Chapter 8.5
Seeing Darren's confusion, Josephine knew she was screwing up, but there was so much in the air right now, she didn't want to upset Lily, she definitely didn't want Lily murdering Darren (which she would, most certainly), and she... well she didn't know WHAT she thought or felt at the moment! It had all happened so fast, but watching poor Darren, he was so clueless as to what was going on, and what he'd done... he hadn't meant anything by it, he was just being pleasant, and simple.
Simple was good, simple was safe. After her horrifying experience at the hands of the demon a while back, Josephine had a slight inkling of fear tinging everything she experienced. That pain had been pure horror, and she couldn't deal well with it. In some ways, Darren felt like the safe choice, and she was needing that, at least right now.
But him revealing what had happened to Lily? She hadn't planned on that. It made sense, sure, it was straightforward, like she knew he was, but now?
But looking at him, poor Darren, he wasn't being dishonest or mean-spirited, or anything. He wasn't trying to brag, or rub anything in anyone's face, he was just trying to hold her hand, like a sweetheart. Boys back home were sometimes like that, and it brought a sense of familiarity to her heart. He was trying to make eye contact and smile, despite the unfair situation she'd put him in. He, in his moment of need, was trying to take care of her feelings, however that made him feel.
Her heart just melted. This poor guy was good to his core, that much she knew right off the bat. Was she really so selfish that she wanted both Lily AND him so badly that she was going to do this? Would this drive Lily away? Would this get him KILLED by Lily?
Josephine's mind was racing, so she instinctively shot back into defensive-social cover up mode, one of her worst habits,
"Oh that's nice!" she said about his statement about his mother, "My mother and I are very close... Maybe I'll show you her bar one of these days, if we get any downtime. Do you like to drink at all?" she smiled pleasantly with her question, changing the subject.
Inwardly, however, she was furious at herself, being so selfish.
Damnit, Josephine! Straighten up! Be open! Honest! Fair! What is WRONG with you!? but she couldn't. She tried to force words past her smile, but her practiced control took over and clamped her mouth shut, keeping herself silent. She was trapped inside her own head, just wondering... thinking... planning...