Boddynock Monologing:
“I was at a tavern once and this mage claimed to be able to teleport. Well, that’s a pretty advanced spell I said since he looked all rumpled, robe was ripped up and he wasn't all there in the head if you know what I mean as he kept muttering something about a TPK. He didn't even have a wizard hat! So I was doubtful. I asked him to prove it, but he claimed he wanted to be left alone and drown his miseries.
Well, I bought him another round to loosen his tongue and begged him to teach me about teleporting. After the third round, he turns and looks at me all high and mighty like with this grin on his face. 'Do you want to hear a joke?' I wanted to know how to teleport, but adding to my collection of jokes sounded like a small advancement toward our growing friendship so I eagerly agreed.
'How do you frustrate a pesky gnome?' He says.
Since I didn't know any pesky gnomes, I was baffled. I figured this must be a real zinger of a joke since I hadn't heard of it before. So I say, 'I don't know.'
*Poof* He vanishes. WITHOUT EVER FINISHING THE JOKE! I mean, who does that?!?! What kind of man starts a joke and never finishes it? And here I was out three drinks and never learned a thing."
Boddynock before a fight:
"You know. This reminds me of the time I visited the Halfling hamlet of Halffoot. It was hot. Hap Halffoot hobbled up and asked if a handsome humanitarian such as myself had heard of a way to destroy Hell-wasps. I hadn't heard of the term before which hurt and expected a hoax. We gathered the hamlet and happily hurried to the hill with the hive to see how I could help. Hopefully we'd be home for a heavenly dinner. These 'Hell-wasps' looked like the hot headed variety from the hundredth plane of hell, which obviously are hydrophobic. We went home and hauled as much H2O as Halflingly possible. The hamlet hurled the haul at the Hell-wasps. History would prove this an unhealthy option. These weren't hell-born, they were just huge. The morale of the story is...
Ummm... forget I said anything. So you guys ready?"
Boddynock mistaking a fellow PC for a man:
Zaineb:
The woman gave Boddynock an irritated look "I prefer the term 'woman' but yes, I was female last time I checked." she commented with a grin.
"Last time you checked? Does your gender change often? Are you cursed? What triggers it? I bet it's a full moon. Oh, or whenever you drink water. Or some code word that people normally use in conversation. If I was to curse someone, I'd pick a good trigger. Like every time they blink. I mean, it's a curse right?
Boddynock monologuing:
<DarkBlue>"I once met a guy that was suffering from some unknown illness. He must have been starting to go blind because he wanted me to pray for him. I didn't think I looked like a priest. Well, I dabble across the board and figure I've seen some long winded priests do their thing, so I did. Want to hear it? And none of that 'I would rather be run over by an oxen drawn cart' comments. Everyone knows oxen can't draw!" The gnome looked at the dwarf to let him know he wasn't going to fall for that one again.
"I'll sum up. So I did my best and I prayed. I wasn't sure who he worshipped so I had to hit the pantheon. Akadi, Auril, Azuth... Some people aren't very appreciative when you do what they ask. I had just started my spiel to Chauntea and he vomited on my shoes. I wanted to diagnose and heal him, but when I asked if he wanted me to continue, he grabbed his stomach and nodded. I took it that he was one of those religious folk that believed only in his god could save him, so I soldiered on.
Chauntea, Cyric, Deneir... the man was on his knee's and turning some interesting colors. I figured I'd better find his god quick or who knows what would happen. Helm, Hoar, Ilmater... at this point I'm hoping he doesn't worship a non-human diety, we could be here all week. Malar, Mask, Mielikki... He was a rapt listener, not moving with some sad little noises coming from him. I figure I was going to be too late before I hit the right god.
Valkur, Velsharoon, Waukeen. I finished with a dramatic flourish and looked at the man. At least he had gone silent. Drool ran from his mouth, but his color was all off. I wasn't sure if my prayer was answered when a robed man walked up.
I figured it was his god! I had done it! The god took a pouch from the man's hand and thanked me. I thanked him back. It's not every day I meet a god. Then he said the man had taken something precious from him. The thief had managed to resist the paralysis for a time. The mage had thought to intervene sooner, but he said he had wanted the thief to suffer. I wasn't sure what that meant since it had taken me three hours to get that whole holy intervention thing done.
With a snap of his fingers, the man was able to move again. The god disappeared and I went on my way having saved a man and met a god."
Boddynock:
While the gnome waited to see where they were going next, "Funny story about rats. The scholar who first cataloged their existence was extremely dyslexic. He had followed a falling star to its point of impact and found a swarm of rodents nearby. He cataloged it in his notebook with a picture labeled 'gnillaf rats'. Now the team of dwarves hoping to secure some exotic ore that had dropped from the heavens found the notebook along with the dead scholar. They didn't understand the dyslexia, common being their second language and all and were having problems pronouncing gnillaf. So they simply dropped it and called the creatures 'rats'. I saw the notebook once in Candlekeep. It was filed down in the bulk fiction section. Weird, you would think the document of such a momentous event would have garnered more respect. The librarian monk thanked me for the find in his dry monotonous voice."
Boddynock Mourningle:
"I saw this noble choke on some boar at a ball once. Someone hit him really hard on the back and this piece comes flying out and lands in this ladies cleavage. She was all out of sorts. Funniest thing I saw that night. Probably because I was escorted out at that point and missed anything else." The gnome prattled on.
