IVA - Exacting a Price
"Sit down." Double K commanded. Assuming compliance for the sake of this not taking all week, she began.
"We do not have a lot of time, so I'm gonna jaw jack real pronto here, you got me? First, we need to establish something. From this night on, Ya don't know me. If anyone asks you about me, you clam up. If they really press it, ya start bawlin' an' cryin' an' tellin' 'em what a low down dirty bitch ah am and how scairt ya was an' how ya seen th' error of yer ways. If anyone ever talks about me, ya act real, real scairt. If'n ya needs to tell anyone the truth, ya can trust th' man Cooper or that there oriental Ranger fella."
Kate made eye contact with her, cleaning the Toothpick off with a clean piece of the strop.
"Now, here's what's happened. Ya done run yer mouth, an please understand ah am right proud of ya fer it, but ya done run yer mouth about a feller what's got a small pecker 'twixt his legs, so he's gotta send someone else ta do ya dirty. Now listen real good, ah am a piece of shit, fresh outta th' horse's ass. Ah understand how people like him think, because ah am people like him and we ain't really people. But this dude and his sorry ass outfit, they make me smell like a rose by comparison. People like them give outlaws a bad name."
Kansas Kate did not dwell on that non sequitur.
"Dolan done hired me ta 'take care of ya'. Bein' a sick turdlicker, he wanted me ta do it wit' this-" Kate showed the hapless schoolteacher the length of the honed and polished blade. "Said make an example of ya. Leave ya where ya'd be found an' all that."
Kansas Kate shrugged and retracted the weapon slightly.
"Now here's what's goin' on. Ah need this hombre, and I do use that term loosely as I figger he ain't actually got no balls, ta think ah can make his life easier. Truth is, it's a big old okie doke. These fellers are dumber'n camel snot, and ah figure it's better if ah have 'em break shit and scare people rather than start shootin'. Ah hate ta say it, but ah'm in cahoots with th' law on this one. Ah'm tryin' to give these fellers the run around as long as poss'ble, hopefully th' law can figger out what the hell it is they plan ta do exactly, because this won't last forever. They'll force me into a sitcheeashun where the only cure will be a serving of hot lead sooner 'n later."
She gestured with the long knife.
"Clearly, he meant fer me ta kill ya, real nasty an' brutal like. Well, that ain't gonna wash so mah first idea was ta jigger somethin' up with a pig an' get some witnesses an' do it theater like... but that's too complicated, takes too long, an' it relies on three or more people keepin' the lie straight. But then ah thought about it, he didn't actually say kill ya, he said takes care of ya."
She sighed deeply and looked intently into Valentina Perez's eyes.
"Look, one gal to another, ah hates ta do this to ya. Ah really do, it ain't right, but it's th' only play ah have. Here's what's gonna happen." She held the Toothpick up and pointed at the bucket and the soap. "Yer gettin' a haircut. Well, a shave really. Ah know, ah know. But yer hair will grow back. What won't grow back is yer guts after Dolan's goons fill it with lead. An'... well ah'm gonna have to bust yer lip and give ya a shiner too.
"An' yer gonna go to school tomorrow like that. When the chitlins ask ya what happened, tell 'em ya been a wicked woman an' ya been mean to Mr. Dolan, an' he's a fine outstanding gentleman. An' then yer gonna have the chitlins get their little pens and their little papers and they're all gonna write letters of appre-shee-ashun to him, asking him ta please forgive ya. Gets th' real little ones to draw cute little pictures of a man on a horse lookin' real big 'n hero an' ah'll just tell 'em they's pictures o' him, little spitfucks can't draw for shit no how.
"Then yer gonna give me all of them, an' something valuable of yers, an' ah'm gonna take it all back ta him, along with yer purty hair, and convince his sorry ass ta not kill ya. Look ah know his type, yer mistake is bein' a blasted female, if ya play into his twisted mucked up ideas of what womens is, he'll stop worryin' about ya. An' yer gonna act like you love this son of a bitch now an' tell every'un in town he's a wonderful an' handsome man. An' yer gonna hate it, and on th' day of Judgment God will be mad at ya for lyin' so damn good. But yer gonna do it, an' it won't be forever. One way or the other, this'll all have to be over sooner'n later. Because yer reward fer this, besides not dyin', is ya get to see him get his. When yer standin' there watchin' him drop twenty feet from a twelve foot rope, it'll all be worth it. Don't worry, ya don't have ta look like a jackass, just blame it on me, it'll be fine.
"But th' fact is, ah can't protect ya an' try to catch this piece of shit at th' same time. An' you ain't no good fer nothin' gunfighter like me, so ya can't be left ta yer own devices. So th' hoodwink it is. Now did ah stutter?"