"Well, yeah.  But it's easier to shoot them in the face when I need to without constantly reminding them I'm ready to do that at a moment's notice.  I mean, I haven't thought about shooting you since you were possessed, big difference"... That Charisma penalty is showing again, Joe.

"Mittens leans over to Bridget and lets her in on a little secret.  Mittens 2 is Mittens' sock puppet.  What the puppet says is sometimes a fiction."

Mittens 2 puts giant buttons over her eyes, grins, and thumbs-ups.  And she pretends to be a champion at drinking.  With a mug full of conjured ale.

"Who needs food when there's plenty of drink made from decomposing plants to be had?!"

One of the bandits cheerfully counters Mitts' comment on ale, "It's all about perspective, isn't it? Nobody actually swallows the food you see nicely prepared on a plate; they swallow the chewed-up, saliva-covered version of it!"

Meanwhile, Bridget seems reassured that Mittens was purposefully lying in front of the bandits.

The bandits don't get drunk, though. Joe only offered ONE round of ale. The bandits enjoy it, enjoy conversation, are slightly rowdy, but not to where they get thrown out, and then they leave. Bidding fairwell to the PCs, of course. They make flirty farewells to Mittens (but seem smart enough to NOT slap her on the butt or anything), and buddy farewells to Joe (such as a slap on the shoulder, forearm handshake, etc).

But eventually, they all disappear into the woods again.

  Joe sighs when it's all over with, "We are so end up killing eachother while having a pleasant conversation, aren't we."

Mits shrugs.  "Yeah, probably inevitable."

Mits 2 grins impishly.  "But on the bright side, by the time we get around to killing them, there's a better chance at it being the 'heroic' thing to do!  And by that I mean, 'big bounty on their heads.'"

Bridget says, "I'm just glad they are no longer around defenseless bystanders. So now what? We got paid. It's getting late. Do we get a room and sleep?"

  Joe nods, "Pretty much.  A quick check around for anything that stands out, then getting some sleep hoping the place isn't a disaster in the morning."

Mits gives a thumbs-up.  "Much as I love adventure, sleep is a needful thing."

Mits 2 smirks.  "For most."

So the tavern's quest board is checked assuming there is one.

Bridget is happy to share a room.

There is a quest board. It has a bunch of little mini-quests, but they all look like they have been there a while.

Quest: Please find my missing son. 100 gp reward. Inquire at the blacksmith.

Quest: Need help at the lumber mill. pay is 1 gp a day, but there is a 100 gp Bonus if you help until the completion of the task.

Poster: Join the town guard! Have a steady career! Pays good! Inquire at the barracks.

Quest: Wife missing. 200 gp reward. Inquire at the tanner.

Poster: Personal servant wanted. Pay starts at 10 gp a day. Inquire at the manor.

Quest: Monster spotted deep in woods. Needs slain. 1000 gp reward.

The bartender looks over at Mitts 2 with a jaded expression, then goes back to looking at the glass he is cleaning before saying, "Don't bother, miss."

  Good thing for Bridget that Joe doesn't snore then.

  Clearly the missing people ARE the monster!... Okay things probably won't be that specific.

  "Jobs are all look that old for a reason, I take it?"

"Mittens suspects that other adventurers have taken up the missing persons' quests, given false hope to the loved ones, and then dashed those hopes," Mittens 2 narrates, "But probably a sensitive topic, so she'll not say as much out loud."

Mittens checks the backs of each of the quests for any secret messages.  Just in case.

Bridget says, "....you already said it out loud, Mittens."

The bartender says, "Yup. I heard it. I'm old. Not deaf."

He then looks towards Joe. "Yeah. They are old. Most of them in the neighborhood of 5 years old. The reason: Nobody who has tried has been successful. They go and never come back. And the jobs, well... adventurers often claim that the pay is too small anyway, so they move on. I should warn you, though. The poster from the manor: Ignore it. That manor belongs to a crazy man who would only hire you to lick his bare feet. Says it's for health reasons, but the whole town knows it's just a fetish of his. On the other hand, if you are wanting for money, I'm sure he'll be willing to pay adventurer fees to get his 'fix' from you."

  "We have the mixed blessing of standards, so the manor is a no go for at least three out of four of us.  I don't suppose you know what kind of project a lumber mill is promising 100 gold for, along with whatever monster rates a thousand gold that hasn't made a town too dangerous for fifty orphans to live in"

"One that sleeps for a generation while it awaits a new crop of villagers to ripen to feast upon!" Mittens 2 concludes.

Mittens 2 stares at the quest board.  "Never in my wildest childhood imaginings did I ever dream I would some day find a quest to lick feet.  Thanks for the warning."

She pushes her adventure sense to maximum to see if maybe there's any hope of finding the long-since missing persons.  Though she suspects that they ran off together, or got eaten by the monster, she'll not say that out loud.  For real this time.

Mittens' adventure sense is pointing her in the direction of the woods on the opposite side of town than where the PCs just came from. Otherwise, those bandits would be doomed to die.

Her adventure sense does not discern between orphans or monsters. All it does is point her to the nearest adventure.

  Orphan death cult, got it.

  "It's the fact it's on an open job board that's the unusual part, compared to it being a thing in the first place, Mittens."

Mittens looks in the direction she senses adventure.

"Well consider these quests officially considered!  Except the one about the feet.  I shall be headed thataway.  Once I've been officially deputized."

She heads first to the barracks.  Mittens 2 explains, "May as well have legal authority to make arrests and defend one's self from people who don't want to be found.  And since I'm guessing the answer to Joe's question is, 'I don't know,'  Who would know?"

The bartender says, "The lumber mill was working on a project... 5 years ago. So chances are, that poster is obsolete. Not sure since the guy in charge of the mill hasn't talked with me about it since. The monster, well... everyone in town has a different description of it. But all of them agree on "sharp teeth", at least. And "More powerful than 5 trained soldiers" since that is what was sent out to the woods by our local guard... and never came back."

  "Well, that eliminates at least one variety of bear, which can be surprisingly worse than a lot of monsters"  Owlbears!  Natures's mistake, except when a wizard did it (and it's still a mistake).

  "Thanks for the heads up on current events.  Hopefully we solve at least one of your town's problems while we're here." and not just because that's how they get paid.

On the way, Mittens 2 voices her opinion.  "I think at least one of the two who went missing are missing because they left home on purpose."

Mits adds, "And I'm expecting that things won't be as simple as 'kill the beast,' when we get to the adventure I sense.  Hence wanting to get deputized."

The part about hoping it's a dragon she keeps to herself.  Once at the barracks, she tells them her intentions.

...better yet!  An adorable lava dragon she can adopt.

Bridget asks about people leaving home, "Why do you think that, Mittens?"

The guard at the barracks says, "Alright. Well you have to pass the physical fitness test. If you do, you're in."

  "Because a lot of the time there's some kind of side problem beyond just monsters.  Sometimes you hear about people needing to slay an evil dragon, but a lot of the time it ends up stuff like 'need to slay an evil dragon because he is in a pocket dimension that leads to another dimension'"

The Mittenses chuckle.  "If you just jinxed us to get swept up into inter-dimentional travel...  I shall thank you for mentioning it!"

To the guard she gives a nod.  "Alrighty!"

Mittens does the test and has Mittens 2 do the test as well.  May as well keep up appearances.  Once the formalities are dealt with, she hurries to the next bit in the direction she was headed.  So if the lumber mill is in that direction, may as well stop there.

Mittens, Mittens, Joe and Bridget all pass the test easily.

Lumber Mill is GO! The guy in charge of the lumber mill is some gruff human. The quintessential lumberjack.

"If that happens, I expect to be cautioning people it may be dangerous as they backflip into a portal anyways."

Somewhere, a half-orc hopes this man isn't eaten by a bear.  Joe meanwhile, is wondering how many retired wizards use their level scaling to become lumberjacks.