Ashley recoiled as if struck, nearly leaping back from her kneeling position to her feet. Wide-eyed, she took a step further back, her look more of shock than anger. Perhaps surprisingly, it wasn't the bad part of what Trisha said that cut her. 'Stupid dead girlfriend' she'd heard once before from Trisha, back at the church, and quite honestly she was used to it by now -- expected it, even. That trauma was hers and hers alone, and she didn't expect anyone to feel it as acutely as she did, even a friend. Some small part of her even agreed, and she knew,
rationally, that it was well past time for her to get over it, or at least compartmentalize it, so she could continue dealing with the daily shitstorm of life in this new, ruined world.
No, it was the 'good' part that really twisted the knife.
Trisha:
"I love you and I need you and I don't know what I'd do..."
Several thoughts flashed through Ashley's mind in the space of a breath, and their reflection played out in her eyes. Anger.
How dare you use that word with me! Confusion.
Wait -- like a friend, or family, or...? Frustration.
Jesus fuck, clarify your intentions if you're gonna say something like that! And finally, the place she always ended up, her second home, the one that followed her wherever she went: defeat.
No, of course she doesn't mean it like that. You were lucky the first time, you think lightning's gonna strike twice? Don't kid yourself, kid.
If kicking your own ass was a sport, Ashley Soma was the gold goddamn medalist.
"Look," she began with a heavy sigh, though it was a long moment before she continued the thought. "I don't pretend to get it. I won't. I won't insult you like that. My dad skipped out on us before I ever really knew him. My mom was my entire world, for fifteen years. And now that she's gone -- dead, or just somewhere else, escaped and run off on her own shitty adventure just like me -- I'm... honestly just not interested in finding a replacement. This was
it, y'know? Kick the baby bird out of the nest, it's time to fly. So that's what I'm doing." She spread her arms wide. "Flying."
Ashley took another step back from Trisha before finally lowering her arms.
"I learned how to fight. I learned how to survive. Out there.
On my own." She turned and continued her walk away from Trisha, towards the nearest bus in the makeshift wall, where she paused to rap a fist against its yellow side. "I learned what to do, and what
not to do. We could settle here, for a while, and I honestly don't know how long it would last. I was just talking tough before. But the point is, there
is a number. Days, weeks, months -- hell,
years, if they're smart enough, diligent enough, and above all, lucky enough. But."
She turned sharply on her heel, and swung her left hand in a sudden, ferocious backfist that slammed into the side of the bus, ringing out across the schoolyard.
"
This. Isn't. Safe." When Ashley moved her hand away, two things were apparent: the bloody mark left by her knuckles, and the dent they left in the metal. "Eventually,
this fails. Build a wall, build it higher. Build a thousand, I don't care. Eventually, some day, they all fall down. I don't want to be on the inside when they do."
This is the part where you tell her and her walls to fuck off. Where you finally strike out on your own, master of your own destiny, beholden to no one but the wind.
...No?
God damn it.
"...We can stay for a while." The admission came atop another deep sigh. She was already kicking herself for it, and for everything she already said so far, and, inevitably, for a bunch of shit she'll say in the future. Might as well get an early start, after all. "I don't want to be here forever. I don't think we
can. We'll have to move on eventually. You know it, I know it. We always have so far, and I don't expect that to change here. But I'm not... gonna do that to you right now, not yet." She paced back to Trisha, finally mustering a smile for her friend, however small. "I want to take you somewhere safe. I know what safe
is, now that I know what it isn't, and I want to take you with me somewhere really, truly safe -- you, and everyone else, if they'll listen. But we can stay here, for now, and make plans." She held out her hand -- the left one -- deliberately -- to Trisha to help her to her feet. "Just promise me you'll go with me, when... whenever we're
both ready. Alright?"