Some days, you just can't win.   Posted by Igatho.Group: 0
Igatho
 Player, 14 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 04:15
Some days, you just can't win
Location: Jinn City

It's a clear day. People are generally pleasant about things. A commotion begins stirring down the street, though, and soon, a gigantic blue baby comes crashing through the street, screaming and swinging what looks like it used to be a support beam for someone's awning.
Rhagar
 player, 44 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 04:34
Some days, you just can't win
  Clearly, this situation calls for someone with a high Charisma score to settle the raging giatn baby-Oh dear, it's Rhagar.  Not exactly what we meant despite the CHA score.

  "This day is going to go poorly."
Mittens
 GM, 2026 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 04:40
Some days, you just can't win
Mittens likes to blow stuff up.  Especially large raging monsters that are wrecking civilization.  So knee-jerk reaction is to throw insults and fire spells.

"Oh don't be such a big baby!"

Finger snap!  Big monster gets hit with a column of fire!  Then Mittens starts realizing she just lit a baby on fire...

"...poor choice of words.  I think you're right, Rhagar.  Sorry, big blue baby!  I'll make it up to you!  ...Somehow."
Igatho
 Player, 15 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 04:47
Some days, you just can't win
Igatho's earlier scream sounded like a whimper compared to what follows from being hit by fire. The sound of her new scream shakes the nearby buildings, shatters windows and pushes everyone on the street a few inches!

Her eyes used to look like sad, scared baby eyes. They flash a few times before glowing and spilling a chill fog from her sockets. Her tears from earlier freeze as she grits her teeth, growls and turns her attention entirely to Mittens.

Good job, Rhagar! The raging giant doesn't notice you because you let Mittens do all the attention grabbing!

Good job, Mittens! The raging giant now has tunnel vision and sees nobody BUT you.

Igatho runs straight for the kitty mage with incredible speed.
Rhagar
 player, 45 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 04:53
Some days, you just can't win
  Rhagar's player debates pulling the 'It's freeform' lever all the way, but opts for only pulling it halfway and resorts to slapstick tactics.

  Spitting a frozen swath across the ground in the bullrushing baby's path... Though they might still crush mittens from sheer momentum at this rate, but hey kitty cats know how to land on their feet right?
Mittens
 GM, 2027 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 04:58
Some days, you just can't win
She's too young to have ice walk, right?  RIGHT?!  Either way, Mits lights her sword on fire with magic, waits for charging baby, then leaps out of the way!  With a fiery swat to the lil tike's foot as a parting gift.  If all goes well, slippy-slidey baby won't be able to stop her momentum and will wind up a good ways away from Mits and Rhagar with a owie on her foot.   If all doesn't go well...  Good thing the fiery sword power lasts all fight long?
Igatho
 Player, 16 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 05:03
Some days, you just can't win
Frost giants normally get ice walk. But she's only a baby and is still learning to ice walk. ;) Thanks for reading my mind, Mittens!

Igatho slips on the ice! Due to tilting back from holding her club back for a downswing in her charge, the baby falls on her butt and then back, and slides to a halt, having dropped her oversized makeshift club.

There is a moment of silence. Two whole seconds before Igatho wails, flailing her arms and legs in a tantrum. "OWIE!!!!!"

A bunch of guards come from around the corner, swords drawn.
Rhagar
 player, 46 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 05:15
Some days, you just can't win
  "I have no idea how to proceed from here."  But at least the only injuries he can see from here have been to the violet crybaby.  Progress?
Mittens
 GM, 2028 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 05:23
Some days, you just can't win
Mits smiles and waves to the guards.  "Oh sweet!  Reinforcements!  As you can see, me and Rhagar have defeated the giant."

She tosses her flaming sword into Rhagar's ice and grabs some of the resulting mud.

"Swords are kindofa last resort on this one.  Extremely dangerous to get that close.  See what you can do about lassoing the hands and feet.  If my idea works, she'll be completely unable to fight back effectively."

She then starts tossing mud at the toddler's eyes.  Instantly freezing tears plus mud might wind up with instant frozen blindfold.  Blinded tantrum baby probably easier to subdue than one that can see you.

"Calm down, and I'll fix your owie!"
Igatho
 Player, 17 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 05:33
Some days, you just can't win
"NO!! You MADE owie!" The baby's reflexes prove impressive as she shields her eyes from the mud with her arm before slamming her fist into the ice and throwing a handfull of ice chunks at Mittens. "You're mean! You're ALL mean!!"

The guards take Mitts' warning seriously, though, and keep some distance while getting some rope ready.

One guard pauses and comments, "...how does she speak common so well?"
Rhagar
 player, 47 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 05:37
Some days, you just can't win
  "Why were you smashing things in the first place."  Rhagar is less concerned about the language fluency, considering that ranges from 'they really should know it, but do not' to 'born already able to speak common and get a day job'.
Mittens
 GM, 2029 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 05:51
Some days, you just can't win
Mits was wondering why a frost giant baby was on the loose in town in the first place.  Maybe the slave of some cruel nimrod that provoked her just a little too much this time and got smushed for it.  Would explain knowing some Common at least.

Well nya.  Clever plan didn't work.

"You'll want to tie the other ends to something sturdy," Mits suggests.

Mits has been called many, many nasty things in her lifetime.  But somehow, a baby calling her mean is one of the most hurtful things she's heard.  But crying and sucking her thumb insisting she's not mean probably won't do any good.

"Owies are for tantrum baby.  Good baby gets healing potion."

She pops a cork from off a healing potion vial, casts prestidigitation to make it taste like strawberry jelly, and pretends to take a swig to prove it's yummy.  Then carefully approaches.
Igatho
 Player, 18 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 05:57
Some days, you just can't win
The guards are frozen, in awe of Mitts' bravery to approach the oversized girl. Igatho's glowy, freezy eyes go back to normal and the baby seems to be calming down to a sniffle and pouty-face. She looks in Rhagar's direction. "Mister Harry hurt me! I wasn't bad and he hurt me! It's not fair! I get hurt and I'm the one in trouble!"

She then looks back to Mittens and makes grabby motions for the potion as Mittens gets closer.
Rhagar
 player, 48 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:00
Some days, you just can't win
  Oh good, simple questions are working.  He was honestly expecting to be screamed at, but not because she's a baby.

  "Who is Mistery Harry, and do you have a name? I am Rhagar."
Mittens
 GM, 2030 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:07
Some days, you just can't win
Mits hands over the vial to the baby.

"I'm thinking maybe I should spank Mr. Harry, then."

She looks at the guards with a shrug.  "Starting to look like ropes won't be needed after all?"

To Igatho, "My name is Mittens."
Igatho
 Player, 19 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:11
Some days, you just can't win
Igatho says, "My name is Igatho." she gulps down the potion and her wounds heal up. She begins getting up and says, "I'll take you to Mister Harry!"

The guards stay ready with ropes, but cautiously follow Mitts and Igatho. The adventurers seem to have this well in hand.

Should everyone follow, Igatho points to some human who is pinned under an overturned cart. Nearby is a stuffed owlbear with its head ripped off.

This message was last edited by the player at 06:12, Tue 02 Aug 2016.

Rhagar
 player, 49 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:16
Some days, you just can't win
  "I think they will be needed for someone else, if they remain in a condition rope would do anything to."

  Oh, Traffic accidents are certainly much more subdued in these settings.  Well, unless you have Griffon taxis in crystal cities or somesuch, that can get messy.
Mittens
 GM, 2031 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:18
Some days, you just can't win
Mits squats next to the pinned human, checking if he's dead or not.

"Mister Harry, I presume?"

She'll ask that dead or not.
Igatho
 Player, 20 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:23
Some days, you just can't win
The guy is struggling to push the cart off, but can not. "...yes. That giant flipped the cart on me and went on a rampage."

Igatho points to the owlbear plush (it is a very big plush, about 2 feet tall). "He ripped Beaky's head off!"
Rhagar
 player, 50 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:40
Some days, you just can't win
  "Why is the stuffed toy missing it's head?" He may not be a STR build, but he's going to at least try and help Harry not be crushed under a pile of wood.

  Hmm, no horses.  He expects there were never any in the first place.
Mittens
 GM, 2032 posts
Tue 2 Aug 2016
at 06:48
Some days, you just can't win
Mittens is trying to contain the jeers for the guy who clearly got what was coming to him.

"I can fix Beaky,"
she assures Igatho.

Tempting as it was to let him stay there, since Rhagar got started being helpful and stuff, Mits helps with the removing of the cart.  Even so, she asides to the guards.

"Dunno 'bout you, but I'm thinking provoking a frost giant in town prooobably constitutes reckless endangerment.  If you decide to confiscate his giant as a fine for his crime, I'll be happy to take it off your hands for the low low cost of the bounty due a hero for saving a town from a rampaging monster."
Igatho
 Player, 21 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 02:27
Some days, you just can't win
The guards respond with, "Maybe a bit more investigation is in order, but for now, yeah. We're taking him and his stuff into custody. And..." they size up Igatho, who looks back at them sucking her thumb and sniffling. "Yeah... whatever that cost is, probably isn't as cheap as you make it out to be, ma'am. Here..." the guard writes a note. "Take this to the mayor and whatever he decides is between you and him."

Igatho then looks at Mittens and Rhagar.
Rhagar
 player, 51 posts
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 03:54
Some days, you just can't win
   "Mittens, why do you want to be given a baby?  I thought you said you would hate to have one."   No Rhagar, she would hate the PROCESS of having a baby.  This is... Rather different circumstances.
Mittens
 GM, 2033 posts
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 05:33
Some days, you just can't win
Mits is fully aware of her anti-motherhood preferences.  Doesn't stop plot from dropping badass children into her care.  Or is that Murphey?

"Temporary babysitter is acceptable levels of responsibility.  And gives me the excuse I need to adventure to frost giant land!  You know.  To do the right thing and return the kid to her home."

She looks to Igatho.  "I'll fix Beaky with magic.  And I won't do bad things to either of you.  So keep being good."

"Good" to be defined along the way.
Igatho
 Player, 22 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 05:38
Some days, you just can't win
Igatho says, "Then fix Beaky."

Upon seeing Mittens perform her magic (literally), Igatho squeals with delight and dances before glomping the stuffed toy. "Beaky!"

Happy child is happy. She goes to pull Mittens in for hug times also and kisses her.

Happy guards are... incorrectly described. Relieved guards. We'll go with that.

When the mayor sees the papers from the guard, he shrugs and tosses Mittens and Rhagar 50 gold each. "According to my guard, you not only performed swiftly, but with care and concern for everyone present. Exemplary. If you ever want work from me, you have it."
Rhagar
 player, 52 posts
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 05:48
Some days, you just can't win
  Murphy would prefer to keep the violent murderchildren away from Mittens because they tend to hurt Murphy more than they hurt them.

  "Thank you, Mayor." should he say hopefully they won't need them?
Mittens
 GM, 2034 posts
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 05:54
Some days, you just can't win
Kitten giggles from baby kisses!  Now in air-freshener form.  Much more pleasant vampire repellent than garlic.

"You've got it!  Mittens is a hero, after all.  Speaking of, I'll be headed north to return this child to her family.  Immediate or otherwise.  So as such, a letter from you vouching for this unusual looking group could go a long way toward our being able to resupply in towns along the way, if you'd be so kind."

Mits isn't in this for recognition, but hero cred can sure be useful.
Igatho
 Player, 23 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 05:59
Some days, you just can't win
"Sure." He writes up a letter and hands it over. "Good luck. Word of advice, though. Keep that baby on a short leash and away from anything breakable."

Igatho says, "I'm a good girl!"

She then looks at Rhagar. "Are you a birdy, Raga?"
Rhagar
 player, 53 posts
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 06:11
Some days, you just can't win
  Just enough recognition to not be attacked on sight, but not enough recognition to be attacked on sight, is always a tricky balance.

  "No, Igatho.  I am not a birdy.  I am a Draconian." Nevermind genetic science or whatever, fantasy game.  Rhagar is not going to have stray feathers in a sequel.
Mittens
 GM, 2035 posts
Wed 3 Aug 2016
at 06:15
Some days, you just can't win
Mits nods.  "Even normal sized toddlers can be pretty destructive.  Fortunately, between Rhagar and myself, I'd say we're proportionately more powerful than a standard mommy.  Though a literal leash might be a great idea."
Igatho
 Player, 24 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Tue 16 Aug 2016
at 16:26
Some days, you just can't win
"Whassa leash?" Igatho asks.

The mayor says, "You can visit the tanner. He likely has something for you that could work."
Rhagar
 player, 54 posts
Sat 20 Aug 2016
at 05:37
Some days, you just can't win
  "Well, clearly as this is your idea, you can hold onto it Mittens."
Mittens
 GM, 2038 posts
Sun 21 Aug 2016
at 01:34
Some days, you just can't win
Mits chuckles, imagining herself with a were-drake on a leash.  No one would dare pick a fight with her!  Oh wait...  Hmm...  Maybe not such a great idea for the adventure junkie.

"Thanks for the tip!"

She heads off and explains to Igatho.  "A leash is a safety rope to make sure your puppy doesn't run off and get hurt.  Here, I'll show you why it's so great."

Poof!  She prestos an obviously fake puppy that runs away from her mini Mittens owner only to get kicked by an illusory horse.  Then puppy appears with a leash held by the mini Mittens.  She prevents puppy from getting too close to the horse.

"See?  Everybody stays safe.  But this'll be even better.  'Cause you'll get to BE the puppy!"

She begins fashioning a leash from her rope, thinks better of it, and starts over.

"I've got an idea.  I'll make yours look like a puppy tail."

Leash around the tall baby's waist probably won't choke her when one around the neck would.
Igatho
 Player, 25 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Sun 21 Aug 2016
at 02:53
Some days, you just can't win
Igatho says with a little squeal towards the end, "I'mma puppy?"

Either way, Mittens discovers that, unless she happens to be an expert at creating harnesses, her harness will likely be temporary. And there's another problem... having the strength to keep baby from dragging Mittens around if she really wants to run off somewhere.
Rhagar
 player, 55 posts
Sun 21 Aug 2016
at 08:00
Some days, you just can't win
  Rhagar is sure Mittens is up to the challenge!  Maybe.  From what I have herd, eventually things leashes are meant for learn to stop just because you tugged... I have also heard it can take quite some time."
Mittens
 GM, 2058 posts
Wed 7 Sep 2016
at 03:03
Some days, you just can't win
Mits smiles, nods to Igatho, and offers pets.  "Good girl!"

"Mittens went with the leash idea more for settling the nerves of townsfolk than any imagined control over a giant.  But Rhagar makes a good point...

"Say Igatho!  Every time I tug on the leash, if you come to me, you'll get a sweet treat!"

Igatho
 Player, 26 posts
 Baby Frost Giant
 Still impressionable
Wed 7 Sep 2016
at 16:11
Some days, you just can't win
Igatho lets her tongue hang out while panting and stamping her foot. Then says, "I get doggy treats? Yay!" She wags her hips to try to make the leash/tail wag.

Positive reinforcement will go a loooong way!

People on the street see the silly sight and a few are actually beginning to smile as if trying not to laugh.
Rhagar
 player, 56 posts
Thu 8 Sep 2016
at 05:14
Some days, you just can't win
  Smart move of the people to avoid laughing, babies are quite volatile and will turn on you when you least expect it.

  Science has shown that babies understand the concept of revenge... Wait, is he thinking about Thri-kreen again?