I have planned to move to UK for many years

Now I plan to move to a place close enough, then tell him he can have the spare-room, if he himself gets his stuff into boxes

if he still says it won't work for him, I'll give up

I have a last thing to do, before I tell him he isn't at all trying.. good of me... not.. no..

I plan to give up, fail

*Walks in yawning and pulls a beer out of the fridge*

the only thing that I saw in your friends list that was unrealistic was the virgin.  I don't really see a problem with any of the other requirements.  Maybe because I've done enough of the online dating that I'm kind of used to checking off lots of boxes to find a good match.

So many funny stories about online dating...

Your friend sounds like he might need more help than you can provide.  Is there no one professional that he can speak to?  He has to learn not to take in all those hateful things.  I've been there.  I had a boss who was like that, and Bipolar to boot so there were days when I was the anti-christ stealing food out of the mouths of his children.  I left that job almost 8 years ago and there is still one certain ringtone that can practically send me panicking, the ringtone that meant that boss was calling me.

*Walks out of the room and back into the oblivion that he came in from*

*smiles*   Always good to see you, Griz.  :)

And good advice, too.   Yes, much like an alcoholic, your friend can only be helped if he wants to be helped.  If he's too stubborn, proud, or scared to change his situation, then there's little you can do.

Perhaps it would indeed be better to just worry about yourself.  Worse case scenario is that you might at least be in a better position next year to give him even more help than you can give him now.

I'd love to get to the UK sometime.  it looks beautiful.
I hope you get to go, my friend.

oooh, where are these online dating sites with people that don't drink?

The virgin part, I don't get, not at all... I think he has seen too many american sit-coms, you know the ones, where ladies talk about men as Mr Big or... you know "sex and the city"?

no one in real life does that, or does that were I've walked around

I'll worry about myself, some days, I don't log on to internet cause I need to care for myself, and not just feel like his support all the time

and apparently no, he can't afford to go to a professional, I've tried to get him to go for years

I don't even remember how long I've known the dude... but he does, he knows down to the day he met me

makes me feel, like he needs me more than I can give...

but then again, I dated a man a few years back, and didn't even know it O,o
So I miss things

Ha!  I was dating a young lady for several months and didn't know it either.  Everyone else did and thought it was funny that someone had to point it out to me.

My apologies for not being around as much of late.  Busy with real life.  End of the year is always a scramble with work and gift buying and preparing/planning my holiday trip back home.

Most of the dating sites that I've been on have always had a selection for the person that you are looking for regarding drinking.  Usually it's how often do you drink during the week or if you are a teetotaller and what are you looking for in a significant other along these lines.  It's not that strange really.

The virgin thing, that is not very realistic.  Actually, I read an article a few weeks back about the experiences of a girl who had decided to save herself for marriage and after consummating her marriage, she was a nervous wreck.  She always felt inferior to her husband who was more experienced than she was and she regretted saving herself.  Not that I'm advocating abstinence or promiscuity.  I guess your friend likes what he likes.

I'd be more concerned about his family life.  I think that needs cleaning up first.

well, he is a virgin himself, so I think it's a don't get rejected, cause she is used to something better

I don't know, I've tried to figure it out

and also, we won't go anywhere, you can be as inactive or as active as you want here, I*m pretty sure the rest of the people on here has moved on

and I should clean the place up, but I don't feel like it

it will feel so empty and desolate then

Maybe we just need more cookies.

Ones with big chunks of chocolate.  :)

oh cookies

okay

*gets out all the ingredients and starts baking*

*makes lots of cookies*

*puts into magical oven so they will be done fast and still make room smell like freshly made cookies*

I'm surprised he wants a virgin if "Sex in the City" is his inspiration.  *chuckles*
If I remember right, those girls make "experienced ladies" very appealing.

I've never been unaware of dating someone, but I was totally oblivious of a woman who spent five minutes flirting with me.   Ironically, my wife was nearby, watching the entire thing, unknown to either of us.  It was at a medieval event and we were talking about the storytelling competition.  Or, at least, I was.   She was hinting at other things, and I was clueless.
My wife thought it was hilarious and that I was adorable.


Hopefully your friend will come to his senses.  All you can probably do is subtly chip away at his idea that virgins are better than Real Women.  :)

he has never seen sex and the city, I just realized I think he has seen a review or maybe an ad for it

anyway, yeah, I need to make him less obsessed with the idea of virginity, it will only cause heart-ache

I've always thought that, people in a happy relationship, don't see other flirting people as them flirting, it's like their brain don't register it, because they don't need it

same as when objects you can't find, ever looked for something, and not found it, then when complaining to someone, they find it immediately?

same blindspot

*waits on the cookies*

*hands out cookies to everyone*

so is everyone happy about their amount of cookies?

Should I make more?

Cookies!!!

*smiles*  I have always been oblivious, especially since I've never seen myself as "flirt worthy", so I tend to assume any interplay with pretty girls is innocent and platonic.
But I'm definitely not looking for anyone to flirt with, that's true.  I still flirt for fun, sometimes.  But I separate flirting into "active" and "passive" flirting.
Active Flirting is when you are trying to meet someone to date, and get to know them better for a possible relationship or other kind of encounter.
Passive Flirting is more about someone telling a pretty/smart/funny woman that they're pretty/smart/funny.  Or telling a man that. ;o
(no, I don't mean telling a man that the woman is pretty/smart/funny, but that the man is. *smiles*)


Yes, we have to figure out a way to get your friend's mind off trying to only date a virgin.   Unless he wants to join a religious cult, or find someone who's terrified of sex, he's probably out of luck.
Many woman appreciate a man who hasn't slept around a lot.  It means that he's free of disease, at least.  :)
It'll only get worse as he gets older, of course.  Much like the movie "The Forty Year Old Virgin", a man will become more and more self-conscious about his virginity as he ages, and more embarrassed about it, and less likely to try to tell anyone about it.
but tell him that non-virgin girls are more fun.  :)
This message was last edited by the player at 07:38, Thu 25 Dec 2014.

I've tried anyway possible to tell them virgins aren't any fun to be with, they will hurt like a bitch and be flat as a pancake in bed

he has just gotten it into his head that all women, laugh at inexperienced men and discuss their lack of, knowledge

so if both are virgins, no problem

and I don't get the virgin obsession at all, why not just say he's inexperienced in the sack and not go into details?

ask for an equally inexperienced girl, to learn with...

But I sorta hijacked a drunk man to get rid of my virginity, so I saw it as an obstacle, he sees it as a gift...

oh well

*chuckles*   Yes, that's the rationale of many of the evangelical churches here who say that everyone must be a virgin until they marry:  That if both people have no experience, then both will perfectly satisfied with each other because they don't know what they're missing.

I, of course, think it's stupid, but they are fond of it.

If you guys had the money, I'd suggest hiring a prostitute to "relieve him" of his virginity.  I got rid of mine very quickly as well, to my first girlfriend.
It's too bad you don't have a female friend you could set him up with for a one night stand.   You could coach them both, telling her to treat his virginity like something cool, and telling him that you know a lady who LOVES virgins.

well, he lives a few countries away

I can't send a friend over that "loves virgins" cause why not pay a real pro

I won't become a brothel-mam just yet

maybe later, when I 60 or something

I have tried to encourage him to get an escort, so he wouldn't be virgin anymore, just inexperienced..

and also, one can ask an escort how to do shit

and only an escort with a nice service none owned by any violent pimps...

*smiles*  Yes, he should go to Amsterdam.  :)
And you'd think, with the internet, he could learn whatever he needs, though most guys who do that just learn about porn, which  is like learning self defense techniques by watching Ninja movies.

But the problem is his insecurity.  I wish there was a way to reassure him that his virginity isn't that big a deal.

I'm trying

To love oneself, it's easier to be loved

it's just, he thinks to love himself, makes him into a douchebag

and well, douchebags don't love themselves, they love to be admired...

not same thing

I was too insecure about me in my earlier days to worry about my virginity.  Actually I probably did.  I figured that I was lacking any sufficiently decent qualities, both physically and personally, which made me too nervous around womenfolk.  I could be friends but that was about it.

TMI?

Amsterdam sounds like a good plan.

we all have a different way to grow up

some have more or less difficult teenage years or 20s or 30s... There is no time-limit on virginity or when one looses it

*shrugs*

But I sorta drunk a man under the table and forced my virginity on him

not that he had anything to say, I can be tricky when I want to

Yes, there's no shame in losing your virginity even in one's 30s.  Unless that person is staying a virgin from harmful reasons.

well

I've always wondered if it's harmful for ones self esteem to stay virgin, then worry about not being able to lose it

so there is harmful reasons and then there is harmful reasons

It can be very harmful to someone's self esteem to do anything that other people will ridicule you for.
If you think people are going to make fun of you for being a virgin, then you get stressed out trying to lose it, since it means admitting that you're one in the first place.
It's an endless cycle, if we let it be.

In a way, it's bit like being overweight.   If you are heavy and people make fun of you, you're much less likely to want to go out to the gym or do other things to lose weight, and it becomes progressively harder to lose weight in the first place.

As long as he's terrified of admitting to being a virgin, he won't be able to find a girl to have sex with.

he has no problem admitting he is a virgin, but the fact that he wants a virgin to lose his virginity to, someone to date for years...

that is too much demanded in this time, people can't decide on first go if they are compatible, and this dude will not, date someone he doesn't absolutely know will stay for years...

and it's a little... like he is trying to sabotage himself, with this ridiculous demand

I wouldn't demand someone stayed with me for years, I'd go on a few dates to see, if we'd be compatible

but this dude won't go on dates to learn to know, he almost sees dating as engagement...

and I can't get him to see how much he sabotages himself

Sounds like some of the super religious people I've met, who go on "group dates" with lots of people from their church, then only go on solo dates when they find someone they feel they want to marry.
Unless he's a super conservative Christian, he's probably wasting his time.

I wish you could convince him that he needs to date many women to find out what he likes.  He sounds like some creepy stalker who rushes up to random women to claim "WE'RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER!!!"
And then he gets sprayed with pepper spray.