Room in the Main Building where Difyr and Aalyssa treat their female patients. Male patients are usually treated in the <a href="http://rpol.net/display.cgi?gi=63517&ti=53&date=1478732743">room next door</a>.

Continued from link to a message in this game

Time's up! Difyr poured a cup of tea to calm Pinja's stomach and brought it over to her. She helped her to sit up. She thought Pinja was looking a little better, less like someone waiting to die.

Difyr nearly dropped what she was doing. She hurried to the room next door.

Pinja sipped on her tea. She knew she would have to eat soon, and dreaded it.

"Someone should be up with food soon." Difyr said, then began to check on her patients.

Ila rubbed the brand on her arm. She was not looking forward to a day where everyone knew she used to work at the Crimson Dove.

Shawn knocked on the door as he eased it open a crack. He didn't want to frighten Pinja. "Difyr?" he called out softly.

Difyr nearly shoved Shawn backwards as she hurried out of the room and closed the door after herself.

"I don't need you scaring Pinja!" Difyr scolded. "Where's Mrs Spenser? I wanted to talk to both of you."

"Jeez, Difyr, that's why I didn't just burst in. Brie is still in the kitchen, I'm heading back there shortly. I wanted to introduce you to Luka. He would like to help with the healing."

"I would like to talk to both of you soon as possible, I think things will be better if I can get something settled." Difyr looked at Luka. "Hello, you have experience in healing?"

"I'll see if I can get her out of the kitchen for awhile. There's some things I want to discuss with her as well."

Luka looked at the woman before casting an eye around him at the patients. He took down his hood, showing the pointed ears that marked him as one of the Elven. "Over a century of experience but I stand to your orders. Point me where I am needed."

"Ah, another elf." Difyr said, wishing Aalyssa would get back already. "Uh, let's go next door. I have patients in here that, uh, well there's someone next door you can help."

Luke raised an eyebrow at the ladys words. "Another Elf? More of my Kin must have traveled than I thought." He gestured to the woman to show him where to go. "Are all the injuries by weapon or where other means involved?"

Shawn took his leave of Luka and Difyr and went to search for his wife.


>>>to the kitchen

In reply to Luka (msg # 14):

"Nelek had been nearly starved to death and exposed to the elements for a very long time." Difyr said as she led the elf to the room next door.

To link to a message in this game

Pinja heard an unfamiliar male voice outside the room. She shook so hard she spilled her tea before she managed to set it down.

Pinja could hear Millie and another male voice talking. Millie sounded upset- then she heard Millie cry.

"Millie!" Pinja scrambled to her friend's aid.

He might have touched her. Pinja shuddered.

"I can't even be around your brother." Pinja said. "He still needs to get that jewel back, I can't keep it."

"When I see him, I will tell him. I haven't seen him around since yesterday though."

"Please, take it." Pinja sat on her pallet and picked up the sapphire on the rough leather thong. She held it out to Millie. "I can't... Please."

Pinja didn't know how to explain that as long as she had the gem she would feel obligated to Lek somehow.

Millie hated this. She knew Lek would take such good care of Pinja and love her completely, but she also understood how deep Pinja's fear was rooted. She took the pendant. "I will give it to Mama to hold on to."

"Thank you." Pinja whispered. "Lek will find someone better someday."

"The heart wants what the heart wants," Millie said absently. She had given up on the hope of finding someone to love her, that dream had been abandoned long ago. "If you will be all right for a bit, I'm going to get back to Papa."

Pinja nodded, and added. "I'm glad things worked out with your father."

"I am too," Millie admitted. "All it really took was him doing one thing that the impostor never did. I hated being afraid of him."

Pinja remembered her own father. He had been rather distant, she always suspected he wished she had been a son. He did not listen to a single thing she said when she returned home after having been kidnapped by Jack. All he cared about was saving face.

"He'd never force you to marry anyone, would he?" Pinja asked.

"I've never thought on it. I doubt he would force me to, although it is possible my parents would try to arrange a marriage so I wouldn't be alone. I think they would consider my opinions and feelings about any match though," Millie replied.

"But what if you got into trouble." Pinja said delicately.

"If I ended up with child, you mean? Not that anyone has ever shown any interest in me in that way, I suppose they would try to find a decent man who would care for me and the baby. I'm just as likely to be sent to the convent where my grandmother resides and then Mama would come get it and say she and Papa adopted the baby."

Pinja wished her father had been like that. So many bad things could have been avoided. She looked down and fidgeted with a corner of her blanket.

Millie sat knelt next to her. "I wish all fathers were like mine. Or like Uncle Shawn and Uncle Aron. The truth is, not all men are good, but there are good men out there."

Pinja shrugged. "Maybe."

"I doubt they are the only three good men in the world. Four, including Lek," she added. "I want to spend a bit more time with Papa and see Mama. I'll be back in a little while."

"Okay." Pinja nodded. "Don't forget to get that gem back to Lek."

"I'll give it to Mama to give him. She'll take care of it," Millie promised. She gave her friend a gentle smile, and hoped one day she might be able to hug her. Then she got up and went back into the hallway.

Nelek had backed further down the hallway, closer to the room his wife and Kadey were in than the one occupied by Pinja.

"Is she all right?" Nelek asked.

"As all right as she can be," Millie admitted. "Her parents basically forced her into a marriage with a horrible, abusive man. He and his family were the raiders that tore the village apart, all because she ran from him."

"I had heard some of the horrible things the poor girl has had to endure." Nelek said. "Your brother seems to care about her a lot. Is there any way...?"

"I wish there was. But she is terrified of men after what Jack did to her. In fact...she gave me the jewel Lek gave her, to make certain it gets back to him. I promised to give it to Mama so she can make certain he gets it." Millie sighed. "I know Lek would be so good for her."

"You're brother wants to become a knight." Nelek said.

"I know. It worries me since he has always been so peaceful." Millie glanced at her father. "Surely Mama told him no."

"She tried, but Lek is old enough to decide for himself." Nelek said. "Lord Thornblade took him on."

Millie wrung her hands. She glanced at her father. "How do you think he will do? Truthfully? Will he be able to stay in one piece?"

"Lord Thornblade said he would work Lek hard in hopes of making him quit before he can see combat." Nelek said.

"I hope he succeeds," Millie replied. "Lek is such a gentle soul. I can't imagine him in battle."

"Lek is determined, he thinks becoming a knight will help him protect Pinja." Nelek said.

"I know. That's probably the furthest removed from the type of man she would be interested in when she is ready."

"When I saw her... I know she had been hurt, I just hadn't expected her to have been so badly scarred..." Nelek said. "There was never anything between her and Lek before the raid?"

"She knew him from when he would come to the shop, but she had already been terribly abused when she arrived at the village. She wouldn't let him close, in fact, she liked to hide in our rooms a lot."

"I see." Nelek did not think that sounded promising there was never any relationship between them before the raid, it looked less likely to happen after the raid. "She was never interested in him?"

"Men have frightened her the entire time I've known her, but it's far worse now. Jack was particularly brutal to her during the raid."

It sounded like a lost cause.

"Lek was never interested in any other girls?" Nelek asked.

"If he was, he never mentioned it to me. But only after the raid did he really mention interest in Pinja to me, to be truthful."

"Maybe he just thinks he's in love with her because of what happened to her?" Nelek asked.

"Perhaps. It might have triggered his desire to protect her and he's confusing it with love?" Millie pondered.

Nelek felt relieved. Maybe his son just needed to meet another girl and be interested in her to get over this one.

"I wish the girl well." Nelek said. "But pining over her isn't going to do Lek any good, or her."

"I agree. And while I would love to see them together, I don't know that Pinja will ever trust men again. Probably rightly so."

"Not all men would hurt her." Nelek frowned. "Especially not Lek."

"I know, but...I just think if she can't trust with her full heart, it wouldn't work. And I don't know how she'd get past all the horror she suffered through."

"If she loved Lek she might... But it doesn't sound like she ever felt that way about him." Nelek said.

"Not unless she hid it really well," Millie replied.

Nelek cocked an eyebrow. From what little he knew of Pinja, he did not think she was hiding feelings for Lek all this time.

"It's very unlikely though," she admitted. "I think she was too tormented mentally to have had any feelings for Lek or anyone else."

Nelek nodded.

"But how about you? Any beaus I should be threatening?"

Millie barely contained a snort of disbelief. "No, no one wa-is interested in me." She couldn't believe her father actually thought there was a chance of a yes. Not after all of the years of indifference everyone her age had shown her.

Nelek had hoped Aislyn was wrong about there not being anyone for Millie. "I don't see why not."

"I have no idea why every one my age has ignored or still does ignore me. It's like I'm invisible or something, unless they want clothing made." Millie sighed. "I knew long ago I would end up alone."

"Your mother was a couple years older than you before we had even met." Nelek said.

"But she had friends. And suitors before." Millie shrugged. "The nice thing about accepting your fate is you don't put hope in hopeless dreams."

"Do you want to be single?" Nelek asked.

"No, but it's always better to accept the reality. I don't want to be Grandmama's age and still be hoping for someone to falling in love with me." Millie shrugged. "It makes the heart hurt, waking up each day wondering and hoping and nothing happening."

"Is there anyone you like?" Nelek asked.

"Anyone I may have had an interest in has either left the village or they wed others. I don't even know that anyone my age is still available," Millie replied. Her earlier conversation with Pinja entered her mind. "And with the mermen here, I don't know who I can even trust."

How could he argue with that? Nelek sighed.

Millie found herself unsettled, having her failed dreams and desires dredged up. She worried her lower lip. "I'm sorry, Papa. I wish I could have made you and Mama grandparents."

"We're not in any rush to become grandparents." Nelek said. "I just want you to be happy."

As they approached the healing room, Brighid turned to her husband. "Any idea what Difyr wants to speak with us about?" He shook his head and she knocked on the door, filled with curiosity.

In reply to Nelek (msg # 77):

"You might have to settle for content," Millie said. "I'm not certain that I would know happy if I tripped over it."

In reply to Brighid Spenser (msg # 78):

Pinja cringed at the sound of knocking on the door.

In reply to Millicent Gerthrim (msg # 79):

"You'll know." Nelek saw Shawn and Brighid. "Are you looking for Difyr? She's next door with Aislyn."

"Thank you Nelek." Brie smiled at him. "You are looking much better today."

Millie was pretty certain she wouldn't. She had given up hope of being happy at the same time she had given up hope on finding love.

"I'm feeling a lot better." Nelek said, then his face grew serious. "I'm sorry for your family's loss."

"Thank you," Brie replied, growing teary eyed. "I heard Kady had been found?"

Nelek nodded, teary eyed himself thinking about his lost children and the lost years he would never get back. "She's with her mother."

"Good, I'm very pleased she was found. I am truly sorry for your family's losses as well."

Nelek nodded and put an arm around Millie's shoulders.

Millie cuddled against him. She knew her parents were in no hurry to be grandparents, but if she'd been wed, at least there would have been a chance for her to bring laughing children back in to their lives.

Nelek turned back towards the room.

Millie walked beside him, letting Brie go first.

Difyr brought Brighid into the room.

"Pinja, I have some good news." Difyr said.
This message was last edited by the player at 01:59, Mon 10 July 2017.

Pinja sat up, clutching her blanket so it hid most of her face. She peered at Brighid from under her cap and felt sick guilt roll over her. Brighid's children were dead because her husband had tried to help her.

Brie gave her a gentle smile, but waited to let Difyr give Pinja the news. Brie's heart ached for Pinja, she knew a small amount of what she had gone through just from her time with Jeremy. The rest, she just couldn't imagine.

"Mrs Spenser and her husband have agreed to take the babe." Difyr said.

Pinja was surprised, Mrs Spenser was the last person she'd expect to want anything to do with the baby... An unpleasant idea occurred to her. She studied Brighid, looking very small and more like a scared child.

"You won't... You won't hurt it?"

Brie was horrified that Pinja would think such a thing. "No, Pinja. We would love the child as much as we have loved all of our children. Haroth, Sileas and Sarah were all adopted and were cherished by us," she assured the girl (she hoped).

"I'm sorry... I..." Pinja seemed to shrink.

Brie took the barest of steps closer. "You have nothing to apologize for, Pinja."

"Everything that happened was my fault." Pinja said. "You're trying to help me and I... I'm sorry."

Brighid sighed ever softly. "Pinja, I understand why you feel it is your fault. I blamed myself for everything by first Beau did, including when he killed my older brother. But you did not make those choices for your husband, he did. His actions are his own and his alone. You did not order him to be evil, or to abuse you. You did not order him to attack the village. By taking the blame on yourself, you are still allowing him control over you. In order for you to begin healing, you have to reassign that blame where it belongs. On Jack."

Only Pinja's eyes showed from between her cap and blanket.

"I could have stopped it. Done something differently." Pinja said.

Brie shook her head. "That's a lie they feed the women they abuse. He would have found any other reason in the world to harm you."

"I should have kept fighting him." Pinja said. "Fought him until he let me go or killed me."

Brie shook her head. "You can't heal if you keep shouldering the blame. For your own sake, Pinja, I implore you. Let it go, and place the blame where it belongs. On Jack's shoulders."

Pinja cringed and ducked a little more under the blanket. "I'm sorry."

"I will accept your apology if you agree to let it go immediately after. "

Pinja disappeared under the blanket. "Why?"

"Because it's the only way you will begin to heal mentally. Believe me."

"I don't deserve to heal." Pinja said.

"Stop letting him control you. Take back your power," Brie urged.

"I never had any power." Pinja whispered.

Brie sighed. Then she opted for another tact. "You expressed concern for the babe when you asked if we intended to hurt it. This being mired in guilt, it's not good for the babe."

Pinja peeked out from beneath her cap. She felt even more guilty. "I'm sorry."

Brie sighed softly. The girl obviously was not going to stop blaming herself. Perhaps with time and others trying to tell her. "Just think on it. Choose to be strong."

"If I had been strong this never would have happened." Pinja said.

"You just rest, eat and heal," Brie said softly.

"I've been trying to." Pinja said. "It's hard to keep anything down."

"Just do the best you can. I know it sounds cliche, but time passing helps."

Pinja shivered under the blanket. She did not think enough time could ever pass if she lived to be one hundred.

"I'll let you rest. Please have Difyr let us know if you have need of anything. Anything at all."

"Thank you." Pinja sniffled.

"You're very welcome." She gave her another smile.

Pinja's shoulders shook.

Brie sighed and walked over to join Difyr.

"That's the most she has said to anyone besides me or Millie." Difyr said to Brighid.

"Really? I hope she soon learns to stop shouldering the blame. It really wasn't her fault," Brie said quietly.

"It will take time." Difyr said. "At least now she's trying to live."

"I know, that's why I didn't want to push it." She sneaked a glance at the girl. "That's the first step, trying to live. I'm sure Millie has been very good for her."

"She has been." Difyr said. "For a while she was the only one who could get her to eat."

"I'm glad for both of them. It's so nice to know Millie has a friend, as well." She had always wished Sileas would have befriended Millie, but they had nothing in common. Millie never would have liked going on adventures with Sileas, and Sileas...well...she didn't even have a passing relationship with a sewing needle.

"They've been good for each other." Difyr said.

"Aye, they have." It would be an uphill battle, but Pinja would manage to survive.

"How is Sileas this morning?" Difyr asked.

"I only saw her briefly but she seemed all right. A bit exasperated with Yehudit, which is nothing new."

Difyr smiled. "How's her morning sickness, better?"

"I saw her before she ate and she seemed all right. She finally escaped to eat, so I don't know what's happened since," Brie admitted. "I do think that Yehudit aggravating her makes it worse, she had some trouble last night, I know."

"She has been under a lot of stress." Difyr said.

"I'm also worried about her previous injury, if there's something special she should be doing. And if she would listen to any special instructions. With everything going on, she's in protector mode."

"You had a similar injury, but your babies came out fine." Difyr said.

"But I never fancied myself a fighter, and set aside everything except caring for Shawn so I could take it easy. She's already trying to work on ways to stop the mermen. And I know she didn't know she was with child at the time, but she fought off that one that tried to take Millie." It was clear that Brie was worried about the choices Sileas would make.

"I'm sure Sileas will do what's best for the babe." Difyr said.

"She must. The alternative is not acceptable. Could you just imagine her devastation if she lost Larrigan's babe?"
This message was last updated by the player at 01:02, Sun 14 May 2017.

"Let's be carefully optimistic." Difyr suggested.

"I am, but I also plan to have a talk with her. At least tell her to take it easy and not to overdo or anything."

"Well, it looks like there are enough expectant women to start a maternity club." Difyr said lightly.

"Some good coming from the dark," Brie agreed, not as cheerfully though. She herself should have been one of the ones expecting. She and Shawn could have been welcoming two little ones into their family.

"I'm sorry." Difyr touched Brighid's shoulder. "There might still be other children."

"That would be nice," Brie said wistfully. "But Shawn and I will make the best we can...we have this little one on the way," she said, glancing at Pinja, "And a grandchild on the way."

"Cyan is expecting too." Difyr said. "All the family she has left, her husband died trying to protect her."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Brie replied. She wasn't entirely certain if she would be able to manage had she not lost the babe but had lost Shawn. "Let us know if we can do anything for her as well."

"Everyone can use a friend." Difyr said with a shrug. "She was taken captive by the raiders, had been their prisoner for days before managing to escape. She's a survivor."

"I will look for her when I get back. I have no idea what Shawn wishes to show me," Brie said.

Difyr nodded. "Take care of yourself. I know your own losses are taking a toll on you."

"If I slow down, I'll think about it too much, and I'll fall apart," Brie admitted. "I don't want to think about any of it."

"You need to heal too." Difyr said. "Not getting enough rest can damage your health."

"I can't sleep," Brie whispered. "Every time I close my eyes..." a tear streaked down her cheek. Every time she closed her eyes, she either relived the repeated attacks or hearing that two of her toddlers and the one in the way, and her little Sarah, were gone.

"I know." Difyr sighed deeply. "You won't start getting better until you face it... Does Shawn know everything?"

Brie shook her head. "Must like Pinja, he's shouldering most of the blame. Early on, I wanted to tell him, but he went after Sileas. Then I discovered keeping busy kept my mind occupied and it helped, and I didn't want to talk about it. And I don't want to make him feel even more guilt, even though it's not his fault that he was off trying to do his job and couldn't be at the house."

"Keeping it secret only causes you more harm... He should know." Difyr said.

"I know it does, I saw how difficult it was for Sileas for that year and up until Larrigan arrived." Brie looked at the floor and wrung her hands. "I don't know that I can tell him. I don't know that I'm strong enough."

"He must suspect much of it already." Difyr said.

"I'm sure he does. He must. He knows what Sileas went through, and he knows what these men put Pinja through." Brie sighed. "There's no way that he can't know, and that's why he blames himself for not keeping us safe."

"Talk to him." Difyr said. "It will be good for both of you."

Brie nodded. "I will, I promise." She wiped the tears out of her eyes.

Difyr handed Brighid a handkerchief. "Things will get better."

Brie blotted at the tears. "I know the physical part will get better, but...how do I get over losing three children?"

"I don't think you can." Difyr said gently. "Take comfort in the children you still have."

"I suppose that's all we can do. I would try to get Shawn to take a trip, go see his parents, so we could rest and recuperate, but I feel I need to stay and watch over Sileas."

"Whatever is best for you will be best for your family." Difyr said.

Brie shrugged lightly. "I have to make certain she doesn't overdo. Or go off and get into a fight."

"Sileas is expecting a baby." Difyr said. "She's going to be careful with herself ot protect it."

"I know. Or at least, I hope so. I also know she sometimes goes charging in when someone she cares about is in danger."

"She won't be charging alone." Difyr said.

"No, she won't. She'll be taking my grandchild right along with her." Brie rubbed her temple.

"Hopefully knowing that will make her more careful." Difyr said.

"That is all I can ask...that she think before she reacts."

"So are you really worried about Sileas putting her unborn baby in danger, Or are you just putting off talking to your husband?" Difyr asked.

Brie sighed. "If I were truly honest, both. I just worry she won't know what precautions to take aside from knowing how rash she can act."

"Not much can be done to make Sileas be more careful." Difyr said. "But your husband is not far away."

Brie wrung her hands and looked down at her feet. She was not looking forward to telling Shawn everything. She didn't want to relive it and she didn't want him taking on more guilt.

"It will all be easier after you talk to him." Difyr said.

"I understand now why Sileas chose to hide from all of us," Brie admitted. "It might be easier afterwards, but having to relive it and burden Shawn with it? I'm not looking forward to it."

Difyr nodded. "If you don't go to talk to him soon I'll put you to work here."

Brie would have been willing, but she knew Shawn was waiting to show her something. And she kept hearing her own fussings at Sileas for hiding coming back to haunt her. "I suppose I need to get this over. Plus he wants to show me something."

"Then run along or you can scrub bed pans." Difyr said.

That threat work. Brighid took off for the next room to collect Shawn.

Bai clutched his stomach as they entered the room.

Pinja had been sitting up, but when the door open she disappeared under the blankets again.

Sileas spotted the movement from Pinja. Had she not done it herself a million times while hiding in her flat over the schoolhouse? Anytime someone came to the door during non-school hours, she hid under the blankets until they had gone away. "Difyr?" Sileas called softly.

Difyr had been blending herbs when Sileas and a girl came in.

"Hello- what's the matter?" The girl with Sileas looked to be in some discomfort.

"This is Fi. She actually wanted to speak with Pinja, I believe she feels she can help her. Oh! Something at breakfast didn't agree with her."

"Was it under cooked bacon?" Difyr asked with concern, frowning. "Pinja is very shy."

"I'm fine." Bai lied. "I just need to see Pinja."

Difyr glanced over at Pinja's bed. The girl was hiding.

"Maybe she will see you, Sileas, but I don't think she will be up to seeing a stranger."

"I'm a stranger to her too, for the most part," Sileas reminded Difyr. "I barely spent any time around her. Could you just tell her that Fi is a healer as well and wishes to see if she could help her?"

"At least she has met you." Difyr said, unconvinced. "Who is this Fi? She looks like she needs healing."

Sileas slid a glance at Bai, clearly saying I told you so with her eyes. "She's someone I met in Portside a few weeks ago. She arrived this morning, wanting to help out with the healing."

"You can try asking her if she will see Fi." Difyr said. "I can't vouch for a stranger."

"All right, I'll talk with her," Sileas replied. It was the only chance they would have, as far as she could see.

Bai nearly doubled when another cramp seized him. Was he going through this for nothing?

Difyr gently nudged Fi into a chair. She had an idea of what was going on. Easy to fix, sheep bladder full of hot water, some tea. "Go talk to her, I'll see to your friend here."
This message had punctuation tweaked by the player at 02:04, Mon 10 July 2017.

Sileas walked slowly toward the blanket hiding Pinja. "Pinja? It's Sileas. I wanted to know how you were doing."

Pinja peeked out from under the blanket at Sileas. "Hello."

"Hello there," Sileas replied gently. "I used to do that. I hid in my rooms over the schoolhouse and when anyone came to the door during non-school hours, I hid under my blankets until I knew they had gone away."

"You're not hiding." Pinja said.

"No, I'm not now. But I hid for a year. I shut out everyone who loved me, I didn't even tell them what happened to me. And then I realized it was the worst mistake I could ever make. Holding it in and not being supported while I recovered was horrible."

"I can't hide what they did to me." Pinja said, touching the scar on her cheek.

"That's true. But most of the people here aren't going to see that as a definition of who you are. There will be a few awful people but the scar isn't who you are. You're still you. You just need to find your way back to your true self again."

"It's not just that." Pinja said, hugging her knees. "I'm pregnant... Your parents are going to take the baby, but it's going to be obvious to everyone what happened to me."

"I have the feeling that you probably are not the only one in that position after the raid," Sileas pointed out. "I've noticed a lot of girls who weren't quiet and withdrawn before are now. Millie's clever though, I'm sure she'll think of a dress design to help hide it."

"But it's not those girls' faults what happened." Pinja said. "Jack's family didn't raid the village because of what they did."

Bai did his best to listen in on Sileas's conversation with the girl. He was having difficulty holding the female form while trying to enhance his hearing with magic- and drinking some foul tasting tea the healer claimed would help with the cramps.

"I blamed myself for a long time for what was done to me. Later, he attacked my cousin. He didn't take her that way, but he did maim her leg. It took a lot of me people quite a while to get me to accept the truth. It wasn't my fault that he was violently insane. Just like it's not your fault that Jack and his people followed a violent, hateful ideology."

"I should have fought him off the first time. Or refused to marry him. Or not run away." Pinja said.

"That would be the same as me saying I should have just let Andy court me when I knew he was trouble. My understanding was that your parents pushed for the marriage? It's difficult to not get into a situation like that without the right support system."

"They thought I was pregnant and wouldn't help me if I had a baby out of wedlock." Pinja said bitterly. "Turned out I wasn't."

"They obviously did not have a care about what sort of life you would have with Jack. I'm so sorry your parents did not support you. There wasn't a lot you could have done in that situation."

"I could have stayed." Pinja said. "Or I could have died in that blizzard instead of coming to the village."

"No one should have to stay in that sort of situation. And what a waste of a precious life if you had died in the blizzard. You are surrounded by people who care about you now. Let us help you find yourself once again."

"I don't have a self." Pinja said.

"Sure you do. You've just misplaced it because of all you have been through. I have a healer friend, Fi, who's standing just over there. She believes she might be able to help you. Would you be willing to speak with her?"

Pinja looked over at Fi, and cringed. "I can't talk to a stranger."

"All right, I won't push you. I just wanted to give you the option." Sileas knew she was failing Bai, considering the suffering he was going through, but it would cause far too much pain for Pinja to push the issue.

"I'm sorry." Pinja said softly.

"There is nothing to apologize for. I know what you are feeling. I cringed and hid behind anyone I trusted when I encountered a stranger for a long time."

"It's hard enough to talk to people I know... I can't talk to a stranger about what happened." Pinja said.

"I do understand," Sileas said softly.

"Why does she think she can help me?" Pinja asked.

"Fi works with mystical healing, not unlike Aalyssa only a different type of mystical healing."

"I don't think she can do anything Aalyssa hadn't already done." Pinja said.

"What Fi practices is different from Elven magic. So we don't know that Fi couldn't do something different."

"She couldn't undo what happened." Pinja said.

"That's true, she couldn't," Sileas conceded.

"Or make them not be there every time I close my eyes." Pinja said.

Sileas nodded empathetically. "True, only time can take care of that."

"It will never stop." Pinja said. "I was still having nightmares from when Jack took me the first time."

A small whimper of pain escaped Bai. He needed to get out of there and back to normal.

In reply to Pinja Esposito (msg # 237):

Sileas sighed. She wasn't getting through to the girl. It wouldn't get any better if she wasn't willing to at least allow someone to try to help her. "A good support system would help you immensely." Sileas got to her feet. "I'll let you rest. Difyr didn't want me to exhaust you. I hope things soon ease up for you."

"Thank you for trying." Pinja said quietly.

"I only wish I could do more," Sileas said quietly. She walked slowly away from Pinja, hoping she would change her mind.

Bai stood up when he saw Sileas walking away from Pinja. He clutched at his stomach.
"Come on." He said to Sileas.

Sileas finally had to admit that Pinja would not relent. She hurried to Bai and left the room with him.

"Let's go somewhere I can change." Bai said.

"We'll go back to my rooms...well, I guess they'll be your rooms once I get moved elsewhere."

Bai grunted and stumbled towards Sileas's rooms.

----- To Sileas's rooms

After so many patients, the healing room almost seemed empty. All of the patients had recovered enough to move out of the healing room, even Pinja was well enough to share a room with Millie. Difyr checked on her at least once a day but the girl was stronger, though she still threw up almost as much as she ate.
Difyr knew the respite was only temporary. It would not be long before roughly a dozen women would be having babies, all due within two weeks of each other.

Today Difyr wore her best dress, this one only had one small stain, an old bloodstain. She thought about getting a new dress from Millie for today, but she knew it would just wind up getting stained. Being a healer was hard on clothes.

"Aalyssa?" Difyr called to the elf gently. "Do you want to go to the feast or should I have a tray sent up?"

Aalyssa was sitting behind the screen she had set up to sequester herself from everyone and everything. "Just a small tray, please." Her appetite had still not returned.

Difyr sighed. "You know there's no place safer that the Hall. Most of the guard is going to be there."

"I know. I just don't feel up to a party," Aalyssa replied.

"Things are doing better. Our patients are doing better. There are babies on the way. Sileas is getting married." Difyr said. "Even Aislyn is to be released today. You were integral to the healing making it all possible."

"I'm happy for everyone, I really am. I don't need to be celebrated for my part. I was happy to help."

"Others would be happy to see you." Difyr said. "It's nice to see people when they aren't patients."

"It is time for me to heal," Aalyssa said softly. There was a soft shuffling sound, indicating she had made herself comfortable.

"Okay." Difyr said. "You be sure to let me know if you need anything. Healers can make the worst patients, but no excuses, I have plenty of time these days."

"I will, thank you," Aalyssa said. But she knew her scars were emotional and there was little Difyr could do.

"I don't think Pinja is going... If you would like some company." Difyr said. The girl had moved out of the healing room to share a room in the dormitory with Millie. "I could ask her to come over if you'd like."

"No, that's okay. I just want to rest and maybe get some sleep."

"Okay." Difyr said, sad to leave Aalyssa behind and alone while she went to a feast. "Rest well, the tea in the pot should still be warm."

"Thank you," Aalyssa said again.

"I'll see you later." Difyr said and reluctantly left.

Aalyssa stretched out on her cot and stared at the ceiling.

Pinja quietly entered the room.

"Hello?" She called in a soft voice.

Aalyssa managed to fight the threatening tears, she managed to block her heartache. She had just rolled on to her side when she heard the door open. She clutched the blanket as she pulled it over her head, fearing it was her kinsman come for her again. Aalyssa had no doubt they would be so bold. Perhaps if they couldn't see her, they would move on. And then she heard a soft voice, relaxing slightly. "Pinja? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me." Pinja was relieved that it was just Aalyssa here. She gently closed the door. She was still shaking.

Aalyssa sat up. "Is something wrong, Pinja?"

"No." Pinja's voice shook as she tried to fight back tears. "I just... Millie went to the dinner. I just don't want to be alone."

"I was starting to regret my decision to be alone myself," Aalyssa admitted. "It was much too quiet which caused me to reside in my memories."

"Flashbacks." Pinja whispered.

"Yes, exactly," Aalyssa agreed with a sigh.

Pinja sat on one of the beds. "They'll never stop, will they?"

"They may, but only if you don't remain lost in your own thoughts. Distraction is key."

"I tried reading." Pinja shifted the book in her hands. "But there's so much talk about that wedding going on tomorrow."

"I don't begrudge the villagers their excitement. It's been a while since something good that can be celebrated has happened. It doesn't mean that it's easy on either of us though."

"When he brought me home I thought I was finally safe from him." Pinja said. "My parents had come to an agreement with his family for me to marry him." Pinja shuddered.

"Any parent who would force their child into such a situation, with the knowledge of what was going on, never deserved to be parents. Despite being princesses, displaced though they may be, I allowed both of my daughters to find their own happiness. I never would have forced them into an unwanted marriage," Aalyssa said with disgust.

"I never would have believed my parents would have done that." Pinja said. "Then they did."

"They should suffer the fates of the gods for that," Aalyssa spat. "My parents did everything to keep me from the man I love, and your parents tossed you to the wolves. Disgusting, the lot of them."

Pinja nodded, even though Aalyssa could not see it. A tear ran down her nose.

"Come and sit with me?"

"Okay." Pinja wiped the tears from her face and went behind the privacy curtain.

Aalyssa scooted over to open a spot on the blanket for Pinja to sit on. Aalyssa leaned against the wall."

Pinja sat down beside Aalyssa. "Why did they do it?"

"It could have been money or promise of power. Far too many people place too much importance on  those. It could have been fear of loss of reputation." Aalyssa shook her head. "That would have been so easy to fix, if they truly had love in their hearts. They could have simply moved to a new village. Or it could simply have been they had too much hate in their hearts and simply felt nothing."

"Mama said I was probably pregnant and didn't want to house a whore or raise a bastard." Pinja shivered. "I thought she would help me."

"The very idea of calling one's child a whore is abhorrent. There was no love in her heart for you, much like my parents. My parents simply wanted my cousin to have the husband and life I wanted. They said it was her due, and that I was worthless."

"I had always thought my parents loved me." Pinja hiccuped.

"The lies we tell ourselves. I convinced myself my parents were correct, but Konner finally showed me they weren't. Well, he and his parents."

"They didn't even look for me after I ran away." Pinja said, and shivered. Did her parents know about the raid? What Jack's family did to her?

"When Konner and I became close, and his parents were protecting me, my parents had me kidnapped and left in the Dark Forest. All manner of dark creatures reside there. If Konner hadn't found me so quickly..." Aalyssa ducked her head.

"I don't know how they can do it." Pinja said. "We're not just objects they can throw away."

"I think I blame your parents for everything Jack did, and my parents for everything Konner's brother did." She laughed without humor. My cousin even married his brother."

"My mother said I asked for Jack to take me when I danced with him at a ball." Pinja said. "Told me I was promiscuous."

"If dancing with someone is being promiscuous, we're all in trouble. There's some logic there." She was silent for a bit as an idea took form. "Konner and his brother were very close before his brother pulled his coup. I bet my parents were behind it. They wanted Marissa to be queen, after all. And Konner and I were in the way."

"I don't think my parents knew about Jack's plan to kidnap me until after he took me." Pinja said. "But were willing to go along with the marriage after he had me for a month."

Aalyssa frowned. "The very least they could have done was find a decent man who could look past that. And be willing to raise a child not his own. They are out there."

"Not many of them, and probably none in our social class." Pinja said. "Class is important to my parents, as well as their reputation... After that I didn't want to marry anyone. I still don't."

"I don't blame you for that, not at all. Though it is a shame to close your heart off and deny  yourself happiness in the future." Aalyssa gave her a quick glance. "I'm not saying the immediate or even near future. But one day, when the right person happens into your life...someone you know in your heart you can trust...You would not know this from Jack or your parents, but being the center of someone's heart, someone who wants to hold and protect you...it's the most magnificent feeling in the world."

Pinja shuddered at just the thought of being touched. "No."

"All right," Aalyssa said.

"Lek asked to marry me. I could never..." Pinja shuddered again.

"Lek's a fine young man. I would bet he would be willing to wait until you were ready, and even understand if you were never ready. It would be nice for you to have the protection of a real family." Aalyssa gave a small smile. "They are a what family should be...people who would do anything to protect one another."

"I still couldn't." Pinja shook her head.

Aalyssa wished she had someone with a family like that who would protect her. She was quite tired of feeling all alone in the world. Her girls had both married into families who would protect them. Aalyssa sighed.

Pinja hunched up her shoulders, sure that Aalyssa was angry with her. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to apologize for. I am just sitting here feeling sorry for myself."

"You were almost killed." Pinja said, curling into herself.

Aalyssa nodded. It had indeed been a close one. She had actually been waiting for the executioners axe to come down on her neck when Wulfsen and his men had managed to secure her freedom.

Pinja felt a pang of nausea. She closed her eyes.

Aalyssa rubbed her neck, as if she was making certain her head was still indeed attached.

Pinja carefully stood up. "I feel like I'm going to be sick."

"I think there's a bucket over there. I had hoped you had passed that."

Pinja hurried to the bucket to throw up. After she recovered she had a drink of water and tottered back over.

"I'm able to keep some food down... but it's still bad." She admitted.

"Hopefully it will ease up as you are further along," Aalyssa replied.

Pinja shrugged. "I can't wait for it to be over."

"I know."

Pinja closed her eyes. The thought of going into labor scared her too.

Aalyssa closed her eyes also, losing herself in a memory of a happier time. Oh how she wished that Konner had survived and that the resistance had him in safety. She wrapped her arms around herself.

Pinja had been told all sorts of horror stories about the terrible ways women died in childbirth. She shook.

"Are you all right, Pinja?"

I'm scarred and pregnant and probably won't survive this....

"Yes." Pinja lied.

Aalyssa was skeptical, but knew better than to press Pinja for the truth.

"You have two daughters?" Pinja asked.

"I do. Kayleigh and Rhiannon. They are both married with families of their own now."

"Do elves ever die in childbirth?" Pinja asked.

The question surprised Aalyssa. "Very rarely. Usually because the birth is not taking place in a good environment."

"Sometimes humans do." Pinja said.

"Yes, sadly they do. More often than not, though, it's due to something having been wrong with the mother and no one knew. Or sometimes the circumstances or an injury."

Pinja shivered.

"But most don't die giving birth. And the right, clean, environment goes along way to helping with that."

"But some still do." Pinja said.

"Nothing in life is perfect. A woman could be injured when carrying or she could have a condition that no one knows about. She could contract an illness while carrying. She might go into labor in a filthy inn."

Pinja shuddered. The was not how she wanted to die.

"You are borrowing trouble, Pinja."

Pinja felt ashamed and looked down at her scarred hands.

"What I mean is, you can't constantly worry over the future. None of us knows what it holds, and it keeps you from living in the present."

Pinja hunched her shoulders.

Aalyssa leaned against the wall again.

Pinja fidgeted with her knit cap for a few minutes.

"Is it true that eating what you crave when you're expecting helps?" Pinja asked.

"I don't know that you are far enough along for cravings, but in general the belief is that a craving is the baby asking for what it wants."

"It wants fish." Pinja said softly.

"Fish, eh? How about I sit near the door, and when someone goes past, I'll have them ask at the kitchen for some fish then," Aalyssa offered.

"I don't want to be a bother..." Pinja said quietly.

"It's no bother at all," Aalyssa assured her. She got to her feet and took a chair over to sit next to to the door.

Fortune was going to be fashionably late to the feast. She was decked out in a fine dress made by Millie Buckley before the raid, she even had some jewelry on. Her skirts swished as she walked near the healing room door.

Aalyssa heard footsteps nearing the room. She got to her feet and peeked out the door. "Excuse me," she said softly.

Fortune turned, a smile on her lips.
"Hello."

"Good evening," Aalyssa greeted with a hint of a curtsey and a smile. "Are you on the way to the feast in the hall?"

"Yes, I am." Fortune peered curiously at Aalyssa.

"Oh, good. I have a patient who would like some fish, if they should have any. That is, if they can spare anyone to bring a tray up."

"There is still a patient not well enough to attend the feast? This is the first event since the raid." Fortune said. "Bringing up a tray of food should be possible."

"Every one being healed from the raid doesn't stop ongoing injuries and illnesses, I fear." Aalyssa smiled again, "If you wouldn't mind inquiring for me, it would be appreciated very much."

"Just fish? Nothing else?" Fortune asked.
This message was last edited by the player at 08:17, Sat 13 Jan 2018.

"Some bread and whatever vegetables they are serving," Aalyssa added.

Fortune turned in a swirl of skirts and headed to the Main Hall.

It was muffled, but Pinja could hear the voices of those attending the feast. Everyone in the keep besides herself and Aalyssa was probably there. She shuddered at the thought of being there, around so many people.

Alyssa returned to Pinja. "Hopefully she will find someone who is available and that they have fish."

"I used to like parties like that." Pinja said, still trembling at the thought of being up there.

"I did too," Aalyssa admitted. "Only when I had Konner though."

"I loved dancing." Pinja fidgeted with her cap, remembering dancing at balls. She was a great dancer, possibly one of the best. It was as if her feet never touched the ground. Pinja missed it, and how she felt before Jack ruined everything,

"I always enjoyed looking at all of the dresses. And the food." Aalyssa had only liked dancing when it was with Konner. She had never liked other men touching her. She never trusted them, not knowing if it was someone her mother had influenced or not.

"I never should have danced with so many men... I loved dancing, it was like flying, I'd dance with whoever asked me..." Pinja pulled her cap over her ears. "Even Jack... more than once... I didn't know I was asking for it, but I was asking for it dancing with him... I didn't know it would make him think to do what he did." Pinja seemed to shrink under her cap.

"Dancing with someone is not asking for anything to happen," Aalyssa replied. "It can be part of courtship, but a decent man would never force himself on someone."

"I led him on. I probably led a lot of men on. If Jack didn't kidnap me another man would have."

"Your village must be filled with monsters as opposed to men."

"They just expect it after a girl dances with them like that." Pinja said.

"I have never witnessed such expectations, and I even spent time in a royal court."

"The women there must have been more responsible and not dance with everyone that asked."

Aalyssa let out a most unfeminine snort. "You have never been to a royal court before. It's a hotbed of bedhopping, spying and backstabbing."

Pinja blushed. "It's different in Boville. Ladies only go to bed with their husbands... Unless they're mistresses... Or prostitutes." Pinja blushed some more. "Around one third of the marriages start like mine did, bride kidnapping."

"What a horrid sounding place. Perhaps the king should raze the whole village to the ground."

Pinja shrugged. "Two thirds of marriages don't start that way... I don't think..." Pinja trailed off. She had been to a lot of weddings that seemed to have little anticipation after the bride had been absent from social occasions for weeks before. "Oh God..."

"What is it?"

"I'm so stupid." Pinja said. "So many weddings I had been to. They were like mine."

"It is a horrible way to do things. The king needs to put an end to it."

"It's tradition." Pinja said unhappily.

"New traditions replace old all the time."

"Not all marriages are like that..." Pinja said. "Just if the girl might be pregnant..."

"You will pardon me, I hope, if I should say that under such circumstances, each bride could be suspected of being pregnant."

"That's why they're kept for a month." Pinja said.

"Very distasteful."

"It was a nightmare." Pinja said in a small voice.

"I maintain the whole village needs to be razed. And it sounds like most of the men need jailing."

Laden with a tray of food, Fortune arrived at the door. "Hello, I am back!"

Aalyssa hurried to the door. She accepted the tray with a smile. "Thank you very much."

"How is everything going here?" Fortune asked cheerily.

"It is going very well, thank you for inquiring." Aalyssa smiled.

"That's good. Will the patients be well enough to join for dessert?" Fortune asked.

"No, I fear not. It's their ankle, you see. They aren't able to put weight down on it just yet."

"Missing the feast over a hurt ankle?" Fortune was aghast. "Couldn't they use a crutch or someone to help bring them to the feast?"

"The injury just happened, we need to keep it elevated for now due to swelling," Aalyssa explained.

"Such a shame." Fortune said.

Pinja shrank behind Aalyssa's screen. She remembered Widow Calm, she was a frequent customer at Millie's shop. She must have inherited a lot of money from her late husband because she bought a new dress almost every week.

Pinja did not want to think about Millie's shop because she would end up remembering what happend to her the last time she had been there. She shuddered.

"Poor timing, to be certain."

"Is there anything else I can do?" Fortune asked.

"Oh, no thank you. We are good for now. Again, thank you so much for your assistance."

"All right." Fortune said. She turned and left.

Aalyssa carried the tray over to Pinja. "Here you go, Pinja."

The salmon looked good. But there was way too much food on this tray. Even before Pinja had bad things happen to her there was no way she could have eaten half of it.

"You're going to eat some of this too?" Pinja asked hopefully.

"I can, but I will wait until you've eaten your fill," Aalyssa replied.

"I eat so slow it will be cold by then." Pinja said.

"I can reheat it over the fire."

"Please just eat with me." Pinja said.

Aalyssa wasn't particularly hungry, but she relented and sat down next to Pinja. "If you insist."

Pinja was still having a hard time eating. She did not think she would be able to eat if Aalyssa was not eating.

Pinja gasped when she heard the sound of glasses clinking from the Main Hall. The last time she had heard that had been at her own farce of a wedding, when Jack kissed her- or what passed for a kiss from him. Forcing his mouth against hers so she could taste blood from her own teeth cutting her lip, taste his foul breath of sour wine and ham.

Before Pinja knew what she was doing she had dropped the roll in her hand, fled from th tray to a nearby bucket and was vomiting.

"Pinja? What's wrong?" Aalyssa asked, leaping to her feet.

Pinja knelt on the floor beside the bucket.

"The glasses.... I can taste him kissing me." Pinja said, and retched one more time. "I-I'm too close to it, the feast, the people, the kissing." She said shakily.

"Hmm." Aalyssa looked around the room. "I'm not sure how to make it quieter in here. I'm actually surprised you could hear anything from the main hall with the door closed."

Pinja shivered. "I think I should go."

"Go? Go where?" Aalyssa was alarmed. Pinja was in no condition to even move to another room, much less travel.

"Some place I can't hear it." Pinja said, touching her cap. "Maybe I should go back to my room." Pinja still hated the thought of being alone, and dreaded the walk to the dormitory.

"If you wish. I can walk with you so you're not in the hall alone."

"Please." Pinja said. She was afraid to be alone, it was hard enough to be alone in her room but walking the keep grounds alone terrified her.

"Of course." Aalyssa grabbed her shawl. "Did you bring a wrap with you?"

Pinja shook her head. "No, just this." She picked up the book she had brought with her.

Aalyssa reached for another of her shawls and handed it to Pinja.

"Thank you." Pinja wrapped the shawl over her shoulders.

Aalyssa gave her a small smile. "You're very welcome."

Pinja hugged the borrowed shawl to herself as she stepped out of the door.

Aalyssa followed quietly.

Difyr opened the door to the healing room.

"I can fix up something for your headache in a minute." She said, then called to the curtained area. "Aalyssa! Millie is here."

"Thank you." Millie rubbed her temple and tried her best to fight her threatening tears.

Difyr stirred some powder into a hot cup of tea. She handed the cup to Millie.

"So what is bothering you besides a headache?" Difyr asked.

Millie blew on the steaming liquid to cool it just a hint. She let out a sigh. One of my customers believes that I should go husband hunting. I gave up on that dream long ago. It's always been fairly obvious no one would have an interest in me. I tried explaining that to her, but she wouldn't listen. On top of that, she wants to match her granddaughter with Lek, despite Lek being in love with someone already."

"You're still young- I was much older than you before I gave up on ever getting married." Difyr said. "But this client does seem to be sticking her nose where it doesn't belong."

Millie drank her tea and then stared at the cup still held in her hands. "It's not the age. It...it just hurts too much to keep wishing and dreaming for something that will never happen. There's just...something wrong with someone who has never had anyone care about her besides her twin brother. No friends, cousins that run the other way when they see me. My heart just can't take it. And I'll lose Pinja now that I've been convinced to take on an apprentice. I could use the help with the workload, especially as the homes are being finished and people can think about their other needs."

"You won't lose Pinja, you're her best friend." Difyr said. "I didn't think she would go back to helping you with your dress shop, not after what had happened to her... every time she sees a pair of scissors she has a flashback."

"I know, but she also won't be comfortable with someone she doesn't know being there all the time either."

"I was going to see about getting Pinja outside more often." Difyr said. "She spends all her time in her room or here."

"I tried to talk her into a walk in the garden the other day. I had no luck," Millie replied sadly.

Difyr sighed and rubbed her temples. "I almost want to drag her out."

"It would just terrify her, and she would refuse to leave the room forever."

"I know." Difyr said. "I'm hoping she'll be more outgoing after her pregnancy, but she needs fresh air."