Front Page News - Issue #5!
SNAKES STILL MENACE!
Reports are still pouring in of people wearing "snake masks" being sighted, with a couple muggings and robberies following the "Snake Riot." One was even reported menacing a local church! The FBI is now claiming that those apprehended were just afflicted by cancer growths, and any resemblance to snakes is a combination of hysteria, and hallucinations from sewer gas. The damage done to the Asian markets were from explosions of said gas as well according to Agent Made! Sewer worker Jackie Saadson says there's no gas there, they check! Dear readers, we know these are really mutated sub-humans from beneath the city! Report any sightings and call the police immediately, these snake-men are dangerous and may even be contagious.
ALIENS REAL!
Several people that were held hostage in the "Snake Riots" claimed they had a young boy's voice talk in their head offering words of comfort and solstice. Was this a guardian angel, or really the voice of a telepath at the scene? No, it's an alien! One man described a menacing presence looming over him with large eyes, invading his mind, but he heard the real voice talking in pictures of an alien world with strange colors, unimaginable alien animals, and the joy of inflicting pain on him. Guard your mind readers! Parapsychologist Sheldon Mandrake suggests reciting a well known psalm or song such as "Row Your Boat" to protect yourself from mental invasion.
HOMELESS ABDUCTED!
Local homeless advocates have reported an entire encampment on the strip median disappeared overnight. Locals reported seeing weird lights at night around the area. This picture was captured (just a burry mess of rainbow colors on the road) Is it more aliens? Snake people? The necromancer "Tremor" from the future that attacked my very own self at the Rally to remove the Mayor? Devil-women? or more "Sewer Gas?" Report any information you have to The Mystery Times!