"I think that went well." Mom said, once she was back in the car, pulling out of the driveway. It was night time now, and there was a large half moon in the open, night sky.

"Let's get a video at the video store, before we go home!" She announced, in a tone suggesting that the idea would be a big treat that both of them could watch and enjoy.

Shawn felt tired, but also glowing with a sense of accomplishment at having done really well. "Sure, we can pick out a video, then meet Dad for ice cream!"

"Dad?" Mom barked out with incredulous surprise.

Shawn was knocked a little off-balance by his Mom's reaction. "Yeah? When you picked me up, you said we'd be going for ice cream with Dad afterwards?"

Mom paused before turning her head to Shawn, the car now fully backed out of the driveway. She put her foot on the peddle and it lurched forward, sputtering before heading down the road.

Mom took out a cigarette and lit it, the smoke from the match filling the air and slightly burning Shawn's lungs. She exhaled a plume of smoke that filled the car's interior with the acrid smell of burning nicotine. This was unusual, as Mom hadn't always smoked. Maybe Shawn saw her do it once in his life. At a party when talking to the 'Aunts', sisters of Shawn's Mom.

"I didn't say that." Mom said to Shawn. "I said we would go out for ice cream and I would take you from Dad's house." She emphasized.

"Your father is a mean man. And an abusive person. He's a liar and a loser. He can't keep a job. He can't support his family. A man is supposed to be all of the things that your father isn't." Mom fumed, each poisonous word coming out like a sharp knife relentlessly stabbing the concept of Dad.

"You won't be living with him anymore.  You're going to live with me. I have an apartment. You'll be safe from him there. And you can focus on your dream of being a movie star." She explained to Shawn.

"And we can have ice cream every night." She added, justifying the concept laid out to Shawn by adding a layer of candy on top.

Shawn had felt certain that Mom had said Dad would be coming along, but he couldn't just contradict her to her face. He forced himself to sound calm, as if all that was perfectly normal. "That sounds nice. Oh, but what school? And all my stuff?"

OOC: Shawn Rolls Wits + Subterfuge + Subterfuge Hiding Emotions Specialty + Striking Looks with the following results

0 Successes: Mom sees right through Shawn's act and reacts with anger

1-2 Successes: Shawn can't tell if Mom knows that he is trying to sound calm and normal

3+ Successes: Mom believes Shawn thinks that everything is perfectly normal

OOC: 19:42, Today: Shawn rolled 1 success using 8d10 with the World of Darkness nWoD system with a target of 8, rerolling on 9 or more with rolls of 2,4,3,8,3,3,3,1.  Wits + Subterfuge + Subterfuge Hiding Emotions Specialty + Striking Looks.

"I didn't." Mom repeated to Shawn. "I didn't say that." She said again

"Anyway, you'll be living with me from now on. Away from you father."

"Sorry, I must've misremembered." Shawn tried to sound confused and uncertain, like he was just a kid who mixed things up all the time.

A few minutes later and the car was pulling into a dark looking neighborhood with apartment high rises all around. Halloween decorations reminded new comers and residents alike that the day for trick or treating was coming soon. Hanging skeletons decorated the awnings of and corners of nearby buildings and a large, fake purple witch was stationed at the edge of the parking lot that Mom pulled into.

The apartment building looked rather ratty and worn, as if it had seen its better days in the late 50s.

"OK. We're at your new home. Oh, this is going to be so exciting to live together!" Mom rejoiced

Shawn looked around, feeling a bit reassured that people were still celebrating Halloween, at least. It felt normal, somehow. "Oh, I'm going to need a Halloween costume, right?"

Mom seemed taken aback by the question. "I....." she stammered. "I hadn't thought of that." She finished, somewhat lamely.

She opened up the driver's side door, getting out of the car and then opening up Shawn's door so he could get out. The night air came flooding in. It was cool and smelled of someone burning an early autumn chimney nearby.

"Do you want pizza or should we order Chinese food?" She asked.

"That's okay, we can probably find something at the Dollar General, right?" Shawn tried to sound reassuring, he didn't want his Mom to get any more worried or upset. "Either sounds good - maybe pizza?"

Mom didn't say anything about Dollar General. Instead Mom led Shawn from the parking lot to the stairwell of the high rise. The two got on an old elevator, the light flicking and harsh florescent bearing down on them.

Then it was out onto an old carpeted hallway, smelling of must like old people. Mom fidgeted with her keys "its not much." Mom said to Shawn. "But at least you won't be living with so many distractions." She said, putting the keys in the lock.

"It's okay, I don't need much." Shawn tried to sound confident and self-sufficient, even as he thought about his bed back home and all of his friends.

"You won't have to worry about seeing all of your non-movie start friends." Mom said, driving the point home as she swung open the door to the apartment, the strong smell of cigarette smoke greeting Shawn, stale and dry.

"I really loved how you performed today." Mom said to Shawn, referring to the new commercial and throwing her jacket on the couch.

Shawn very carefully kept the sadness at the though of losing all of his non-movie star friends from his face (it wasn’t like he had any movie star friends anyway). Likewise when he noticed the smell of stale cigarettes. “I think they really liked us!” He looked around for a place to hang his jacket.

After Shawn hung up his jacket, he sat down at the kitchen table. A single roach made his way across the kitchen floor as mom finished ordering pizza, hanging up the harvest gold phone on the wall and then sitting down at the table.

"That was a great line! Great line!" Mom exclaimed, still overjoyed by Shawn's performance during the commercial shoot. "And just think, it's going to be broadcast during Halloween night!" She exclaimed.

Shawn thought about the finishing line of the commercial which was about Halloween candy.

OOC: Shawn Chooses one of the following as the final lines.

1) "I Know You Are But What Am I?"

2) "I Feel a Need for Speed!!"

3) "Ha! I Kill Me!"

4) Player Shawn picks his own line

Shawn remembered delivering his final line "I know you are, but what am I?" It had actually been a bit tricky to get right - it was there to remind the viewer that even though he'd said a bunch of commercial lines, he was still a kid who liked candy. But at the same time, he couldn't sound too bratty, or people wouldn't like the commercial. Still, he'd managed to get it done, and he felt a sort of exhausted pride in that.

"That's right!!" Mom said. Then she leaned forward for emphasis. "Shawn, I know that this is hard. I know that you're moving away from home. But believe me, it's the best thing for you. You have to have a future and there's no future there for you in our old house. You probably have friends at school and you'll be able to see them because you'll still go to the school you're going to. But with the end of one thing a new thing will happen. And in this case,  you're new movie star career will be....more starry than before. So it's just a little bit of an adjustment, ok?"

Shawn felt a little reassured that he would still be going to school and hopefully see his friends. "I'll do my best!" It was usually a pretty safe thing to say.

Mom seemed satisfied with that answer.
She switched tone, now no longer forecasting Shawns future. “I love you Shawn. I’m doing all of this for you. So that way you can be famous. And that way you can be a movie star. And live your dream where everyone loves you and your whole life will be safe and secure forever. People won’t look at you like you’re some nobody. Everyone who sees you will love you for being famous. And they will never judge you ever again.”

Shawn didn't relax just because his Mom seemed happy with his answer - he knew he couldn't make a misstep, lest she be disappointed. "That sounds really good, but I wanna make you proud too."

"Always." Mom said. "Always. You always need to think that. That's the most important thing for young boys and girls to do and think about."

"That's where your Dad went wrong." Mom explained. "He only thought about himself?"

"I shouldn't tell you this Shawn. Because you're young." Mom said, with a tone that indicated she was about to do exactly that.

"Dad only thought of himself. The whole time in that house, at dinner, when he would work on those projects in the back yard...remember those times?"

"All of those times, I was thinking, 'What about me?'"

Shawn didn’t want to trash talk his Dad, but he also didn’t want to make his Mom angry by defending him. So he just went to her side and squeezed her hand. “That sounds really hard.” Of course, inwardly he was wondering if maybe she was talking about Shawn, too. Maybe he was also selfish, worrying about how this stuff was affecting him.

"You can be very selfish too." Mom said casually, confirming Shawn's feelings. "Sometimes I wonder if you think too much about how things might be for you. What friends you have. Whether or not you'll get to see your father. Really none of that is important. You know why? Because they say...well, someone said 'Nothing is like a Mother's love.'"

"Have you heard someone say that? It's true you know. And you know what else I heard someone say?" Mom asked rhetorically, not really waiting for a response nor mentioning who might have created these sayings of profound wisdom "Mother knows best."

"

Shawn nodded, apparently taking his Mom’s criticism to heart. It was almost exactly like how he acted when a director was giving him notes on his performance in a scene - even if people talking about a mistake you made hurt, he also knew that you had to look like you could take criticism without being a baby about it.
This message was last edited by the player at 12:32, Fri 01 May 2020.

"The other thing is...." Mom said, looking into Shawn's eyes. "You can be very selfish sometimes." She said in a soft tone as if she was revealing something to Shawn that she had never said before.

"I have a selfish son." She said.

"I...have a selfish son." She said again, emphasizing the "I" part of the sentence.

"My son is selfish." This time she closed her eyes, as if absorbing this truth was too much to bare.

Shawn met his Mom's gaze, and then hung his head. "I'm sorry Mom, I really am..." There was a catch in his voice, like he was about to cry. That wasn't acting, he really felt awful he'd disappointed her.

"And you've really disappointment me." Mom said, confirming both Shawn's disappointment and the reality of all that what being spoken about. All of the things that Mom said came down to that last sentence that hung in the air between them.

Shawn froze in shock as his Mom just laid out his biggest fear, plain as day - that he was a bad son, that he wasn't worth loving. And underneath the fear and the hurt, Shawn felt anger bubbling to the surface. It wasn't fair! He'd worked so hard to make her happy, done almost everything she asked of him, and it wasn't good enough for her!? But as soon as he realized that was how he was feeling, he pushed it away, crammed the anger deep down inside of him where it couldn't get out.

He wasn't making eye contact with his Mom, so he hoped she didn't see his weakness. He didn't want to cry in front of her - crying was selfish, it made things all about the crier, at least that's what he learned. So he just hung his head even more, hoping that she would stop, or at least explain how he could fix things.

Shawn's Mom got up from the table, the chair creaking protest at is slid across the cheap linoleum floor. The wall were thin and as Shawn hung his head he was certain that he heard a couple next door arguing. Their voices came on muffled and inaudible but the sound of an argument wasn't mistakable.

Shawn heard Mom open up a bottle. "We should talk about Dad." She said.

Shawn looked up at his Mom, trying to get a sense if she was still mad at him. He didn't want to talk about his Dad with her, but anything would be better than what she was talking about before. "Okay."

OOC: Shawn Rolls Wits + Empathy

"I don't think you should really feel bad about your father. You'll still get to see him. " Mom said, trying to console Shawn, her voice less disappointment and now switching to a soothing, mothering tone.

 Shawn pushed his feelings even further down as he looked up at his Mom. “Will you be okay?” He wanted to show he was thinking about his Mom first. Like a good kid would.

OOC: 11:41, Today: Shawn failed (no successes) using 3d10 with the World of Darkness nWoD system with a target of 8, rerolling 10s ((4,3,2)).

Shawn couldn't tell if Mom was happy or not. In this conversation, he was increasingly venturing into Mom's questions without the benefit of his usual tactics of intuition.

"No." Mom said flatly. "I'm not going to be OK until everything is OK. I hope you know that your father and I are going to be splitting up." Mom said. She let that hang in between Shawn and her for a second.

"That is why I won't be OK." Mom said. "But you know what? Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment." Mom said, now somehow speaking to herself almost giving herself a pep-talk.

"We'll make it OK together." Shawn hoped he was saying the right thing. He hesitantly held out his hand for her to hold...he really hoped she'd take it.

Mom took Shawn's hand. "Be a good boy Shawn." Mom said with sincerity. "Really. I need you to stop being....being all...I don't know. Not serious. Or not doing things the right way. The way that I'm trying to do them." Mom explained, looking somewhat frustrated.

"It's really important now more than ever. All things change. But my love for you will never change. I mean, look what happened to your father and I? Did you ever think that that would change? I didn't."

"But now look at us. Look at me!" Mom said, pointing to her face which was drooping and bruised on one side, the damage Dad had clearly done.

"We're going to have to do everything we need to do to make you a success. Then you and I won't have to live in places like this." She raised her hands at hip level and opened them as if displaying the disaster of the apartment she now lived in, implying that it might be up to Shawn and his success as an actor to get her out of this existence.

Shawn tried to seem bright, bold, and confident, the exact opposite of how he actually felt. He squeezed his Mom’s hand. “I know we can do it together!” He would say anything at all to improve her opinion of him.

"Good." Mom said. "I'm glad we had this talk."

She let go of Shawn's hand. "You know what?" Mom said.

"I think I'm going to let you trick or treat in your old neighborhood." Mom said, clearly referring to Shawn's house with Dad as 'old neighborhood' as in, something that was in Shawn's past. Even though he had just been there earlier today.

"What do you think of that?" Mom asked, happy to be giving Shawn something.

"You mean it?" It didn't feel like much of a reward to Shawn, since he had, in fact, just been there. But he could tell his Mom was presenting it to him as one, and he had to seem grateful for it just the same.

"I do mean it." Mom said with kind eyes. "You and I have always had a special relationship. You're my son. I know that sometimes in my life I've argued with other people. Like Dad. And Grandpa. But you're different."

"Never with you." Mom said with the love of someone who didn't want to argue with someone that they loved.

"Never with you." She repeated. "If something were to happen to you. If something bad happened. I don't know what I would do." Mom said.

"It's just that I love you so...." Mom began to choke up.

"I would die." She stammered out in a hoarse voice, eyes welling up but just falling short of tears.

Shawn could remember times he wanted to argue with his Mom, or even disagree, but he'd always backed away, or tried to find ways to get what he wanted without arguing. He felt a sense of relief that he hadn't, or he might have ruined things with his Mom. "I love you, Mom." He hugged her tight.

A few moments later, Shawn was in bed. It wasn't his bed. It was a strange, stiff bed. In his room. In this 'new' room. It smelled like old moth balls and he could hear people talking in room next door. Their voices came through muffled but were still audible.

It was a couple arguing.

Outside, sirens wailed as an ambulance or police car drove by, briefly flooding Shawn's room with bright red and blue lights, the loud sounds fading away as the emergency vehicle sped past.

Shawn curled up tighter, feeling exhausted and alone and just wanting to sleep in his own bed. He tried his hardest to block out the sounds and lights and get some sleep.

As Shawn pulled up in his covers, and closed his eyes, he heard the whispers of previous things that Mr. Clayton had said to him.

"You “push their levers” and “pull their cords”....."

Mannequin mouth is what dummies have...

you’ve always been a dummy who thinks he’s real...

Another car drove by flooding the interior of the room with light for a brief second. The couple upstairs began to talk louder, the fight between them growing. Somewhere in one of the apartments, Shawn heard the unmistakable screeching sound of a chair moving across a floor as someone got up, the sound of loud footfalls as they walked across their own apartment.

Shawn heard the whisperings, and he wasn't entirely sure if it really was Mr. Clayton he was hearing, or himself, criticizing him for just allowing himself to be dragged out of his own life without any objection. He felt anger form, deep down in that little pit in his belly, but he didn't let it out. Instead, he started mouthing his ventriloquism exercises, the ones that practiced forming the letters without moving your lips, but without the sound. They were familiar and comfortable, but they didn't settle his feelings at all...

Shawn repeated the whisperings just as Mr. Clayton had taught him. He could hear his breath, feel the rising and falling of his chest with each respiration and exhalation. Thoughts coming into his mind would endure and then pass away.

Soon, he was fast asleep.

Shawn Joins Thread

OOC: Shawn: It's Halloween!