Re: Episode 5-2: Mean Streets
Sarah Ingram's shadow had haunted Morgan for over a decade. In the early years of the War, she had been what gave him hope, a reason to keep pressing through the chaos and blood. They had been promised to each other and Morgan had lived for the day when the fighting would cease and he would return to Lawrence to marry her. Many nights, lying in a tent or huddled beneath the stars, he'd gazed at the tintype they had taken together at a fair, a few short weeks after they'd made their pledge to wed.
He still carried the picture in his vest pocket.
Then, he and several riders had crossed the border into Missouri, chasing a group of ruffians. When he had ridden back to Kansas, the lone survivor, he knew, among other things, that any hope of being with Sarah had been shattered. He could recall riding alone across the empty prairie hoping against hope that Sarah would never see his face again.
No doubt, it had been a mistake never to tell her. To let her think that he had been counted among the dead on one of the State's many battlefields. But Morgan had been young and for years, he struggled to make sense of what had happened to him, what he had become. Of all the people he could tell the truth to, Sarah would be chief among them. But how could he begin to explain? Would she have even believed him?
Deep down, Morgan understood that there was nothing he could say that would ease her pain, that would cool the hatred she justifiably held for him now. All he could do was offer her a small piece of the truth and endure whatever wrath she wanted to direct at him. Perhaps being able to express her rage would, in the end, help her recover from the wounds he'd dealt her.
Morgan noticed that he was holding his hat in his hands. He didn't even recall removing it. As he was about to speak, he spied the ring on her finger. There was that, at least. She'd found a life free of his memory.
"Sarah, you're absolutely right. I am a miserable man. I can't imagine the pain you must've gone through during the War and after. That was my fault. I was young. Confused. But if I'd been a better man, I would have found you. And at least told you goodbye."
"I don't tell you this in hopes that you'll forgive me. You shouldn't. I don't deserve that. But Sarah, there are things that happen in life, things that aren't really fair. Things that change everything. That take away those that are most precious to us. During the War, in Missouri, something happened to me. It made it impossible for me to ever have the life I wanted."
"But it was wrong for me to let you and my brother think I was gone. I wish I could take that back, but I can't. I should have come to you and let you be free of me."
He shifted his hat in his fingers, still wrestling with his words. "I'm not a lawman here and I don't believe I will be here for very long. I have to help Deputy Marshal Earp with a murder, but then I should be gone. If I'm ever required to return to Dodge, out of respect for you, I'll do my best to make my time here brief."
He looked at her, realizing that his feelings for her were as strong as they had ever been. She was still the woman he loved.
"Hate me as long as you need to, Sarah," Morgan said, "It's your right. But I sincerely hope that one day, when you've healed some, you can forget me."
This message was last edited by the player at 05:06, Sun 17 Mar 2013.