. Brad looked around nervously, as if this were an obscure D&D rule that he hadn't told him about yet. I, of course, just laughed.
Jimmy! What the heck are you.......HEY!!!
I stopped laughing as Jimmy tossed the burning match onto the pile of quills, causing them to erupt in flames, which almost instantly filled the room with dark red smoke. We all started coughing, even Jimmy. I tried to make a crack about this being a non-smoking game, but couldn't get a word out. I tried to get everyone else's attention, starting to panic because I seriously couldn't breathe. Unfortunately, everyone else seemed to have similar problems. Alex, an asthmatic, had already collapsed onto the carpeted floor. I staggered to my feet and tried to get to the door, but started getting light-headed. I fell to my knees and then fell onto my face, sinking into darkness............
=====================
I opened my eyes, seeing carpet. I felt strange, but staggered to my feet. There was still a thick fog in the room, but it seemed safe to breathe. There was a full length mirror near me. My clothes felt kind of sticky, like I'd sweated through them,but other than that I didn't look any worse for wear. Even my glasses were perched on my nose, amazingly unbroken. I turned around, towards the gaming table and the other gamers. I gaped.
Floating above the table was a Beholder.
Considered one of the nastiest monsters in the Dungeons & Dragons game, the beholders were pure evil, diabolical and powerfully magic. Their appearance was almost comical, like a scaly ball about a yard in diameter, with a huge mouth, one huge central eye, and six to twelve smaller eyes on stalks coming out of the top of its head. Comical, that is, until one realized that each eye could cast a different powerful magic spell, and the central eye could cancel anyone else's magic too.
And, now there was one in the room with them. The room seemed very, very small all of a sudden.
I stopped moving the second I'd seen the hideous creature, its open mouth showing rows of jagged teeth, and was about to try to edge towards the door, when the levitating ball of teeth and eyes spun around to face me.
Ah! Greg! There you are. Hey! How come you didn't change?
I goggled at the Beholder, it's gravely, screechy voice sounding like a heavy smoker gargling with broken glass. I just sputtered Who?!?!
The beholder's laugh was, if anything, worse than its regular voice. It's me, you moron! Alex! Of course, I'm much smarter than I used to be, which, if memory serves, was still much smarter than you. Ha!
Despite the strangeness of the situation, all I could think was: wow, now Alex is an even bigger jackass than before. Shaking my head, I struggled to speak. Why?..... I began.
Why did I change? Well, my hightened intelligence tells me that the odd little ritual was some sort of magic. In short, we've become our characters. How did you manage to escape the effect? Unless... let me guess, Doppleganger?
As much as Alex's newly reinforced arrogance was quickly annoying the crap out of me, he was right, I could feel it. Dopplegangers could assume any man-sized shape. I might have just assumed mine when I collaped. I turned back to the mirror. I was almost afraid to see the truth, but I looked at the reflection that I'd had all my life and willed myself to look "normal". My face, glasses, and even clothes seemed to melt away, revealing a skinny, gray cadaver-like creature that looked more like a stereotypical human-abducting alien than a human being. I stared incredulously at the creature, in many ways even uglier than Alex's beholder. Then again, dopplegangers could change that....
Thinking about myself, my face and body seemed to melt again, flowing like wax until it looked like myself again. After a second or two, I concentrated again, my features flowing into a beefy version of myself, my head, but a body-builder's rippled chest and six-pack abs. I laughed with joy at seeing my dream body. Of course, I had other dream bodies.... My features flowed again, until I looked like Angelina Jolie. I was an exact double for the sexy, eccentric actress, except that I suspect that her breasts weren't this large. Oops. Freudian slip, I guess.
Alex's ragged voice brought me out of my dreamy contemplation.
If you're quite done "playing with yourself", I need your help finding the others in this fog. He laughed at his bad joke.
The reddish fog had settled to about three feet in height. Our friends were somewhere under it. A red beam lanced out of one of Alex's smaller eyes, cutting a hole in the large table. Oops, heh, heh. Wrong eye.
A purple beam came from another eye, enveloping the table in light and lifting it up and tossing it across the room. Sorry, heh, heh, don't know my own strength.
That's when something came flying out of the fog. It was a lizard. No. A dragon.
Settling onto the back of a chair, the Doberman sized dragon opened its mouth and squawked at us.
"Um...Steven?" I asked. I was so distracted, I almost missed that my voice sounded strange. Backing up to the mirror again, I saw that I was still Angelina Jolie. I blushed as Alex laughed, and thought about my old body. As I changed, he said: Actually, I liked you better the other way. Although you made the boobs too big.
In an attempt to change the subject, I asked Steven if he was ok. He tried to speak,but just squawked again. Alex laughed even harder.
Well, Jimmy warned you, didn't he? You're too YOUNG to be able to speak with non-dragons! HA!
I blinked at the frantically squeaking winged lizard, wondering if Jimmy's choice of dragon was a good one after all.
Alex wasn't done. Baby dragon, doppleganger, what were you two thinking? You chose mediocre monsters, and for what? So you could fly and and you could turn into Lara Croft! HA!
Seriously annoyed, I looked at my toothy friend. Oh yeah? Well, at least I can go out in public!
That wiped the smile of Alex's face, though only for a second. His huge central eye glowed brightly, shining its light on me. Oh yeah? Try it now!
I remebered that the beholder's central eye cancels magic. I looked quickly at the mirror. Sure enough, my shapeshifting magic had been dispeled, leaving my body as the sickly gray manniquin of a doppleganger. I looked back and shrugged. He had a point.
Mollified, he turned off the anti-magic beam. As I turned back to myself, I was startled by the arrival of the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She rose out of the fog, standing about five feet tall. Her long shiny white hair cascaded over her slim dark shoulders, which were clothed in silvery metal armor that clung to her slight curves. Her skin was the color of coal, blacker than the night sky, her pointed ears poking out slightly through her hair. A dark elf.
Looking down at "herself", the drow elf said: I... thought it would be cool to be a drow elf. They're... they're so... well, powerful.
Even though process of elimination made the elf woman's true identity obvious, I still couldn't believe it. The 90 lb slip of a girl was our friend Brad, the 200 lb ex-linebacker.
Sensing our confusion, "she" struggled to justify her choice. I read that the women were the ones in charge of drow society! They even got more powers, I think! It I'd known, I'd have chosen a guy elf! I swear!
Alex, of course, laughed again. What a prick. This was too much drama for me, so I tried to change the subject.
Where's Jimmy?
The fog completely dissapated in less then fifteen minutes,but by then we'd determined that Jimmy wasn't anywhere in the room, or indeed the house. Luckily, Brad's wife was out of town for the week, so we had the house to ourselves while we searched. Although any mention of the former jock's wife seemed to trigger a near nervous breakdown in the newest member of the sorority of women. Jimmy's car was still in the driveway, so he hadn't driven off while we'd been unconscious.
We all sat back down to try to figure out what to do. Alex used his telekinesis eye to move the table back. I tried to move the table myself with Brad's help, but he wasn't strong enough anymore, which seemed to shake him up even more than suddenly being female. Brad just sat in his...her chair, almost in shock. Alex seemed to be seriously getting off on the beholder's levitating power, floating around the room like some sort of demonic goldfish in a huge bowl. Steven kept squawking at us, trying to say.... something, but we had no clue what it was.
A review of our situation was only useful in making us more depressed. Well, me and Brad, anyway. Alex still seemed enchanted by his new form, ugly though it was. Steven was..well, a squeaking lizard.
There were questions that needed to be answered. What was this "game"? Who gave it to Jimmy? Where WAS Jimmy? Did he even know that this was going to happen? He seemed to have expected something to happen after the quills burned, but the way he choked on the smoke too.....
They needed to plan what to do. How either to change back, or deal with the changes. Somehow.
They were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. They all looked at each other, helplessly.
Alex's huge mouth curled in a smirk. I don't have hands.
Jimmy the dragon just danced around the table, squawking louder than ever, his crimson scales glinting in the phosphorescent lighting.
Do you want me to get it? I asked Brad quickly. The new elf maiden shook her head, her long hair bouncing.
No, it's my house. For now, anyway.
Picking up the receiver, she answered, trying in vain to make her voice sound manly. Hello, Brad Rogers' residence.
After a short conversation, Brad seemed to try to reassured someone that everything was under control. Hanging up, her dark skin looked almost pale as she looked back to me, trying to ignore Alex's amused cackle from a mouth that seemed to go to the back of his head.
I was about to ask who was on the phone when the answer clicked. I looked over at Steven the dragon, now realizing what he'd been trying to tell us for over an hour. Brad the elf-girl simply confirmed it.
She said:That was Steven's mother. He was due home half an hour ago.
I almost laughed. I sighed instead. I picked up a couple of dice.
Go ahead and roll. Who ever gets the lowest number has to tell "Momzilla" about her son."
Brad actually laughed at that, though she was horrified when it became more of a giggle.
to be con't?
