Re: Part 5 - That went well...
"Lovely," Shard groans, her head spinning as the Dancing Bantha lives up to its name - enthusiastic, but not exactly agile. Jalt puts the ship through its paces, a skilled but ultimately useless endeavor. TIE fighters are simply too agile to be shaken off by the evasive tactics of a tramp freighter. Her stomach clenching around the alcohol, Shard has a sudden, bleary epiphany: perhaps it would be best if she swore off the stuff.
Of course, that will last as long as it takes for the nausea to pass, she knows that very well.
Then the order goes out for the shooting to start, and her gut clenches for another reason. She's helpless, here - unable to keep these kids from getting themselves killed. Cursing silently, she glances across at Rhijans, then closes her eyes - which doesn't help her nausea at all.
If they aren't reduced to free-floating debris, they might just get shot into a crash-landing in the gravity well, or nabbed and dragged aboard the Star Destroyer. Either way, it's likely doom, but negotiable doom rather than instantaneous. If that's the case, they'll need her, not some half-sober, vomiting old woman. And so Shard bites back bile and struggles to concentrate.
Feel the burn of the alcohol within you. Taste it on your tongue. There is a space between cold, hard emptiness and the raging fire. Find that place. Focus upon it.
Draw forth the poison from within you, bringing it into your blood, and from there to within your lungs. Feel it, taste it as you breathe it out. There will be pain; accept this. Do not reject the fear, do not dwell upon it - accept it, then move onward.
Emptiness is blind.
Rage is blind.
Between them lies clarity.
Not the words of her teacher, oh no - a mantra of her own, philosophy hammered out over years of disappointment and pain, of staggering back and forth between the two poles. And as she exhales, the air ripples about her nose and mouth, like the heat haze over a fire.
Or the shimmer above a glass of solvent.